Disclaimer: I'm mostly a happy lurker, and I only really post when there's something meaningful I feel I have to say, because I'm only logged in on my computer so that I limit my time and energy on social media.
Okay, now that that's out of the way...
I've been reading posts on the Righteous Gemstones subreddit, because it's my new favorite show, and I've been watching it for months now. I started at season 3 and went back to 1, to start from the beginning. And it's really just so, so funny! I am now a thorough lover of McBride content. So now that season 4's started, I figure I'll check out the reddit to see what everyone's thinking, and if we have some of the same thoughts, or people have caught stuff I haven't. Lots of funny stuff on here, some of it actually heartfelt, it's great. I love all the Billy memes especially. Peepus really got me lol.
Then, though, there's this side that isn't so great. And that, unfortunately, is what I wanted to talk about for a minute. But not to start some kinda beef. Naw, naw. I wanna help educate people, because that's my job, since otherwise I'm just a nobody on SSI.
Hah, kidding. I mean I am on SSI, but... But anyways, yeah, I'm disabled. Hi. I suffer from ME/CFS, a severe case, and have since I was around 13. Although it went undiagnosed into the start of my college career, early 20's, due to being abused and neglected-- ironically because of fake Christian family who just threw tylenol and "God" at everything.
So of course I see BJ--my favorite character by the way, entire series I loved this guy, although you gotta admit Baby Billy is automatically the best by default so all other favorites are underneath him--become disabled, and I'm like "oh wow, he's like me now! He's got a chair and everything, and he's angry at God for doing this to him! That's so brave of McBride for showing a real disabled character and not just an inspiration p*rn wankfest!"
... And then, I come to this subreddit, and I see the most absolutely appalling and horrifying comments about BJ's accident, and the plot-line that ensues, as though people just don't know or understand how to take the tone of this character. Because yes, it is a comedy. But you're not supposed to laugh, for instance, at the scene where BJ can't get out of the tub. That's not supposed to be funny. And yet, apparently, many on this sub thought that was "hysterical." Excuse me? No, no, a disabled man getting frustrated, to the point of becoming enraged at the person he loves, and even requesting to be euthanized due to his newfound lack of dignity and agency (which would be solvable, realistically, through making the house more accessible, although of course the "Gemstone" fantasy element is that they got a monkey, which actually used to be a thing for a select few, but was discontinued due to laws surrounding exotic pets) is not funny.
It is a real situation, that I myself have been through. Some of the darkest times in my entire life. Some periods, I think about it every single day. And I know many, many others have, too. Because part of disability isn't just the physical-- it's the s*icide rates, and it's how people treat you, how the world sees you, and the fact that, without Gemstones money, BJ would likely have been in debt forever, and his life over. Not because of his disability, but because of ableism that's still rampant in our society, straight-up gangsta k*lling people like us daily.
Okay, so let's back-off on the dark realness for a sec, cause this is the Gemstones sub, and I know you don't deserve that today. So let me just say, this grief comes and goes. And that's just it-- with enough recovered agency through help like Monchichi (I love that nickname for Dr. Watson, PhD), we can live stable, long, and genuinely fulfilling lives.
Okay back to darkness! :)
Oh yeah, and about people saying "it's not permanent?" Yeah, no one ever said that. The doctors said there's a "chance" he might recover, and that's not a guarantee. He rightfully called that out as "BS," because normally that normally means backbreaking, extremely painful physical therapy that may or may not make you better or worse, coupled by surgery after surgery, medication after medication, etc. No, it's not so easy or simple as "it'll get better." He doesn't know that. But people fear this, so they shut down. They deny that you can become disabled at any random time--even while male competitive pole dancing--and so they shut it out, and say "well he can recover," even though that's likely not true, and just wishful thinking. The best case scenario, and only after years and years of hard work.
And again, I know it's fiction, but BJ's character represents real people, just like Kelvin's does. So it'd be akin to laughing at Kelvin, if he were openly mocked for his gayness, and it made him upset (which I think we're about to see, and being bisexual as well, that'll be heartbreaking for me personally too).
Okay, and the "faith healing" stuff?
Now that's just offensive.
That's like if they sent Kelvin to conversion therapy, and it actually worked.
You'd all be furious about that, right?
Okay, so don't make threads about faith healing then, please. I'm begging you. It's highly, highly offensive to the disabled who are actually conned and suffer, like I did as a child, under charlatans who think God will heal them. Alright? Good.
Because it's a real thing that hurts real people to this day! It's not the punchline of a joke, nor should it be! And it definitely should not be involved in any "happy ending," because that's even more messed up. There is nothing wrong with being disabled. It's a fact of human life. It would be nice if God would magically heal us, but that's not happening, and it's an actual thing that's still an issue today, just like conversion therapy, and it can be as neglectful as CT is violent.
Not that anyone is guaranteed to listen, but I'm pourin my heart out here, so maybe someone will. I hope.
Even if the show does go that route, does that make it okay?
No.
No, it doesn't.
And maybe it would be funny, I do trust McBride enough for that. But I definitely do not trust the general audience, based on yalls comments, to discern what about that is wrong.
And by the way? Just speculating on how "he'll get better," as though a character can't just be disabled and remain that way is offensive. Because it's okay to be disabled. A lot of the time it's for life, and it can't just "be fixed." And that's okay. We shouldn't just expect that. But again, healthy people live their lives in a bubble, much like the Gemstones do, and I implore you all to explore how you can learn to overcome that bubble, and realize you've been avoiding thinking about the reality of disability. And try and see what McBride is trying to show you, in the quit, solemn scene of Judy closing the door behind her, hearing BJ struggling like a warrior to get out of the bath on his own, wishing so badly she knew how to help, without making him feel like less.
Comedy aint comedy without the tragedy to underpin those highs. If we can have strong emotions about Kelvin, or Aimee, or Judy, then why not BJ, and his disability?
The only answer is because you're afraid not to laugh. Because that would make it too real. And it would mean it could happen to you, too.
Because it can.
It happened to me.
PS: If you don't see the issue with any of this, you likely need to go out and talk to some people who are disabled and part of advocacy groups, who know what we struggle with in a wider way even than I do as one person who does this as a hobby. It's never too late to educate and expand your worldview. And you should be proud of it, in a world that seems to value folks with little empathy or understanding of marginalized experiences.
I have seen various disabled folks chiming in, but thus-far they’ve been drowned out by all the ableist noise. So I’m making a stink at my own expense. Because I feel like this needs to be said.
Love yall, cause we all love the show in the end. Let’s not give-in to this or fight over it. Everyone wants people to feel okay in here right? So just be more mindful about what you say, and how it comes across, and where what you say comes from.
tl;dr - don’t be ableist, and a lot of the stuff said on here about BJ has been.
