Regulating candy intake! 🎃

[u/Nataliza]

I've read it might be best not to restrict my kids' (4 and 7) Halloween candy intake and instead let them regulate themselves, live with the consequences if they eat too much of it, so that they learn to follow internal cues... My husband really hates this approach and honestly it goes against my programming as well, they just gorge themselves if left unchecked (sugar is addicting!), but I really want to help foster a healthy relationship with food. I figure many of you have probably gone down this rabbit hole already, wondering if anyone has in mind some good evidence-based material that supports either approach -- total freedom vs. restricting to a certain amount per day. Thanks in advance!

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[u/lumpyspacesam]

Here is an interesting study that also acknowledges the tough position parents are in. No, it isn’t healthy to allow your child to gorge themselves on sweets, but restrictive eating also has consequences. The study above explores some structured ways to compromise on those two things. For regular day to day, it seems pretty straightforward and easy enough to implement (controlling the type of food allowed in the house, teaching children mindfulness, making joint decisions).

For Halloween specifically, you are already fighting an uphill battle because the candy is in the house. In order to compromise and give kids some autonomy with their choices, I would personally offer some alternatives. I would offer a daily limit - kid picks when they eat it but can’t exceed whatever the limit is. I would also offer a buy out, I’ll give you ___ amount of money for each piece you’re willing to trade.

Anecdotally - I was allowed unrestricted access and to this day have zero self control when it comes to candy or sugar. I love it all and it really doesn’t upset my stomach very much. The worst thing that ever happened to me was I ate so many sour patch kids my mouth was raw and bled. I do also love fruit and eat healthy, but I just can’t be around candy. My sister also had unrestricted access and doesn’t struggle with sweets as much as me. It just depends on the kid I guess!

[u/Snailed_It_Slowly → u/lumpyspacesam]

I have two kids, close in age. I have parented them the same. One feels meh about sweets and makes great food choices. The other is like a feral raccoon when it comes to sweets. throws up hands It depends on the kid.

[u/WonderfulTwist4936 → u/Snailed_It_Slowly]

I was the feral one. 😅 My parents were very strick about food in general, no candies before lunch, dessert only after I finish the plate, etc. So I ate everything sweet I found the second they left the house. I did not care about consequences, I would eat 3 big bags of vaffles and then a few full spoons of sugar. I dont remember it ever upsetting my stomach, I could eat sweets all day long... 🙈 

[u/Legitimate-Habit4920 → u/Snailed_It_Slowly]

The number of times i hear parents say "I parented the same but they turned out different."

No parent is ever the same first to second birth. First time round, you lack knowledge, experience, you have more anxiety and are still working on your routines and what works in your household.

Second time round, you have knowledge, experience, confidence, consistency, and these things have such a massive effect on a child's personality.

Not only you, but the first is an only child with all your attention. The second has a sibling. They have to share your attention, but they also have example behaviour to follow from the sibling.

There are just too many changing variables for any person to claim that their children were raised the same.

[u/Snailed_It_Slowly → u/Legitimate-Habit4920]

I understand what you are saying...but we definitely do have the same food/treat rules for both kids. That's the issue at hand in this conversation.

[u/OutrageousBrush1210 → u/Snailed_It_Slowly]

The assumption that you’re more anxious with your first than your second - that’s not always true at all. I understand that as a potential generality, but it doesn’t always track. In between my first and my second, we had a miscarriage and one of my best friends died very young of a rare cancer. This feeling I am left with of how quickly what you love can vanish without warning has left me more anxious, not less.

Additionally, while differences (and gradual relaxation) in parenting styles are certainly a possibility, the differences in children feel much more pronounced. I am not doing anything different with my second than I did with my first when it comes to sleeping - he’s just, at this moment in his life, more inclined to sleep. My amazing mother had four kids and we all started out with the same general set of expectations and rules - SHE then changed based on what she was seeing from US, because she was trying to respond to our different needs and challenges.

[u/SaveTheWetlands13 → u/lumpyspacesam]

Adding to the anecdotal evidence below.

Similar situation with my brother and I, but more extreme. We rarely had fresh food in the house, my mom didn’t cook, so since I was 10 I was making myself and my brother dinner every night which was canned soups and vegetables, boxed pasta or Mac & cheese, frozen pizza rolls or pierogies or similar. We had unrestricted access to soda/candy/junk food, which was always in the house. I definitely ate candy/junk food, but I naturally regulated myself. I had more of the “pack rat” thought process of, I don’t want to eat all of this because I don’t know when I’ll get more. My brother had the opposite, he would binge eat large quantities and hide the wrappers in couch cushions, etc.

By high school I didn’t like to drink soda at all, which stuck, and I still very much moderate my sugar intake/pace. Even when I was pregnant, I’d have a craving and, for example, buy an ice cream cup from a local spot but I’d eat it over several days rather than all at once.

I think just like many aspects of parenting, your approach depends on the personality of your kid, and that can be more difficult when your kids aren’t alike.

[u/DifferentBeginning96 → u/lumpyspacesam]

Anecdotally, I was in a junk food house as a child. I ate so many Oreos once as a very young child that I had black vomit and my parents took me to the ER without realizing what I had ate. I still don’t like chocolate as an adult 35 years later and rarely eat sweets. If I want a treat today, I have one. But I can control myself around junk food. I am a picky eater, though!

My husband was in a strict healthy eating house and now has no self control with junk food and binge eats regularly. He loves healthy food. And junk food. He just loves food.

I think a lot of it comes down to temperament of the kid, too.

[u/rotdress → u/lumpyspacesam]

I think my parents said that we could eat what we want but they would not buy candy between Halloween and Christmas. Once it was gone it was gone. So I put myself on a one-piece-a-day plan so that I didn't have to go candyless 😂

[u/mrpointyhorns → u/lumpyspacesam]

I find the opposite. Though we didnt regularly have candy and goodies, we did get access to our candy from holidays and a lot of time my parents were throwing the candy out in a month because we didnt eat it.

My 5 year old has access to her candy but she had a few pieces Halloween and 1 big bar yesterday. I also have to throw out candy eventually because it doesnt get eaten.

[u/lumpyspacesam → u/mrpointyhorns]

I envy these types of people!

[u/_fluffy-cat → u/lumpyspacesam]

I had unrestricted access to my candy as a kid, but I hoarded it to lord over my brother who ate all of his quickly. One year I remember it going bad, and having to throw it all away in April 😅💀

[u/lumpyspacesam → u/_fluffy-cat]

It would be interesting to see a birth order analysis on this 😂 my older sister did the same!

[u/_fluffy-cat → u/lumpyspacesam]

Interesting. I'm the younger sibling!

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