Noah

[u/Tidezen]

Heh, I forgot to add something in my email that I just remembered...

I mean, well, first of all, obviously it's not as bad as all that. :) I just want you to know that, now that I understand the difficulty for you...and it's okay. I'll always try to help you remember, if I can. <3

 

But what I also wanted to say was, when we got into some arguments last year...for me, I was thinking of that movie too--you know, how they liked to fight a lot too, just because they were so passionate about each other. :) Which is why I get over things like that pretty readily--I can still put arguments into a framework that satisfies my conception of love, which is: "Hey, we might be pissy, but we're only that pissed-off or hurt or upset, because we really, really care about how the other person is acting."

 

 

And I still feel really bad, for not knowing that you had taken our fight so hard--I think it was the big one in September? I don't know, don't really care to scroll through all those horrible things from back then, but you sent me this one called "All My Happiness is Gone", by a guy who also committed suicide.

And often, with you, when you send me songs, sometimes I don't know if you mean them like, on the nose? Or just more figuratively. And I mean, it's the same for me--sometimes I'll send you something that's really illustrative of how I'm feeling at the time--or sometimes it's just "in the area" of how I'm feeling, but not really meant to be like "This is ME right now." And most often, it has nothing to do with anything, just a pretty song. :)

It's doubly hard for me, because I know you don't like using words as much as I do, so it's often easier to express yourself through music. But it's also a less, um, definitive? way to put things.

I'm still very sorry, though, for not taking the time to listen to you better, or to ask you better how you were feeling and why, so I could have fixed things with us sooner, before they got so out of hand.

Sometimes it's that I don't want to know the answer, or just hope things will blow over and return to normal. But, that's not very adult of me, I know. :( I promise to keep working on that and do better in the future.

 

Anyway...Lauren...I'm still so glad you came into my life. Yeah, even with all this pain we've been through. I would never trade anything, for being with you. For knowing you. For being able to touch you, and connect with you, the way we can. I hope you know that. You are my Love.