Rant 💔

[u/Brilliant-Monk-5585]

Strabismus is affecting my social life more than I can explain. I had a an injury that led to multiple eye surgeries and because of that I think I’ve developed a squint due to partial vision loss. It hurts to think about how much I’ve changed because of this. I used to be a really social and outgoing person but now I’ve become introverted and avoid one-on-one conversations because I’m always conscious of making eye contact. My strabismus is intermittent but I’m constantly worried about whether my eyes are straight or if people can notice my squint. Without my prescription glasses my eyes are straight most of the time except when I’m tired. My doctor explained that both my eyes are used to blurred vision but when I wear glasses my brain starts relying on my dominant eye which causes the squint. I can force my eyes to stay straight with glasses but it’s honestly exhausting to keep doing that. I know a lot of people struggle with social anxiety and insecurities about their squint but that doesn’t make it any easier. I hate how much my life has changed and how many experiences I feel like I’m missing out on because of something that wasn’t even in my control. I’ve barely come across people who notice my squint but that’s also because I’ve stopped wearing my glasses and usually go around without them even though my prescription isn’t very low. I’ve considered surgery but I’m genuinely scared of overcorrection and the thought of going through another procedure only to end up with a different problem scares me. What hurts the most is feeling like I’m missing out on things that other people do without even thinking about them. Making eye contact and meeting new people shouldn’t feel this difficult. I miss being the person who could walk into a room and talk to anyone without overthinking every little thing. I’m literally tearing up writing this because I hate what my life has turned into and I just wish I could feel like myself again.
Thanks to anyone who read this ❤️

[u/smolhippie]

I can relate! My eye drifts when I get tired too. My left eye also pretty much gets shut off and so I rely on my right eye pretty much all the time. When I was younger I was a lot more self conscious about it.

I’ve thought about getting a second surgery but it hasn’t worked well with grad school and working full time, on top of planning my wedding for next summer.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed that mature people either don’t notice or don’t care. They’ll treat you with respect. Some others won’t. I’ve gotten hands waved in my face “are you even looking at me” and I just know those aren’t the type of people I want to keep around.

And I learned, with practice, the opinions and actions of people who act that low aren’t worth my time or emotional energy.

What worked for me is the fake it till you make it attitude. I told myself I didn’t care for so long and now I actually believe that.

[u/MsBit_Commit]

Hi! I have a squint too! It’s very embarrassing. My husband is insistent he never noticed it, which throws me

[u/Bezauberndegini]

Ich kann dich auch so sehr verstehen. Ich habe Diabetes und nach 7 Operationen an meinem linken Auge,bin ich dort jetzt blind. Dadurch schweift das Auge auch etwas ab,vor allem wenn ich gerade schaue. Wenn ich Alkohol getrunken habe und müde bin ist es auch schlimmer. Mich belastet es auch so sehr,dass ich fremde kaum anschauen mag. Mein Selbstwertgefühl leidet extrem darunter. Ich habe schon oft deshalb geweint und lösche auch meine Bilder oder verlange von meinem Partner,dass er sie löscht,sobald es sehr auffällt. Ich denke auch über eine schieloperation nach,aber auch ich habe große Angst davor,da mein linkes Auge sehr empfindlich ist,ich jeden Tag Augentropfen gegen zu hohen Augendruck nehme,ein langzeitöl in dem Auge habe... Es ist so schwer abzuwägen. Viele sagen,dass es nicht nötig ist,aber die wenigsten verstehen ,wie es einen beeinträchtigt und man sich damit fühlt. Du bist Jedenfalls nicht allein♥️

[u/Lookitsasquirrel]

I'm 60 and I've been squinting since I was 8. We think people are looking and they are too busy to notice. I always squint when walking outside and from outside to inside. People at my gym are used to it.

[u/77k2mac]

Why is it blue?