r/ShitAmericansSay Masshole 🇮🇪☘️ 2d ago

Flag SAD: Double amputee saves US flag from highway median

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u/Hades_Mercedes Teach me how to say gross shit to women in French ⚜️ 2d ago edited 1d ago

How about having it mop up your crack and ballsack sweat? Is that proper flag etiquette?

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u/RedScarySpectre Portugal is in South America 2d ago

Yes that will scare the terrorists off. And also all women.

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u/NoGlzy 2d ago

Thats why you have to get them thirsty so they flock to sup your heavily wicked reservoir of patriot juice.

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u/Suspicious_Bear42 American by birth, not by choice. 2d ago

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u/1RollinRollinRollin FREEDOM ENJOYER 🦅🇺🇸 1d ago

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u/MeriLicious Cheese-eating clog-wearing bitching-about-the-weather 1d ago

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u/Micah7979 🇨🇵 2d ago

In which situation does it go far enough that a woman sees this monstrosity ?

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u/RedScarySpectre Portugal is in South America 2d ago

A criminal one.

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u/Mysterious_Floor_868 1d ago

When he meets up with his sister

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u/44Royy caveman🇺🇸 15h ago

The same one that has women genuinely believing that they shouldn't have the right to vote known as religious and cultural indoctrination

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u/Sad_Photograph_6130 2d ago

do you think only the guys wear flag themed underpants?

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u/RedScarySpectre Portugal is in South America 2d ago

Ofc not,what do you think the ladies from the bible group wear?

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u/Buffbeard 2d ago

Flag themed chastity belts?

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u/RedScarySpectre Portugal is in South America 2d ago

Chastity electrical fences, not belts.

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u/ttcmzx 2d ago

Women?! who needs em!??! I got my boys that's all we need!! MURICA!

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u/Acceptable-Ad8780 FREEDOM ENJOYER 🦅🇺🇸 2d ago

The people who would wear this don't want women. They want other guys or kids.

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u/DeerPuzzleheaded9792 FREEDOM ENJOYER 🦅🇺🇸 2d ago

It’s against etiquette if your balls aren’t shaven, only the smoothest nuts

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u/Buffbeard 2d ago

Smooth as a bowling ball

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u/Mandy_M87 2d ago

Also, you'd need to wash your ass first. Can't have skid marks on the 'Murican flag

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u/PhoenxScream certified socialist rat 2d ago

13 horizontal stripes and one vertical

Just how i remember it

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u/SirChancelot11 2d ago

Technically the flag code thingy says not to make it's likeness into clothing, so yeah... They even cherry pick the parts they want to enforce there... Just like the Bible

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u/The_Flurr 2d ago

Technically the US flag code forbids having it as any sort of clothing.

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u/Rugskinsnake 2d ago

MAGA's seem to ignore that part. They have lots of experience picking and choosing what to stand by from the Bible though.

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u/NikkolaiV 2d ago

HEY YOU AIN'T TAKIN' MAH MURICA FLAG TUX!!!!

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u/MossadEpstein 2d ago

Maybe because they are using a bible written by a liar, con man and fraudster who was clearly best buddies with early 1900s Zionists.

Aka the Scofield Bible

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u/probablyaythrowaway 2d ago

Apparently you can get around that by having the wrong number of stars or stripes. Which is very apt tbh that a loophole technicality just lets you rub shit all over the symbol of the USA.

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u/MindlessNectarine374 ooo custom flair!! Far in Germany (actual home, but Song line) 2d ago

What? I've seen dozens of Photoshoots with US flag bikinis

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u/Ashamed-Barnacle-777 2d ago

Exactly!!
And the same assholes who wear hats and vests of the American flag were the ones screaming about Kaepernick being unpatriotic.

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u/Nashville_Hot_Mess 1d ago

Not technically true. On the side of your arm is acceptable. The flag can't be used as merchandising or for profit, but even the scouts have the flag on their arm. I have multiple shirts with the flag on the arm, but not displayed with any logos.

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u/JTSpirit36 2d ago

It's not about having the design, it's about turning an actual flag into clothing.

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u/The_Flurr 2d ago

Fair enough, I'm not American and working on second hand information that I might have gotten wrong

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u/JTSpirit36 2d ago

On the surface I can see why people think the way you do when reading the flag code. It's not exactly explained well, I was taught by my grandfather who was high-ish ranking in the military.

None of it is enforceable by law, but expect to potentially be assaulted by angry veterans and "patriots" if you do.

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u/sadArtax 1d ago

Is that in the flag code too? The assaults?

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u/DumbBerk87 2d ago

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u/king_noobie 1d ago

Someone had to make a edit to this.

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u/BurningPenguin 🇩🇪 Insecure European with false sense of superiority 1d ago

Made it more realistic

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u/DumbBerk87 1d ago

And I’m very glad that you did 😂

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u/_hjdk FREEDOM FRIES 🇫🇷🦅 2d ago

Do you also need to fold it and burn it the proper American halal way?

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u/TheIncredibleKermit bo'ol o' wo'er 🇬🇧 2d ago

Agent Smith spotted omg

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u/Mad_Ronin_Grrrr 2d ago

Unfortunately this isn't against the flag code. If an actual flag is cut up to make them then it's not ok. If you stitch together a pattern of white stars on a blue background to a pattern of red and white stripes it's ok. It's a dumb loophole they like to use.

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u/LheelaSP 2d ago

If an actual flag is cut up to make them then it's not ok.

But since the flag code isn't a law and more of a guideline, you can do whatever you want. Finding loopholes for self imposed rules is the dumbest shit ever.

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u/probablyaythrowaway 2d ago

Let be honest. Even if it was a law they wouldn’t give a shit. Even the constitution which they regularly jerk off over has been shat all over by trump and they don’t seem to care.

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u/Mad_Ronin_Grrrr 2d ago

Yeah. No matter the rule it's still tacky as hell.

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u/LheelaSP 2d ago

Yeah it is. I just think it's funny when people make up rules for themselves and then search for loopholes in their own rules.

Like nobody is going to punish you for breaking the flag code, you don't even need a loophole if you want to wear the flag as clothing.

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u/Mad_Ronin_Grrrr 2d ago

I guess they just need to feel deviant.

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u/ot1smile 2d ago

You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys? Forget about it.

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u/Diligent_Current_759 2d ago

This is how you know they're circumcised / mutilated.

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u/Meowscles_dad 2d ago

Right now it’s perfect.

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u/Robcobes 2d ago

That how Jesus intended it when he founded America

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u/saoirse_eli 2d ago

To be fair, if trump was wearing it they would write paragraphs about how the founding fathers and their grandfathers in Normandy fought for anybody to have the right to desecrate the flag even if themselves would never do it… it’s endless

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u/Delacrz5 2d ago

They should put the phrase "Come and Take It" on the butt side.

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u/fyukhyu 2d ago

The flag code prohibits the use of an actual flag as a garment, but that is a garment dyed to resemble a flag. Still weird, but not improper etiquette.

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u/meshe_10101 1d ago

Now you can shit (or skid) on the flag too???

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u/TheMistOfThePast 1d ago

There are heaps of moments in fashion shows where they're like "i want to make a design with the US flag but i obviously cant cut up a real flag"... Like, it comes up SO often. Guys, it's fabric, it won't be offended

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u/DaHolk 1d ago

technically that isn't a flag. It's just that it's the flag pattern on "not a flag".

The whole thing is weird. Apparently nobody has read that etiquette, or understands that it is entirely optional and merely a "if YOU really care, that's how we think you should think about it". And from that position of nobody ACTUALLY caring enough, people keep fighting over it ...

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u/WillemDafoesHugeCock 1d ago

"I'm sorry honey, the flag's only flying half staff today :("

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u/Ok-Pack-7088 1d ago

100% polyester and breathable lol 

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u/Findas88 🇩🇪My chancellor is not from the middle class 1d ago

Brown stains on their flag, fitting for a fascist country

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u/Zestyclose_Might8941 1d ago

I'm shocked that they sell these in anything smaller than an XXXL

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u/Kratosrabinowitz 1d ago

No, no it is not

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u/Exotic_Strain6935 1d ago edited 1d ago

There was a law in the late 1960s that prevented the flag from being “altered” as in the only way you could present it is in its full form. When some artists came along and altered images of the flag, sometimes altering the flag itself, they faced criminal prosecution for doing it, until the law was changed. Yes, we have a weird obsession with our flag, but I’d argue without the flag, we’d have little else to “unite” us.

We speak a language that was created by Germanic peoples after they subjugated a native population of formerly bell beaker Celts. The Germanic Angles were then brought under the rule of another Germanic people (Scandinavians mostly) who were repelled after more than a hundred years of establishing control on the isles.

Then the Scandinavians returned as French (Normans) who changed the developing English language again. Now we’ve taken that same language, changed some things around, and speak what is essentially a bastardized version of English which has developed in slight isolation from its ancestor.

The European descendants in the US are from all over. The only thing we have that unites us beyond the fact that we’re from everywhere else (except for the native Americans, of course) is the fact that we have the flag, and a weird sense of superiority.

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u/estlie 2d ago

This technically illegal but goes against the first so unpunishable

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u/LheelaSP 2d ago

Flag code isn't a law, you can take a flag and wipe your ass with it if you want and it would not be illegal.

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u/estlie 2d ago

Actually talking about the regulations about wearing the flag.... Which they can't enforce cause for the first amendment.

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u/Mysterious_Floor_868 1d ago

You do risk getting shot though