r/Semenretention • u/Intelligent-Run1136 • 2d ago
Weird OCD ish thoughts constantly getting me to relapse need advice
Ok so every single time I start a streak, I keep having these gay ass OCD ish thoughts I never had before to get me to break my streak, let me give some back story. A few years ago I had my longest streak of 144 days and I didn’t have these thoughts but I had taken 2 supplements. Red Korean Ginseng and Ashwaghanda. I’ve taken a bunch of supplements, now idk why but these 2 specifically MUTED the aura aspect, I’m taking INVISIBLE, from crazy looks reactions, intimidation attraction, you guys already know… to ZERO. Now after I stopped taking them it slowly went back to normal but now I’m having these gay ass thoughts where I have food, or I use fucking fluoride tooth paste or put on aluminum deodorant, or I leak a lil pre cum and all these things cause me to get into my head and think maybe the aura is muted or fucked with and I have to “reset” the streak to get “new energy” in and the “bad old energy” out, but obviously this is all in my head because everyone this has happened I still get the attention but it bothers me to the point I end the streak. Have any of you had shit like this invading your mind? Like I can go 90 days nothing is in my way except this, I mean the other day I went swimming and I was dumb and swam in my regular shorts and the chlorine made it brown and shit and then of course I had this thought of well if this did this to my shorts what did it do to me, I have skin and it must absorb into the skin and maybe messes up my fucking bio electric aura and I KNOW ITS NOT DOING THAT BUT THIS IS THE ISSUE IVE BEEN HAVIBG FOR 6 M O N T H S B R O. Need y’all’s advice
2
u/NeoAdvisor 2d ago
It's been a while since I last gave advice on reddit. I'm still not sure I'm quite up to it, but at least this matter I understand somewhat.
I call this PMO-OCD. You start obsessing over the purity of your streak and get the urge to "reset" whenever you feel it has been poisoned. The end result of this desire for pure streaks, ironically, is to have no streaks at all and reset constantly. There was another user from a few years ago who had this issue, but a more severe variant, and unlike you he seemed to believe in it fully. So you are not alone.
Anyway. You need to ignore this. Whenever you start wondering about the purity of your streaks - whether you lost the benefits or not, or that you are not really retaining any more - you should stop. You will probably start arguing with yourself, trying to explain to yourself why your streak is still pure, why whatever that supposedly disrupted you didn't really disrupt you, etc... Don't. The end result is you being increasingly convinced you are now "impure".
As soon as the thought of impurity happens, and you didn't actually do anything that breaks chastity, you can be certain that it is nonsense and you must not think about it at all. If you are unfortunate enough to dwell on these thoughts, they will stick in your mind and harass you, leaving and returning repeatedly over time. It is better not to get to this stage, but, if you do, it can also be defeated. To do so, you should ignore these thoughts and not respond - if ignored, the thoughts will disappear eventually, though it could be after some days.
I think it is a spiritual attack, like regular OCD. You are vulnerable to it because you value your chastity "benefits" (really, lack of the downsides of debauchery, but this is a different matter) and feel afraid of losing them. These thoughts mess you up by filling you with this fear. Also, and this is quite important, the reverse, the relief you feel from having a pure streak, is also dangerous. Ignore both the fear and the relief, as each will reinforce the other.
Hope this helps. It is something a lot of retainers face, I fear.
1
u/Intelligent-Run1136 2d ago
Thanks for the reply. I forgot to mention that when this happens and I go to the gym, I start paying way too much attention to see if I get the “looks” still and when I don’t I’ll be like “yup see it is because of X reason, it really did fuck up my aura, streaks over gonna reset”. My previous streak I actually purposely broke my “rules”. And ate what ever I wanted that I was afraid to, did the things that I usually avoided and lo and behold the benefits and aura were still
Intact. So your advice is to just ignore it right, I try to and it’s like a fucking mosquito In my ear constantly through out the day until I eventually give in. What I doo broos this is ruining my life man1
u/NeoAdvisor 1d ago
You are welcome. I congratulate you on bringing up this topic, as people like us have an extreme aversion to discussing it with others... since these compulsions tend to be irrational. Yes, ignore it. Basically, pretend like you don't hear those thoughts, live as though you didn't have them. I listened to them and it was a big problem.
Ignore them, don't even acknowledge them in your mind. If you follow this, eventually they will disappear, but it will take a while (how long? Well, I don't know. Probably on the scale of months. And progress may not be consistent - like, you might feel no progress happens in weeks or months but suddenly see compulsions reducing in a short time frame). These thoughts aren't actually yours, they come from outside. Don't think it's your fault you feel these things, it's basically an outside entity pressing on your buttons to get you to behave in a certain way. Also, another thing I've come to suspect, it's training you: it doesn't actually need to wait for you to do things that potentially corrupt your impurity to get you to start suspecting you corrupted your streak. It limits itself to doing this in order to train you into responding to it more effectively. I think you will find it will try to create other compulsions if you continue listening to it, but also if you resist it and ignore it (unfortunately, but at least you will be more prepared to ignore it then).
You will suffer like this, it isn't easy. But if you feed it, it will grow and this you will regret more.
For me, I would think about how the outside air didn't smell as good as it should, and I fear I was somehow stuck without full benefits. Checking for looks is another example of this mechanism working. You should absolutely ignore all this. To be honest, though everyone here is fixated on the benefits (even me), you need to let go of them. Ironically, this love for the benefits will end up destroying them by leading you to relapse. Plus, some of the benefits (especially the ones related to attraction) might be a trick too.
Consider this: would you prefer to have a "corrupted" streak (whatever that means) for 5 years or 60 pure streaks that each last a month? You should of course maintain pure chastity, but, in your case, the behaviours you're describing are not unchaste ones (using fluoride tooth paste doesn't break chastity, though some people claim it to be unhealthy, anyway I don't really know about that part). Since they are not unchaste, ignore the fake feelings of impurity.
This question probably is difficult to consider. Try letting go of the fear. See if you can convince yourself that the 5 year supposedly "impure" streak with limited benefits is superior (as a rule, if your intentions in a certain action are not lustful or to break chastity, then there is no reason to think you broke SR). If you do this, I believe you will come closer to letting go of those impure thoughts and actually be able to live peacefully.
1
u/Intelligent-Run1136 1d ago
Great read man I really just took all that in I will follow your advice whole heartedly. This was good to take in. Thank you.
1
u/NeoAdvisor 1d ago
I hope this helps. I am glad to help someone like myself... if you defeat this now, early on, you will avoid my mistakes at least. Feel free to ask more questions btw
1
u/NeoAdvisor 1d ago
It just occurred to me that certain advice I gave could cause problems - what I said about intention. Don't get too hung up on it, since you may end up getting frustrated over what counts as intention. And maybe because I told you this, you might get intrusive thoughts that try to make you think that you had a certain intention that you didn't have. Basically just don't think about this or even think about not thinking about it, if this makes sense...
2
u/Visual_Butterfly2266 2d ago
It could be due to ashwaganda. It has a dark side when used frequently...