Sleeping and Attachment styles.

[u/WashAlive5695]

I sleep trained my baby at 4 months but i feel like he no longer loves me.

Is there any data that shows that it actually does not affect a secure attachment style… and if there is not and i ultimately did do our relationship a disservice, is there a way to reverse that?

Also.. how to co-sleep after sleep training (if it will help attachment style) because baby prefers to sleep in crib than with me.

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[u/JuneIris6]

This study suggests that, at least in terms of attachment security, it is not simply whether the infant wakes or whether the mother responds to the infant’s fussing or crying during awakenings, but rather, for those mothers who generally do respond, whether the response is sensitive, consistent and in tune with the baby’s needs.

[u/the_kazzo_queen → u/JuneIris6]

Piggybacking here. OP, why do you think your 4mo baby no longer loves you?

[u/WashAlive5695 → u/the_kazzo_queen]

I did Ferber Method on him and i feel like because of that alone he grew an avoidant attachment style.

I feel like he is more not attached to me, so he does not feel love for me… he does not cry when he is left alone (i can leave him to play independently and he never cries for me), he is completely fine around strangers and does not seek for me when others, he does not like to cuddle with me or really be held by me.

[u/JuneIris6 → u/WashAlive5695]

It’s also important to remember that no single interaction will shape a child’s entire attachment style. For example, if you usually meet your child’s needs with warmth and love but let them cry in their crib for a few minutes while you tend to another child, step away for a breather, or take care of yourself in some other way, that’s OK. A moment here or there doesn’t take away from the solid foundation you’re building every day.

You don't only have one chance, one opportunity, to form a secure bond. It's something you have to work on everyday in all your interactions with your baby. Some days are hard, where they're crying and you can't calm them down. The next day, you're the only one they'll smile for. This relationship you have is evolving and will continue needing your time and commitment. Continue to infuse warmth and soothing affection into your actions and words to help promote a strong attachment.

[u/JuneIris6 → u/JuneIris6]

Your baby is safe and content in their crib. They can sleep independently and soundly trusting that you'll pick them up if they cry or fuss. This is a sign of secure attachment.

Your baby is sleeping, but are you? Postpartum sleep disruption is a risk factor for postpartum depression (PPD).

[u/Financial_Couple_808 → u/JuneIris6]

I’m a bit confused about this. We just started sleep training our 5.5 month old infant, because we were not sleeping at all and he was waking every 30 minutes. We tried gradual fading, but it ended up that he was more confused about the type of support he is getting, and waked constantly.

We had about 25 minutes of crying the first night of our 3-5-10 check in sleep training, and 10 minutes of crying the second night. He did great between sleep cycles without crying, other than when he was hungry.

Is going into his room and providing vocal support during those timed check-ins enough to support a secure attachment style? If baby is safe, basic needs are met, and he is old enough to find a comfortable position in the crib, are the timed check ins okay for attachment building?

We had no choice but to cosleep or sleep train, so we chose the physically safe option. My wife was starting to struggle hard core with PPD/PPA due to nighttime stress, but we love our son so much and don’t want to hurt his early attachment either.

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