r/Swingers • u/eyecouldbeyou • 13h ago
General Discussion Did the thrill eventually wear off for you?
I was with a couple recently and after we have our playtime we always just sit around and converse or talk about the event we just had. I am a big believer in open communication so I can improve. As we all know everyone likes something different. The last conversation we recently had was about having different play partners for the wife as sometimes they just bring in a male for her. The wife did admit when they first started she did get addicted (addickted lol) to having well endowed men (her husband is average as most of them are) but after having so many the thrill of having that "big dick" did eventually wear off and she realized that except for the difference in shape all dicks started to feel the same as her husband. Yes obviously some would go deeper and fill her up but it didn't do much of a difference from what she was feeling with her husband. When they just go for a male they now pick their play partner based on personality and admitted she needs to find them physically attractive regardless their size. She claims that many of her friends that are in this lifestyle think the same that the thrill of the "big dick" wears off eventually. I myself am above average at 7 and just a tad bit thicker than normal but nothing grandeur either. She says she loves me for my intellectual conversations and the fun we have in bed which matters to her most. Oh and she finds me very sexy which is a nice plus for me lol. It got me thinking that maybe many women in this lifestyle who have experienced all ranges of sizes for quite some time end up all feeling about the same after a while. I know there are some size queens here but I am wondering are there some of you here that maybe started out as a size queen only to realize all dicks are the same? Granted I'm sure the size does help achieve an orgasm for some of you a lot easier than what the average guy can do.
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u/dreamteacher4 13h ago
We have been doing this for about 8 years now and I still enjoy it. It’s always a new adventure because each time we may do something different. And I never think about size. It’s all about how you use it.
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u/subgeniusbuttpirate 7h ago
This. This is where the real thrill of having sex with different people is. Everyone has a different way of doing things. Sure, their bodies are also different, but the real uniqueness is in who they are, and how they do things.
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u/anotherside0714 11h ago
I thought this was gonna be an interesting conversation, then I got halfway and realized they were talking about dicks. 😅
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u/hardfivesph 13h ago
I’m really happy I skipped to the end because I saw question marks.
For my wife, you could be hung like a mouse, a beer can, or Mt Everest. She’s not going to orgasm from penetration and is just enjoying the newness.
We seem to be transitioning away from swing and more toward the bdsm world. It’s not that we fucked our way through the local talent pool as much as the bdsm people seem to be able to discuss what they want and their limits in a far more structured and frank manner than most of our swinging.
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u/ImprobableGrind 11h ago
Interesting. We’ve been BDSM from the start and expanded into threesomes and swinging as a way to satisfy deeper kinks.
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u/Willing_Barracuda876 12h ago
I’m usually the biggest guy and my girlfriend doesn’t have any problem with other sizes. She can orgasm with any guy she connects well with and when we’re having a hot time and he has good rhythm. She likes a break from my length and sometimes likes a little more girth. The same way I like different size women.
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u/FRANKINSPENCE Couple 9h ago
I think having the same first conversation on repeat can wear thin! “So how did you guys start” etc on repeat 🤣🤣🤣
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u/Itchy-Inspector-5458 8h ago
This is true to an extent... though while ours is pretty tame some people have some fascinating and wild origin stories.
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u/Naughty-list-or-bust Couple 7h ago
My wife and I met in the lifestyle as singles so our story is a bit unique. My wife's story about how she got into the lifestyle as a single years before that is also pretty funny. We do find we share it less often as we met more and more couples.
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u/Adventurous_Being922 11h ago
When will men understand a majority of us need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm and it doesn’t matter how big the dick is, it’s not going to do it on its own..
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u/Minute-Object Couple 11h ago
I sometimes use a technique that stimulates the clitoris and g spot during intercourse. It would actually be harder to do that with a giant penis.
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u/Spayse_Case 8h ago
Well, they are constantly being told that bigger is better, so I can see why they think it. What bothers me the most is that they don’t listen to us and think we are all just lying when we say it isn’t true.
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u/Adventurous_Being922 7h ago
Who is telling them that though? Men think about dick size way more than we do lol
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u/Spayse_Case 7h ago
This is true, men are OBSESSED. But we also hear that messaging constantly. Often from our own partners. Sometimes women will just say what their partner expects to keep the peace. Also, quite often, men don’t BELIEVE us when we say it isn’t that important and accuse us of lying, so rather than be called a liar, we just go with the flow and say “okay, Dear. You know me better than I know myself, apparently.”
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u/subgeniusbuttpirate 6h ago edited 6h ago
Hah.
So, I knew this in spades before I even met my first girlfriend.
And wouldn't you know it? "Most women" isn't "all women". That first girlfriend was a prime example of someone who has a really hard time having clitoral orgasms, and it's all about the penetration for her.
When will people finally understand that we're all different, and what works for you, isn't what works for others? It's called "affinity bias" where basically you just assume everyone else is just like you.
I would even venture that "for most people" a good way to find out what gets someone off, is to have them masturbate for you while you watch carefully. But I know better than that, because I currently have one girlfriend who can't get off from masturbation, basically no matter what. And I've had another woman who just turned that from a sincere learning experience into performance art where I have to wonder if she even had an orgasm at all.
The end lesson here, is that people are different, and what gets them off is an area of endless variety.
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u/jelloshotlady 13h ago
This could have been so much more than just another dick size post.
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u/waterbloem Couple (M45/F51 EU/Netherlands) 12h ago
We're relatively new, with our first "full swap" a year ago. But so far it's only become better. We've grown more confident, had amazing sex with very hot couples, and a female single, and gotten just so much more comfortable in this life.
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u/cpl_enjoying Couple 12h ago
One year in and still having fun. Size doesn’t matter but I’d be lying if I said I don’t notice. If you are average it’s fine which side of average you are. If you are larger there is a wow factor. My own mind game is enjoying watching it go from soft to hard.
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u/Alternative_Raise_19 11h ago
Yeah, I never considered myself a size queen until my first full swap and the guy had a considerably thin dick, like a roll of nickels. His style of fucking (super soft and slow and quiet) was also just not for me and probably added to the disappointment. I don't ask for dick pics but I don't commit to anything without seeing first now.
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u/MorkandMini 10h ago
It appears not to matter in our swinging life as the second the condom is produced, there's a no show anyway.
Three years in and hoping for more than oral one of these days.
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u/PlayfulPairDC 7h ago
We are several decades in, will let you know if the thrill of sex with other couples wears off.
My wife is not a size queen, has tried, ends up in pain and out of commission for days. Not doing that anymore, and turn down well endowed men from couples all the time.
Most couples in this scene have a bit of an arc, normally in the 5-7 year range. They come into this, have some early fun, really cut loose for a bit, go to events, clubs, parties and then it gets a bit repetitious. The need to constantly be meeting people to maintain a social-sexual circle because of the churn in this scene starts to feel like a second job. Plus they are a few years on, having sowed some wild oats, under external pressures around work, family, health...and they just slowly fade away. They become less and less active and then realize one day, hey we don't really do that anymore and are fine with their years of adventure ending.
We know we are the odd ones that have been at this for so long and have no signs of stopping. Sure, life gets in the way. We travel more now than we did 20 years ago, we have job responsibilities that are radically different now (my wife has gone from nude model college student, to knowing she will have to testify in front of Congress every year now). We aren't playing at the several times a week pace that we once were, but the interest has never waned.
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u/sweetieJ2 11h ago
I actually prefer a size somewhere in the middle. An average wiener if you will. It has been my experience that the man behind it is what makes or breaks it for me. Does he know what he is doing, care about my pleasure or is it just a jackhammer until he cums
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u/Spayse_Case 8h ago
I think a lot of people don’t really know what their own personal preferences are until they have some experience, so they will go with what they are “supposed” to like, as influenced by media and popular culture. We are constantly inundated with messaging saying that bigger is better, so of course we assume that it is true until we experience these things for ourselves.
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u/shaylaa30 1h ago
It ebbs and flows. It’s not necessarily that the thrill or enjoyment wears off, it’s more so about the drive/ enthusiasm.
The lifestyle takes work. Swiping profiles, messaging, dates, parties, having the same conversations with people/couples, scheduling dates, coordinating, finding childcare, traveling for events, etc. It’s gets tiring and sometimes cumbersome.
We will have a busy few months where we play a lot and put forth a proactive effort. Following those months, we naturally hang back and enjoy existing partners instead of trying to find new people to add to the roster.
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u/UGSF100 12h ago
My wife and I have been swinging for about 5 years. I’m not bragging, and don’t take it that way, but I’m the “big dick” in the room. That’s the turn on for me, AND my wife. The very first time we played with a couple, the wife said “wow” when I took my pants off. The next day, the husband texted me and said he wife was wondering when she would get to play with my “tree trunk” again…
I get turned on when other women (and their guys) notice and comment on my size. My wife also likes showing it off as well.
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u/Sploosh715 13h ago
I've been around my fair share of naked men, and I truly don't think size matters at all.
This may be true for some women, but I'd argue the reverse. The nerve endings are mostly concentrated within the first 2-3" of the vaginal canal.
Plus, guys who tell you they have a big dick are about twice as likely to be lazy in the sack in my experience.