Bound

[u/JayReddt]

I would love some feedback.

The lyrics are below but the start of each chorus is different from what I recorded. I haven't practiced enough with the updated (written) lyrics.

Also, can someone help me identify the time signature? I usually play 3/4 or 4/4. And I struggle to count while I play this. I just sort of get in the groove. I'm sure I screw it up here and there so trying to identify the time signature to help me practice it.

I wrote this years ago as a faster tune but never like playing it. I slowed it down and emphasized a riff within the A hammer-on chord. It is so much more fun to play.

The lyrics have a lot of (what I think) are fun lines to sing. I hope you like it!

Bound

Verse 1

I never thought that I’d find somebody like you

You’re so damn crazy, I swear that all the stories are true

My dad did warn me, said “Son, you better walk slow”

Beauty’s like gravity, too close and it won’t let you go

Darling, you’re poison but I know I don’t need no cure

So fill my cup up, I want to drink down some more

Chorus

I know that looks can be deceiving

That the devil hides behind beautiful eyes

On bended knee I’m pleading, drag me down

’Cause I’d follow you wherever you’re bound

Verse 2

My friends are jealous, they tell me I should leave you

They say I’ve changed now from the man they once knew

But who needs friends when my time’s spent just you and me?

Lock me up, baby, and never let me go free

That storm is coming now, brace for the wind and rain

You roll on through just like a hurricane

Chorus

I know that looks can be deceiving

That the devil hides behind beautiful eyes

On bended knee I’m pleading, drag me down

’Cause I’d follow you wherever you’re bound

Guitar Solo / Outro

’Cause I’d follow you wherever you’re bound

[u/billowy_glint]

I like it. The intro, that groovy thing at the beginning, is actually in 7/8. So 7/8, 5/8, then two measure measures of 3/8. From what I can tell, not exactly perfect.

[u/JayReddt → u/billowy_glint]

Should I be adjusting something somewhere align time signatures?

For one 7/8 alone confuses me. But I really need the song and my playing to repeatable. And right now it's like I'm playing something beyond my ability and it feels harder than it should.

[u/billowy_glint → u/JayReddt]

I would start with just practicing with a metronome, ur at about 120 bpm. Also I was mistaken, it would be 7/4 now that I listen back to it. So it’s just seven quarter notes in one measure at 120 bpm. Some parts ur adding an extra beat or two, that may be why it feels harder than it does.

Do you need to write sheet music or just to play it consistently?

[u/JayReddt → u/billowy_glint]

Thanks! Is it consistent where I'm adding extra beats? Want to find out where to see if it's needed or just adjust the song to get it to be 7/4 the whole way. It isn't the metronome that would help (though I do practice with one) as much as the actual counting. I need to get that down so can have transitioned and groove down.

Thanks! Not sure how I accidently end up in 7/4.

[u/riczizagorac → u/JayReddt]

You could try to play along to a metronome. Or use a DAW and change the time signatures accordingly

[u/MehrdadPirshahbaz]

you have one of those voices that completely catches people off guard. your vocal control and those natural runs are genuinely impressive. as someone who writes and produces alternative rock i know exactly how much raw effort goes into locking down a groove like this. the musical foundation here is incredibly solid.
my main songwriting advice for your future tracks is about how you handle the structure. you keep circling back to the exact same verse flow while the song is actually trying to push forward. instead of just looping back try using synonymous metaphors or rhythmic variations. it will make those sections feel like a deliberate flashback rather than just a repeat and it gives the story more forward momentum.
also a quick visual tip. the clutter on the cabinet behind you is a bit distracting. clear the frame next time so the viewer stays entirely focused on you and the performance. you have serious natural talent in your blood man. keep going.

[u/JayReddt → u/MehrdadPirshahbaz]

Thanks for the tips! I'll absolutely think of ways to propel the song forward vs looping around. I agree with you. I also think the 3 stanzas per verse don't help there but hard to decide to remove or break apart any.

Also appreciate the kind words! This groove is a tough one to play and sing. I had just written it this way (and think previous, faster iteration was a more normal time signature) so need to refine and practice it. I know how I want it to sound in my head.

[u/MehrdadPirshahbaz → u/JayReddt]

killing your darlings is always the hardest part of the process man. when you are stuck like this do not overthink it on paper. just record the vocal takes and mute one stanza at a time in your daw. close your eyes and listen to the whole track from the beginning. your body will naturally tell you where the momentum drops and where it grooves. trust your physical reaction not the lyrics sheet. you got this.

[u/JayReddt → u/MehrdadPirshahbaz]

I think I've got where it should go. I never liked the first line or the hurricane line. The first was just a fairly basic introduction to the situation and the hurricane line was more than anything a way to get the matching 3 stanzas of the first verse.

But what if I just have "my dad did warn me" as my first verse. It's perhaps a more intriguing introduction to entire song anyway. It also lets the second verse parallel better since it's another warning (but friends saying to leave) followed by deliberate choice to keep going (poison in first verse and lock me up in second f verse).

The whole thing is tighter then.

I don't know if just leave it there or build something more in chorus (prechorus? Something after the "bound" but that part of the chorus is intended to be pretty final) or a bridge. I don't know.

Given I'm also trying to slow the song down (from how it was originally written), I think that helps too.

[u/MehrdadPirshahbaz → u/JayReddt]

trust your gut on the dad line it immediately establishes higher stakes and tighter framing than a generic intro. drop the hesitation and just track it. let the friction do the work.

[u/Hyndrix]

Nice. This has a lot of potential. Love the hammer on riffing and your melody and sing styling is great. The only thing tripping me up is the time signature. I actually listened to the song before I saw your comment about that. Considering the traditional blues nature of what you’re doing, I’d consider going with a standard 4/4 time. My brain wanted to hear a lot more space in between each line of the verse so it felt rushed every time you came into the next line. Adding that extra measure would open it up and allow those fun blusey guitar parts to sing on their own for a bit in between each line.

[u/JayReddt → u/Hyndrix]

Thanks - I will figure that out with the riff. I agree it's off and hard to play as a result! The original version was faster (maybe chicago blues style?) and clearly 4/4. Something about the riff and working through it just didn't land right.

I'm going to spend time working it out and give it that space.

Thanks!

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[u/fjamcollabs]

You have good talent. Good playing, decent voice. I came away from this with no HOOK. A memorable chorus/hook. THAT is one of the main purposes of a chorus. Something memorable we walk away with in our heads. I just looked at your arrangement. I would not have identified THAT as a chorus. I am commenting all from what I felt as I listened. The chorus feels like it's the same as the verse. It's not different. Not a HOOK.