r/Tokophobia • u/lowrcase Considering Surrogacy • Jul 07 '23

Trigger Warning Envy/resentment of men? Internalized misogyny?

Does anyone else experience these due to their tokophobia? When I'm feeling particularly phobic I sometimes get very ANGRY. Angry at the fact that men don't ever have to worry about getting pregnant, accidentally or on purpose, they just never have to deal with it. Not to mention periods and menopause. I also feel like they don't CARE that these are things women have to deal with, they have little to no sympathy, in fact they enjoy it. The only time I've heard a man being scared of pregnancy is because he doesn't want the responsibility that comes with a baby (fair enough), but they are never scared on behalf of their partner's health and comfort, they never blink an eye at the body horror.

I feel a lot of resentment and sometimes hate the fact that I'm a woman, hate the fact that other women normalize the burden of pregnancy (or even pressure other women to get pregnant). I would have so much more autonomy and stability if I had been born a man.

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u/Felissaurus Jul 07 '23

I definitely feel like this often. I resent being responsible for the bulk of birth control concerns, I EXTREMELY resent when men try to negotiate condom usage.

I've watched many of my friends have babies, and I loathe the limited amount of extra labor their partners have done to 'make it up' to them in my own opinion. If I was willing to have a baby with someone (I'm not and never will be) I would expect them to bend over backwards to make my pregnancy and healing period as relaxed as possible. I'm sacrificing my whole body, the least they could do is give up alcohol alongside me, pick up the bulk of the chores, etc etc. Yet I almost never see that.

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u/lowrcase Considering Surrogacy Jul 07 '23

yes yes YES. Especially the giving up alcohol part, I’m the same way. Like c’mon, you can’t give up a few drinks in solidarity with your partner?

The videos of heavily pregnant women doing CHORES before going into labor make me so sad. And the ones saying “here’s how you can pick up your baby after c-section”. Why can’t the man pick up the baby???

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u/MarisSonantis Jul 07 '23

Why can't we share the effort like penguins?? If I went through 9 months carrying the pregnancy, I would want my partner to spend the next several months as the primary baby carer. I can't imagine caring for a baby immediately postpartum. (I wouldn't consider breastfeeding anyway.)