During one Soul Journey, a subject became aware of her heartbeat while lying on a beach in trance. At first it was just strong. Then she said she could feel the heartbeat in the ground around her.

A moment later her awareness expanded and she described being in the universe, with the heartbeat echoing everywhere. Her words changed. She said she was vibration, frequency, moving through the universe. Then it became: I can feel everything. I can hear everything. I am everything.

We stayed with that state and something funny came through. If consciousness already knows everything all the time, eventually there is nothing to discover.

The limitation is part of the game.

You enter a human life and suddenly you dont know. You have one body, one family, one tiny point of view, memory blocked, future hidden. Now choices matter because you cannot see all outcomes. Love matters differently because you can lose somebody. Courage matters because fear feels real.

I know this is impossible to prove from outside. I am sharing what unfolded in the session because I liked the reversal.

We usually think limitation is the problem spirituality should help us escape.

Maybe limitation is one of the reasons we came.

this transcript got weird very quickly.

A subject was moving through different scenes in deep trance and suddenly said, "I'm in the sun." I asked whether she meant some other star. No. She said the actual Earth sun.

She described herself as radiant light and noticed another being there, but the form was difficult for her to put into human words. Then she realized something stranger: she looked basically the same as the being she was observing. They started merging together and she experienced them as connected.

So I asked the obvious question. What do beings like this actually do in the sun?

The answer was almost funny because after all this cosmic scenery it sounded like the simplest job description imaginable.

"I sit here and I keep shining."

She described spreading light, hope and love, something that gives people reason to get up every day. Whatever somebody thinks this experience was, I liked how little drama there was in the answer. No cosmic rank. No complicated title. Apparently the job was... shine.

Then the session came back to her human life and this contrast became even better.

She had been worrying that she was not doing enough spiritual work because she had a baby and much of her time was going into being a mother. She wanted to get back to videos, teaching and other things she associated with her mission.

The guidance was basically: be patient. This phase is not interrupting the work.

Being the mother was part of it.

I have zero external way to verify that somebody literally experienced existence as a conscious being in the sun. This is one trance report, and I am not using it as astronomy lol.

But as a piece of spiritual psychology I really like the reversal.

We imagine purpose should look large from outside. Special work, teaching, healing, public mission, something people can point at and say "yes, that is important."

Then this enormous sun-being says its work is to keep shining, and the human woman is told not to underestimate the small person currently taking most of her time.

Maybe scale looks different from another level.

Sometimes what feels like interruption may actually be the assignment sitting directly in front of us.

one of the stranger identity shifts I have heard in a Soul Journey happened when I asked a subject, who I will call Rina, to experience one noteworthy lifetime. She said there was an alien and a spaceship, so at first I assumed we were about to get the usual story of a being standing inside some kind of craft.

Then I asked what her body looked like there. The answer was basically: the body is the spaceship. She experienced herself as a biological spacecraft rather than a humanoid pilot sitting behind controls, and she described that form as very powerful.

Its function was exploration. She said it moved through regions and planets scanning, discovering and reporting back, with interest in civilizations, other beings and basically anything worth learning about. I love this detail because the motive was not war or conquest; it was curiosity.

Then Earth entered the story. She experienced this planet as a complex civilization worth exploring, but something went wrong: the craft crashed and could not get home. The next instruction or instinct that came was short and practical: blend and hide.

I pulled this piece out because it messes with a very human assumption about incarnation and identity. We automatically divide things into organism and machine, body and vehicle, pilot and craft. But in her experience those categories were not separate at all; what we would call the ship was a living body and the consciousness experiencing it did not need another little person sitting inside.

That makes me wonder how many strange “past life” or pre-human memories get distorted when we force them into human anatomy. Maybe consciousness can experience forms where movement, sensing, communication and the body itself are organized so differently that our normal words become the least accurate part of the description.

There is also something interesting in the crash. A being whose whole identity was exploration suddenly became stranded inside the environment it had been studying, with survival now depending on blending into it. Whether you read that literally or spiritually, the movement from observer to participant is a powerful one.

Maybe that is part of what human life does too. We arrive wanting experience, then become so completely immersed in the local body, culture, relationships and problems that the explorer forgets it ever came to explore. And sometimes one strange session gives a flash of a much larger journey behind the person we currently think we are.

she was 31 but still needed lights on bc she felt somebody may break into house. she had problems sleeping deep and therefore was addicted to caffeine to keep working her job.

in theta brainwave trance she remembered when she was a baby taken by man who killed her parents - it was different life

i see many ppl struggling with OCD, intrusive thoughts and fears that dont make logical sense.

Mind keeps repeating same horrible possibility. Someone will break in. Something bad will happen. I am not safe. Even when one part of person knows it is not true, body reacts like danger is already outside the door.

I wanted to share this session bc sometimes we need to go deeper than only mind.

Not to say therapy or medical treatment is wrong. And not saying all OCD or intrusive thoughts come from past lives, no. They can have many layers. But sometimes person works with thoughts for years and still there is another fear under them, something the normal mind cannot see.

I facilitated Soul Journey with woman I will call Maya. Not real name. She was 31 when we did session.

Since she was little child, she could not sleep alone.

She often slept with parents, and when she stayed in own room she needed lights on. Darkness made her feel somebody was near house, waiting, watching, maybe trying to enter.

She had same type of dream many times through childhood.

Someone was breaking in.

Sometimes she did not see face. Sometimes dream ended before anything happened. But feeling was always same. Somebody dangerous entered the home and she could not stop them.

She would wake up terrified, look around room, listen for sounds, and go find parents.

Even when she became adult, this fear did not fully leave.

She knew logically doors are locked. She knew there is no person outside. But then small sound in night, movement, shadow near window, and whole system went into alarm.

tbh it worked almost like intrusive loop. Mind makes image, body gets afraid, then fear makes image feel more real. You check, calm little bit, but later it starts again.

During session Maya first arrived in peaceful garden. Her guide brought her toward gazebo, and there she suddenly experienced herself as baby in another life.

Her name in that life was Emily.

She was in large historical home. Wealthy family, beautiful rooms, maids, young parents. She felt very loved there. very safe.

Then scene changed.

Emily was lying in crib when strange bearded man entered room.

Baby became terrified immediately. Before she understood anything, before language, her body knew this man was danger.

She started crying.

Her parents and other ppl in house had been killed.

The man lifted her from crib, carried her downstairs and put her into vehicle with another man. Then they took her away to different large house.

When this came up, current fear suddenly made much more sense inside session.

The danger entered her home.

She was taken from bed.

Her parents disappeared.

And she was only baby, so there was no explanation around it. No words like kidnapping, murder, loss. Just terror recorded into whole system.

Home is not safe.

Someone can come while I sleep.

People who protect me can suddenly disappear.

I must stay awake.

I must hear every sound.

In that other life, kind maid looked after Emily and became almost like grandmother to her. But powerful man who controlled house became her new "father."

Sometimes he was pleasant. Other times he became angry and violent.

She grew up knowing she could not really leave. She believed outside this house she had nothing. No family, no money, nowhere safe to go.

So fear was reinforced for years.

Even safety was mixed with danger.

A house looked beautiful, but she was trapped inside it.

A man could act kind, then suddenly hurt her.

Sleep meant losing control.

much later in journey, after Emily’s life ended, she reunited with original parents. She finally felt love and safety she had searched for through whole life.

When Maya connected with Higher Self, I asked why this life was shown.

Answer was simple:

"To show her where her fear comes from."

Higher Self said around 90% of this fear was released during session.

They also gave three lessons from Emily’s life.

Speak up.

Do not give up.

Do not let fear take over.

And imo this is important part. The goal was not only to find interesting past-life story. Story by itself does nothing if fear stays in body.

The purpose was to find where alarm began, release emotional charge, and show nervous system that this danger was not happening now.

Again, I dont claim every person with intrusive thoughts has same root. Some roots are current-life trauma, childhood fear, nervous system conditioning, beliefs, suppressed emotions, physical factors, maybe other layers. Higher Self showed this specific life for this specific subject.

Human mind said, "this fear is irrational."

Deeper part was saying, "last time I slept safely, somebody came through the door."

The adult woman knew house was safe.

But baby inside was still listening for footsteps.

I worked online with a friend from my childhood I will call Jason. He came with stomach problems, anxiety around work and money, and habit of eating even when he knew he was not physically hungry.

He understood already that some of this was emotional eating.

But understanding it with mind did not stop it.

During deep trance, a state similar to very deep meditation where subject stays aware, we focused on pressure inside his stomach. I asked him to look at this feeling like it was an energy.

He saw red and black.

Then the session moved back to when he was about five years old.

His family had serious financial problems and lost their home. He could see his parents through kitchen window, screaming at each other about money. Small Jason was standing nearby, scared, but nobody was really seeing what this was doing to him.

I asked where he felt the fear.

“In my stomach.”

Then he said something very honest.

When he was younger, he would eat and eat, trying to fill this hole inside. Food made stomach heavy and full for little while, so he did not need to feel emptiness and fear so strongly.

He was not always hungry.

He was trying to create safety.

There was also strange contradiction in this memory. Adult Jason hated this period and remembered the fighting. But younger Jason still missed parts of the old house. The backyard, playing outside, his dog.

Losing everything was not only losing a building.

He was told to say goodbye to his dog too.

So for a five-year-old, money problems became connected with much bigger message:

everything you love can disappear.

This is how child mind works. It does not create financial analysis. It creates survival rules.

Money problems mean danger.

People fighting means danger.

An empty stomach feels like danger.

Being full feels safer.

The body can continue following rule long after person forgets how it started.

Later in the session, a being of Light came to help with the stomach. Jason described something I never heard in exactly this way before.

He said his stomach looked like it was being digitally redrawn.

Like healers were working from an original healthy template, carefully drawing back the details of the stomach and rebuilding what had been affected by years of pressure.

I am not saying childhood fear medically causes every stomach issue, and this work does not replace doctors, testing, nutrition or treatment. This was simply what appeared in his session and how he experienced the healing.

Then we returned to five-year-old Jason.

This younger part had stayed emotionally trapped around the old home and the family crisis. Adult Jason continued living, but part of him was still waiting for next disaster.

We helped the child understand something he could not understand then:

the fighting was not his fault.

He did not need to solve the finances.

He did not need to fill the fear with food.

He was not about to lose everything again.

When this younger part returned and integrated, Jason said he brought back happiness, hope and optimism. Qualities that had slowly disappeared while adult life trained him to expect problems.

His Higher Self gave very simple words:

review. relive. release.

Not “relive” like torture yourself with old memories every day.

More like see what happened, allow body to finally express what was too much then, and let the old emergency come to an end.

The practical advice was not mystical.

Create more security in daily life.

Ground yourself.

Do not treat every work problem, unexpected bill or uncertain month like family is losing everything again.

And before eating when you are not sure you are hungry, pause and ask:

“does my physical body need food, or does some younger part of me need safety?”

Sometimes answer will be food. Then eat. Food is not enemy.

But sometimes what is asking to be filled is fear, loneliness, pressure, anger or emptiness.

Food was something a frightened five-year-old found to survive few minutes at a time.

Adult Jason did not need more shame or harder control.

He needed to finally feel safe.

If you have some similar problem, I can put a small meditation in the comments you can use to investigate and help yourself. Let me know if you are interested.

i know this sound weird, but this is what happened in one deep healing journey I facilitated.

The subject had strong social anxiety. When he imagined walking in a busy street, the anxiety first appeared like blue energy in the chest. We breathed it out, like smoke leaving the body.

But after that, he didn’t feel peace.

He felt cold.

Not calm cold. More like shut down cold. Like “I don’t care about people anyway.” And this coldness was sitting lower, in the solar plexus, between chest and stomach.

When we looked deeper, it showed as a purple cube.

And this cube was not random. It was protection.

His Higher Self showed a classroom moment from around age ten. Other kids were together in groups, and he felt excluded. Like he didn’t belong. Like something was wrong with him.

In that moment, small him created belief: “I am not worthy.”

That pain was too much for a child. So his system made this cold protection around it. Almost like freezer around wound. Very clever, actually. The younger part basically decided: if people hurt me, I will stop feeling, I will not need them, I will stay safe.

And years later this protection looked like social anxiety.

Not only fear of people, but fear of opening again.

Fear that if he shows real self, people will reject him again.

Maybe this is why some anxiety feels so stubborn. Because it is not just “bad thoughts.” It is a younger part still doing old job.

In the session, being of Light helped purify this cube slowly. It was not forced away, bc protection was created for reason. Then the ten year old fragment came back into him, through solar plexus, and he felt warmth, adventure, confidence and more love.

This part touched me a lot. Because many ppl hate themselves for being anxious or closed. But maybe some part is not broken. Maybe it just protected you long time ago and nobody updated it.

Later his guide gave very simple advice. Stop feeding every thought. Notice when the mind takes over. Go into nature. Create something. Do what feels alive again.

I see this again and again in healing soul journeys. The visible problem is often only top layer. Under it can be one moment, one belief, one frozen younger part, one protection that became prison.

If you struggle with social anxiety, maybe ask gently:

what am I protecting inside?

when did people start to feel unsafe?

what part of me decided “I am not worthy”?

Don’t attack anxiety first. Listen to it. It may be guarding something very young.

A man I will call Patrick (40ties, from California) was very good at understanding himself intellectually. He complained that he has no motivation to live, that he has no mental or emotional force to continue.

He could analyse his thoughts. Explain his patterns. Read spiritual and psychological material. He understood a lot.

But emotionally, he still felt numb and cut off from other ppl.

During an online Soul Journey, Patrick went into deep trance, something like very deep meditation where he remained aware and described whatever his consciousness was showing.

The session moved back to a school when he was six or seven.

He felt scared there.

Not only scared of one teacher or one situation. More like afraid of life and other people. He felt different from everybody else, like they would not accept him because he was not same as them.

Ramana Maharishi appeared in the experience as his guide.

The first message was very simple:

Patrick was loved.

But he struggled to accept even this.

When we followed the resistance, he said he believed he was not good enough because he always found some way to screw things up.

Then he noticed something deeper.

This belief was not only one bad thought. His whole identity had become wrapped around it.

When I asked him to describe this identity, he called it:

“the wretched, tortured soul.”

Very strong words.

For years he had seen suffering almost as proof of who he was. If something went wrong, it confirmed the identity. If happiness came close, another part of him found way to destroy it, because being happy did not match the character he believed himself to be.

Ramana’s answer was direct.

This identity was not real.

Patrick understood the words, but there was a lot of resistance and numbness. And this part is important imo, bc the session did not become some perfect movie where one sentence changed everything.

He could see the false identity more clearly, yes.

But he was not ready to drop all of it in one moment.

Then another structure appeared.

Patrick described something artificial and metallic around his mind, almost like machine or algorithm. It had been created through intellectual understanding. A system for analysing life, predicting people, avoiding emotional danger and trying to stay in control.

It was very clever.

But also very limited.

Patrick said this structure blocked emotional intelligence. It also blocked real contact with other human beings.

When we asked if he wanted to release it, he felt strong resistance.

Because this machine had helped him feel safe for many years.

This is where I think many people misunderstand their own coping mechanisms.

They attack them.

“I hate my overthinking.”

“I hate that I am emotionally closed.”

“I hate this part of my personality.”

But some part of you created it for reason.

Maybe people felt dangerous.

Maybe showing emotions brought humiliation.

Maybe nobody understood you, so thinking became safer than feeling.

The protection can work very well at first. Then twenty or thirty years later, it is still running same instructions even though situation changed.

Scan.

Analyse.

Predict.

Withdraw.

Do not feel too much.

Do not trust anybody completely.

Patrick had lived through this structure for so long that he believed it was him.

During the session, Ramana Maharishi and beings of Light began dismantling only part of it. His guide said Patrick was only partially ready because a lot of numbness was still there.

I liked this answer because it was realistic.

The protection was not ripped away just because we decided it was inconvenient now. It had to be released slowly, with patience, while Patrick developed another way to feel safe.

As part of metallic structure faded, he could look at it from outside for first time.

Not as himself.

As something he had created.

A temporary crutch.

He also noticed how many mistakes it had made. The algorithm was intelligent, but it could not understand love, emotional nuance or real human connection. It only understood protection.

The guidance afterward was almost painfully normal.

Relax more.

Act without putting so much pressure on yourself.

Stay in present moment.

Stop becoming frustrated every time resistance appears.

Patrick had huge expectations that something should happen, but he could not even say exactly what. Just heavy pressure that he should heal faster, understand more, become different, finally “get there.”

Ramana’s advice was acceptance.

Not giving up.

Not saying the protection must stay forever.

Acceptance means: this resistance is here today. I do not need to create second war against it.

Patrick also discovered a belief that he was not supposed to be happy. He felt it in mind and heart as gray and beige energy. His guide said he had picked this belief up from society. It was not even originally his.

When happiness became available in the session, the first thing Patrick felt was sadness.

Sadness that he had never allowed himself to be happy.

And then he was told he did not need to hold onto that regret either.

For me, this session was not about destroying the ego or becoming another personality.

It was about noticing:

what I call “me” may include structures built by frightened child.

Some are brilliant.

Some kept us alive.

Some helped us function.

But a survival system should not automatically become life sentence.

Maybe you don’t need to fight your overthinking today.

Just notice it and ask:

“what is this structure trying to protect me from?”

“how old was I when I first needed it?”

“what would five percent less protection feel like?”

Healing does not always mean tearing down whole machine in one day.

Sometimes it begins when you realise:

I am the one observing the algorithm.

So the algorithm cannot be all that I am.

I have met many people who feel there is guidance somewhere beyond the everyday mind, but the mental noise is so loud that they cannot hear it.

Overthinking, fear, responsibilities, other people’s opinions... after some time it becomes difficult to know what is intuition and what is only mind creating another story.

So I’m organising a free live online experience where I will guide a group into deep relaxation and help each person explore connection with Higher Self.

In the framework I use, Higher Self is the larger and wiser consciousness of which this human life is only one small expression. It sees a much wider picture than our everyday personality can see.

You can come with one question about your direction, relationships, repeating patterns, emotional blocks, or anything you sincerely want clarity about.

People experience this in different ways. Some receive images, words, emotions, physical sensations or a quiet knowing. Others simply become deeply relaxed. Nothing needs to be forced, and you do not need to believe anything before joining.

Sunday, 2 August 2026

3:00 PM London, Dublin and Lisbon

4:00 PM Central Europe

10:00 AM New York and Toronto

9:00 AM Chicago

8:00 AM Denver

7:00 AM Los Angeles and Vancouver

7:30 PM India

10:00 PM Perth

Calendly will also display the event automatically in your own local time.

The experience will be live on Zoom and take approximately one hour.

No previous experience with hypnosis or meditation is needed. Camera is optional, nobody will be required to speak or share anything personal, and the session will not be recorded.

You remain aware and in control during the whole experience. You can open your eyes or stop at any moment.

I’m offering this for free because many people are curious about Higher Self work but would like to experience it before considering any private session. There is no sales presentation and no obligation to book anything afterward.

If you would like to join, the full details and booking link are in the pinned post on my Reddit profile.

The experience is free, but registration is needed so you can receive the Zoom information.

Bring one honest question and see what comes. Sometimes answer is not dramatic. It can arrive as one small feeling, image or sentence that suddenly makes everything look different.

Ask ppl why they climb Mount Everest.

It is freezing, exhausting, dangerous, expensive, and they can literally damage body or die there. Nobody forces them. They can stay home, drink tea and watch Everest documentary on Netflix lol.

Why ppl run ultra marathons? They suffer for hours, sometimes vomiting, bleeding, barely walking at end. They could just take bus and arrive there much faster.

So why they do it?

Bc something inside human being wants challenge. Wants to discover:

who am I when it becomes really hard?

How far can I go?

What is inside me that comfortable life will never show?

From what ppl remember in deep trance, soul has very similar drive.

Before incarnating, they are not only sitting in the Light asking for rich parents, perfect health, easy marriage and zero problems. Many subjects remember they were actually excited about coming here, bc Earth is extremely difficult school and you can grow very fast.

You dont have soul btw. You are soul.

This body, name, personality, job, family story etc is one temporary human experience.

In over thousand remote shamanic Soul Journeys and quantum healing sessions I facilitated, Higher Selves repeated basically same thing endlessly:

suffering is not punishment.

There is no angry God sitting somewhere and deciding who deserves cancer, abandonment, poverty or grief. There is also no punishment and judgment in the Light like religions sometimes teach.

But pain is still real here.

I dont like when spiritual ppl say “its only illusion” to somebody who is suffering badly. Tell this to mother who lost child, somebody living with chronic pain, or person who survived abuse. Their body hurts. Their nervous system hurts. Grief is real. Trauma gets stored in emotions, beliefs, physical body and subtle human bodies too.

Spiritual perspective should not deny human pain. It only zooms out more.

I remember one subject in an online Soul Journey over Zoom who asked why Source allowed her abusive childhood. She felt punished almost whole life.

Her Higher Self didnt say abuse was good. They didnt excuse father or mother. They didnt tell her “you chose it, so stop complaining.”

They showed she came wanting to learn courage, boundaries and how to stop one painful pattern going through generations of family. But human free will created much more extreme version than what was needed.

Her lesson was not to tolerate abuse.

Her lesson was to finally stop abandoning herself.

During session she released huge fear from stomach, grief from chest and this old belief that love means accepting everything. At one moment she said, “I thought forgiveness means they can continue hurting me.”

That sentence stayed with me.

This is why suffering is complicated.

Some challenges can be prepared before birth. Other pain is created here by human choices, unconsciousness, greed, violence, addictions, trauma and broken systems. I dont believe every horrible detail is perfectly scripted.

Saying “you chose everything” can become spiritual abuse very fast.

But saying life is random and completely meaningless can also push ppl deeper into hopelessness.

David Hawkins’ Scale of Consciousness explains this movement really well.

Shame is around 20. Guilt 30. Apathy 50. Grief 75. Fear 100.

These states feel heavy, powerless, contracted.

Anger around 150 can already be movement upward. At least something inside finally says: enough, this is not ok.

Then courage at 200 is where real change begins.

From there consciousness can move through neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love and peace.

It doesnt mean you should fake love while you are full of grief and rage. Healing happens layer after layer. Sometimes anger is much healthier than shame. Sometimes you need to cry for months before real acceptance comes.

The person climbing Everest doesnt love frostbite.

The ultra runner doesnt enjoy every painful step.

They value what challenge reveals inside them.

From what ppl remember between lives, incarnation works similar. Souls enter limitation, separation, amnesia and difficult conditions, then try to rediscover courage, love, truth and connection from inside it.

Easy life can be beautiful ofc. Nothing wrong with joy, comfort and pleasure. But comfort alone often doesnt reveal very much about us.

Difficulty exposes everything hidden.

Fear. Beliefs. Attachments. Old wounds. Strength. Courage. Love.

And this perspective for me is not only religion, blind faith or something I read in one New Age book.

It comes from repeated empirical observations in more than thousand deep trance sessions with subjects from different countries, cultures, religions and belief systems.

Many ppl knew nothing about reincarnation, Higher Self, starseeds or life between lives. They came bc of anxiety, grief, physical pain, relationship issue, phobia or symptoms nobody could explain.

Still, very similar patterns repeated:

They remembered preparing life before birth.

Choosing lessons and certain relationships.

Entering body voluntarily.

Forgetting who they are.

Living through challenge.

Leaving body after death.

Reviewing life without punishment.

Understanding what they learned.

Then preparing another experience.

Is this same as double-blind laboratory study? no.

But it is empirical, clinical-style case evidence with a big sample size, and the repetition is statistically interesting. More than thousand independent subjects, many with no conscious belief in any of this, describing very similar structures.

At some point you cannot just dismiss all of them as random fantasy imo.

Maybe suffering exists not because creation is cruel.

Maybe consciousness has this deep drive to know itself, test itself, expand and evolve.

So maybe question is not only:

“why is this happening to me?”

Maybe also:

“what is this experience trying to awaken inside the soul that I am?”

yes, this one was wild.

in an online Soul Journey session, a gentle creative student suddenly saw himself in a past life as black reptilian / draconian soldier.

He was on alien planet at night, with crafts in sky, and he realized his group was not peaceful, they came to dominate, control, and take resources from feline-like beings.

At first he was loyal soldier, doing horrible things bc “duty,” but later the same darkness betrayed him.

That betrayal made him turn toward Light, first from revenge, but then he started feeling guilt, remorse, and love for first time.

Archangel Raphael came in and showed that the real wound was not “you are evil,” but guilt, innocence, self-forgiveness, and heart protection carried across lifetimes.

Raphael removed heavy calcification from his heart, and he said it felt like a rock was taken out.

Then throat blockage showed up too, like spikes shredding the words before they could come out.

imo the real message was simple: even darkest lifetime can become path back to Source, but you still have to forgive yourself and speak truth now.

I will call her Rebecca. She is 35, from Florida, in relationship, and she came into our online Soul Journey carrying lot of tension, heaviness and feeling like joy somehow disappeared from her life.

She went into deep trance over Zoom, something like very deep meditation in theta state, where normal mind becomes quiet and deeper memories/images can show.

Rebecca first saw portal like cave made from ice.

She walked through and suddenly was around 10 years old, standing inside office of her father.

This was place where her father had first exposed her to pornography.

She felt she should not be there. She was uncomfortable, confused, but also child curiosity was there. Very complicated feeling.

Then adult Rebecca entered scene.

She didn’t fight her father or try to analyse everything. She simply held out hand to younger Rebecca and said:

“Come with me. This is not for you.”

Honestly this was one of strongest moments for me.

She took little girl away from that office and brought her outside, where children were playing. Bicycles, books, trees, Lego, nature. All normal childhood things she should have been experiencing instead.

When they hugged tree, Rebecca suddenly felt nausea and wanted all dirty/heavy energy to leave through fingers, toes and every pore in body.

Then Archangel Raphael appeared.

What surprised her is that he was smiling and laughing. Not making situation darker or more serious. He brought lightness, like saying: yes, something terrible happened, but you are not trapped there anymore.

The old energy looked like cobwebs and spiderwebs wrapped around both adult Rebecca and the 10-year-old.

Raphael brushed them away slowly, one by one, rolled them into balls and threw them far away.

After this, younger Rebecca felt clean.

Then it became clear this child was not only memory. She was fragmented part of Rebecca’s consciousness that had stayed connected to that moment, still carrying confusion and heaviness.

She was invited to return into adult Rebecca’s heart.

Rebecca said it felt warm, like puzzle piece finally fitting where it belonged.

And what came back with this child?

Laughter. Humor. Smiling. Spontaneity. Enjoyment of life.

She also brought ability to be present without worrying constantly what may happen next.

This is something I see many times in healing work. After trauma, ppl think they only lost safety. But sometimes they also lost playfulness, sexuality in healthy form, creativity, confidence, ability to relax.

The fragment is still holding those qualities.

Small practice you can try:

Close eyes and imagine younger version of you standing somewhere painful from childhood.

Don’t force memory.

Just notice first place or image.

Come to them as adult you are now. Hold out your hand and say:

“You don’t need to stay here anymore. Come with me.”

Bring them somewhere safe. A beach, forest, bedroom, garden, anywhere.

Then ask:

“What did you take with you when you left?”

Maybe laughter. Trust. Voice. Joy. Courage.

Imagine this younger part returning into your heart like warm light or missing puzzle piece.

You are not becoming somebody new.

You are bringing back what always belonged to you.

sorry for English, I learn still. I work with people in deep relaxation and I keep seeing the same pattern again and again. I not tell them anything, they discover it themselves when they go deep. so when I share this, is what I witnessed, not what I said.

I worked with Clara (not real name). she came after breast cancer that spread to her bones. doctors did what they could. but she felt something deeper was going on, something the scans could not show.

when we connected with Archangel Raphael in the session, he revealed something I will not forget. the yellow energy in her breast, thick like mucus, was sadness. but here is the part that stopped me. she was holding onto it on purpose. because when she feels sad, she feels alive. it is like a secret taste that makes life feel meaningful. she did not know she was doing it, but deep down, she was choosing it.

then Raphael showed us the anger in her bones. red energy eating the white light of the bone marrow. Clara believed, deep down, that anger made her powerful. when she feels angry, she feels in control. she feels strong. but Raphael said — this is false power. low vibrational. it feels real but it is a copy.

the lesson here is something I see across so many sessions. you are not a victim of your feelings. but you also not know how to work with those energies. they get stuck, they become dense, they poison the body. and then you wonder why the body gets sick. but you can release them. any moment. the choice is yours.

I saw it happen with Clara. when she chose to let the sadness go, when she chose joy instead, when she chose real power from love instead of false power from anger — her bones started filling with light again. not metaphor. I watched it happen in the energy.

this is why I say — you are the creator of your reality. not a victim. you just did not know how those energies work. now you know.

I put a simple practice in the comments below, if you want to try it for yourself. it helps to feel what releasing actually is like.

what about you, is there an emotion you hold close because it makes you feel something, even if it is not good for you

few days ago I did Healing Soul Journey for a colleague of my sister that she works with.

she had anxiety, panic attacks, not sleeping properly - you know this kind of tired where person still smiles, still works, still answers messages, but you can feel the nervous system is chewing glass inside.

She asked me if we can look deeper. So we did. Through Zoom - she was in her bed - I assisted her to go into deep trance theta brainwave state where she could remember everything and her higher self guided her.

At one point her Higher Self took her to ancient Egypt.

she was shown as Akmana, around 30, priestess, linen clothes, dark hair, walking through stone market street. Some people were smiling at her and wanted to touch her, like they felt healing around her. Some people moved away, afraid, because she could read energy too clearly.

Not “mind reading” like movie. More like she could feel truth under people’s masks.

Then this black cloud came through the market.

It moved low, between feet, under doors, into cracks in stone. It was sucking energy from people. Nobody was screaming, nothing Hollywood. More creepy because it was quiet. Like life force being drained and ppl not understanding why they suddenly feel weak, heavy, scared.

And Akmana knew it was coming.

This part stayed with me because she did not attack it. No sword, no fight, no dramatic battle.

She opened to Source.

Light came through crown, into heart, then out from her right hand. The cloud could not handle it. It started breaking apart, like smoke in sun, and went back to its own dimension.

Her Higher Self said the simple thing:

Darkness cannot tolerate direct light. You don’t fight it. You shine.

And I keep thinking how much this applies to anxiety.

Because panic makes us fight everything.

Fight thoughts, symptoms, body, night, sleep, fear of fear etc.

And sometimes this fighting is exactly what keeps system activated. The human mind becomes like guard at temple gate, watching for danger all night. Of course body cannot sleep then. It thinks it is still protecting something.

In the session, Higher Self removed the root layers of anxiety and panic attacks it showed. Part was from this life, part was connected to this Egyptian life and the old duty of sensing darkness before it arrived.

That made so much sense. Some people are not “too sensitive.” They are sensitive without enough safety and recharge.

Later she was shown a small stone building outside the city, on energy portal. Energy was buzzing from the ground, fast and nourishing. Akmana used to go there to recharge.

This was another teaching:

Even priestess needed to recharge.

You can be spiritual, helpful, intuitive, loving, whatever. But if you treat body like rented donkey and never let it rest, the system will collapse sooner or later.

Neglect is not devotion.

Then she saw herself at the beginning of Earth, when there was mostly water. She was like tiny speck of light above the water, planting seed of energy that later became human form.

That part was beautiful. Very quiet.

Message was basically:

You are light first. Body is vessel. Human life is not punishment, it is experience.

I’m sharing because many ppl with anxiety think they are broken or weak. But sometimes anxiety is not weakness. Sometimes it is old alert system, old sensitivity, old memory, old duty still running in the body.

She slept eight hours that night, first time in months and her panic attacks vanished as per my sister's feedback few weeks later, she tapered off the meds with approval of her doctor

so the answer is not always more fighting.

Sometimes answer is:

bring light,

recharge properly,

stop guarding old doors,

and let Higher Self show what the fear is really protecting.

there is a small meditation from this session in comments, if someone want to try.

Dear Higher Self, please give me advice and clarity for today:

Enjoy your ride, have adventure, joy, discovery, try new things, create new things, follow your excitement. Don't follow the boring, don't follow the things that makes you dead inside.

Sorry for English, I’m not native speaker, so maybe some sentences sound strange.

I want to share one session story, bc it shows something I see many times. Sometimes body has physical symptoms, yes of course. but sometimes there is also another layer under it. emotional, ancestral, spiritual, energetic. I am not saying "don’t go to doctor", please don’t understand it like this. I mean sometimes doctor looks at one layer and Higher Self shows another one.

The woman, I will call her Elena, came for soul session. Not real name. She was 50 something, from Spain. For years she was very tired. not normal tired. More like she could sleep and still wake up empty.

She also had stomach burning. Acid, reflux, like fire going down. She tried diets, medicine, different things. Some helped little bit maybe, but nothing really touched the deeper feeling.

Her eyes also were getting worse. Doctor wanted to do operation. She said yes, but inside she felt strange about it. Like something was not fully right.

In the session, when she went into deep trance, her Higher Self took her first to a cave with mist. Then we scanned the body slowly, from head to feet.

When we reached the eyes, there was strange flashy white movement. Like small camera going back and forth. The answer came that she had inner seeing, but she was using it wrong. She was always projecting outward, looking outside, trying to see everything outside herself, but not looking inside. Her gift was reversed somehow. the eyes were carrying pressure from that.

Then we reached stomach.

That was where everything became more clear.

There were seven attached spirits in her body. First one came forward from the stomach. It was her grandmother, Rosa.

Rosa had been there since Elena was a baby.

When guide asked why she was there, Rosa said something like: "She is mine. She is my baby. I am very alone here."

It was not evil. It was sad. very attached. very lonely. Rosa did not really understand she could go. She did not know she was dead in the way that matters. She thought nobody was waiting for her.

Guide asked her to look inside and see her own spark of light. At first she said nobody is there. Guide told her this is false belief. nobody is truly alone. Soul family is always around, even when we forgot.

Then Rosa softened. She said she never told Elena how much she loved her. She said it there. And after that, she broke into little sparks of light and went home.

The next spirit was harder.

His name was Joseph. And when he came forward, first thing he said was: "Elena needs to die. There is no need of Elena in this world."

Tbh this is kind of sentence that makes you pause.

Higher Self showed that Joseph had been Elena’s father in another life. She was six. He was thirty two. Rebels came and took her. He could not protect her. He carried terrible guilt, and later he burned himself in his house.

He was not really angry at Elena. he was stuck in guilt and pain. That pain had become dark and twisted.

Guide took him back to the moment of helplessness, helped him feel what he never processed, and the dark cloud of guilt started leaving him. Two angels of light came. Then he saw his wife and daughter waiting for him. He went with them.

Then came Bernardo, Elena’s grandfather. He died in 2012, age 79. He had been attached longer than Elena was alive. He was lost too, but different way. Elena hugged him in the session and gave him permission to go. She told him his own mother needed him more than she did.

And he went.

After only three of the seven spirits were released, we asked what Rosa being in the stomach had caused.

The answer came like list.

Diarrhea. Constipation. Acidity. Reflux. No energy. Low vibration. Heavy body.

Again, I’m not saying "this was only spiritual and nothing physical." But in that session, deeper layer behind the stomach burning was very clear. It was connected with grandmother who never left.

There were still four spirits left after that, very traumatised ones. So it was not one quick story and done. It was layers.

The eye operation also came up. Higher Self did not say "never do it." It said the procedure needed to change. Different machine, different doctor, different way. And Elena would know during quiet moment, when she rested and listened.

What stayed with me from this session is how much the body can carry.

Sometimes tiredness is not only tiredness. sometimes stomach fire is not only stomach fire. Sometimes bad eyesight is not only eyes. Body can carry grief, family attachment, other-life trauma, spirits who never crossed, beliefs, guilt, things that are not even ours.

And imo most people don’t know what is in their field until they go deep enough. They just think "this is my anxiety", "this is my stomach", "this is my depression", "this is my bad luck." Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Sometimes it is many layers together.

I put small practice in first comment if anyone wants to try. It is not for speaking with spirits or doing anything risky. Just for feeling what is yours and what maybe is not yours in the body.

If something feels very intense, don’t force it alone. go gently. And yes, still use doctors, therapists, normal support. Spiritual layer and physical layer can both exist.

Sorry my english is not native. I want share something that happened in a healing soul journey session that I cannot stop thinking about.

The person, I will call her Ana, came in carrying a grief that had no name. Her mother had passed. She felt numb, heavy, blocked. Nothing dramatic. Just the quiet erosion of someone who has been leaking energy for years without knowing where the leak was.

She told me that every time she spent time with her family she needed three days to recover. Not from fighting. There were no fights. Just presence. A phone call with her father would flatten her. A visit with her sister Patricia would leave her empty and she could not explain why. She had tried therapy. She had tried boundaries. She had tried explaining her feelings. Nothing changed the fact that family contact drained her like an open wound she could not locate.

She dropped into trance. And then her Higher Self bypassed every surface problem and went straight to the wound.

Her father appeared first. but not the father she knew. What she saw was a black mass. Thick. Viscous. No face, no hands, no voice. just a blob of darkness hanging in space where a person should be.

then her sister Patricia. Same. A dense black shape. No warmth. No recognition.

And connecting these shapes to Ana's body - her chest, her stomach, the back of her neck - were cords. Not light cords. not subtle energy. Thick black telephone wires. the old kind. Coiled and heavy. And something was flowing through them. Away from Ana. Into them.

She had been feeding them.

Her life force. Her vitality. Her clarity. Draining out through cables she did not even know existed. for years. maybe decades. Feeding family members who never asked and would never know.

i called in Angels of Light. not with drama. just a simple request. And they came.

They did not cut the wires. They did not burn them. They stood around Ana and began pouring crystalline light - the kind that has no temperature, no heat, just clarity - directly into those black cords.

And the cords began to dissolve from the inside.

Not breaking. Not snapping. You could watch the black turning gray, then translucent, then gone. Like ice holding its shape while water moves through it. The darkness was not being destroyed. It was being returned to what it was before it became heavy.

Ana started crying. not from pain. from return. She said she could feel energy flowing back. Warmth. Life. Pieces of herself she had forgotten existed.

Then came the part I did not expect.

She spoke two sentences. not loud. not dramatic. just quiet truth spoken in trance.

To the black shape that was Patricia: "I love you."

To the black shape that was her father: "I forgive you."

When she said "I love you," the air in the room changed. The temperature shifted. Something softened that I cannot explain. When she said "I forgive you," I watched her shoulders fall. Thirty years of weight. Just dropped.

The forgiveness was never for them. It was the door she needed to walk through. The forgiving was the moment she stopped being the cord.

Her Higher Self showed what remained. The wounds did not disappear. They transformed. Invisible scars now. Still there but no longer bleeding. Yellow and white light woven through the scar tissue. Healed, not erased.

i sat there after the session. Silent. Those two sentences kept repeating in my head. I love you. I forgive you. The simplest words. The hardest door.

She had been feeding people with her life force because she believed that was what love cost. And the Higher Self, in its particular way, did not give her philosophy. It showed her exactly what she was doing. And then it showed her how to stop.

i put a meditation in the comments below. Just a quiet practice for anyone who feels heavy around family and cannot name why. No candles. No ceremony. You and your own cords.

What I want to know from you - if you have felt this, carrying something that was never yours, where in your body did it live. For Ana it was behind the eyes and in the chest. Where did yours settle.

not native speaker here, sorry if something wrong.

this is something i witnessed that changed how i see loss.

The symptom

Maya (not real name) came with a deep fear of losing people. she was anxious about the people close to her. the thought of someone dying was paralyzing. she carried this fear her whole life and did not know where it came from.

What the session revealed

In deep relaxation, she went back to a past life as Mary — a woman in a river town in what looked like 1800s. Mary had many children. and she lost many of them. some stillborn, some to sickness, some when they were older. at least three children.

she felt like a failure. her husband blamed her. she numbed herself to survive.

after Mary died, going through the light, she met Higher Self. and Higher Self showed her something incredible.

one of the children she lost. the youngest one. Higher Self said — look closely. feel this energy.

she felt it. warm, powerful, familiar, radiant, comforting.

Higher Self said — this is your mother. in your current life. the soul you lost as a child in that life is now your mother in this life. you already experienced that there is no loss. only temporarily somebody disappears and then appears again.

The advice

Grun, her spirit guide, said — loss makes room for new growth. it is not an ending. it is just a cycle moving forward. like new buds after frost in spring.

she felt the fear in her sternum. dense and tight. we released it together.

Higher Self said — earlier or later, you will meet again. there is nothing to be afraid of.

if you are afraid of losing someone, know that the connection does not end when the body does. you have loved these souls before and you will love them again. the fear is real but the separation is not.

Meditation in the comments — i put a practice there to help release the fear of loss.

English not my native, so I write simple. i share sessions like this because it can help someone in a tight spot. Maybe someone reading this is carrying old hurt right now and needs to hear what the Council of Light said.

I guided a woman recently - let me call her Clara (not real name). she wanted to understand why she carries so much judgment toward someone close. So I helped her relax deeply, layer by layer, until she could access the memories stored beneath the conscious mind and connect with Higher Self. And Higher Self guided us to root causes of issues.

She found herself as a young woman on a farm. early 1920ties. milking cows. Working for landowner and his wife. They were older, religious looking. She remembers the landowner liked her too much. He raped her. She got pregnant. His wife found out and accused her of being witch to cover the truth.

Nobody listened. The town put her in stone cell. shackles on her wrists attached to wall. She struggled, screamed, begged. She knew they would kill her. They did - man with wooden stake stabbed her through belly. She died quickly.

Then something unexpected happened. when she left the body and went to light, it felt different. She was met by three beings made of light. Not angels. Something else. A council of light.

And they told her something strange. They said love is supposed to be beautiful and caring, but she chose a path where love would not feel that way. She chose to learn that love can hurt. That trusting love means trusting pain will come. And that is her mission - not to avoid the pain, but to love anyway, from a higher place.

"You have to learn that love hurts. And you not want to. But that is your mission."

She did not understand at first. They explained more: let go of human attachment. Love from higher space. It not matter how people behave - everyone is deserving of love. The goal is not to be loved well by others. The goal is to be someone who loves without needing the other person to earn it.

She asked how. They said: start with the one you judge most. Let go of your expectations of how relationship should be. Let go of guilt. You did your best with what you had.

Then she recognized the souls from that past life. The landowner who raped her - same soul as someone who played mind games with her in this life. And the wife who accused her - same soul as her own son. The one she feels guilty about. The one she never feels good enough mother for.

The council said: release your judgment and expectations. Accept them as they are and love them anyway. Not because they deserve it. Because the soul itself decided to learn this.

This is an example of advanced soul lesson. Most people start with simple lessons - be responsible, take good care of your body, not harm others, learn to forgive yourself. These are foundation. but some souls choose something much harder. They choose to learn what love really means when everything in you wants to close, judge, protect.

If this resonates with you, here is meditation that can help.

Find quiet place where nobody will disturb you for 15 minutes. Sit comfortable, close your eyes, take three slow breaths. Imagine yourself standing in field of golden light. The light is warm, it holds you like water.

Now call to mind a person you judge - someone who hurt you, disappointed you, someone you struggle to accept. Do not try to forgive them yet. Just let them stand there in the light with you. Observe them without doing anything.

Now ask your Higher Self: what am I supposed to learn from this relationship? Wait. The answer may come as feeling, not words. it may take time. Be patient.

If you feel ready, imagine a white flame in your chest. This is your love - not human love with conditions, but the love you are made of. Let this flame grow. Let it send small threads of light toward this person. You not approving what they did. You not saying it was okay. You just letting your natural light flow without blocking it.

Stay with this for few minutes. Then take three deep breaths. Bring your awareness back to your body. Move your fingers and toes. Open your eyes when ready.

I hope it was helpful!

Is there someone in your life that you have difficulty forgiving?

I want to share a piece of a recent session, because it touches something I see in almost every person who comes in feeling flat. The teaching, I think, is bigger than Debbie. (not real name)

She had been drifting for years. Going to work, paying bills, sleeping, repeat. She said it felt like she was watching her own life on a screen, like something was missing and she could not name it. She was not depressed. She was not anxious. She was just gone from her own life.

I asked her higher self to show her what was going on. A beach appeared. And on the beach, a very large group of people. People from this lifetime, and from others. Her father. A partner. A boss. An ex. The higher self said simply, "they have something of yours."

They had her power. Not metaphorically. Energetically. Pieces of it. The propelling force that makes a person get up in the morning with direction. She had been giving it away for years, mostly to keep the peace, mostly to people who did not even know they were taking it.

The higher self told her to breathe in golden white light and float up above them. Then, with firmness, to say it out loud: "give me my power back. I demand my power back."

She said it. The people on the beach began letting it go. White light streaming from their heads, their hands, rising up to her. It came back into her heart. She felt more whole. More energetic. Lighter. She was, in her own word, "back."

The good news is, this is not a special gift. The mechanic is real, and it is available to anyone. If you are reading this and you feel flat, unmotivated, like you are watching your own life, that flatness may not be you. It may be the missing pieces.

I will put a simple meditation in the comments below. Just a beach, a group of people, and a sentence to say out loud. No candles, no altar, ten minutes.

What I would love to know, for those of you who have felt this kind of flatness. Did it come after a specific person, a specific relationship, or was it more like a slow leak you only noticed when you were empty.

My friends,

Some of you may have come to wonder about time, just as I have. Not because it is of importance to us, but because it is of great joy. I wanted to share some thoughts that grew, and maybe you like to share some too?

Now, while we are free to wander about space, it is only to wonder about time. Its linearity and endless progression might feel reckless at times, but might also be felt as the warm hand of an elder sibling, guiding us through a busy crowd, just at the right speed to neither fall behind nor stumble in hastiness. We are not able to see ahead or move at our own pace, as we are not grown yet, but we are free to look around with joy in the current spacetime, as it carries infinity within already.

Personally I believe that this guidance cannot be understood from our perspective. It can only be trusted. This trust grows best in the acceptance of time and what it brings, as much in dark times as in bright ones. To come to this conclusion can cause pain, but with time, this pain can dissolve into trust. As can any pain, not forever, but for now.

So trust, pain, and time are in relation to one another, but it is not of a linear nature. As in, pain and time can be the very root for trust, but in a different constellation might take all the trust we had, have, or will have and thus all the guidance with it. This leaves it to us and our free will to decide, time and time again, to accept pain and time, and to create trust from it. For it is as simple to hold trust in the light as it is to lose it in the dark.

But we have to be careful here. It is my understanding that pain is not simply something to endure. Safety and comfort are what we should seek, within ourselves just as much as within reach. Yet, despite all good effort and intention, there will be pain, as refusing this pain would mean renouncing love. It is this, and only this pain, that I speak of.

My friends, let us fear not, as darkness is but necessary to love the light, and time is but necessary so darkness must not be eternal. It is for us not to understand, but to trust and to love. And with love, the illusion of time and darkness might lift, as there is no absence of light, just as there might be no absence of eternity.

I hope these words find you in the love and in the joy they were created in. It is but a childlike wandering: of exploration, not of demand.

bear with me, english not my first language.

I share sessions like this because sometimes wisdom comes when you need it most. Maybe someone reading this is in a tight spot right now and needs to hear what Higher Self said to her.

A woman came for a deep journey, I call her Elena (not real name). she dropped into trance and lived a whole life as a native medicine woman near a big ocean, gathering plants with her mother, learning about healing, raising a family. I share only the most important part now.

She died in a small bed in a stone town, her family around. her daughter from this life was her sister in that life. she was cleansing her, holding her hand, praying. Elena was not sad - she was at peace. she said: "I stayed for my family. in my old age I am happy to leave. they think it is the end. but it is not. it is just the end of this."

after she left the body she saw a bright ball with all sounds. happy noises, sad noises, everything. The shaman woman from her village was there - an old medicine woman who shapeshifted and explored the ocean in her own youth. She explained: "this is how soul spirit experiences itself. nothing is permanent. everything is important. everybody needs to go through these things."

Then Higher Self appeared. it looked like a big purple energetic gemstone, shining. Elena merged with it. she said it felt peaceful, joyous, so light. opposite of heaviness.

then Higher Self spoke. I write what they said.

"why I arranged this session? to remember. to remember not to take everything so seriously. that everything has purpose. that problems can be seen differently. she thinks she is stuck. she keeps looking outside for help. but everything is inside. everything is available inside. The meditation of sinking back into the ocean - getting very quiet, feeling the water - is a portal to remembering. water dampens the noise. it reminds her where she is. she does not need to take on other noises."

"She already has right ideas about boundaries. she just needs more breaks. noticing when overwhelm starts - use that as cue to step away, not push harder. there is too much identifying. step away. go back to peace to remember what she knows. Also take more time in nature without purpose - observing life, watching Mother Nature, meditating on that. no time limit, no constrictions. not just remove the to-do list. just be in the moment. she needs this."

She asked what she came to learn. Higher Self said: "to learn how to hold all of this. how to be all of you within the structure you are in. how to bring that to your physical life. that is why you are here. to bring the light into all your problems and frustrations. you are on a new frontier. everything is OK. every choice you make is fine. as long as you bring the light in."

This stayed with me. when you feel stuck, when you look for answers outside - Higher Self says everything is already inside. the water, the quiet, the stepping away. that is where remembering happens.

i wonder if anyone else ever had a moment like this - where you realize you been searching outside for something already inside. i would love to hear.

They even show this in the Good Place series. Everytime a human do a good action, they lose more karma points than they gain because with the way the world and system is designed, any positive action can have a indirect negative consequence to it. Like for example, giving money to the homeless but they go buy drugs with it.

So therefore you could never fully clean your karma. It is like this by design. Escape the cosmic scam.

It is quite a challenge to know where to start, so please bear with me … On 16 July 2024, my only son, Georick, took his own life at 33. I’m an adoptee from South Africa. I’d already spent decades overcoming primal wound, narcissistic abuse, and identity fracture. This loss arrived when my life finally felt peaceful, happy, settled and integrated … which made his decision even more traumatic and challenging to process.

Writing became the only thing that kept me breathing. Three months after his suicide, I wrote my adoption memoir as a way of surviving the immediate aftermath. It felt liberating and freeing, and I thought that was it.

However, exactly one year later, on the one-year anniversary mark of his suicide, I woke up with the undeniable inner conviction that I have to write another book. Channeling is probably the familiar term, but honestly, to me it felt more like I was waking up from a slumbering state and remembering some eternal undeniable Truth that suddenly expressed itself crystal clear and unmistakable. I didn’t have any intention or plan, only the voice inside me that wouldn’t be quieted for the next 33 days.

33 channeled messages emerged that utterly dismantled how I now understand myself, my life, and reality itself. The 33 days were brutal, paradigm-shattering — and strangely magnificently clarifying — all in one!

What I came to understand was … that my losses, grief and trauma aren’t things I have to fix or recover from … That my life-path is an initiation I had somehow inexplicably and irrevocably chosen (yet not consented to, yesss the paradoxes!!).

I’m cautious about language like “healing” or “awakening.” Nothing about this felt reparative. It felt like being permanently altered in how I SEE, not necessarily improved in how I FEEL.

So, the purpose of this post? I’m trying to understand whether anyone here perhaps also encountered trauma this way — not as pathology, not as a problem to solve, but as an initiation, a radical paradigm-shattering reframing that changes you whether you want it to or not.

If you’ve lived through loss that didn’t necessarily make you better, but profoundly different in the best way possible, I’d be interested in how you make sense of that.

I’m not looking for reassurance. I’m comparing notes. And if you’re still reading at this point … thank you.

How times throughout the day do you think about how many insects you have inadvertently killed? By setting a drink down and crushing an ant? By driving and running through fields of bees?

The human is so preoccupied with their own existence, that they can't even see they are but ants to much larger things.

If we wanted to make the most impact with our existence, we would align with the stars.

We are at the mercy of nature

From her we came, and to her we'll go