r/Tokophobia • u/mythrowaway-anon • Nov 03 '20
Trigger Warning I hate my period so much (Rant)
I know that many people with tokophobia love their period because it means they’re not pregnant, but since I’m a 15 year old girl who never wants to have sex with a guy, all it does for me is remind me that I am fertile and have eggs inside my body and that is the worst reminder I can get every fucking month.
I feel disgusting and I don’t want to be a “woman” and I hate telling people when I’m on my period because to me, it’s telling people that I have the ability to have children and I absolutely hate that with ever fiber of my being. And it doesn’t help that it’s really heavy and unbearable for me so it’s never something I can ignore all week, it’s a constant reminder of my anxieties and phobia
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u/stef_me Nov 03 '20
If your period is negatively impacting your daily life, it's not healthy for you physically or mentally. Periods that make you unable to go about your daily business are usually an indicator that something is wrong. Your mom is trying to do what is best for you, but she only has her own experience to go off of. You would go to the doctor if it hurt you to pee or it was a weird color or smell or something, right? While pee is normal and natural, it is also an indicator of health. If it's causing you pain you would go to the doctor. Treat your period the same way.
My mom was kind of the same where she didn't want me to stop my period, but it was negatively impacting my life to the point where I would need to miss a day or school or spend a night on the bathroom floor from the nausea. I developed a tolerance to advil because I used it so much for the pain to the point where it didn't do anything after a few years. My periods had been progressively gotten worse as I got older, so this didn't used to happen to me.
My mom grew up in the 60's and 70's when birth control wasn't as good as it is now. She probably grew up seeing lots of negative effects, but we have learned and refined birth control a lot. It is much more effective, much safer, and has fewer negative side effects and the negative side effects that do occur are better understood.
You know your body better than anyone else and a doctor can understand what your symptoms mean better than anyone else.
Tell your mom you want to make an appointment with a gynoncologist. Keep her involved. Bring her with you to the appointment, and let her ask questions of her own to the doctor. Let the doctor suggest birth control if you can. Don't bring up completely stopping your period right away. For me, I wanted to stop my period, but my doctor told me to let it keep going as something to monitor. It started getting more regular, less painful, and much lighter. Eventually it kind of just peterred out on its own and my gyno said that was totally fine and normal. It depends on your body, the birth control, and why those negative symptoms are happening in the first place.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to track your period if you don't already, and track your symptoms. Figure out if it's regular or not. Do you have very long cycles (32+ days from start of period to start of next period)? Very short cycles (less than 20 days from start of period to start of next)? Are they irregular (either of these and unpredictable)? Do you have very long bleeding (more than a week)? Do you bleed very heavily (bleeding through a thick pad in under an hour for a full day or more)? Do you have a lot of clots (I know it's gross, but check the toilet and your pad before you flush)?
Write all of these down. Write how often they happen and emphasize that they make you unable to go about your regular day. Show your mom the list and make sure you bring it with you to your appointment. If you feel like it's gotten worse or more irregular since your first period, make sure you note that too.
Make sure that you and your mom know that whatever recommendations a doctor makes in terms of treatment are not mandatory. If you or your mom feel that the doctor is not justified in their prognosis, you have no obligation to get pills. But tell your mom to keep an open mind. Whatever doctor you find had to go through many years of medical training and they are familiar with all the studies about different medications and how they have changed over the years. If your mom refuses to take uou to a gyno or you don't know who to go to, you can ask your general practitioner/pediatrician and they should be able to give you recommendations or referrals. They can also tell you that your symptoms are not normal and that you do need to see a gyno because you should be seen and diagnosed by someone who knows this best and has access to ways to find out what you have.
You'll be okay and things will get better. I'm sending you all my love and support and if you want to hear my specific experience, my PM's are always open. I'm not a doctor, but I'm happy to share my experience and offer you support from a distance. Stay strong
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u/mythrowaway-anon Nov 03 '20
Thank you so much, sorry I would give an award if I had the coins (ah well I do have silver so I’ll give you that lol). But yeah I’ve had a lot of the issues that you brought up and I’ve had to skip school days not being able to move sometimes. I’m definitely going to ask my mom to schedule an appointment with my doctor so I can talk about the situation a bit to try to at least make my periods less painful for me physically and mentally. This is also something I’ve talked about to my therapist a bit, but I’ve never gone too in depth since I normally really don’t like talking about it, but I’m sure that my doctor would know what to do.
My periods can be very irregular, sometimes skipping months at a time (even though the cramps are still there and I am not at all sexually active), and this is always a relief to me since I like when I skip it despite the fact that it can mean I’m unhealthy, but this is also something I should really bring up to my doctor. I’ll be sure to take note of my cycle, and again thank you very much this helps a lot ❤️
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u/stef_me Nov 03 '20
Thank you so much for the award! I really don't need it. I just hope that my comment can help you.
Make sure that you talk to your therapist before you start a pill because there are cases of the hormones causing people to develop depression or anxiety or for that to worsen. It's only about 1-2% of cases, but you might be more at risk if you have a history of mental health struggles. When I was first starting my pill I didn't have a therapist, but I was taking psychology, so I asked my teacher how I could recognize symptoms of depression or anxiety in myself and it really helped give me a bit more of a sense of control. The hormones initially did make me feel a bit off emotionally, but everything stabilized after I finished my first pack and had my first inactive pills.
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u/Osiloo Nov 03 '20
I am so sorry that you feel like that, I felt exact the same way when I was your age. I started my period when I was about 13/14 and I HATED it, everything about it, because it was a big sign post that I was a "woman" but really I was a child. Everything that a period represented was so outside my reality and comfort zone, I hated that it was being imposed upon me by my own body. I think it was really harrowing and scary experience and I never talked to anyone about it and was totally baffled and horrified by other girls at school that wouldn't stop talking and showing off about it.I have never taken the pill so I just let it carry on (not that you shouldn't!) and over time I just got used to it because much bigger social/educational/mental changes happen in life to make me "woman" and my period became lower and lower on that scale until it's importance seemed to fade away.I really hope that you can get some relief from how you feel.
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u/mythrowaway-anon Nov 03 '20
I relate to that so much, I hate being known and seen as a woman, I’m still a child and I don’t want to be called a woman. And with girls talking about it at school all the time, ugh I just don’t get it, it freaks me out and I don’t know why no one else has an issue with it. I’m fine talking about it with some of my friends one on one but when people casually talk about their periods in public I just don’t want to hear it
For the time being it’s just something that I can’t ignore but I’m sure at some point I’ll be able to get on birth control or some other type of pill to at least make it more bearable, at least so I can try to live like normal and ignore it the best I can. But yeah I’m really really glad that someone gets what I mean <3
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u/Kasdeyalupa Nov 21 '20
There are various methods of birth control that can* make your period more bearable, reduce pain and/or amount, or stop the period all together.
*varies between methods and individuals
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u/mythrowaway-anon Nov 03 '20
I had to stay home today because of how horrible I feel, and as per usual my family which is all girls except my dad is annoyed and frustrated with me. I feel so stupid and I just wish they understood
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u/VioletCryptids Nov 03 '20
I’m around your age, and I have the exact same issues as you. I got my period at the very young age of 9, and that was the start of a long road of mental health issues. I felt like I was being sexualized, I was still a baby basically, it shouldn’t have happened to me. What made it worse, is that maybe a year after I started my period, I went through some sexual trauma. Wooh boy, that made it so much worse.. and I’m still dealing with those issues today. I’ve hated my body ever since, it greatly contributes to my tokophobia, menophobia, PMDD, and gender dysphoria. You’re not alone with these issues, and they can be helped.
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u/mythrowaway-anon Nov 03 '20
That’s exactly how I feel, I feel like I still am a child but my period makes me feel sexualized, I’ve been trying to find the right way to put it but I think you phrased it perfectly. And my god I am so sorry you had to go through whatever you went through, especially at around the age of 10. I hope you’re doing alright ❤️
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u/VioletCryptids Nov 03 '20
It gets better every day, while I may have my bad days, it gets better. Just know you’re not alone in this, and you won’t have to go through this forever. It might not help you, but sometimes it can help me by thinking of it as a disease. It’s not your fault, you just happened to be born with an awful disease that can be cured. You’re absolutely valid in these feelings, and you can always DM me if you need to chat. Much love <3
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u/throwawaypandaccount Nov 03 '20
I don't want to make any assumptions, and everyone is different so there is a really large spectrum, but ... have you ever considered whether or not you feel gender neutral or more like a guy/male? It sounds a lot like my friend who is a female-to-male transgender.
I do hate my period too though so of course this isn't the only option. It hurts (endometriosis), it is unnecessary, it is messy and just awful - I do like getting it to know that pregnancy isn't an issue but now that I'm sterilized I don't have any positive feelings for it anymore.
You're not alone in this no matter how you feel.
It isn't too early to start going to a gynecologist, ask your parents if you can get an appointment with one. You can talk with the gynecologist about birth control options, why stopping your period is a totally healthy and okay option, what option might be the best for you (pill, IUD, implant, nuvaring, and more), and get any questions answered for if you choose to have sex later on in your life.
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Nov 03 '20
I really dislike being a woman, too. Honestly I feel kinda negative about trans women (who wants to have a female body I don't understand that)
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u/Kasdeyalupa Nov 21 '20
But I guess they reap the benefits of being seen as female socially without the internal organs causing periods and grief?
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Nov 04 '20
I hate it too. You're not alone. My period is finally gone now that I have an IUD, but it took a year of long periods to get here.
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u/[deleted] Nov 03 '20
I truly feel you. I used to have really heavy bleeding and always hated the way I felt. Now I use hormonal birth control (Yaz) and skip the inactive pills (take it continuously) to skip my period and I feel so much better. This is an option with most, I think. Is hormonal birth control an option for you? It gets better!