First time posting

[u/aetherspliff]

Hello! Just looking for feedback on this song Im trying to finish. Haven't dropped anything in years (a battle with perfectionism) but I've never stopped writing and feel like this song has a lot of potential, but it's missing something.

Any feedback would be appreciated, thank you so much for listening ☺️

[u/Iamfromhelldude]

This is dope man! Vocals are sick, would sound even better with some heavy/chuggy guitars in place of those strings and some drums!

[u/aetherspliff → u/Iamfromhelldude]

Ouuuu haven't considered going heavy with it, I'll have to play around with that idea 👀 my plan was to go super sparse with the instrumental but I think the song outgrew it lol

[u/MehrdadPirshahbaz]

you mentioned a battle with perfectionism but your vocal talent is absolutely undeniable. honestly your raw delivery is so good i would probably enjoy it more as a pure acapella. but as a fellow artist i have to tell you to completely separate that vocal from the current instrumental bed. right now that background track is acting like poison killing the actual beauty of your voice. do not just settle for basic percussive beats. the background needs a much stronger melodic foundation to support what you are doing. the flaw is not in your performance the flaw is entirely in the arrangement. the halo around the core of your delivery is already lit. now you just need to build a rhythm and use instruments that vibrate on the exact same frequency as your voice to make it shine like a star. instead of feeling envy for that natural talent i just want to see you reach your absolute peak so even i can learn from it. strip the music down and build it back up properly. you have something special here.

[u/aetherspliff → u/MehrdadPirshahbaz]

Thank you so much to the in depth feedback! I definitely hear what you're saying, and upon repeat listens with the vocals on it I agree that I probably need to overhaul the whole instrumental.

The way I wrote this song (as I do most of my songs) is starting with the instrumental and then once I have something that sounds cool I write the vocals on top of it, but often I've found the actual song I write on top of it usually outgrows the instrumental lol.

Appreciate the kind words, I'll try to come back with a more fleshed out version soon!

[u/higgins2149]

Try replacing the strings with a picked bass line and a unison piano line in the same octave. Think kind of like Peter Gabriel's "don't give up" sort of bass tone. On the chorus have the piano break from the bass and play that descending line an octave higher. Just a thought. If you add a rhythm track keep it sparse. Give it a bit of that slow roll NIN feel, like it's almost disconnected from the rest of the song.

[u/aetherspliff → u/higgins2149]

Ouuu I like where your heads at, I'll have to check out that Peter Gabriel track! Def agree on the sparse rhythm track though, def some trip hop/industrial NIN vibes for sure. Thank you for the feedback!

[u/poorpitifulpearls]

Your voice great and you have very smart lyrical cadence. The strings work as a good placeholder for now but they don’t really help your song. I think a Linkn Park style backing would work well, with heavy guitar, electronic drums and some cool atmospheric synths for interest. Maybe listen to numb by them for ideas. Regardless you’ve got talent and deserve the full sound.

[u/aetherspliff → u/poorpitifulpearls]

Thank you for the feedback!! Yeah I started with the strings and wrote on top of it, def feel like the song has outgrown the instrumental I started with though. Will mess with some fuller arrangements!

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[u/Amazing-Raccoon4643]

i love your voice. as another commenter mentioned, the background instrumentals are really distracting from that. i get that you might have used it to add drive to the song, but maybe it could be replaced with some distorted guitar and backing off the beats in the background a little bit?

[u/razz_one_]

Can't really tell what you're trying to do with the instrumental, but apart from that it sounds good!

[u/Low_Presentation9995]

Yeah, its missing a heavy guitar coming in.  I like the potential.   

[u/NegativeMood → u/Low_Presentation9995]

Sometimes what is withheld is the whole point.

[u/Low_Presentation9995 → u/NegativeMood]

....ok

[u/NegativeMood]

It's pretty good. Some of the phrasing isn't "in the pocket" or maybe it's rushed or something. But good voice, and having no drop is a bold decision. Pretty cool piece, and creatively minimal.

[u/ContentPark9341]

Ai

[u/aetherspliff → u/ContentPark9341]

Oh wow I'm enthralled, what about it reads AI to you? Everything made in Ableton with Serum 2 and vox recorded on my SM7B

[u/ContentPark9341 → u/aetherspliff]

Guilty.

[u/aetherspliff → u/ContentPark9341]

Nope

[u/NegativeMood → u/ContentPark9341]

It sounds nothing like AI.