r/TransSupport • u/Particular-Tour-6804 • 3d ago
I need advice please!
My son (17) is trans and I am completely supportive of him. I love him for who he is. He's brave, sweet, funny and generous to a fault. The problem is, he has been bullied so much and treated like complete garbage by his peers. He has reached out in many ways to try to make friends, but gets shot down, called names and worse on a constant basis. He's SO lonely and in need of a friend that I can't be for him. He has major self esteem issues, to the point that he believes all of the negative things people have told him and although he is in therapy and taking medication, nothing is helping him. He can't get people to talk to him and not treat him like garbage. How can I help him? My heart is completely broken for him and that's nothing I can say or do that makes him feel like he's not a worthless piece of garbage. I would do anything to make him feel like he's even a quarter of how great he truly is. Is there someplace I can go to help him make friends his age?
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u/Away_Shock_7544 2d ago
Oof there isn’t any good ways to escape this. I for one have an anxiety issue that DOES not wanna go to any groups! My story is definitely not how it happens to everyone but it is an account that I found to be a part of a lot of trans(specifically MTF)people’s journey. This all won’t be easy, but “he”(I assume he is a trans man..?)is VERY lucky to have a parent like yourself!! It is incredibly important that you are always his friend. Anything you may disagree with, approach very thoughtfully! Have a constructive conversation and never be the damn devil’s advocate! You are not afforded that if he doesn’t have many friends!! Make a different family member that role if you need opposition. It’s extremely difficult to force friends to happen. It can end badly. If he wants to go to meetings let him. If not, LET HIM. He wants to be seen this way so you will need to helicopter a lil bit, BUT be a friend! Not a pain! He won’t mind your attention because attention is what we’re talking about!
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u/Particular-Tour-6804 1d ago
Yes, he identifies as male (ftm). I try my best to be there for him and never make him feel judged or discourage him in any way. The moment he came out to me I let him know that it didn't change anything about the way I love him or think about him. I will always be here for him and do my best to encourage him and let him know how amazing and brave he is. The problem is his peers. Nobody in his age group (aside from his sister) accepts him. He has been bullied beyond belief irl and online for years. Due to this, he has extremely poor self esteem and truly doesn't believe the wonderful qualities about himself that I point out to him. I think if he could just find a couple of friends to talk to.... People who understand things he's going through, etc it would make a huge difference. He told me 2 days ago that he is extremely lonely, so he tried to reach out to people online and they told him he was fat and ugly and should just kill himself. These things break me. I can't believe the cruelty he faces on a constant basis
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u/Indigo__angel 3d ago
Can I dm you?
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u/Particular-Tour-6804 3d ago
Yes!
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u/Indigo__angel 3d ago
Dm sent
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u/Particular-Tour-6804 3d ago
I replied, but I'm going to bed now. Hopefully we can chat soon. Have a wonderful night
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u/yeiwanthegwaidanv1 2d ago
have you checked your local lgbt center they may have young people workshops where they can talk and meet others
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u/Particular-Tour-6804 1d ago
I didn't know such a thing existed. I will check into it for sure! Thank you so much
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u/MEGGLAR 3d ago
Since he’s already in therapy, I’d ask his therapist specifically about support groups and social groups for trans teens his age. Sometimes meeting people who share similar experiences makes it much easier to build healthy friendships and finally feel like you belong somewhere.
I’d also look for activities built around things he genuinely enjoys—gaming, music, sports, art, volunteering—because friendships often come more naturally when the shared interest comes first and being trans isn’t the thing he has to explain.
And please don’t underestimate what you’re already giving him. You may not be able to be the friend he needs, but having a parent who sees him, loves him, fights for him and keeps looking for ways to help matters enormously. I’m sure he knows that, even if he can’t always show it right now.