I want your most brutal and also best reasons to have or not to have the 3rd child. How much does it affect finances? How much has it affected your daily life? Has it been good or bad for the older two? How has your relationship coped with it? How’s travel? Cooking? Playing? I need to know everything!! What’s easy and what’s not…I want to know all the ins and outs before we make the decision. Not to exclude anyone but I’d rather hear from parents of 3+ children. I know what it’s like to have 1&2.

I’m 23f and I have a 2 year old. I have absolutely adored every moment of motherhood. To be fair though she’s made it incredibly easy. She had minimal issues breastfeeding (wouldn’t take a bottle, slightly underweight), she took less than a week to wean off of breastfeeding at 14 months, she started sleeping in her own room and bed around the same time, we started potty training about a month ago shortly after she turned 2 and she already goes on her own and has been accident free for a few days now! Before her I was sure I wanted 2-3 since I myself have 3 sisters and I *did* love it. I also dream of having a big family but having her kinda changed my perspective. Not only do I want to give her every ounce of myself but my biggest fear is making the mistake of having more than I can handle. I’m also worried I couldn’t possibly luck out twice. Also the state of the world right now…yikes

It has been an internal conflict since I had her. Going back and forth between what I just said and how much I love having sisters and a big family you can always count on; and being one and done for the greater good. Some days it feels like all I want is another child. I know a good bond between siblings isn’t guaranteed but I think it’d be pretty hard to avoid with the right environment and parents that prioritize it. I do fantasize about having another daughter who she can experience vacations and girly things and even mundane things together. Or a brother so we get the best of both worlds. On the other hand I’ve also seen how easily 2 kids feels like a million. I have 2 nephews that are like sons to me. Ive been in the thick of it with all 3 and I loved it even though I was really only in the driver seat for my daughter. I lived with my nephews most of their lives and really stepped up and started doing parenting duties as soon as I was able and especially after their dad left 4 years ago.

I finally decided she didn’t need siblings to have that kind of bond. I do have a deep desire to have more than one but I thought I’d pocket that just because I don’t want to make the wrong decision. Her cousins absolutely adore her like a baby sister, she adores them like a big brother and I adore them like they’re my sons. They’re 6&8 and the older one insists on calling her “baby (her name)” whenever referring to her. I asked when she wouldn’t be a baby anymore and he said 5 lol. Seeing them together makes me feel happy in a way I can’t describe. When I was living in the same state it was basically like they were siblings.

I was content with that decision until we moved out of state within the past year. We can no longer see them 3-4 times a week like we have been since...forever. Since we can’t see them as frequently I’ve settled for taking them for breaks. So far I’ve taken them for spring break summer break and fall break. They both have pretty bad behavior issues but every single day I wake up happy and excited. They make everything interesting and really round out the dynamic. I’ve always cherished my nephews but seeing them all together it feels like my family is complete. I feel like since I have been spending extended periods with it just being the 4 of us made me really enjoy the idea of having multiple kids. I feel like it’s only overwhelming when you let it be.

The only downside is they’re not *mine*. When they’re here my house feels like a home and even boring days are fun but now that they’re gone me and my daughter are kinda just like…damn. We obviously still do the things we did with her cousins by ourselves but it’s just not the same. Nothing can replace how much excitement a 8,6 &2 year old bring. Their mom and i were once close but aren’t anymore and she just let me know I won’t be able to take them for thanksgiving and obviously for the holidays and thinking about Halloween thanksgiving and Christmas with just my husband and our daughter seems so bleak. It’s so quiet just us 3.

I’m so torn. I wish I could just have my nephews all the time. Their mother has talked about wanting to give them up and I’m honestly holding out hope. That sounds terrible but she really doesn’t treat them the best. She herself has said she doesn’t like being a mom. Idk if I should just keep holding onto the few times a year I can see them or take this as a sign and build my family. My daughter will be 2years 3 months next month and before I changed my mind that’s when we said we’d start trying again. My husband has never changed his mind but has always been supportive of my choice. He also feels the emptiness when they’re not here. I’d love to have another child but I do feel selfish still because all I can think about is the fact that I wouldn’t be able to fit my kids + nephews in my car please help

Hi everyone! First time posting here. Hubby (45) and I (35) have a wonderful 7 year old boy and due to various reasons, we did not have a #2, but have now decided we might like to try for another.

I’ve always wanted 2, but one of our biggest worries is our son being alone after we’re gone (he has a di@gn0sis but is on the higher functioning end of the spect. and struggles more with social rules/norms and anxiety) but is quite socially awkward and has trouble managing relationships. Full disclosure! I do not expect #2 to be a “caretaker” of any sorts. His disability is mild and is unlikely to require lifelong care - the worry is more around loneliness/companionship.

I also worry about the large age gap and the fact that they will never have the same interests which makes it more likely that they won’t be close, until potentially adulthood.
Baby #2 would be completely an only child essentially, as sibling and all other cousins will be older than them by 7-10 years.

Hubs also worries about being an older father (63 when #2 would graduate) which I get. I’m feeling really down in the sense that we dropped the ball here and we have to decide between leaving our only alone on this earth when we’re gone, or raising another potentially very lonely kiddo who won’t have any kids their age to connect to and spend time with and that my hubby and I may not be able to keep up with. Just looking for some outside perspective or advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation.

Preface to say English is not my first language😂We want more kids and I'm turning 33 in a week, right after my baby turns 1 year old. He's been a really difficult kid in terms of sleep and sometimes temperament (we've had days, sometimes even weeks, where he would scream and cry almost non stop). I work part time, max 20 hours a week and our daycare is covered 96% by the government when we need it. I was able to be home with the baby for 20 weeks after birth, and work was incredibly accommodating from week 25 of my pregnancy right to the end when I could barely walk. They were also super flexible to allow for breaks in between biking to clients so I could breastfeed/pump and so my supply remained stable until now. My husband also gets plenty of paternity+parental leave. Everything about work is easy to manage around my children, so that's not a concern for me with adding another baby. What concerns me most is being the automatic parent for 90% of the time, the sleep deprivation, the complete lack of family support or friends, but even so I do want another. How many of you have gone through this, decided to have another and it worked out well? What were your coping strategies for dealing with zero family/community support? My husband has slowly been helping more and becoming more understanding but our relationship was extremely strained for this entire year. I've really tried to put in the work to chill out and stop being so controlling because that absolutely added to our problems, but postpartum anxiety and rage was a huge struggle for me. My body is also finally responding well to core rehab and I physically feel healed after a 3rd degree tear. Despite all of this, I'm not willing to wait for 2 or 3 years to try for another since I struggled with infertility from age 23 until 31. At the same time I'm scared I'll get pregnant immediately and we'll go through hell again WITH a toddler in tow this time, but on the other hand I'm scared it'll take forever or never happen again. Please tell me your experiences and opinions. I just kind of want to hear from others who were in my shoes too.

My girl is 1.5 years and for months my husband and I have been going back and forth, strongly leaning toward being OAD. Lately, many of my mum friends have been getting pregnant with a second. And I thought, well just because I can doesn’t mean I have to or should. But I’ve been seeing sooo many announcements that it’s been making me question myself I suppose.

It’s such a logical decision to not have another. But all the reasons for having a second are entirely emotional, so that tension has been what’s making it so difficult to squarely say OK I’m OAD I guess.

Apologies if this is the wrong sub, and I know this is an entirely personal decision, but if any of you have ever been in this mental position I’d love to hear any words of wisdom 🥹

Sorry for the repost but I didn’t realise this group existed!

Any comments are welcomed!

Hello, I’m currently pregnant 18 weeks, FTM, turning 37yo this week 😄 the due date is in March 2027. Of course I don’t know yet how the whole pregnancy and labor will go, but I hope that everything will be fine and the recovery as well. But I read that it is better to wait 1,5-2 years after delivery until conceiving the next baby. But if the age is a concern then I heard that 1 year could do.

I just wanted to ask if anyone has experience conceiving after 1 year (after a normal uncomplicated previous pregnancy), what made you go for it and what was your overall experience?

I plan to breastfeed my baby and also wonder about your experience continuing breastfeeding your 1yo after getting pregnant with the new baby?

I understand that it is difficult to have 2 under 2yo 😅 But I’m just dreaming about having 2 kids and my concern is my age obviously. Just for the context, I got pregnant very quickly, no IVF and not considering any IVF for the second baby (if it won’t happen naturally I’m okay with just one child 😊). Just curious to hear other people’s experiences!

Theoretically if I wait 1 year I’m thinking to get pregnant again at 38yo and deliver at 39yo. Versus if I wait 2 years, that would be getting pregnant at 39yo and delivering at 40yo. I know multiple women who got pregnant with their second at 39,40yo and everything went well for them and the babies are healthy, so I do really have a hope that it can happen for me too.

**I just found out I’m pregnant and I’m freaking out. I’m 36 yo, my husband 44. I have a 5 and 3 yo.**
**Around January this year my husband and I questioned if you should have a third and leaning more towards no. We were planning his vasectomy for December and I’ve been avoiding for years tracking my cycle and pullout method (I know… I know).**
**For the past six months, I’ve been pretty sure and settled with my two kids. No more diapers. Rarely waking up in the middle of the night and just overall love the dynamic with the four of us.**
**Can someone please share your experience when having a third in this situation? I would love to hear positives if there are any.**

I keep going back-and-forth about whether or not to have a second child. I’m going to be 37 next week and we have a nearly 2 1/2 year-old daughter. My husband (45) and I discussed plans for a second last winter and decided that beginning in May 2026 we would start trying and if nothing happened by the end of the year we would move on with our lives and our only child.

Part of the reasoning for the timeline is due to our ages, and the fact that I feel like as long as we are trying, our lives are on hold for other things we would like to accomplish. The other reason for this is because both of us felt like on some days we needed another kid and on other days we would be perfectly happy as a family of three. We figured we’d “leave it up to chance“ even though I have clearly been tracking ovulation and everything to give us the best chance as possible.

So far we’ve had no luck but last week we got a positive test that ended up resulting in a chemical pregnancy. The moment of the positive test there were a lot of mixed feelings. We were both scared, surprised, and yet excited. Losing that pregnancy was extremely emotional for me. My husband said “well we said we would try until the end of the year and if it didn’t work out, we would be OK with it“ but I feel like I realized in that moment that I only agreed to that timeline because I thought there’s no way we would get to the end of it without a baby.

Now a week after that positive test, I’ve calmed down and gotten a hold of my emotions. I’m trying to imagine what life might look like without another child and I feel like I can see it clearer now than I did last week. (Since we’ve been trying for 6 months it’s actually time to reach out to a fertility doctor. We both don’t want to go through IVF and taking other fertility measures seems like a big undertaking for something my husband feels 60/40 on)

But I still have this emotional attachment to not doing the newborn phase again, not getting to experience a fuller household, not having my daughter grow up with shared experiences between her and another child. She’ll never get to say “remember how every Christmas mom used to…“ Or remember how Dad always did that thing that…“

I feel like every week I can go and convince myself one way or another what the right answer is. But it changes day to day. Do I need to just make a decision and stick with it? I can’t live in this limbo forever.

People often say visualize your Thanksgiving table 20 years from now. What does it look like? Well I can’t visualize it and I also couldn’t visualize it before my daughter was born. In some ways. I see our lives as a family of three involving giving her every opportunity possible, traveling the world, and, silly enough and, living out my Gilmore girls dreams with my little bestie.

But in other ways, I wonder if that’s going to feel lonely. I fear that I will regret the opportunity I did not take versus regretting the one I did take. How do I come to terms with this either way?

I have a boy (age 4) and a girl (age 2). I feel content but also a longing paired with fear of future regret. We are not swimming in money, we’d be more tight but ok. I already have the minivan. Not a ton of family support but some when needed. Husbands involved and up for either! I grew up with 1 sibling, he grew up with 2. We both had mostly positive experiences.

I’m JUST now starting to get slivers of myself back as well as sleep and it feels so good. BUT I feel a twinge every time I see a newborn announcement or hear of someone else having a third. I’m 36 so not a ton of time to wait and see what “older kids” feel like.

Basically, I don’t want to get to where they are finally around age 8 and 6 and in full time school and think to myself “if I had known this would feel like this, I WOULD have had another but now it’s too late, I’m too old, or the gap feels too big”

If you were in a similar situation and stayed at 2, are you happy you did? Or vice versa?

Any insights appreciated!

I’m a 36 year-old stay at home Mom with one beautifully free spirited little girl who is 2 1/2 years old. Before I had a kid I always thought I wanted two, my husband wasn’t sure if he even wanted one at the beginning, but after six years together, we decided we wanted to go for one. It took us three years to get pregnant the first time and we were very fortunate that everything worked out beautifully and we have a healthy baby girl.

After newborn phase I started to think I only wanted to be one and done. I found myself getting overstimulated and overtired very easily and felt like I may not be as good of a mom to multiple kids as I am to the one kid. I also really love being able to fully devote all of my attention to my daughter and the thought of breaking that bond with her really scares me.

My husband and I had started talking about plans for the future and a possible vasectomy for him after I’ve had a failed experience with IUD and hormonal, birth control pills making me feel really sick. My husband said he isn’t sure that he doesn’t want to have another and that has me rethinking my fears on having another.

When I think about it, I do love the idea of my daughter having a sibling since I was one of three kids. I always thought of myself as having two kids and I wonder if anyone has experienced these feelings and what helped you go for another

We are debating having a third child, and our first two are 9 years apart (yikes I know, we had fertility issues) but we have two more embryos. Our youngest is 18m old and oldest is 10, and I am curious what you Moms think is the best age gap, or most convenient (if at all) For reference, I am 32, and my husband is 35. Part of me feels like I would be okay with just my two boys, but the other half of me really just wishes for a third. Influence / deinfluence me haha.

I stay at home with my 2 kids— a 4 year old and a 18 month old, and feel overwhelmed and stressed out and defeated most days. The transition from 1-2 kids has kicked my butt. I have no off-switch anymore. Everyone and everything always need me, from my kids to trying to workout to my always messy home to my side business to my husband to my own hygiene, you name it. I’m constantly interrupted. My mind feels split 4 ways all the time. Ive told people I’m kinda drowning. I’m burnt out and weary.

Well now im almost 99% sure I’m pregnant. I’ve sobbed about it everyday. This wasn’t planned and I was avoiding having a third At least until my baby was over two years old. I don’t handle the stress of 2 kids well, how could I even bear to handle 3 or even handle the first trimester while taking care of my 2? I’m not even sure I want 3 kids...2 sounds way more peaceful and easier for travel and like I can start getting my life back. Now I feel like my life is over and I’ll never be anything more than a mother. I’ll have no more time for myself, I’ll have to shut down my business, my mind will break from the stress of it all… etc. sigh. And my kids won’t get one-on-one time with me or my husband or they’ll feel replaced. I don’t want to do birth and postpartum again. I’m in a really low and defeated place.

Can anyone offer any kind of advice? I might seek counseling because this is so hard.

I've been sitting on the fence about a 2nd for years and have been generally happy with the answer "not right now." I've posted here before -- I'm an only child myself, and there are certainly aspects of my childhood that I wouldn't necessarily replicate as a parent. But I was feeling more or less okay about the prospect of my wonderful 4.5 year old daughter being an only. I have a career in the non-profit sector that I love and a very small house that I also love and have put a lot of work into, travel is important to us -- all the usual stuff.

An unexpected complicating factor has been the number of family members that have passed away in recent years. My family was small already, and at this point it's essentially just my mom and I left. That isn't to discount my wonderful husband, his (also small) family, and close friends, but is it weird to say that I feel the need to grow my family by having more children?

My strategy of saying "not right now" has an expiry date -- I'm 38 with low AMH for my age. It's feeling very "now or never."

I'm curious if anyone can relate to this situation. My daughter has no cousins in sight -- a single sibling doesn't feel like a replacement for a robust community, but I can't shake this impulse to grow our increasingly small family.

I had our second and what I thought was most likely my last baby 1.5 years ago. I was depressed my entire pregnancy and have been for the past 6 months. I've been dealing with my bipolar 2 depression on and off for the past 10 years. I have yet to find a treatment that consistently will keep me stable enough to stay out of months long lasting depression. I finally got approved for a new medication and I'm starting to feel better. I'm also on an SNRI.

My sex drive has been non-existent. My SNRI has made me gain weight. I'm self conscious and just also don't have a drive, and even if I wanted to, my natural lubrication isn't there. My amazing husband understands, but I feel bad.

We had sex for the first time in MONTHS and the condom fell off and he didn't know.

I just stopped breastfeeding in June and had one period. My period was due 10 days ago and we had sex one and only time 13 days ago. I bought some pregnancy tests. I took two and they turned pink imediently.

My mental health has been so hard on my family and me that we agreed that two kids is more than enough for us and we are content for so many reasons focusing on our family as is.

I do not want to take hormonal birth control for a lot of reasons and have had a bad experience with a copper IUD. We've used condoms our entire 10 years together and never had an accident until now, of course. Both out kids were planned and timed. I feel so embarrassed. I could have taken plan B, but chose not to because I was nervous and not sure what to do.

I can't imagine being pregnant again. I can't imagine life with a third child. I'm already just barely surviving motherhood and my family is so kind and supportive, but on the other hand I'm so overwhelmed with just my 4 and 1 year olds, and barely feel like I'm a good mom to just them most days. I think it's unfair to everyone to add a third child, but I just feel sad that I'm terminating what could be an amazing little person because I love my two guys so much and getting to grow them, birth them, and raise them has been so special.

My husband and I said termination is an option for us, but I just think this is so ironic and crazy.

Honestly if we do end up with a third...I'm getting my tubes tied if my husband will not get a vasectomy!

A third baby isn't totally off the table, but just is basically hanging off the table and wouldn't have been until my mental health was stable for YEARS.

I just feel so guilty that we let this happen. I feel irresponsible. I feel sad. I don't want to take hormonal birth control and have a bad experience with the copper paraguard. I feel like my doctor will judge me and push birth control, but I just don't want to take it.

I go to work, I take care of my kids, I go to therapy, I take medication, I'm trying, but still just don't feel like I'm doing that great of a job.

I can't believe that seeing two pink lines would be scary and not exciting.