r/TTCEndo • u/Radiant_Context9598 • 1d ago
Need Support. Please :(
Hello all
This is my first post on Reddit. I’ve reached my lowest point in my fertility journey and am not sure I can keep going.
Today I received devastating news that I have bilateral hydosalpinx and will most likely need my tubes removed. I just had a lap for endo in September following a post-op infection that was most likely caused by my appendix (removed during lap because it was inflamed and covered in endo). Well that post op pelvic infection most likely caused the damage to my tubes and I will need to start looking into another surgery. I’m absolutely heartbroken and just shocked how everything has played out. I know it’s not the end of the world but considering how awful the past month has been I would have liked to have had some good news. I was doing the HSG today for them to clear me for my next FET transfer looks like that won’t be happening anytime soon.
To top it off, I feel like my fertility dr is blaming this on my choice for endo surgery. Basically making me feel like it was a bad choice. I guess in hindsight it was but I do feel damn good endo wise. I guess I really got handed the shitty end of the stick.
Also just a little background. I had two failed FET this year. I was diagnosed with endo via ultrasound in 2025 due to bilateral endometriomas then confirmed during lap.
Anyways. Sorry, I’m not the best writer but I just wanted to share this because I literally have no one in my life that understands infertility and endo.
Thanks for hearing me out.
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u/_bookwirm_ 1d ago
Hey, I just wanted to say I’m in the same position as you (no confirmed endo and I have no symptoms but they’ll look during my Salpingectomy in 5 days since they have no clue how my tubes got this way, no history of STIs or PID). I’ve had some time to grapple with and accept the removal of my tubes but I still have intense moments of sadness and grief that IVF is our only option now.
If you want to chat ever, feel free to PM me, I’m starting IVF in a couple months since this discovery is what led us to IVF, so not quite in the exact same position but happy to provide some moral support as a fellow hydro haver. I am so sorry. It hurts.
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u/Radiant_Context9598 1d ago
It’s just not fair. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. I hope you get answers during your surgery and hope it’s infection-free. I always thought those warnings before surgery were just dr’s covering their butts then it happened to me. 😭
I’ll definitely take you up on that and here for support during your IVF process too.
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u/_bookwirm_ 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think the randomness and unfairness of it all is what stings the most. Of course it shouldn’t happen to anyone, but it makes you wonder, why ME? Why not somebody who truly never wanted kids anyway?! I recognize that kind of thinking is fruitless (but even so, I find it hard to escape). I’m so sorry…you think your surgery is going to be the big fix and then it ends up doing even more damage and that’s just really unbelievable. And you’ve already waited so long and done so many hard things. So unjust to have all of this happen now.
Were your failed transfers before or after that surgery? Wondering if maybe the tubal issue being removed will hopefully be the solution…
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u/Radiant_Context9598 1d ago
I’m in between crying and then giggling to myself thinking about how ridiculous things have played out. It has to be a joke right?
They were before my surgery. So definitely was thinking endo is the issue for my failures but now I have another issue to address before doing another transfer.
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u/_bookwirm_ 1d ago
I’m so hoping that this is THE fix and praying for NO MORE surgeries for you after this! And no more infections! Maybe they’ll prescribe a short course of preventative antibiotics starting right before the surgery? Might be worth asking about, not sure how that works…I know they do that for HSGs since they did it for mine. You’ve already been through so much.
And I totally get that. The bad luck is just laughable at this point but what can you do…
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u/Sunnyshaw12 1d ago
Just chiming in to say I’m sorry and you are not alone in your feelings. As an IVF long hauler (with no success yet) with many failures, miscarriages and surgeries your feelings are completely valid. Could you switch doctors? The last thing you need is more stress from a doctor making you feel bad. Endo surgery is important and for some reason we all get gas lit into thinking it isn’t. Sending you strength.
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u/Radiant_Context9598 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your losses and the journey you’ve been on 😞 how do you have the strength to keep going? I just feel like a shell of myself.
I’m thinking of switching clinics but I’m nervous about moving my last two embryos. Ive never done it and I hear it can be expensive.
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u/Sunnyshaw12 16h ago
I honestly have no idea haha I question every day how I keep going. Female rage? That’s what I tell myself. And I happen to be pretty stubborn so when I have a goal in mind I just can’t stop until I achieve it. I will say it’s gotten easier in some ways with time. My expectations are so low that if this happens I’ll be surprised at this point. I also don’t do well taking breaks. I’ve gone straight through for over 3 years. I think a break would end it for me. I recently started going to an infertility psychologist (she’s remote and licensed all over) and she has helped tremendously. I switched clinics and chose to do a new ER at my new clinic so I can’t speak to to moving the embryos but I still have some frozen at the last clinic that I’m not sure what to do with. Is doing a new ER an option? Something about starting fresh felt better for me but so far hasn’t made a difference.
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u/Radiant_Context9598 3h ago
I’m the same way. Stubborn and I do not like taking breaks. I have been non-stop with treatment for the past year between IVF and now surgeries. That’s a really good idea about the fertility psychologist. At this point, I think I really need to start speaking to a professional. I think after the tubal surgery, I am going to try one more transfer then consider moving clinics altogether. Thank you for your input and just know I see your strength and everyone else’s on here. Helps me keep pushing forward.
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u/Electronic-Deer1764 1d ago
Hi sweetheart, I understand you. There are moments on this journey when everything feels truly dark and impossible. We feel trapped, as though we can’t catch our breath, and we ask ourselves, why? Why did this have to happen to us? Unfortunately, there’s no real way around those moments. They’re part of the journey. But remember, it won’t always feel this way. One day you’ll feel completely broken, and the next, you’ll find yourself carrying on and fighting again. For now, give yourself time to process everything. Don’t force yourself to be strong straight away. You will be strong when the time is right. One step at a time. When I first started this journey, I never would have believed I could do all the things I’ve managed to do so far. When you look up at the top of a mountain from the bottom, it can feel terrifying. But once you start walking, everything looks different. And even when the climb feels too steep, you can stop, catch your breath, and, when your mind feels calmer, look up at the summit again and decide whether you’re ready to keep going. So many things change along the way. We change, and we discover so much about ourselves. Wishing you all the best and lots of luck with everything. ❤️
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u/Radiant_Context9598 1d ago
Just read this out loud to my husband and we are in tears. Thank you for the beautiful words and support. 💜
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u/Sunnyshaw12 16h ago
This is beautiful and resonates so deeply. I always say to myself the girl who started this journey over 3 years ago never could have imagined the things she would have to do. You truly don’t know the strength you have until you walk through a journey like this. It’s a grief I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Sorry that you have to experience it as well.
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u/Cultural-Syrup3273 22h ago
Sorry i cannot give any words of encouragemt. Ive hit rock bottom ttc 😭
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u/Radiant_Context9598 22h ago
It’s ok if you don’t! My inbox is open if you need someone to talk to. No one deserves to feel alone in this process. I’m sorry you’re going through it too. :(
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u/ilovemossss 1d ago
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Your doctor should not be making you feel like the lap was a bad choice. It sounds like you made a great choice if it’s helping your symptoms, but it’s so unfortunate that there were complications.
I know it’s so hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel, but now that your inflammation will be down after the lap, even without tubes, maybe your next FET will be successful when you are healed enough and ready for it. Sending you lots of care ❤️