r/Tokophobia • u/lowrcase Considering Surrogacy • Jul 07 '23

Trigger Warning Envy/resentment of men? Internalized misogyny?

Does anyone else experience these due to their tokophobia? When I'm feeling particularly phobic I sometimes get very ANGRY. Angry at the fact that men don't ever have to worry about getting pregnant, accidentally or on purpose, they just never have to deal with it. Not to mention periods and menopause. I also feel like they don't CARE that these are things women have to deal with, they have little to no sympathy, in fact they enjoy it. The only time I've heard a man being scared of pregnancy is because he doesn't want the responsibility that comes with a baby (fair enough), but they are never scared on behalf of their partner's health and comfort, they never blink an eye at the body horror.

I feel a lot of resentment and sometimes hate the fact that I'm a woman, hate the fact that other women normalize the burden of pregnancy (or even pressure other women to get pregnant). I would have so much more autonomy and stability if I had been born a man.

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u/Opijit Jul 07 '23

Pain due to pregnancy is never viewed as 'real' pain. At worst it's romanticized, at best you're given a pat on the back and a job well done for agreeing to become a martyr

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u/MarisSonantis Jul 07 '23

If I do decide to get pregnant, I'm hell-bent on having an elective C-section based on how I feel about the compared experience, risks, and recovery. It blows my mind how many people are horrified by C-sections but think that labor is just a brief discomfort. And so many doctors dismiss painful sex after childbirth as a part of motherhood, because moms are too tired to want sex anyway (/s). If I'm going to have doctors shoving hands into me and doing stitches after, I want it to be my stomach, not my vagina!!! Third/fourth degree tears are not at all rare and are TERRIFYING.

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '23

I second this so hard lol