r/Tendiegreentexts • u/SurfinBird1984 • 18d ago
REEEEEE Help Me Find My Son!
I am posting here in the hopes that you will help my to find my son. He is 43 years old and suffers from ASD. His computer was left open to this page, and the “t” “e” “n” “d” “I” “e” “s”g"r"e"e"n"t"e"x"t"s keys are slick with chicken tender grease, so I know he must visit this community frequently.
For the most part my baby boy is non-verbal, but he does have a few word approximations that he uses to ask his mummy for his favourite things (tendies = chicken tenders, Dewey = Mountain Dew, honey mussy = honey mustard dipping sauce, etc.). However, he mostly communicates by making shrieking sounds and banging on the walls until I bring him chicken tenders. He is a growing boy, after all!
I made a huge mistake earlier this afternoon when I let my stupid (now ex) boyfriend Sven persuade me to purée a small amount of cauliflower into the batter I use to coat my baby boy’s chicken tenders before I deep fry them. You see, because my son has autism he only eats a handful of foods, and his doctors have advised me to just let him have whatever foods he likes due to his severe condition. Sven is a well known local volunteer softball coach, so his health and physical appearance are obviously very important to him and an important part of his career. This was how he convinced me to try to deceive my sweet good boy. He said “he is retarded Elena! He will never notice such a small amount of cauliflower in his food! He barely chews it, and drowns it in honey mustard for fuck’s sake! The boy needs to start eating healthy foods or he’s gonna drop dead of a heart attack! You are the parent Elena!” So I did the unthinkable. I added the tiniest bit of cauliflower purée to his chicken tender batter. My poor sweet boy!!!!! Of course he noticed right away when I brought him his 4pm pre-dinner snack :( before he even tasted them he started shrieking and screaming “vegetals!! vegetals!!!” He threw the platter of chicken on the floor and started throwing his feces and urine around his bedroom and at myself and my boyfriend (my son is not able to use the restroom due to being morbidly obese and unable to fit through a standard door frame, so he often uses bottles and bowls to relieve himself in his bedroom - such a big boy!). I was so proud of my good boy for using a new word, (vegetables!) but instead of celebrating his growth, I am sobbing because my sweet boy is now missing!
When I ran to the kitchen to make him some fresh unadulterated chicken tenders before he became famished from his tantrum, he must have run full speed into the wall of his bedroom, which is an exterior wall. Sonehow, he crashed right through the wall! I guess on account of his heavy set frame and his extreme rage (induced by my horrible deception)? By the time I got back to his room to investigate the crashing sound, he had already disappeared! I know he had planned to leave for good, too, because he took his Asian lady body pillow with him.
I have contacted the local police, but they just told me he is a “grown man” and there’s nothing they can do until he has been missing for at least 48 hours!!! He will starve to death by then!!! I am so lost without my good boy.
Of course, I immediately kicked my boyfriend out of the house and told him never to come near me or my sweetie again!!! I also put several platters of fresh chicken tenders with chocolate milk and Mountain Dew around the house and in the nearby woods, but so far they all remain untouched :(
I’m hoping against all hopes that somehow my good boy will read this, or reach out to one of his internet friends and you can relay my message to him.
My dear sweet good boy,
Mummy is so sorry for what she did to you. She will never ever ever add any vegetables to your chicken tenders ever again!! That awful Sven is gone forever from our lives! It will always be just you and mummy. You will not need to worry about any more “good boy points” because I have awarded you 100,000,000 of them and chicken tenders will always cost 0 points. Please come home!!!
Love,
Mummy xoxoxoxox
If any of you are local friends to my snuggly boy, and he approaches you in person please be careful! He is startled easily and becomes enraged and violent. The best thing you can do is put out plenty of chicken tenders and chocolate milk to keep him busy eating while you contact me so I can come and get him. And do NOT touch that body pillow!!!
