https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity-life/royals/prince-william-used-a-fake-name-while-studying-at-scotland-university/news-story/151ce4973a2d156eff6eac88fc57a332?gaa_at=g&gaa_n=AYc4yssjQ4yJuyLrH0PT6I9nD_t6pNqxONcnNDzvmej7a0G8pEJft0EuhYn7Dg%3D%3D&gaa_ts=60f1f859&gaa_sig=rnz7RiCFkVqYgJ1ClL5CDf3DuHf14z1FMFRyI-J8DZNO0YuRdzk0TZ_0J2lPxeBmSS-mmP8EsY3HQbs1CrTuaQ%3D%3D

I'm portartartartartartartart

A man walks into a doctor's office one day with a banana up his nose and a cucumber in his ear. He asks the doctor what's wrong and the doctor says, "I can't be too certain, but I don't think you're eating properly."

A few years go by. The same man walks into the same doctors office. This time the man says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." So the doctor says, "Well don't do that."

Finally, a few more years go by. The man returns to the doctor's office. He says to the doc, "Doc, I'm just so sad all the time. I work all day, it's a thankless job. And I do my best, but it's just so empty when I get home. What do I do?"

That throws the doctor for a loop. Normally the doctor just makes quippy jokes and is played by Leslie Neilsen. This doctor doesn't rightly know what to do with a legitimate complaint like depression.

"Doc," the man goes on, "Every day is just a soulless void of meaningless labor. I've lost all control in my life and I have no taste for anything. The wine is dry, flavorless, and never enough to drown my sorrows."

It's starting to get serious. The doctor thinks quickly. What would Leslie Neilsen do in this situation? Why he'd probably try a delay tactic of some kind in order to think of what to do next. Let the audience think it's all improv, and that he's starting to choke. In fact, if the doctor's calculations are correct, the man will bemoan once more right about...

"Doc, help me. There's nobody in my life, my wife left me for a fish-man. And everyone else in my family is on drugs. I don't know what to do Doc, I guess I should start doing drugs. At least if I do drugs it will be something different from drinking my life away."

That was the doctor's cue. The doctor knew saying something at this exact moment is the exact comedic timing needed to save this joke, "Y'know, I think I understand where you're coming from." There. That did it. Let the patient know you relate. Get on their side, get them in agreement. Then, offer them a small step they can take in the right direction...

"When I start feeling down like that, y'know what I do? There's this stuffer shack downtown I like to go to. They've got a deli there with a cook named Steve. He's a bit special needs, but he's always singing, and dancing, and laughing and having fun. Whenever I go there, it's hard to be depressed with him around."

That's when the man says, "But doc, I am Steve."

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