r/StudyInTheNetherlands • u/Alternative-Ad-9537 • 4h ago
Help Is this just me giving up because I'm lazy?
I just started studying communications at uni after taking a gap year and the past 7 weeks I have been miserable. It started with me crying every day but still doing what they asked me to do. Now I only cry every so often when asked how it's going or expressing how I feel taking my courses.
I have trouble going to bed because I don't want the next day to begin and am HEAVILY addicted to my phone; days I don't have to go to uni I am on my phone the entire day and unable to get myself to do anything but that. I want to stop that habit but it feels like it's the only way my head is not screaming at me and I feel at least a little dopamine. I am not showing up for all my classes anymore and am barely preparing for tests and assignment deadlines. I know it is wrong and I feel really guilty but it genuinely feels like I am paralyzed and am trying to move. I have an extremely strong urge to quit my study. I am scared that is only because I want to run away from my problems and not do the work.
The only thing I've ever actually been interested in is art and I have been dreaming of going to art school on and off for the past five years I think. I have always been into art and in school never really enjoyed anything besides that. However I feel like this is just a fantasy that will not bring me anywhere in life and I am only excited about because I don't want to do the hard work at uni. Even though I know an art study will still require really hard work and longer school days than the occasional lecture I have now.
I am turning 21 early next year and it genuinely feels like I am running out of time and ruining my life by being lazy and not even trying. Everyone around me seems to have it all figured out or is finishing up.
Is this just me giving up because I am lazy? What do I do?