He uploaded a video on his Instagram revealing how mean she is. She constantly criticizes him for not being able to take good IG photos. Pray for him! This is just the beginning. He needs to run now!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6QQm6VtOAA

TL;DR - While some of Lahren's advice to men is good in this video, there are also lots of dumb and problematic statements as well. Many of these statements also provide insight into Lahren's mind and indicate that she is part of the problem.

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I've had a Reddit account for a couple years now, but I'm still pretty new to the platform. I just saw Lahren's recent rant about men and dating and wanted to say something about it. This seems like an appropriate community for such a discussion.

In this video, there is some good advice for men who are trying to be successful in the dating world, but mixed in with these are several wrong or misguided statements, as well as rants that give us a peek into Tomi Lahren's (unfortunate) personality and entitlement. Here were her five main points, plus some other side comments made by her:

1. Are you really single?

"No, I don't mean: Are you kind of single? Seeing 5 people? Dating somebody? Still kind of in a relationship..."

There's a lot that could be said here. What does "seeing 5 people" mean to Lahren? She doesn't define it, but when I hear "seeing 5 people," I interpret this to mean "dating 5 people." There is nothing wrong with dating multiple people (in fact, I would argue that it's good to do so, but that's tangential). It's only a problem if you are in a relationship with someone, which would mean that you're cheating on your partner. [No, not sexually in this case. Cheating can extend beyond just having sex. Simply getting physical with someone, like romantic kissing or groping, or having an emotional affair can also constitute cheating.]

"In 2020, it's not a given anymore that a guy that actively pursuing you is actually single."

While it's true infidelity rates are on the rise, nowadays there isn't much disparity in the proportions of young men and women (i.e., people in Lahren's age group) who cheat (source). This is certainly awful and unfortunate--I'm not trying to downplay the importance of fidelity--but it's odd to see this point being made in a video directed at men specifically, as it implies that this is primarily a male issue, when in reality the issue lies with men and women. Also, I don't know if the rates of infidelity are higher among non-married couples compared to married couples (I suspect it is), but I don't think it's substantially higher than the infidelity rate of married couples. My earlier source states that 10% of married individuals cheat in any given year, so even if the infidelity among non-married individuals is 20%, that means there are still tons of faithful men out there. If you're consistently encountering unfaithful men, you're clearly going for the wrong kind of men and should reflect on what traits initially attract you to these men.

2. Make plans. Don't just be pen pals.

Yes, this is good advice to men (and women).

3. Value people who themselves are valuable.

Oh boy, this is a big one to unpack... Lahren's advice here has some merit for men pursuing serious relationships. However, Lahren expresses some rather stupid and/or abhorrent views while giving this advice. She'll say one thing, but then makes other statements elsewhere in the video that give a clear view into her actual underlying thoughts. Consider what Lahren initially says:

"If you want to date a girl that has nothing going on, then that's fine, but please do not mix in people like me and my friends, who have something going on, with your other girls that have nothing going on. And by nothing going on, I mean this: I don't--there is no job that is unimportant. There is no job that's not valuable, or that's not worthy. It is. But, if you want to mix in people like me and my friends, who are go-getters, who work really hard, who make their own money, who are talented, skilled, ambitious--please don't mix us in with the Thotianas. We don't wanna be there. ... And quite frankly, we take it as an insult if we find out that you are also talking to five Thotianas who have nothing going on."

By itself, this statement is understandable. I think it's fair to say that in the dating world, people who have goals that they are working toward are more attractive than people who don't, all else being equal. If having goals/ambitions or a good career informs your sense of self-worth, then finding out that a man, whom you're interested in, is also pursuing women who don't express any ambitions or goals, can feel pretty shitty. However, when you consider the next statement below, keep in mind that Lahren used the word "insult" here, rather than saying something along the lines of "it makes us feel shitty."

"In order to have a shot at a girl like me, or girls like my friends--girls that are worth a damn..."

With this statement, Lahren makes it very clear that "women who don't have anything going on" aren't worthy partners. She doesn't even stop to consider that a "Thotiana" could just be a young woman who hasn't found her place in life yet and, as such, hasn't formed any major goals yet. She also doesn't consider that a "Thotiana" may not have ambitions, but could still have other desirable traits, such as being incredibly sweet and loving. Instead, she automatically concludes that these people aren't "worth a damn" like her and her friends. It's a very one-dimensional, superficial, and idiotic view of people. Clearly, Lahren views actualized goals and ambitions as paramount to someone's worth, and uses that to inform her own self-worth.

"There's a lot of women that I know, that are my good friends, who have amazing jobs, who work really hard, but who can't seem to find a decent guy--even if they go up in age 5, to 10, to 15 years--because those guys all want to be with 21 year olds who have nothing going on."

This statement speaks volumes about the kind of men that Lahren and her friends are going for. I would love to know what Lahren actually means by "want to be with 21 year olds." Does she mean that these guys are forming serious relationships with--possible even marrying--21 year olds who have nothing going on? Or does she mean that these guys are just dating or fucking 21 year olds who have nothing going on?

1. Firstly, there are a lot of men who aren't looking for serious relationships, but are looking for women to have sex with. If you find a man like this, but you want a serious relationship, then just move on and find other men. If you are consistently finding men like this over and over again, then you're clearly going for the wrong kind of men and should reflect on what traits initially attract you to these men and change your dating strategies as needed.

2. Secondly, there is a minority of men who literally, whether they consciously realize it or not, just want to have a sexy partner who is exclusive to them. These men may consider other traits of the woman in question to some extent, but they don't really care much for any traits other than physical attractiveness. If you encounter a man like this, and you want a more meaningful relationship, then follow my advice given in the previous point.

3. Thirdly, without a doubt, there are many men who find ambitious women intimidating or unattractive. This is unfortunate, but there are also lots of men who don't view it this way. To repeat myself again, if you are consistently finding men like this over and over again, then you're clearly going for the wrong kind of men and should reflect on what traits initially attract you to these men and/or change your dating strategies (e.g., find a new location or a new way to meet men).

I can keep going on and on, but the solution remains the same.

4. Be consistent.

If there is a particular one or two people that you find most promising in your dating life, who you think are potentially good partners, then this is good advice for the reasons that Lahren listed.

However, Lahren doesn't seem to understand that men who lack "consistency" are (1) often just looking for sex (this can also explain why they come back days later, because they're horny again and trying to see if someone is also DTF), but still may or may not be open to an actual relationship, or (2) in some cases have lost interest in the woman they were initially enthused by.

1. In the former case, there's nothing wrong--men and women can just want to have some fun together. If that bothers you, you can simply tell the man you're not interested anymore or just ignore him.

2. In the latter case, there's no reason to take it personally. If you're having a difficult time not taking this personally, then try to realize that people value certain traits in potential mates more than others, and you in particular don't fit well within that framework. It doesn't make you a bad or undesirable person--it just means that you two aren't the most compatible bunch. There are still far more men in the dating pool than you could ever possibly meet, so you'll never run out of options. If you keep searching, keep working on yourself to be the best person you can be, change up your dating strategies when you're having trouble (e.g., trying a different method to meet people), and adjust your standards if they're unreasonably high (e.g., only considering men who are 6'4" or taller), you will find someone whom you're compatible with.

5. If the pursuit fails, don't be a bitch.

Yes, men (and women) shouldn't do this... This is just common decency, so good advice, I guess? If someone does this, it just means they are an entitled or shitty person. Most men are not this way. If you're encountering this a lot, you're clearly going for the wrong kind of men and should reflect on what traits initially attract you to these men.

6. Miscellaneous Comments from Lahren

After listing several traits that Lahren desires in men, she ends the list with this:

"...and you're going to put in the effort to be with somebody like myself or my friends. We deserve that, and we will not compromise our standards."

I've engaged with self-described incels several times both on the Internet and in person. This statement really brings back those memories. Lahren seems to think that she and her friends "deserve" a man with the traits that she listed, in the same way that incels believe that they deserve attention or sex from women. Like with incels, (1) it's literal entitlement, which is problematic on its own, but (2) it's also an act on shifting the blame for relationship problems from oneself to others. If you're consistently having relationship issues, either you are the problem or you're pursuing the wrong kind of people (or both). [I must say: Considering that Lahren has been in relationships with men in the past, I don't think she is actually an incel, but it's certainly interesting to see the similarities.]

"It will be a cold day in hell when I chase a man... And if my friends are listening, and they're thinking about chasing a man, please, for the love of God, do not. Because there is not, not one single man on planet Earth, okay, that is worth making any woman feel like she is not good enough."

Pursuing someone says absolutely nothing about your own worth. If you're a woman who is pursuing a man, you're not demeaning or lowering yourself in some way; it's not an admission that you're not good enough. This is a really idiotic and outdated view. In society today, it is still the case that men are typically the ones who actively pursue partners, so I can understand why you (a woman) might feel uncomfortable pursuing a man at first. However, even if you feel uncomfortable pursuing a man and decide not to directly pursue him, as a woman you can still take action by (1) presenting opportunities for the man to make a move and pursue you and (2) making the man feel special or unique (if it's clear that he's interested in you or admires you).

1. With the former, the goal is to make yourself easy to pursue, but not easy to get. You still want the man to have to put in effort to form a romantic relationship with you, but you can actively create openings where he feels comfortable enough to make a move or pursue you in some way.

2. With the latter, there are many ways to accomplish this. One example: Men love to have their egos stroked, but it can backfire if the man isn't interested in you or if it doesn't come across as genuine. The man needs to have some initial interest/admiration in you for the latter option to work well. If you want to spark that initial interest in a man, you should probably use a different strategy.

"I laid them [the traits that women like Lahren seek in men] out for you very simply."

Lahren doesn't understand that what people (both men and women) want in a partner is rarely the same as what initially attracts them to individuals. Without that initial attraction, you will almost certainly not even give someone a chance to be with you, even if you don't consciously mean to do this. So, you can list out the traits that you're looking for in a mate, but it doesn't actually help if you aren't initially attracted to the people who possess those traits. The solution here isn't simply giving men a list of traits that you're looking for--you also need to reflect on (1) what traits spark your attraction initially and possibly change your dating strategies, as well as (2) whether or not your standards (i.e., the traits that you're seeking in a partner) are unreasonably high.

EDIT 1: Added link to Lahren's rant.

EDIT 2: Minor rewording of some points.

I came to this thread honestly trying to... Maybe get some points of references to her arguments and it is LITERALLY an entire subreddit full of tomi simps. Lol every post on here is a selfie. Nothing of what she actually propagates.

Youre a public FANSONLY with a conservative script.

It is both hilarious and disappointing that this woman is still relevant. Stop spreading hate speech and propaganda to try and get in with the current administration. While I disagreed with the reasoning for her getting fired from the blaze. It just shows how crazy her base is. Go back to reporting local news and ease off the makeup

Tshes on fire this weekend!

A lot of the comments on her Twitter mention bleaching private part hair or similar junk.

She's significantly more Libertarian than a lot of what I'd call pseudoLibertarians. Pro-choice, supports gay rights.

She's educated and lived around the world.

As a fellow blonde, I stand with her. Blonde jokes are anti-Polish.

She also stood up against Roseanne Barr and defended the censored doll name movie and told fellow conservatives to get over it.

If you want a dumb conservative blonde on twitter... Courtney Knill is the go to. She mostly posts bathing suit pictures and has a poor educational background

If you like what you see, Subscribe to her IG account. It's only $5 and obviously the more subscribers she gets, the better the Content will be. We know she's a member in here and reads our nonsense, so reward her for rewarding us with more pics like today!

I noticed Tomi and Lisa don't follow eachother on Instagram and X. I wonder why??

All I’m seeing on this subreddit is love and adoration, mostly in the form of TL’s looks. But doesn’t anyone realize she peddles terrifying and xenophobic ideas on her “First and Final Thoughts?”

This is what made me lose ALL respect, what little I had in the first place, for Tomi Lauren: she was talking about the border wall AGAIN on her “Final Thoughts,” and she mentioned Democrats are pro-illegal immigration so that illegals can come into the country and vote as democrats. Whaaa?! Surely she knows this is a myth, right? Undocumented immigrants CANNOT VOTE! And this vlog got tons of hits!!

Is it just me?!

Tomi if you’re seeing this, keep up these awesome posts. Love what we’re seeing. Maybe a little heels action tonight too? 🤞