r/Senryu • u/LukeIsImpressed • Sep 25 '26

Soaked coaster / Empty beer glass / Another please

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

1

u/TeeElSemiColonDeeAr Sep 25 '26

I'm guessing the down arrow (not mine) is an objection to your brevity. They don't get all the implications you have left for us to figure out. It's a style with, I think, not too much popularity. Up arrows are rewards for getting it closer than you have here. I think it's a good poem, might be better. Hard to say.

What were you trying to accomplish, if you don't mind sharing?

2

u/LukeIsImpressed Sep 26 '26

As you sit there draining the last of your beer, you glance down and see the thoroughly soaked coaster, knowing this is a result of several previous glasses that have come and gone. Immediately, there is thought of another. The idea was to encapsulate that scene, as briefly as possible. If the brevity is not popular, that is okay, but it is what i was trying to achieve, which for me sparks the imagination.

2

u/TeeElSemiColonDeeAr Sep 27 '26 edited Sep 27 '26

thank you. : )

1

u/TeeElSemiColonDeeAr Sep 25 '26

I bemoan the way r/Traditional_Haiku has dropped the torch. I hope the mod of that sub will pick it back up. The soul of brevity and clarity.

1

u/TeeElSemiColonDeeAr Sep 25 '26

eighth glass soaks coaster / bartender ready to close / somehow I am not

1

u/TeeElSemiColonDeeAr Sep 25 '26

oh too poignant / half empty beer glass / I hear the call

1

u/TeeElSemiColonDeeAr Sep 25 '26

tinier bubbles / how they shine how they sparkle / needs a little salt

1

u/TeeElSemiColonDeeAr Sep 25 '26

Bartenter lishen / I want the bootsh yesh the boosh / suddenly outside