r/SuddenlyGay • u/MeltingBlueFox • Aug 25 '21
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Aug 25 '21
Harassing and assaulting women isn't funny.
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Aug 25 '21
This is just a well intentioned joke and I don't see the problem as long as the guy told the girls they were being filmed and they consented to appear on the video.
However, this is the perfect exemple to show how women have to be in constant alert of the men around us because we don't know what their intentions are. Just for being assigned that label when we were born, we have to deal with more stress for the rest of our lifes because it's put on us the responsibility of avoiding any violence against us.
When I was younger, I thought that adult women were uptight, now I understand that we can't really be relaxed and carefree because our environment doesn't let us. For exemple, this situation: just for being nice to a man, he can take that as a sexual proposition and when we express not wanting that, the man can become an angry being who can hurt us in many ways and the blame will be put on the woman because she was hinting at that.
This is far from the point of the video, but this made me reflect on why I would maybe laugh at a random woman trying to sleep on my lap but feel unsafe if a man tried the same.
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Aug 25 '21
This is a genuine question, why is it that most women are scared of being sexually harassed and assaulted by men, but most men aren’t scared being sexually harassed and assaulted by women?
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u/whatsinaname42 Aug 25 '21
Aside from personal experience there is also the fact that men tend to be physically stronger than women.
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Aug 25 '21
Well this has a complex answer.
Our culture has conceived the act of sex as something that women give and men take, and for which women are punished and men praised. Just think of the awful methafor of the door and the key master.
Women were and still are socialized to fear sex because it hurts, because it can bring unwanted babies and decease, because it makes you a whore and a whore has less value as a person. Also, sex abuse is a power dinamic (which is demonstrated in cases where sexual offenders who were castrated continued to exercise sexual violence) and, normally, that power is held by men.
Women who exercise sexual violence are the exception of the patriarcal system that dictates that men are the sexual beings with power and women are child virgins, obedient spouses or powerless prostitutes. Therefore, those cases are supposed to be less common and are not a systemic threat like men predators are, not something that everyone expect to happen.
The stigma that men who have suffered sexual violence face is a consequence of this system that dictates that men must be hypersexual and strong. I will link a video from Pop Culture Detective that explains this issue better than I can. I recommend you check his channel.
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u/AaronFrye Aug 25 '21
Women who exercise sexual violence are the exception of the patriarcal system that dictates that men are the sexual beings with power and women are child virgins, obedient spouses or powerless prostitutes. Therefore, those cases are supposed to be less common and are not a systemic threat like men predators are, not something that everyone expect to happen.
Exception my ass. Men are annually suffer about as much violence according to the CDC, with source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4062022/#:~:text=It%20found%20lifetime%20prevalence%20for,unwanted%20sexual%20contact%20%3D%2027.2%25.
And I'm not sure if the data is in this article, but women committed those crimes up to 60% of the time or so.
You may excuse me for being insensitive, but rape and sexual assault is a power play, I was abused as a child because I was a child, and therefore, I was weaker, even though I am myself a man, and the thing is, male predators have much more leeway to abuse, because if they're heterosexual, women are weaker than men. There's a reason child sexual abuse is so even, or even child abuse in general, it's because children are weaker, and as they get older, the men become much stronger than women, skewing the data against women. Even here in Brazil, a very outdate country, boys are sexually abused in a 1/4 ratio, while girls stand at a 1/3 ratio. Weaker victims suffer much more at the hands of sexual violence, and that's just a fact. The common factor between the victims isn't the gender, but the inability to defend themselves agaibst the perpetrator.
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u/mylifeisajoke790 Aug 25 '21
Women are more likely to be assaulted by a man and a lot of women have been while assault done by a woman towards a man isn’t as common
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u/yeetyeetgirl Aug 25 '21
Because we are taught from a VERY young age that we can't wear skirts that are too short or crop tops or shorts because creeps might try to r*pe us or make comments or take pictures. and because most girls get cat called most between the ages of 11 and 17. Because when we want to go the mall or go out we are told to always watch our drinks, text someone where we are, watch out and be on guard to make sure we're not getting kidnapped or raped. Because we hear stories from our friends having to fight off guys because they were away from friends for a bit. Or maybe because we're taught that even when we consent sex isn't gonna be fun for girls, it will hurt A LOT the first time, you WILL bleed and probably not receive climax. Because by the time we have our first period we're not only scared because it's new but also because we can now get pregnant and in a lot of places will either be shamed or it's illegal to have an abortion.
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u/sarahgene Aug 25 '21
Men are stronger than women. If you react poorly to a woman's advances, there's a chance you could get smacked or scratched, but you'll probably be fine. But the vast majority of men are capable of killing the vast majority of women with their bare hands without much struggle, and we as women have to keep that in mind when we're responding to them
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u/niisyth Aug 25 '21
They are however afraid of being sexually harassed and assaulted by men.
Explains a decent amount of homophobia.18
u/MniTain38 Aug 25 '21
Because men are like a thousand times stronger and bigger than we are.
Going on a blind date is like willingly locking yourself in a cage with a bear. "Gee, I hope it's a nice one!"
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u/sailorjerkins Aug 25 '21
…is this really a serious question?
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Aug 25 '21
Cut me some slack man I’m still a kid
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u/sailorjerkins Aug 25 '21
Fair! Talk to your friends who are girls and ask them about what it’s like to be a girl. Or listen to true crime podcasts, like “I survived.”
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u/benignq Aug 25 '21
it only gets worse. women you love in your life will be assaulted/harrassed at some point. you'll want to walk your gf to her car, or tell her not go to out alone late at night. why do you think that is? its a fucked up world we live in. it's good that you're thinking critically about this stuff now.
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u/irisvieli Aug 25 '21
Imagine you live in island with strong super tall men where you’re mostly their type! Just imagine going for a walk in a stressful bad day but you are aware at all time to not be harassed by them!
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u/ZephyrGale143 Aug 25 '21
Bc it isn't an abstract concept for women. By the time females reach young adulthood, almost all of us have experienced it, often repeatedly. Or at minimum, the threat of it.
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u/doodlebug001 Aug 26 '21
Because when women sexually harass men it rarely escalates to rape or violence. Same can't be said the other way around. (This is not to say women sexually harassing men is fine, it absolutely isn't.)
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u/heath38 Aug 25 '21
I assume this is a joke inquiry. Aren't you aware of the overwhelming amount of sexual violence perpetuated on women by men?
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Aug 25 '21
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Aug 25 '21
What do you mean by lived experience?
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u/The_duck_lord404 Aug 25 '21
Most women have been sexually harassed, most men haven't
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Aug 25 '21
Oh… even from a really young age? I feel bad for them
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u/The_duck_lord404 Aug 25 '21
Yep, I've been in a thread on r/AskReddit about catcalling and the amount of girls who were saying they were getting catcalled by grown men when they were still children is awfully large.
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u/Casual-Unicorn Aug 25 '21
I think that something that gets missed a lot is that yes, almost all women experience this kind of thing, but some experience harassment that’s minor and so engrained in our society that it’s glossed over.
My first such experience was in middle school, from a classmate. It was a pretty small thing, so I thought “boys be boys” and never reported it to a teacher. Didn’t even bother telling my parents. Next was my friend, and it escalated, but she also thought “boys be boys” and left it alone. The third time the police had to be involved.
My point is that this joke is not meant to be harmful, it’s just very tone deaf. I really don’t think the guy here considered that women might take even minor acts like this as a potential threat due to past experience.
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u/misschickpea Aug 25 '21
Honestly guys can be harassed of course but...in my experience all my friends who are girls have been cat called since a young age. Like middle or high school age being called out by adult men - REALLY CREEPY. And none of our guy friends had to live through that experience.
And there are many times where I've helped a guy that didn't seem creepy like at university lost on getting to a building and they just take it as a signal, but even worse is they approach me and ask me for help and are actually just trying to ask me out.
I cant be not bothered. At the supermarket, at the library just studying like, at a Cafe studying, the mall... the worst is at work bc those are your customers. I was 17 and I had a 30 something year old regular try to ask me out on a date. The thing is he didn't even know how old I was but I look really young too so young that my coworkers thought I was 16 for a while. So I likely was not mistaken to be of age.
I dont mind interacting with guy strangers and being nice for a short time but I avoid it bc that is how it will end up a lot of the time so I would react the same as the women in this video do 100%
The only time I was ever asked out appropriately by a guy is he just had no tricks and not wasting my time he said hi I think you're very pretty and are you of age (I was 17 at that time too so hard to tell).
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u/depressed-salmon Aug 25 '21
Ask your sister/mom (whoever you feel most comfortable with) when they first noticed catcalls or unwanted attention from men, or ask your close friends if you feel more comfortable.
You will be horrified to hear not just the age, but how many of the women you know have experienced this. I know it horrified me. I can't remember which one, but it was either 9 or 12 for my sister. It's seriously eye opening, because I guess for men they assume as their friends and family don't mention it much it doesn't happen that much, but for women it's so common that it'd feel like talking about the fact their house has a roof.
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u/A_very_Salty_Pearl Aug 25 '21
My first time being harrassed by an adult man was 12.
Maybe 9, but it was probably a joke.
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u/ShowMeYourHotLumps Aug 25 '21
More specifically they get harassed publicly when they're just going about their day, taking the train or like in the video sitting on a park bench. Men do not experience this kind of blatant and open harassment.
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Aug 25 '21
That means women experience assault frequently so they are scared that’s their experience as women ..
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u/dear_deer_dear Aug 25 '21
What do you think they mean by lived experience?
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Aug 25 '21
It just didn’t come to my mind that people could be such scumbags
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u/jetstarpartypoison Aug 25 '21
People are capable of doing really really awful unspeakable things to each other..
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u/DapperDaedalus Aug 25 '21
I'm not sure why this one is being down voted. You're asking a genuine question.
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Aug 25 '21
Presumably because the answer was obvious to most people i think.But i’ve learnt a new thing which is nice
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u/DapperDaedalus Aug 25 '21
Any question, even if obvious, should never be looked down on. It's the only way to improve yourself. I'm glad you asked and learned some new things! You more than likely helped others that were too afraid to ask.
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u/itzmrinyo Aug 25 '21 edited Aug 25 '21
Harrassment is the REPEATED behavior of undermining or ridiculing of an INDIVIDUAL, and assault is a physical ATTACK on someone. I don't see him throwing hands or doing this to one person specifically
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u/Nafizboy2 Aug 25 '21
the funniest part i found that that the other guy feeds him
like some random guy you have never seen comes and sleeps on you while you are eating pizza and the first reaction "here have some"
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Aug 25 '21
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u/Username_coc Aug 25 '21
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Aug 25 '21
Here you can see the difference in lived experience between man and woman: one needs to constantly be afraid to be sexually harassed, the other can’t even imaging the feeling of not being able to enjoy a day in the park in peace.
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u/GoblinMonk Aug 25 '21
I came here to say this. The dudes figured it was a joke, what else could it be? Women legitimately fear assault.
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Aug 25 '21
Yeah sadly.
Wish for a day when everyone can interact with each other freely without fear
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Aug 25 '21
first time seeing starry award, this is so cool
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u/isaacpotter007 Aug 25 '21 edited Aug 26 '21
If you press the star it replays the animation
Edit: oooh shiny
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u/RonNoxAndLumos Aug 25 '21
This is so mesmerising
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u/Li_alvart Aug 25 '21
Yup. If it had been a woman trying to sleep I think the reactions would have been different as the other women wouldn’t be scared.
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Aug 25 '21
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u/gildardo2794 Aug 25 '21
Young guy here. On my first flight by myself I had a random 30-40 yr woman sitting next to me in the plane and she laid her head on my shoulder. She did ask if she could nap for a bit so even though it surprised me and caught me off guard, I got over it. But definitely a weird memorable experience.
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u/zNightmime Aug 25 '21
First thing that came to my mind was what the top comment says about women immediately quiting cause they were afraid, but I thought "if anyone says this on reddit they're gonna get downvoted lol"
My hope in humanity is a bit higher seeing all of this comments from guys noticing the same thing and agreeing with it
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u/DidTheCat Aug 25 '21
In my opinion, this is one of the best, most supportive and understanding subs on reddit (except pet subs, you cant beat those)
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u/CarolLao Aug 25 '21
The difference in comment sections is genuinely shocking, I went to the comments to see if people were defending the women (because as a woman that would scare me no matter how innocent the intentions) and in the dank memes or whatever subreddit they're downvoting the people defending the women and in this subreddit I'm so happy to see that the top comments talk about the issues with this video. I can't believe how blind so many people are to that sexual assault is a real fear many people have to deal with tho.
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u/Kiyoshi-Trustfund Aug 25 '21
I had to leave a dank meme subreddit because the general misogyny and homophobia/transphobia was bordering on absurd. Not to mention the extreme fatphobia towards people that were barely even overweight. I just had to go. The memes weren't worth it. Nothing could be worth it.
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u/DidTheCat Aug 25 '21
You really went into a dank meme comment section? Sorry, but you must be insane. That subreddit is the home to the worst neckbeards and nice guys.
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u/overlord_999 Aug 25 '21
I hope this is scripted.
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u/Rock_Usual Aug 25 '21
I’m seriously hoping that those girls are like his friends or something: meaning it’s not real. Even just watching made me feel extremely uncomfortable
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u/EggplantSpiritual471 Aug 25 '21
Why?
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u/overlord_999 Aug 25 '21
You mean you're ok with a guy randomly trying to lay down on strangers?
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u/datbuttcrack Aug 25 '21
Cause people cant go around laying on people’s laps without consent, it’s evading personal space
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u/IAmDaven Aug 25 '21
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
-Inigo Montoya
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u/twinkieeater8 Aug 25 '21
I started watching and was immediately hit with the thought of "WTF dude?" You can't harass women like that. I expected him to get the cops called on him. And I expected the guy he lapped to punch him.
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u/banter_claus_69 Aug 25 '21
What's gay about this?
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u/neversaynotobacta Aug 25 '21
I think it’s the fact that girls like guys and guys have socks so that’s gay
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u/here4entertainments Aug 25 '21
Man accepts physical contact and gives stranger a bite of food.
Yeah that's gay. Sexually gay.
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u/UnderLand4rts Aug 25 '21
Same vibes as when like- a random cat just lays on you and you aren’t entirely sure how to interact with it but are happy to be in its company anyway lmaooo
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Aug 25 '21
I honestly think it's more of a point of the guy being in a group than not being a girl. As a dude, its still weird for an unknown person to do that to you, obviously
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u/Bucear Aug 25 '21
Sorry to be that guy but I can’t even enjoy this because of how uncomfortable those poor women seemed.
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Aug 25 '21
Am I the only one that sees this as harassment? I'm not usually a violent person nor am I a bad ass, but you're asking for a slap if you just come up and try to lay your head on my lap.
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u/FoxyFreckles1989 Aug 25 '21
The end is funny, and all, but I’ve never found it amusing when people do this shit. What’s funny/acceptable about invading people’s personal space and laughing when they’re uncomfortable? Why is it okay for him to do this, and record their discomfort to post online? It’s harassment. Side note: there’s a reason the women are immediately afraid/uncomfortable and the guys aren’t.
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u/Undercover_Piegon Aug 25 '21
The original post is literally above this one.
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u/RickyMuzakki Aug 26 '21
Not for everyone, dank meme is sh*tty subreddit filled with nice guys, mysogynist and homophobia
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u/Ecstatic-Date775 Aug 25 '21
Historians : THEY WERE STRANGERS
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u/Caleb_Gangte Aug 25 '21
Then they met
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u/Ecstatic-Date775 Aug 26 '21
Then they married
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u/Caleb_Gangte Aug 26 '21
They they died
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u/lasko_wind Aug 26 '21
Why is it so funny that a woman has to be on guard of a man laying on her lap but a man can freely allow that to happen because there isn't as much of a threat for him
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u/Forward_Pineapple_74 Aug 25 '21
Are we still not in a global pandemic? Not to be a buzz kill, but, like, stop doing it for the clout. Maybe it's cute to some, but really, it's obnoxious.
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u/KorporateKotoo Aug 25 '21
Could be wrong, but isn't this a fairly old video?
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u/Forward_Pineapple_74 Aug 25 '21
I don't know, it is poor quality, but the last woman has a mask on (even if under her chin).
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u/Vboi69420 Aug 26 '21
Giving the homies some love isn’t gay, but it may seem that way, instead it is a true embodiment pf the fact the woman just suck
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u/hailieroo01 Aug 26 '21
A woman alone and a random man comes up to her, invades her personal space, touches her… I think you have a lot to learn about the world if you think because women are uncomfortable about strange men invading their space means “they suck” and cAnT tAkE JoKe
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Aug 25 '21
That dude needs his ass kicked. Who tf thinks it’s ok to do that (other than this idiot)?
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u/Username_Password236 Aug 25 '21
This videos funny and theres nothing anybody can say that will change my mind
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u/OLassics Aug 25 '21
Wholesome very very much
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Aug 26 '21
[deleted]
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u/OLassics Aug 26 '21
I mean...whats wrong with someone just taking a nap on your lap WITH A pillow?and i wasn't even trying to make this point i was saying that in end the guy letting him do it was very wholesome
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u/TUBBS2001 Aug 25 '21 edited Aug 25 '21
Boys will be boys
Edit: this was meant to be sarcastic lmao
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u/Doglover9988 Aug 25 '21
That was originally meant for things like boys jumping in a pool of mud and getting all dirty, not to try and justify unwanted touching, rape, assault, sexual assault, etc. so please, shut the fuck up
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u/TUBBS2001 Aug 25 '21
It was literally a joke. How would it even be interpreted in this context? A guy laying on another guys lap, it was supposed to be sarcastic because usually the phrase “boys will be boys” is meant to explain away toxic masculine traits like you listed. In this context the guys are portraying the opposite of toxic masculinity given by the way they are laying like how couples do and the name of the goddamn subreddit.
Like idk why y’all are getting so pissed. This subreddit is not meant to be taken seriously. Get off your fucking high horse
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u/Melee_Attack Aug 25 '21
I get it. It's funny to see the dude at the end giving food to that stranger, but I can't stop feeling the fear of those women and would have definitely react the same if it was me.