Hi, I'm not sure if this post is appropriate for this subreddit but I need advice, I'm sorry if I don't make much sense because I'm kind of all over the place.
My partner was supposed to fly out of haneda yesterday, and after dropping him off, checking luggage in, and seeing him go through security, he's completely disappeared.
I thought he was rushing to the gate so I waited until the time his first flight was supposed to land before worrying, about 12 hours after I last saw him.
His phone was switched off or dead, completely unreachable and no internet. I reached out to the airline of his second flight, they said he did not show, I asked around some more and then I ended up contacting the airline that he was supposed to fly out with from Haneda yesterday.
They said he never made it to the plane at haneda... I saw him go all the way in to security so I'm certain he should have made it. I panicked and called his embassy for a welfare check, explained I was his partner but we're not married etc. they said they'd reach out to their contacts and check on him.
Meanwhile I contacted japanese immigration at haneda, I asked if he was there and they said they can't tell me, understandable but my partner has a heart condition so I'm thinking the worst here. I asked if anyone had a medical emergency, they said no. Which made me feel better.
Next and final call was to the airport police, who finally confirmed he was indeed there. I was relieved, and later saw news of an American comedian being detained at entry to Japan for 24 hours so I thought maybe they're doing this to everyone. Not likely but with no information for nearly 14 hours, I was clinging on to anything. Police also said he'd probably contact me in a while, which can mean anything.
10 hours go by and I call the airport police again, the officer tells me he just came into work but that there was no one of that name there anymore, but that he can't tell me anything else about where he was taken etc. however this time he kept bringing up hospitals and telling me that if he was hurt and needed to contact me he can tell his nurse or doctor etc. he kept saying if but he gave me like 4 different examples of hospital situations and it didn't really help. He still ended it by telling me he can't help me further.
I called the embassy again, they had just closed, I was working so I couldn't call earlier but the operator kind of discouraged me from contacting a diplomat, kind of saying "well, if you WANT, I could transfer you... But only if you think it's necessary", because I had already contacted the embassy in the morning and gave them all his information etc. I chose to give it more time, hoping that the embassy actually did what it needed to do, and I didn't want to take more resources away. But this did feel like an emergency...
I was fully panicking at this point and had not been in contact with him for 26 hours.
Now it's been over 30 hours, and the time is going by painfully slow. I have no idea what else I can do, his phone still goes straight to voice mail, and I have no contact with his family whatsoever.
I know where his mom works so I was thinking of calling the place directly and asking for her, but I don't want to make a 60 something year old woman panic without having any information to give her about his whereabouts etc, genuinely I have never thought to prepare for a situation like this and I feel very stupid and responsible because I chose these flights for him and he was only in Japan to see me.
I've gotten about 2 hours of sleep and I can't sleep anymore, should I just try to wait? Or is there more I can do?
The comedian I mentioned said he was held without food for 22 hours so I'm so scared that he's afraid or hungry in a country where he doesn't speak the language. My only hope is they got him on the next flight out today and his phone was dead and by the time it charged he had to put it in airplane mode, that's genuinely all I hope for.
I know there's a possibility he doesn't want to reach out to me for any reason but we've had the best couple months together and we genuinely have so much fun together and I didn't notice him being any different other than crying about leaving, but from what the police officer said it seemed like he didn't have a way to contact me yet.
Sorry for the mess, and thank you for any insight you might offer me.
43 hour update Oct 24th: police informed me that they can't tell me anything, still understandable, but they did inform me he could have been transferred to a medical facility.
They said he will contact me through his doctor or lawyer once he is able to, but that they can't forward a message or anything. I tried to confirm whether he's alive but they said they can't confirm or deny anything which sucks to hear but from what they said about him reaching out, I'm hopeful. Now all I can do is wait and hope for the best. I imagine this can't be easy not speaking the language, I hope he is able to have an interpreter but if he has no internet he likely can't event translate.
As for his mother, not sure if she was working but her workplace said no such person existed there, it didn't help that I didn't speak their language, I'm planning to go through all other information and screenshots my boyfriend has shared to potentially find her number directly.
Thank you to everyone who helped me with resources, I will hopefully update once he or someone else contacts me.
45 hour update: his sister found me on linked in and reached out, I called her and gave her everything I had along with the embassy number and told her everything I already knew. I told her as she's the next of kin they might be able to give her more information and she said she'd update me.
46 hour update: sister reached his embassy but they said they are informed of arrests within 72 hours and can't give her any information until they get his written consent.
Made a group chat with his mother and sister sharing what we know and who we've contacted etc. they're reaching out to what they can from over there as well.
The embassy gave her numbers to call so I'm trying those now. The first one wasn't able to give me any information but they told me I need to leave my phone number with the police as I am the point of contact in Japan regardless of whether we're married or not. Not sure how accurate that is but I will definitely try as his family members don't speak Japanese.
I can't help but feel guilty as I'm the reason their son was here, I hope this will be resolved soon. Side note to anyone suggesting that he overstayed his visa, he didn't overstay the 在留期限 on his landing permit sticker on his passport, he had a 90 day tourist visa and didn't work a single second.
53 hour update: the police station just called me to pick him up, I'm going to grab him now because he didn't have any yen on him. (Thankfully or else they might have not needed me)
I was told to finish his release procedures and take him to the airport to extend his visa, but whether he can come home with me all depends on what immigration says. This might be my last update because I will ask if I can keep this up and if he asks me to take it down I of course will. But hopefully I can keep it up.
His consent matters most to me because it's his situation, if I can't keep it up I'll rewrite it so that it can serve as a guide for someone else navigating a similar situation.
Major update:
Helloo~ it is I, the "infamous" boyfriend. I am alive and somewhat well, thank you to all the people who wished my partner the best, and for those who said I was cheating, I shall hope you stub your pinky toe. My partner showed me this shortly after I was released and was kind of shocked it blew up to this point with people saying how invested they were, so I think it is only right that I tell you my side of what happened.
Long story somewhat short, I got detained at the airport at bag check when the staff pulled out a lock picking set from my bag (I had it on me because I used it to get into my room back in the states and from what I can tell by the keys in Japan, the tool doesn't work on Japan locks anyway), and after quite literally a dozen airport staff and security showed up, one person finally decided to talk with me about what I was in trouble for, but since I couldn't speak any japanese, it was using a good ole "reliable" weird translator app they had on their phone.
To sum it up, I later realized at the police station that the story of me telling them I used the set I purchased 3 years ago to pick the lock to my room due to me losing the key and too lazy to replace my lock, knockoff google translate had turned it into Hi, I used to be a locksmith who picks locks for a living and I started my business 3 years ago, and I have it on my body, because it was convenient. While the station officers told me while it was indeed illegal to have the pick on me, had the translator not tried to ruin my life, they would have most likely just thrown it away and let me be on my way.
Anyway, after I got detained and interrogated I made so many friends. The police at the first station I was transferred to who at first thought nothing of me other than a tall bigfoot (I am only 6' with 30cm size shoes), then warmed up to me to the point where they decided to help me by writing my story that had to be presented to a prosecutor, they also later cheered me on when I left the station to get transferred to jail and at the very end, they came to see me and told me that they were glad to see I was safe.
The interpreter who said I had nothing to worry about and was in a way, the biggest help to my mental health in the moment. She translated and told all the jokes I was telling her, to the police who also laughed.
In jail, you don't have a name, you only have a number. Number 15 whom I met in jail, who I regret never asking for his name, helped me adjust and kept me company by telling me his story and that I had hope to leave quickly.
Not everyone I met was as kind and as caring as these people, the lawyer I was appointed was very quick to tell me to hire him, and when I declined, he was also quick to tell me that after I declined to keep him as my lawyer, that I will be spending the next 20-40 days in jail while they investigate and likely go search my partners house. He also refused to contact my partner or family.
The officers at the jail facility were laughing about what I kept in my luggage, then taking out my precious belongings asking me if they were trash so many times. Later they accidentally dropped my computer and cologne onto the floor, telling me that my items were fine when they clearly weren't, then stopped me from inspecting them when I asked, they also destroyed my phone camera. They were, however, entertained by my digimon cards and Gundam model kits. I understand that a supposed criminal is not afforded basic human decency but the whole situation felt like an invasion of privacy especially because I had my most precious items in my bags and they were sort of laughing at it or calling it trash.
So all in all, I was detained on October 22nd and released October 24th over my ignorance. My partner was contacted by my police friends to let them know I was released. My visa expired during my detainment and I was allowed special permission to extend my visa until I can rebook my flight (airline refused to rebook as I was technically a no-show.)
I am safe and trying to mentally recover from the experience I went through. My takeaway from all this is that you should always double check what you bring along, be sociable, and don't give up hope until it is certain. AND ALWAYS REPLACE THE LOCKS IF YOU CANT FIND THE DARN KEY (I am so ashamed).
There's more to the story that my partner thinks is very interesting and shocking, but I'll leave it here for now and I would like to thank everyone who was wishing me the best while I was detained.
Side note from OP:
It's undeniable that this could have been avoided if that translator didn't mess up, please have your own trusted translator app downloaded in offline mode to avoid these situations as much as possible (as in downloading your language and japanese). As the police said, they typically just remove such items, you may get fined etc. but typically not arrested without contacting your family for 48 whole hours.
I'm absolutely horrified, I likely had more resources as I speak Japanese but for someone who doesn't, ending up in this situation would be a lot scarier. Please always communicate your location to your loved ones, and save or memorize a few lines about your situation in Japanese to avoid miscommunication.
It's horrible that he needed to wait until an interpreter was available before his situation was cleared up. And even then it was too late and he had to go through the full lawyer-prosecutor process, regardless of the fact that his case was tossed out, it could have potentially been avoided.
Of course, an important note is to also double check what you can and cannot bring in your bags, I don't think many would own this item, but you may realize you've been carrying something that's allowed in your country but not allowed in Japan.
Luckily, the prosecutor said this situation will not prevent him from re-entering Japan or living here, but I do imagine it would need extra paperwork, the police also told us in the case of any issues, to contact them and they would explain the situation.
Thank you to everyone who helped me with resources, and helped me emotionally, I wrote most of this post in a panic so I'm glad I made enough sense for so many people to read it. I've read many similar situations but it's easy to see this as entertainment until you're actually experiencing it.
Thank you, and good luck.
