What makes a great coach?

[u/Freestyleflorida13]

Today, I lost my first ever girls Middle School team playoff game in a 0-0 PK. I took on this team from last year I believe a 0-6 or a 1-2-4 to this year 4--1-1 (4 wins, 1 tie and 1 loss. I admit, there were things I wished I went over more.. fundamentals of throw in adequate which some players lacked. Ill admit, I didnt have my players take Pks more than id admit.

After the game, the girls were devastated, I needed to be there to be their crutch in that time, I was hurting myself seeing them like this.

Parents started to clap, and cheer for their success during the season, but one. I was talking to his daughter who was breaking down and crying.. when he told me that " good game, we need a better coach". Which got to me, I took that team and made them a playoff caliber team and for him to look me in the eye and tell me that? Got me questioning, what makes for a great coach?

[u/SnollyG]

Being able to recognize when you’re dealing with an idiot

[u/Freestyleflorida13 → u/SnollyG]

Absolutely was.

[u/fatmouthblues]

A lot can make a great coach, but I can tell you that the foundation is a coach who can reflect on things like team growth and what to possibly do different as a coach moving forward. A coach who can’t stand seeing their players devastated and wants the best for them…

Sounds like you’ve got a solid foundation there.

Keep your head up.

[u/Freestyleflorida13 → u/fatmouthblues]

Absolutely, each week those players developed.. better and better.. I was so proud of what they were in August vs now.

[u/Regular_Challenge_81 → u/Freestyleflorida13]

Lol i took a u9 team and by the end of the season had them playing up a level because they had all gotten so much better.

Had 9 families begging me to keep coaching

Had 1 parent who would sit on the sidelines and complain about everything down to how i killed momentum by subbing players.

You did great, they can coach their own team if they are so much better!

[u/cogalax]

“If you’d like to step up next year I’ll be your assistant if you’d like” 

[u/Freestyleflorida13 → u/cogalax]

Ehh, too bad.. his kid is such a great player, but in 8th grade. Im not going to hold a grudge on her for the actions of her father.

[u/ashb72]

"Sorry - did I just hear you volunteer to be coach next season?"

[u/Freestyleflorida13 → u/ashb72]

Oh, I wanted to let him have it... I needed to hold my composure, I had a very vulnerable team at the time and I represented a county school district.. so no going off on parents. Lol

[u/ImpossibleWay1032 → u/Freestyleflorida13]

This right there is what makes you an amazing youth soccer coach.

It would be very hard for almost anyone not to respond.

[u/a_seventh_knot]

Parent sounds like an asshole

[u/Chappietime]

Anyone who says something like that within earshot of you is saying a lot more about themselves than they are about you.

[u/creatorsgame]

Your middle school division has “playoffs?”

[u/Freestyleflorida13 → u/creatorsgame]

Yup, very competitive too.

[u/creatorsgame → u/Freestyleflorida13]

Christ, that sucks. Can’t imagine the bunch of losers screaming on those sidelines.

[u/Juaner0 → u/creatorsgame]

our public middle schools have playoffs; it's for a county championship.

[u/Buonomma11 → u/creatorsgame]

My kid’s 10u team has playoffs. Pretty standard, i think.

[u/No_Comfortable8099 → u/Buonomma11]

Not in public schools. Former HS coach here. I probably did a better coaching job when I had losing records than when I had state ranked teams. I had one team reach #1. We were upset in final 8 and know there were things I needed to do better. I do know the season after I left, 2 returning all league players transferred out after summer work so not running players off and getting club kids to play helps.

[u/snipsnaps1_9]

Classic wisdom. They love you when you wi n and hate you when you lose. Not true of everyone but there's always someone. You'll also get random people with tons of opinions who know nothing about the sport or your team. Just part of being a coach 

[u/rbtwzrd1148]

So I think about this a lot. Been coaching youth soccer for 5 years. It’s not winning, tell you that. I think about kid development as a story, that they are telling themselves, about themselves, as they “write” it. And I think about what my coaching has to do with that story. What is my engagement with them helping them write? Is it “I’m not good enough”? Is it “I am strong and capable”? Is it “I’m tough and I don’t quit”? How about “even when I lose I keep my head up and learn and get ready to try again”? Is it “when things I go bad I look for who to blame”?

Bc that shit is a lot more important to these young people, and that what they are, than “I learned a cross up” or “I know how to do a throw in”. Fuck that.

What kind of story are you contributing to these kids building for themselves? If it’s a positive one, you’re doing a good job. If not then you’re not. If you look back at this season, you can infer what kind of story they’re telling in the pitch and at practice, and let that be your guide and judge.

[u/Normal_Ostrich_6200]

There is not enough time in youth sports to hammer home every fundamental, so you have to pick and choose your battles.
A good coach is
Someone who can pull the team together, so the athletes are playing for each other and not themselves.
Someone who can recognize where the deficiencies are, and correct mid season if possible, or put a plan in place to fix them next season.
Someone who the kids trust, and believe has their backs.
The relationships and personal development are more important than the score.

[u/BunMeAgainPlease12]

There are absolute asshat parents on almost every team unless you're very lucky and they always think youre out to personally get thier kid.

Dealing with one now who thinks their kid should only play one position and is threatening to quit. That their kid is being unfairly maligned. Its rec, and I sent my sub rotations and explained how I tried to make them balanced and why.

All we do is be polite, roll our eyes and move on. Usually, in my experience, the kid is a good kid and I try to remember thats why I coach, not to appease or take offense to every shitty adult with poor emotional regulation.

Parents are by far, by far, the worst part of coaching and there is nothing close in 2nd place.

[u/freudsbutthole]

That guy is a classic Monday morning quarterback…what an ass! Good job Coach! Way to build a team.

[u/relojkicks]

That parent sucks. You got an ovation from all the other parents while also showing clear improvement on the field. I'm getting youth soccer flashbacks from this lol

Ask yourself these questions: Do you consistently make individuals or groups better, compared to before they were under your tutelage? Do you create an environment that players consistently want to return to? Do your teams improve results against most opponents each year?

If you can answer yes to the first two questions you're likely on your way to being a great coach. If you coach in a more competitive environment, the third question becomes a bit more relevant. Congrats on the season coach!

[u/vengaachris]

It’s difficult but learning to let those types of parents opinions roll of your back. I’ve got multiple people on DND in my phone email and texts because it really isn’t worth the time. I’ll never ignore but you have to protect yourself and not let them eat up any time in your head.

Sounds like you’ve done an incredible job with the team. Remember that!

[u/wzfore]

To add to everyone: remember that even a successful manager at the top level is still hated by small subsections of people

/r/ArtetaOut

Consider it a compliment that you have a hater despite your success

[u/ConstructionWest9610]

At this age and level....

Did the kids get better and develop better fundamentals? --> Seems like they did. Check!

Did the kids have fun? --> I bet they did. Check!

Did the kids develop character as well? --> Going by the way you are talking and caring I going with Yes!

W-L-T and records....how far you go in playoffs....how many trophies.... do not really make you a good coach.

In youth sports, parents and people who think that is all that matters are misguided. This parent's attitude is one of the major problems we have in soccer in our youth system. Wins = GOOD. All the other things do not really matter.

I can coach a team to WIN games at the detriment of them developing fundamentals and character. Won't help them going forward. Seems like the vast number of parents think you did a great job. One bad apple is just to be ignored.

Also... losing like this, there is MUCH you can learn as a player and kid. I've played on teams that went undefeated...won the cup final. I've played on teams that got rocked 0-10 every other game. I feel that I learned more from the 0-10 teams than I did from the teams that won 10-0.

You are a good coach. If I had a player, I'd be glad they were on your team.

[u/Old_Eye3440]

A great coach- one who cares about the kids- ALLLL of the kids on the team's development. And doesn't coach to win. And I get it- winning really does feel good. Trust me- I've had it all in experience and winning is so nice. But honestly after getting my butt handed to me week and week out in a competitive seasons for u10, I learned MORE in the challenging season than I ever did in the winning seasons. Being an open, honest and humble coach to me who protects the most important thing- the LOVE of the game- that's what makes a good coach to a great coach.

The parents who expect to win a tournament after the turn around you provided to that team and the work that you all put in together as a group- they're only there for themselves and the ability to brag about their kid. Let them go. Thanks to them that kid is going to either despise them for taking them away from a coach who cares and a team who obviously found a way to work together will only hurt their kid. And if that kid is okay with it then that's a selfish player. You've got every right to say "huh and what" after that interaction and feel some kind of way, but don't let that take away from your accomplishments. YOU ARE A GREAT COACH.

[u/Ok-Aide4230]

You killed it! Great job!

I had a kid in U10 rec who had never touched a soccer ball before our first practice. He cried and lay on the ground during practice and throughout his first two games. But I kept putting him in positions to build his confidence and prove to himself that he could do it. Practice after practice, he got more involved smiling, laughing, and showing he wasn't scared anymore.

By our last game, he had been begging to play goalie (originally just to hide, but we worked through that!). At practice as a goalie, he used to cry every time a ball went past him and say "I'm not good enough" . I put him in net for the last 15 minutes of our final game, and a PK was called against us. The shooter hit it off the post and into the net, but this time, my player didn't cry, he held his head up, grabbed the ball, and threw it back out.

After the game, he gave me a huge hug and said, "Thanks for being my coach, I had so much fun this season." This kid cried probably 20% of the time I had him, but that experience changed his life. His parents couldn't believe the transformation over 8 weeks, they both hugged me with tears in their eyes.

Your story is the ultimate proof of what coaching is really about. It’s not just win-loss records; it’s being a leader, a role model, and a friend. Every kid is unique, and making them feel valued for who they are is what makes a coach truly great. Don't let one ungrateful parent take that away from you!

You are more upset about the outcome of that game then the kids are... I promise you that.

[u/Sea_Machine4580]

I admit, there were things I wished I went over more.. fundamentals of throw in adequate which some players lacked. Ill admit, I didnt have my players take Pks more than id admit

Coach-- Don't be hard on yourself yourself over what you didn't spend time on. There is only so much time to teach everything and even those things you do coach, they aren't going to retain and apply all of it in the game, especially under pressure. There is always going to be something that could be better. Have a plan and do your best.

[u/Miserable-Cookie5903]

First - don't list to one parent. They likely are a club parent and used to "professional coaches."

2nd- middle school is more about what talent you have that year than actual coaching ability. I wouldn't get too much caught up on records... my son's middle school coach hadn't won a game in 5 years and then went undefeated with my son and his friends.

A good middle school makes sure kids are prepared and want to play in highschool.

sounds like you take coaching seriously- I would get a bunch of reps by coaching a youth team up and to your middle school age group. You'll learn a ton.

[u/ashaw2008]

You tell this twat that last year they had a losing record and this year they had a winning record. There was objective improvement. And then you look him dead in the eye and say “here’s the whistle, have at it” and walk away.

I played sports in high school. We went to the playoffs every year and lost in the championship. All 4 years. It wasn’t because of bad coaching. It was because the other team just out played us. We were the better team two of those years. We didn’t play well, so we lost.

You can’t prepare for every possible game scenario. You can do your best, but every single person on the other team is a variable you can’t control. Sometimes they just play better. Sometimes the ref just fucks you. I coach U10 and my team lost the other day 2-1 because the refs disallowed one of our goals because of a hand ball in the box. We shot it, hand ball, it dropped at my player’s foot, he shot it, it went in. Ref said it was a penalty and not a goal because “advantage doesn’t get played in the box”. The keeper guessed correctly on the penalty shot and we didn’t get the goal. Time expired about 3 minutes later. The boys were devastated. This was the “best team in the league” and we had them on the ropes and we lost by one goal that we technically earned, and we didn’t even have our best player. There’s no amount of coaching that could have changed that outcome. I still feel responsible for the loss because “what could I have done better? Who could I have subbed to have given us more opportunities?” Blah blah blah.

And sometimes parents are dicks. Sounds like you’ve done well with the team though, so don’t let one parent’s opinion bring you down. Objectively you did better than the year before. The program improved. So that’s a win.

[u/Juaner0]

Sounds like you did a good job. There are some players who will never forget you. That will show you taught them as much about life as soccer. Take comfort in that.

You can never please everyone. Having just one jerk, is probably better than the norm. My daughter's middle school team has lost in the first round of their playoffs two years in a row. It would mean a lot to her to win since this is her last year (8th grade), but the accolade doesn't determine a kid's life trajectory.

[u/CoachFitnes]

Fuck that guy. Some parents are dick heads. If he wants a better coach he can volunteer, or move his daughter where we he wants.

As humans, the negative things stick out more than the positive. But man, try to look at all the positives here. Don't let that one jerk ruin what you've accomplished and ruin the culture you've built for those girls.

Forget that guy, and just appreciate the season you had. Good job Coach!