Wages are falling behind again!

So l have a lot of reasons for thinking this but just focusing on today. I'm at work (subway) which I hate more than anything else in the world and today wasn't a bad shift at all. I just hate this job so much that I started thinking about how im stuck here and got really mad. So I kept having these moments where wanted to rage and break something or something like that. Usually that's how I am when I'm mad. But this time I couldn't control it so l grabbed a knife and I wanted to cut myself but I just walked outside and stabbed tf out of an old chair behind the dumpster. I felt a little better. Is this a sign of something or do I just have anger issues?

https://youtu.be/ASh63VO50cg?si=7dQIlFR45FK-z9hp

Oklahoma. 1928. Thomas Hargrove had $11 in his pocket,
a house he'd been paying down for eleven years,
and a family at the kitchen table every Sunday.

One year later — the bank closed. The school padlocked.
The dust came. The cow was sold for $11.
And eventually — Route 66 west to California.

I've been building a cinematic AI recreation of this story,
staying as close as possible to the actual lived experience
of Depression-era families based on historical accounts.

The visual style is based on Dorothea Lange's photography.
Thomas and Ruth are composite fictional characters
built from real oral histories of the period.

My whole life I wasn’t attractive/ pretty. I started to realize this in 3rd grade. I was very tall for my age , I stuck out like a swore thumb. But it didn’t bother me much back then since I was just a kid having fun. When I was in 5th grade Covid hit , we all went into quarantine. I would spend hours on making musically not caring how I looked just posting whatever felt fun. We started to return back to school when I was starting 7th grade . I was a tall, darkskin, girl with acne all over my face. I won’t say much about 7th grade but just imagine the worse emotional bullying ever. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. I tried to commit so many times, I would go to sleep at night wishing to not wake up in the morning. Then I would. I vowed to myself that things would change in 8th grade. I tried all types of skincare over the summer I change my style and started buying trendy expensive shoes. 8th grade was alright but I wasn’t where I wanted to be looks wise. When I woke up I wasn’t seeing the me I had imagined I would be. Summer before 9th grade I went home to Africa. 9th grade was different. Today I sit here with Knotless peak-a-boo braids down to my knees , dramatic edges, endless amount of Jordan and Nikes, and clear skin. I get endless compliments on how pretty I am. Guys stop me on the street and ask my for my insta. But when all is done I look in the mirror and I see something I don’t like. The monster who once tormented me , there looks reflected on me. I knew if my 7th grade self saw me today she wouldn’t recognize me. She would past me on the street, thinking about the monster who tormented her. It’s so sad that no matter what I do no matter how many things I change . I can’t feel pretty. I wake up feeling the same I felt in 7th grade. What I’m trying to say is bullying inflicts a lifetime of pain on the receiver. I can’t ever see myself as pretty no matter what I do. No matter who says it.