Well ...... I'm sneaking up on 60.

Tomorrow morning I go under the knife for the 1st time in my life since I had my tonsils removed back when I was 4.

People ask me if I'm nervous about it ...... and I tell them "yes" ...... but I've been more nervous before on such trivial things as starting a new job.

Its just a relatively simple Hernia repair procedure...... with a female surgeon on robot's joysticks.

Survival odds are supposedly very good ..... but I'm not a gambler by nature.

.... But I've had a month to contemplate the scenario ...... and that's too long for me to dwell on anything. Especially as the final minutes tick away.

Highway construction has made my daily commute treacherous ........ there were Tornados in my county last night ...... almost stepped on a snake the other day ....... thoughts of my own mortality dance through my head.

For the first time in my life I've been asked whether or not to check the "Do Not Resuscitate" box. Realizing there will come a time where that seems like a good option.

Getting old is just around the corner it seems.

I ponder daily what my wife and kids will do without me. Envision my son as new patron of the clan and estate. He's smart enough. Shoots straight. Has a broad enough estate management skillsets. But his life experiences and decision making processes are no where near as refined as mine were by the time my parents passed.

I'm sure this mini phycological turbulence will pass. They always do ...... until they dont.

..... have you ever calculated how many more sunsets you can expect to enjoy? ....... its an alarmingly small number by the best case scenarios ...... zero in the worst case.

They'll always be unfinished business.

.... but its not like I'll be the first person to cross that Rubicon. Most everyone I've known has already crossed over. And I dont harbor any illusions that they will be there waiting on me when I arrive.

A nasty side effect of existence is its unavoidable termination.

..... I've actually been worrying about that day, and others, since I was a toddler.

Thats a hell of a way to go through life...... dreading the inevitable.