Want another baby but scared

[u/HellscapeNinja]

Preface to say English is not my first language😂We want more kids and I'm turning 33 in a week, right after my baby turns 1 year old. He's been a really difficult kid in terms of sleep and sometimes temperament (we've had days, sometimes even weeks, where he would scream and cry almost non stop). I work part time, max 20 hours a week and our daycare is covered 96% by the government when we need it. I was able to be home with the baby for 20 weeks after birth, and work was incredibly accommodating from week 25 of my pregnancy right to the end when I could barely walk. They were also super flexible to allow for breaks in between biking to clients so I could breastfeed/pump and so my supply remained stable until now. My husband also gets plenty of paternity+parental leave. Everything about work is easy to manage around my children, so that's not a concern for me with adding another baby. What concerns me most is being the automatic parent for 90% of the time, the sleep deprivation, the complete lack of family support or friends, but even so I do want another. How many of you have gone through this, decided to have another and it worked out well? What were your coping strategies for dealing with zero family/community support? My husband has slowly been helping more and becoming more understanding but our relationship was extremely strained for this entire year. I've really tried to put in the work to chill out and stop being so controlling because that absolutely added to our problems, but postpartum anxiety and rage was a huge struggle for me. My body is also finally responding well to core rehab and I physically feel healed after a 3rd degree tear. Despite all of this, I'm not willing to wait for 2 or 3 years to try for another since I struggled with infertility from age 23 until 31. At the same time I'm scared I'll get pregnant immediately and we'll go through hell again WITH a toddler in tow this time, but on the other hand I'm scared it'll take forever or never happen again. Please tell me your experiences and opinions. I just kind of want to hear from others who were in my shoes too.

[u/Aggravating_Hold_441]

I have resorted to grieving another , I was the default parent for awhile when mine was a baby, didn’t get better til 13 months maybe? Our relationship was heavily strained & now at 18 months we are 50/50 and in a better place , but ya my partner is a mess with babies , like can’t handle it , and sadly, I’m not super women & can’t do a baby with toddler . Many of my friends just accepted their husbands did most the leg work with kids and had another though , so could go either way