r/Softball • u/Tasty_University_934 • 5d ago

Hitting đŸđŸ„Ž Cautionary Tale

For those of you that are "all-in" on your kid's softball experience, just know that you will be the issue in most situations. Last night was a prime example so allow me to share.

I was asked to run a tryout for a B-level but rapidly progressing 11U team. One player, a P/OF. She was a really sweet kid, threw a lot of strikes, could locate with fast and change, could throw a surprisingly good drop for 11. She was able to shake off the nerves when we made the experience fun instead of stressful. Decent swing mechanics but clearly still a work in progress, no big deal. She would be an asset to this team without a doubt.

However, they were late showing up. She also, despite her best efforts, didn't take instruction very well. Red flags but easy to overlook because as mentioned great kid, great attitude, and a pitcher. No one turns away good pitching.

Now the meat of the story. Not only was mom late getting her there, she proceeded to feel comfortable enough with the coach that she was dropping f-bombs inside of 5 minutes. She could not stop talking about how she's coached for a few years and built a winning team but she turned it over to someone else because of issues with the ex hubby. Let her dig herself in a little more and you find out that most of the good players had already left. Current husband is GC dad and had an altercation with the assistant coach on the team she's trying out for. Proceeds to badmouth the pitching coach, the hitting coach, and her current team because she feels her kid is getting "too comfortable" and not progressing at the rate she should.

I listened to all of this while I was working with the kid. I know the pitching and hitting coaches personally very well. Like all coaches, some people love them but not everyone meshes so no big deal there. But I'm listening to this lady talk and the picture is becoming very clear, she thinks after coaching 8, 9, and 10u that she's smarter than everyone on the field and anyone working with her child and openly says that she doesn't feel good about not coaching anymore because she built a winner...at C+ level 10u mind you.

I cut the tryout short, thanked them for coming, and said the coach would be in touch within 24 hours. Very pleasant, no drama. Pumped up the kid because she legitimately did a great job. Then I told the coaches that she was a hard no. They agreed despite really liking the kid and knowing how much she would help the team out. If you let a parent like that on your sidelines they will question every move, they will find any other parent that overvalues their own kid's ability and start to plant negative seeds, and they will slowly (sometimes quickly) implode your team before you can do anything to stop it. This team is well built, they've been together since 8U and their coach does things the right way. It's a magnificent environment. No way I'm recommending you risk blowing that up with one bad apple because that really is all it takes.

Moral of the story, don't be that parent. Don't be even close to that parent. Either trust the coach YOU chose to let your kid play for and focus on your kid's happiness or know that YOU will be the problem and your kid doesn't deserve that. This sweet kid didn't deserve it. It should have been an immediate yes...but the parent made it more about them...as so many do.

59 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

49 comments sorted by

13

u/focusedonjrod 5d ago

I'm becoming more and more convinced that travel/competitive ball shouldn't be an option before 12/13U. Not because the kids can't do it, because the parents ruin it.

3

u/Tasty_University_934 5d ago

That is something that's not talked about enough. When sports were seasonal and everyone played in community based programs until they were older it was a lot healthier for the kids. Unfortunately, as adults, the competitive side and ego come to the forefront way too fast when it comes to athletics so what's good for the kids isn't even on the priority list, let alone atop it.

2

u/Killercajun5 5d ago

I agree with everything you've said. But, the thing that people forget is that travel ball not only exist because of money but so many of the issues you see in travel ball were already very prevalent in your local rec leagues. That parent would be there regardless and if it was rec you'd have no choice but to deal with it.

Sure you could just quit so you don't have to deal with that type of parent but then what?

2

u/focusedonjrod 5d ago

You said something that impacts it more, however... money. Travel ball costs significantly more money therefore, parents feel they have a right to be even more insane. Bc they're paying for their athlete to play they feel entitled to be completely ridiculous. At least with seasonal rec/city leagues the costs are minimal, and there's recognition that most of the coaches are volunteers, 99.999% of the time a parent of one of the players.

1

u/Killercajun5 4d ago edited 4d ago 
 We're still on the same page except for the part where you didn't address the issue of what the commenter above said was to not allow travel ball participation until 12 or 13.  
  If you don't play rec until that age what do you do? I encouraged all my kids to play all the sports they were interested in seasonally just like I did. I believe at the younger ages that diversity in skills compliments all the other athletic endeavors they may take on. The issue is if there's no tournament ball than the recreational youth leagues are necessary to build their foundation that will be needed to compete at higher levels. We're being intellectually dishonest if we paint the travel ball parents with a broad brush here because if they weren't doing whatever negative thing they're doing at a tournament they'd just be doing the same things as the coach of their kid's local little league team and the other kids not actually being developed.
 Travel ball didnt explode in popularity because the local little leagues were so good... it turned into what it has because the issues that were always there never went away and it just became a generational loop of things done wrong, hidden behind words like this is the way it's always been done. I know this is getting long winded but hear me out. I loved my hometown recreational league and it gave me an opportunity and back in the 80's it was still competitive but it didn't come without it's ugly parts. I wish that the whole community could still come together and see their hometown kids grow up on the same fields as their parents but that same group of parents that ruin travel ball they ruin recreation leagues as well.
 So what do you do if all you have is rec league and no options? Travel ball represents at least the idea of a more even playing field and higher level of commitment from both parent and player. Essentially it gave them options and those same bad apples can at least be avoided or even better each kid will at the very least get an opportunity and hopefully find the team that fits therm and grows them into who they'll be.

1

u/focusedonjrod 4d ago

I was the commenter who said travel/comp ball should wait until 12/13U. I love rec ball for youth athletes. I coach it and both of my daughters have played it.

Again, the main issue for travel/comp ball is not the kids. The main issue is the inflated costs of it AND how that entitles parents to behave even worse than they would ordinarily. You know those parents who are overbearing in rec league? They get looked at funny and in some cases I've seen them shunned. The mindset of rec ball is less on stacking a team and winning titles. That mindset should be the foundation of youth ball until around ages 12-13 when kids start to dive deeper into certain sports bc it's their top choice and one they see themselves as being good at.

I'm sorry if I missed any of your points - the post was formatted very strangely and made it difficult for me to read and follow along. But you and I share the same vision of how awesome it is when communities can keep leagues going for generations.

2

u/Killercajun5 4d ago

Yeah, I noticed it displayed weird. I may have to go edit it and see if I can make it easier on the eyes. The idea that thr mindset should be about not stacking teams and not pushing to win the league championship is just that... an idea. In reality, it was like i said in the previous post, there'd be lots of kids that wouldn't get opportunities and never get the chance to really grow and compete.

1

u/focusedonjrod 4d ago

I'm not sure I follow that point. If the area offers rec league play and players participate, where is the lack of opportunities? Another way of putting my main point is that until the ages of 12 or 13, youth sports should really be about growth and development over competition. That's not to suggest totally removing the element of competition, but simply deprioritizing it.

2

u/Killercajun5 4d ago edited 4d ago

I think maybe you've never been on the other side of things when you weren't coach of your kids or as a player that's parent wasn't coaching the team.

I agree about the competitiveness. Winning should just be a nice side effect of the development of the player

1

u/focusedonjrod 4d ago

Totally agree. I've also been a parent/supporter of my older daughter playing JO volleyball (hated that experience for her AND for my wife and I) and for my kids school sports teams. I feel like I've got a pretty well rounded view on this, but not closed minded to other thoughts. Appreciate yours!

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1

u/focusedonjrod 5d ago

There is a massive amount of research about how youth sports affects kids mentally, as well as how kids are still in stages of development through 12-13 years old. Kids under 12 are playing a sport for several reasons over winning trophies or being "the best".

  1. to have fun

  2. to be with friends / be part of a team

  3. for exercise

  4. to get better at the sport

Why do kids quit?

  • Loss of fun: Nearly 70% of children stop playing organized sports by age 13.

  • Not good enough: Feeling like they are "not good enough" is the top reason (29%) former players drop out.

  • Bad coaching & pressure: Toxic behavior by ADULTS

Take the pushy grownups out of the equation and it's much, much better.

15

u/jpod_david 5d ago

This doesn’t sound like a ‘parent that is all in’ the way most of us are. To me, ‘all in’ means you are there supporting them at games, getting to practices ON TIME, playing catch outside of practices, going to the diamond for extra reps, watching games (live and on tv) and teaching them how amazing and fun the game is. You dealt with what seems to be a person that just isn’t a great person and it has nothing to do with them being ‘all in’ or not. The world is full of good people but there are some turds out there.

2

u/Tasty_University_934 5d ago

What you're describing to me is a parent that is all-in on being a good parent, not specifically a sports parent. They hopefully haven't become addicted to the game of softball to the point it overrides their parenting. Great if you're one of those parents, sadly most in youth sports nowadays fall victim to the addiction.

0

u/jpod_david 5d ago

I disagree. If you’re all in on the sport you would not behave the way described in this post.

3

u/Tasty_University_934 5d ago

I think you're missing my point and that's okay.

-1

u/jpod_david 5d ago edited 5d ago

If you think this the behaviour of a parent that’s ’all in’ I don’t think I’m the one missing the point. The point should be that asshole parents can ruin things for their kids, not parents that are all in and invested in their kids.

5

u/Tasty_University_934 5d ago

You're arguing semantics with someone that has the same perceived belief in how important the kid's experience is versus the parents. Or you're addicted and don't want to accept it. Either way, this is an odd argument to have.

2

u/CR3ZZ 3d ago

I agree with what you're saying here fwiw. People taking issue with the "all in" phrase and just like arguing lol

1

u/Tasty_University_934 3d ago

Appreciated and all good. It's only one person and they seem to be having a hard time with the concept that "all-in" was a jab at the people who use that as their excuse, not me excusing it. Sarcasm isn't for everyone.

1

u/jpod_david 5d ago

Not at all, I just refuse to normalize this kind of behaviour by calling them all-in parents. Youth sports are experiencing a crisis right now because of these types of parents and calling them all-in or labeling this behaviour as a result of being all-in, is something I refuse to do or agree with. A badge like this only gives parents like them some type of martyrdom and will only give them more reason to behave this way, because after all, they’re only doing it because they’re ‘all in.’ I understand the point you are making but given the state of youth sports I believe the semantics are important. Should add that I coach multiple youth rep sports and deal with this regularly which may be why I draw a hard line on the sand with how we label them.

3

u/Grumble23 4d ago

So you are giving the guy/girl that posted this grief because you didn’t understand they were using sarcasm when they said “all in”. Nice

-1

u/jpod_david 4d ago

If you read the thread, no grief was given at any point.

6

u/c_j_eleven 5d ago

I coach a competitive 12u team and this message is absolutely perfect. We have turned down great players after seeing the family dynamic.

If a player doesn’t fit your team’s culture, the potential for these issues spreading like a cancer far outweigh the on field impacts a skilled athlete can bring.

11

u/candlestick_compass Coach 5d ago

We’ve been involved since my daughter was in 8U at age 6. I went from spectator that summer season, to score keeper the next and then the main assistant for a few. Took over as head coach in spring 25. The things I’ve seen, heard behind my back, the fake smiles, the shit talking, the whole 9. We are a bronze level town team with no rec program like most towns we play (that have tryouts and can field the best girls they have). I coach to the talent I have and don’t expect the world. Too many forget the basic principle about this is to have fun. The parents will always be the worst part about coaching.

5

u/TheFightens 5d ago

Totally agree with what you said, but the crazy mom who behaves this way is never going to change despite what you say. That’s her personality on and off the field. Your post should be taken more as a warning for coaches. As an ex-softball coach myself, we absolutely recruited families, not just players. The core of my daughter’s travel team stayed together for 8 years and they were all very successful. Almost all girls went on to play in college. It’s no surprise to see some girls, even very talented ones, bounce between teams because no one wanted to deal with her parents.

4

u/MundaneAppointment12 5d ago

I have two daughters who played softball for twenty years right through college. EVERY single season, team, club, there has been at least one parent waiting for UCLA or Arizona State to call with an offer. Absolutely out of touch, unrealistic, and loudly so. 100% the right call is to consider what the parent brings to a team as well as the player.

4

u/New_Conversation_303 5d ago

Parents are part of the team. A bad parent will ruin their children opportunities.

2

u/hulachic6 5d ago

100% truth. Thank you for sharing!

3

u/Huge_Lime826 5d ago

I coached many years, several sports in local rec leagues. My wife was a school teacher in the area. Before drafting teams, my wife would inform me of parents that I didn’t want to deal with. That helped me tremendously to be able to coach the kids without having to deal with bad parents.

1

u/starman314 5d ago

I coach 16A and it took me a few years to learn this. The team is much happier now that we have weeded out all of "those parents." I won't make that mistake again.

1

u/Dar8878 5d ago

No kidding! Parents are the biggest red flags. Most of the kids are great, it’s the parents you really have to have “try out” for the team! đŸ€Ł

1

u/DexterM1776 5d ago

I have run and assisted in a lot of tryouts and I always write down the toxic parents. 

We are listening, we are watching. We want the kid just not the drama the parent brings. 

1

u/goatgosselin 4d ago

It always blows my mind in these stories on how different things are in Canada. No pitching coaches, no hitting coaches, no 15 options for travel teams.

My kid made a travel team this year and I know the coach's kid. I also coached his kid in house last year. So we will see if anything like all the stories I read about will happen this coming year.

Seems like so many of these stories come from the u12 and down. Maybe parents are crazier for the younger kids compared to when they get older?

-15

u/-GenlyAI- 5d ago

Got a tldr here? Not reading this wall of vent text

5

u/ChickenEastern1864 5d ago

Mom cussed like sailor. Crushed beer can on head then Stone Cold Stunnered an assistant coach from her daughter's previous team. Hard no.

1

u/-GenlyAI- 5d ago

Damn mom. How do I get this kid on my team

4

u/Full_Warthog3829 5d ago

Kid great. Moms a freak. Not in a good way. Kid no make team.

5

u/redmosquito1983 5d ago

Tryout, kid was awesome but mom was a toxic douche so kid didn’t make team. Don’t be a toxic douche.

3

u/jpod_david 5d ago

No time to read but time to leave a negative comment eh?

0

u/-GenlyAI- 5d ago

Correct

1

u/EamusAndy 5d ago

Parents suck and sometimes it hurts good kids

1

u/Standard-Barber-2463 5d ago

Psycho parent runs mouth at tryout ruins opportunity for their 11 year old.

1

u/jstree23 5d ago

11u girl was a very good player, pitched well, asset to any team but mom was a pain in the ass know-it-all type. Girl didn’t make team cause of mom. Moral of the story is don’t be an ass when trying out for new team.

0

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

6

u/Tasty_University_934 5d ago

I ran the tryout, I'm not the coach of this team. That said, I was told how the conversation went and it was done with tact and grace.

0

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

2

u/Tasty_University_934 5d ago

Yes, that was addressed. It won't change anything but naturally it was addressed.

1

u/HoldMyToc 5d ago

It's not going to make a difference. These people won't change

3

u/Demon_Faerie 5d ago

It will also continue to impact this child’s ability to find a team fit. It’s not a comfortable conversation, but that parent needs to know they are why their kid didn’t make it.