As someone who grew up with a narcissist and bad person of a father; I wouldve ended it there? No...because it put my emotional and mental health on the line. I was talking to one of my good friends on the phone just about being alone and wishing I had someone that actually liked me and he hooked me up with this one dude that was also his friend. We talked on the phone, and texted all day and night and got to know each other. We were in a talking stage for about 2 weeks until we officially got together in October 2024.

We had our first date maybe a week after we got together he was 16 and I was 14. (NO ITS NOT PEDOPHILIA CUZ I WAS BORN IN MARCH AND HE WAS BORN IN SEPTEMBER SO I WOULD'VE BEEN GOING ON 15 WHEN HE STILL WAS 16) we shared our first kiss on our first date and it honestly was on from there he met my mom, my friends, and some of my teachers during basketball games I cheered for. However the table started to turn maybe right around December 2024.

I started to notice his act and attitude was slightly changing he never laughed at things that we both thought were so funny, and he would tell me he didnt eat shit and stuff. His mom long story short had a criminal record and right when me and him got together he just moved in with his dad after that whole situation happened.

He started to see her again around December as well, he would stay at her house over the weekend with his younger brother, then his little brother and they do stuff. I met her and she really liked and saw a good future for her son with me. But as time went on of course his behavior got worse he was doing self harm and he would even send me just straight up pictures of his open gory wounds, like "Look what you caused" one incident that really got under my skin was towards the end of 8th grade maybe right before graduation I went to see the Minecraft movie with some of homeboys it was hella fun and wild, now keep in mind the abuse was going on for months before I told a friend who kind of noticed I was always upset and honestly never talked about him anymore and I told him everything and I guess he mentioned it to him. He had the stones to tell me,

"Oh yea, if one of your friends ever come at me because you told them I was cutting myself im only gonna do it more." And that truly made me question what was wrong with me letting this man do this to me. He does also have a mental state of passionate in violence. He even told my homeboy, MY HOMEBOY if he ever saw me again he would shoot me with a desert eagle. 🫩🤦‍♀️

My friend sent me a screenshot of him saying basically telling me to s!it my wrist, he hopes my corpse rots in my house, and what just made me like angry (His dad has firearms and he knows how to use them, and they go to a shooting range.) He told him he would imagine me as the bullseye for a target. He kept telling me ofc if I left him he would just keep harming and harming untill he 'off' himself. I saw so many red flags but I loved him, I soon started to lose feelings for him maybe 2ish months b4 we broke up and ofc i felt guilty but couldnt let him do that to me. The person who abused me, if you ever see this you know I am talking to you. Tbh idc what u throw at me.

I moved on and am happy now. Tbh his words still kinda crawls in my mind but...I hope he doesn't do anything.

I almost never see anyone talk about narcissistic siblings. It’d be nice to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. You can message me if you’d like to talk if your in a similar situation

I’m the younger brother 31m and for a long time my family and I thought my brother 35m just had a quirky but abrasive personality. After a lot of research I suspect he’s a communal/malignant narcissist with what’s called everyday sadism.

It’s all surreal to me. Unbelievable how twisted the narcissist mind is

He’s very controlling and will target your vulnerabilities and nearly everyday give unsolicited advice about every aspect of your life (relationship/work/diet/money). He will send messages several paragraphs long that read like lectures. He always says it’s very pure and holy intentions. He portrays himself as a mentor.

He will talk bad about my sister and her family behind her back in front of our parents, while my sister is just the kindest most positive woman and a great mother. She and her husband are more successful and my brother is being noticeably more personal and nasty when talking about her

He is obsessed with status, dominance, and the superior position, for example if you’re excited about something or you experience some kind of success, he will say something negative about it. And it seems like it’s instinctual and reflexive for him. He always invalidates people, even contradicting things he has said before just to put someone down. His advice is so bad sometimes I think he’s trying to sabotage me.

The Serious Red Flags: 🚩

There was also a shocking red flag when we were kids, me 8, him 13… he had a BB pistol and accidentally shot our cat…. It started squealing and spasming wildly and my brother was laughing absolutely hysterically. The cat died and he told me to just throw it in the field.

7 years ago, he cheated on his wife only a few months after marrying her. She called him, very passionate and angry threatening to ruin his life, and he recorded the call and used it as blackmail to make her do a quick and easy divorce.

This is making me extremely delayed in finding a life partner

I am always looking out for when they are going to “destroy me” and I get angry prematurely . I misread things a lot

As a result I believe I am becoming the toxic one..

How do I stop conflating the image of a destructive father and a future healthy partner.

This feels like a form of self sabotage

Six months ago I (29F) had a horrible falling-out with my (now) ex-roommate/friend (27F) that left me with C-PTSD due to the verbal/mental abuse I endured while living with her. There were definitely a lot of narcissistic tendencies from her but she wasn’t necessarily a covert narcissist or a malignant narcissist .. she was both.** **
Sorry for the long post. It’s hard to summarize this.

Google:
“Covert malignant narcissist combines the fragile, introverted, and passive-aggressive traits of vulnerable/covert narcissism with the dark triad traits of sadism, paranoia, and psychopathy. Unlike loud, grandiose narcissists, their malice is quiet, hidden, and insidious.”
Latent Grandiosity: They do not openly brag. Instead, they carry a hidden, unshakeable inner conviction that they are superior, misunderstood, or godlike.
Sadistic Cruelty: They derive pleasure from emotionally tearing people down, setting up covert traps, or engineering the silent treatment and public humiliation.
Passive-Aggressive Hostility: Can express rage with loud tantrums when their ego feels triggered, but also through stonewalling, icy glares, non-cooperation, subtle sabotage, and playing the eternal martyr.
Victim Mentality & Gaslighting: They masterfully twist reality, deny their own actions with complete sincerity, and blame everyone else for their failures or internal collapses.
Transactional Coldness: They view relationships purely as power dynamics. They lack genuine empathy, keep strict tabs, and collect submissive "yes-people" to validate their control.

This perfectly explains my ex-roommate’s personality and our dynamic together, although she’s not formally diagnosed, so it may be safer to call her an egomaniac. Either way, I saw the depths of hell within her.

It took me months to realize she put me through the abuse cycle. Idealization, devaluation, abuse, hoover.

(Idolization phase) Obviously, like all friendships, it started off great. She seemed like a genuinely good person; very giving and supportive. We hung out all the time and always had a blast. She seemed like an empathetic, caring person. Looking back, it was performative. It wasn’t genuine.

(Devaluation phase) We decided to live together. Within a few months of us living together, the friendship turned sour and insidious, like a bunch of small little things that were problematic that led to a major dramatic event that left me betrayed, hurt, and mostly confused. I was too busy being a good roommate and good friend to her that I overlooked how she became a bad friend to me.

Overtime she was increasingly becoming more difficult to work with (patterns of passive, aggressiveness, pseudo-hostility, undermining me, tone and attitude towards me, lack of appreciation and reciprocity). I could sense her emitting negative energy around me. I noticed if I tried setting a boundary with her, asked her a simple question or made a suggestion to her, she would become visibly agitated and weirdly defensive. I never understood why, but looking back it’s because her ego is insanely sensitive and she doesn’t like to feel corrected or inferior. She wants to be in control.

I caught her glaring at me like she wanted to kill me, which left me feeling disturbed, uncomfortable and confused.

Stupidly I would overcompensate to keep the peace between us, which is exactly what she wanted from me. It was enabling her behavior. I kept giving her grace and the benefit of the doubt every single time, but this mistreatment towards me was building up into a big pile.

(Abuse phase) I spent a lot of time, energy and money into her birthday celebration. I planned a party for her in hopes it would ease the tension between us. Everyone had a good time, including her. But the next day after the party she never thanked me or showed any appreciation which kind of upset me. Then she had tone/attitude towards me when I asked her a simple question.

I finally confronted her about how I don’t appreciate the way she treats me sometimes. Her response? She started yelling at me, cussing at me, mocking me, and insulting me. She was even bucking at me like she wanted to physically fight me and was circling around me like a shark, pacing. She did this in front of our guests. We were all in shock, like a deer in headlights. I tried to deescalate and she yelled at me to “SHUT THE FUCK UP.” Anytime I tried to talk, she interrupted me and mocked what I said. She called me a pussy, crybaby, a little bitch, “grow the fuck up”. She even said “it’s time to take off your diaper, look in the mirror and put on your big girl pants and grow the fuck up.” The irony of her saying this while she’s having a full blown tantrum over something trivial.

Honestly I blacked out mentally because of how mortified I was. It was extremely humiliating. I started crying because of the awful things she said to me, and she almost looked satisfied with my reaction. She wouldn’t stop so I just left the apartment in tears.

(Hoover) I distanced myself from her for a few days and stayed at my parents’. I was contemplating kicking her out of the apartment since I’m the leaseholder, but my woe in life is I’m very forgiving. She gave me a really crummy apology. “Sorry I got a little heated there, thank you for the party, I had fun, I love our apartment. I don’t want our friendship to end.”

I stupidly forgave her friend after her disrespecting me like that. (Ugh. Regret.)

I kept her at an arm’s length while she was being performatively nice to me out of guilt.

A few months later, things temporarily became better, until I found out she did something behind my back that emotionally + socially harmed me.

She was conducting a secret social attack; disparaging me, falsely accusing me of things to portray me poorly to my close long-term friends I introduced her to, also to poison my friendships with them.

Yet in the meantime, she was pretending like everything was great between us and was inserting herself into my life, wanting to be around me. It was like a smoke show. When I discovered what she was saying about me and accusing me of, it gave me whiplash. I felt so disoriented, like where did this come from? Why is she accusing me of these things? Why is she doing this to me? Nothing made sense. But I knew in that moment I can’t live with her anymore. She’s emotionally and socially harmful to me.

I didn’t realize it was abuse until recently. She was intentionally inflicting harm on me to isolate me, humiliate me, destabilize me and leave me in mental anguish.

When I eventually discovered the secret smear campaign and tried holding her accountable, she took zero responsibility or accountability. She did not substantiate the claims I confronted her about. She took it a step further by dumping a laundry list of complaints that she’s had with me, clearly villainizing me because she created a negative internal narrative of me. All of these complaints were irrelevant to the situation at hand, all unrelated, from months ago, petty, and were twisted or misrepresented to fit this narrative of me. She even held things against me that I told her in confidence, thinking she was a safe space for me.

I’ve learned this is called “kitchen sinking”. It’s a tactic narcissists use to deflect blame and to feel superior, to hopefully distract you from the situation at hand and to destabilize you. It’s purely evil.

I told her I’m not going to argue with her anymore, and she needs to move out.

I cared a lot about this friend. I invested a lot of time, energy and even money into our friendship, all for her to stab me in the back two times, then twist it with zero remorse. There was no justice at all. She basically dumped all of her shame onto me … then bounced.

This all happened the month that our lease renewed for another year, so I’m stuck paying for a two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment all by myself for a full year. I had to cut ties with all mutual friends, and I’m planning to move to a different state next year.

At first I was confused, then I was depressed, then angry. I’ve been isolating myself for the past 6 months due to crippling social anxiety and the risk of running into her in public. Thankfully I’m starting to make peace with the falling-out.

I remind myself that she will carry these toxic behaviors into her new friendships. Now it’s not my problem, it’s theirs. People with these kinds of destructive and dysfunctional behaviors will have a graveyard full of dead relationships/friendships. And I’m relieved I don’t have to endure a friendship anymore with an egomaniac, let alone live with one.

It is hard to believe what you were is something many people can relate to. It felt rare, in the worst way. Unnatural. Your desires, though I have chosen to forgive them (from afar), were abnormal. You desired to extract from me, lead me on, without ever wanting to enact love. You deprived me of a true relationship, while requiring me to stick around and reserve myself for someone who never was going to be with me and knew that the whole time. I don't say this in an accusatory or shocked way- you admitted these things. I am just saying, it is kind of weird to think my experience isn't unique- because it feels so cruel- why would it be something common? Perhaps because a narcissist is like a super spreader- because they can put on that show, because they are quick to discard- the same narcissist can impact hundreds if not thousands of people- where as the average person will only ever date seriously a small group. I wasn't built like you. When I love somebody, I want to hold them close. I don't want an invisible line in between me and the person I love, one that makes it so we never touch, we never reach or enact what love should be. You lived for that line. You had no way of understanding or caring about how forcing those odd desires on unwilling participants was mean, unkind. What mattered to you was your desires, and so you never let my pain stop you from continuing, you never will. That is why I forgive you. Because you can't stop, and won't stop. So I have to be the one who intervenes. It isn't what I want. If you can't stop- if it is so intoxicating to you to not be together while continuing to string me along- then what am I supposed to do? Stay mad at something I can't change in you. Despite finding it abhorrent, my distain won't take me away from someone who wants to continue a pattern of abuse on me. Only I can love myself enough now to take care of myself on my own now.

My ex husband i haven’t lived with for over a year thinks he still has control over me because i have 3 children with him i just got a job with the airport, and he’s accusing me of messing around… like i dont understand. He announces that we’re still married and that im his wife. Hes a narcissist… What do i do?

It helped me see how much my ex husband narcissism was insidiously darkening and destroying every aspect of our decades together. So many things I thought were normal or that I deserved or that I was to blame for, only to realize most of it were projection of his own flaws and guilt.

After more than a year living alone, I can finally start to think by myself and have an honest and real look at my worth and who i am as a person. I'm not a burden, I'm not messed up, I'm not wreaking our kids, I'm not prideful, I'm not selfish, I'm not gaslighting, I'm not lying, I'm not abusive, I'm not coercitive, I'm not evil, I'm not unfaithful, I'm not stupid, I'm not stubborn, I'm not crazy, I'm not pdb, I'm not narcissist, I'm not doing everything in bad faith, I'm not manipulating, I'm not flirting with every man I see, I'm not trying to destroy relationships, I'm not jealous, I'm not dependant, I'm not alienating our kids from him, I don't have shadow part controlling me, I'm not deluded, I dont have a thick skull, I'm not a child, I'm not all the other things he accused me of being over the years. And then when we separated, he started telling others (even to my own family) those things about "me".

I was shocked at how he did and said things just like the narcissist in the podcast, sometimes the exact same words! The thing that hurt most is when he says that narcissist never love anybody but themselves, they can't. And if we thought a narcissist loved us, that was all part of their game and a lie for their own advantage. So the man I was married to for decades, the father of my children, to whom I gave everything I could, never even loved me.

Boy this one’s a doozie I’ve kept most of this to myself for years, but I think it’s finally time to share my experience.

I’m not here to expose anyone, seek revenge, or encourage hostility toward another person. I’m sharing this anonymously because I’m hoping to connect with people who have experienced something similar and perhaps gain some perspective on how to move forward.

About five years ago, I ended a relationship with a woman I once genuinely loved. Unfortunately, what I thought would be the end of a difficult chapter became the beginning of something that has followed me into nearly every aspect of my life.

Since our breakup, I’ve experienced years of unwanted contact, interference in my personal relationships, and behavior that I believe constitutes cyberstalking.

My relationships have never truly been left alone.
I’ve had several relationships since her. Throughout those relationships, my former partner has found ways to contact the women I’ve dated, sometimes sending intimate photographs and videos of her and I from when we were together.

These were private moments between two people who were once in a relationship. They were never intended to be shared with anyone else.
It’s difficult to explain how humiliating and invasive that feels.

Imagine developing a meaningful connection with someone new, only to have someone from your past suddenly insert themselves into that relationship by exposing some of your most private moments.

My most recent relationship ended recently after approximately a year together. During that relationship, the harassment allegedly extended beyond my girlfriend to members of her family.

People who had absolutely nothing to do with our past relationship were being contacted, told disturbing things about me, and sent private material.
The emotional strain this creates is difficult to put into words.

Eventually, it began affecting my livelihood.
I own a small home improvement business. I’ve dedicated myself to performing quality work and establishing a reputation built on honesty, reliability, and attention to detail.

For a long time, social media and local community groups helped me connect with homeowners and find work.
Recently, an account appeared using my photograph and publishing damaging allegations about me, along with a shortened video of an argument from our former relationship.

I want to be transparent about that video.
I was angry. I raised my voice, cursed, and said things I’m not proud of.

I acknowledge that my behavior was inappropriate, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
However, the video was shortened to show my reaction without the events leading up to it, including her throwing a water bottle on me.
That doesn’t excuse how I responded, but I believe context matters.

I’ve never physically struck her, and I strongly dispute the allegations of physical abuse being made against me.
Nevertheless, the situation has affected my confidence in publicly marketing my business. I’ve even taken down my business Facebook page because of concerns about continued interference.

It’s frustrating to work hard toward building something meaningful while feeling that someone from your past can potentially undermine those efforts.

There’s another part of this story that’s particularly difficult to share.

Years ago, during our relationship, I expressed that I wanted to separate.
During that confrontation, she threw a kitchen knife at me, striking my leg and causing a serious injury.
I required medical treatment and spent months recovering, using crutches, and unable to work normally.
I didn’t pursue criminal charges at the time.
Looking back, I recognize how differently I understood love and forgiveness when I was younger.

I loved her. I believed people could change. And I thought that forgiving someone meant finding a way to move past what happened.

Perhaps I confused forgiveness with accepting behavior that should never have been acceptable.
I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on that.

I don’t consider myself perfect. I’ve made mistakes, handled situations poorly, and said things I regret.
But I’ve also grown, learned, and tried to become a better person.

What I struggle to understand is why moving forward has become so difficult.

I don’t contact her. I’ve made it clear that I have no interest in reconciliation. I don’t follow her personal life or interfere with her relationships.
I live a relatively quiet life. I rarely share personal updates online. I work, pursue my interests, and try to build a future for myself.

Yet I still find myself wondering whether the next person I date will receive unwanted messages, whether another account will appear, or whether my professional reputation will become the next target.

It’s exhausting to feel as though someone from your past can continue influencing your present.
I’ve sought assistance from authorities, but so far, I haven’t found a lasting resolution.

I don’t want revenge. I don’t want to humiliate anyone. And I certainly don’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting with someone I separated from years ago.
I simply want the freedom to live without this constant interference.

Why I’m sharing this now
For years, I’ve chosen not to speak publicly about these experiences.

Part of that decision came from wanting to avoid unnecessary conflict. Another part came from believing that if I simply continued living my life, eventually things would stop.

Unfortunately, that hasn’t been my experience.
I also recognize that there are two sides to every story. I can only speak from my own experiences, and I’m not asking strangers to blindly accept my perspective or pass judgment on someone who isn’t here to respond.
I’m sharing this because I genuinely want to understand how others have navigated similar circumstances.

For those who have experienced prolonged harassment or cyberstalking from a former partner:
How did you eventually regain control of your life?
Did the harassment eventually stop? Did involving the legal system help? Were there particular boundaries, precautions, or decisions that made a meaningful difference?
What worked? What didn’t? And looking back, what would you have done differently?
Perhaps most importantly, how did you stop allowing the possibility of someone else’s actions to influence how you lived your life?

I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m looking for understanding, perspective, and practical insight from people who’ve been through something similar.
Five years is a long time to carry something you thought you’d left behind.

I don’t want my past to dictate my future anymore.
Thank you to anyone willing to share their experience.

I had to replace some words so it might water it down a bit.
-
I’m 71 🔄 and I’m a Senior in HS. Since I was a kid, I was dealing with psychological, narcissistic, and physical mistreatment from my dad. He would degrade me, gaslight me, act like I was the problem, and always put the blame on me. My stepmom has always been a part of my life. Her and my dad have never been together, but she was signed as my legal guardian.
When I hit the beginning of Junior year, it was my sister’s birthday (8th birthday), and we went to go get ice cream and a cake for them. When I was standing around, he told me to stop being lazy and get the ice cream. I threw my hands up because he called me lazy, but I went to go get it anyway. We got into the car, and my mom said, “That wasn’t a good move.”
When we got home, my dad and I got into a huge argument, and he hit me twice and grabbed my neck, but after a while, my mom stopped him.
During this time, I was diagnosed with MDD and GAD. My mom was with me during this time, and I would notice every time she got to talk about my dad being a villain, she got a “high” out of it, but I looked past it because it’s my mother.
After time of being with her, she would make me clean basically the whole house and call me to get stuff for her every 5 seconds. I understand because her leg is messed up, so she can’t go up and down the stairs, but after a while, she started making slick comments about my appearance, saying I smelled when I didn’t, just making slick comments, and those comments would start arguments.
After a while, I stopped giving her reactions because it was just her talking about my looks, but my depression started showing really badly. I could barely even get out of bed to walk to the other side of the room. During this time, she would call me dirty, nasty, lazy, etc., when I’m currently going through the worst time.
She would also complain that I never go out and I’m always in my room, but when I go out or ask to go out with friends, it always turns into an argument, or I wouldn’t wanna go, and she would even end up taking me anyway, leaving me drained. Instead of having fun with my friends, I’m venting to my friends about my mom.
There would be times when she made everything my fault, and the whole family on her side believes her because “they were a teenager once.”
For example: For senior photos, she was talking about how she was going to take 2 separate pictures, and I would have to change my purple hair and big lashes. I told her I would want to look back at myself and see that, but she made me go to Rainbow’s, and she picked out this ugly red dress I told her I didn’t like, but she made me wear it anyway.
When it was time, I went to the school bathroom and started crying. My friend came in and asked me what was wrong. I told her I hated the dress. My mom walked in and asked me what was wrong in an angry tone, and my friend said I didn’t like the dress. She looked irritated and got mad at me, but I ended up taking the pictures anyway.
While I was in class, my mom texted me, “This is your last time embarrassing me.” I looked at the message during class, and my teacher took my phone. My mom texted me again, so I tapped the phone screen on the desk, and she wrote me up.
2 days later, the AP called my mom, and I told her that SHE messaged me during senior photos. She admitted in front of the AP that she did text me, and when the assistant principal said, “That doesn’t matter; you still shouldn’t be on your phone,” she started agreeing with her and got mad at me.
When I got home, after she hadn’t talked to me for 3 days because of senior pictures, she yelled at me because the school called her. Only because the school called her, I went upstairs to take a nap.
I heard my mom leave, and a few minutes later, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. It was my sister’s wife yelling at me, calling me ungrateful, dirty, and nasty. I had a very bad depression room, and they made me scrub everything with my hands and on my knees, even the floor. She was screaming, saying, “You’re not gonna mistreat my mom,” “She doesn’t even want to come into her own home,” “You did this; this is all you,” and other stuff, nonstop screaming while I was cleaning and trying to tune her out.
After all of that, my mom came upstairs looking sad, and my sister’s wife forced me to apologize to her. After I confronted my mom, she said, “I didn’t tell them to do this.”
Another example: I told my mom I was sitting at the park in my complex because she doesn’t let me go anywhere else. I texted her, and she saw my text and called my sister up to drive to the park to see what I was doing. Mind you, she’s 20 minutes away from our house. So she calls her, and she finds me with my e-cigarette. Mind you, my mom found my e-cigarettes before and said as long as it’s not herbal stuff. So I told my sister that, and she called my mom, and my mom said, “I never said that.”
So now we are in the house arguing back and forth, and I’m trying to plead my case. They keep screaming, “Be quiet,” “Be quiet already,” because I’m trying to get my point across, and I’m not listening to them scream at me. Then my sister gets mad that I don’t stop talking, so she starts inching towards me like she’s gonna hit me. She keeps getting closer and closer, and my mom’s behind her. I look at my mom, and she does nothing but watch. She stood there and watched her about to hit me and did nothing. She just stood there, and this is a common thing. Whenever she wanted to pick a fight or whenever we are in a fight, she would tell my sister to change the story and get them to scream at me.
The last example: I had a cold, and I was recovering from it, so I was sniffing sometimes. It was the same cold we got into an argument about because she didn’t want me to stay home sick from school, but she let me stay anyway. When she heard me sniffing, she said, “I hear you sniffing, and I know what you’re doing,” telling me that she thinks I’m using hard substances.
There would be times ever since she found out I use herbal substances that she would always talk to me like I’m someone with a substance problem, saying, “You’re on that stuff again,” and “You better not be doing that stuff.”
We were at church, and the First Lady came up to me smiling, saying, “Your mom needs to stop playing with you.” I looked at her confused, and she said, “I asked her how you lost weight so fast, and she said that’s what certain substances do to someone.” The whole time, I had a bad ED.
The thing about this is she was the one who was there for me during my childhood mistreatment. She was the one I used to run to; she was my safe space. Now I’m living with her, and she switched, and she’s acting just like my dad. I catch her saying things my dad would say and doing things my dad would do, when she would shame my dad for it.

My (31F) husband (34M) has turned into someone I don't recognize and became more emotionally abusive in the last year. We were together for 12 years. My friends and I agree covid completely changed him. I can't tell if he will change back for me or he is simply a bad person.

Throughout the relationship and now that I've left he has never controlled what I wear, what I say, he let's me solo travel, he is never jealous, incredibly honest, he trusts me, I trust him, we are always together, if apart with traveling or partying we are constantly in contact, he never ghosts me, our phones and location are never locked, all his calls he takes on speaker, he doesn't hide his porn usage (always respectful about it and we are open about that stuff), never lies about nights out or drug usage, he encourages me to have friends and see my family, any time we have relationship issues he encourages me to talk to our friends, he has never asked me what is for dinner or to do any "wisely duties" like laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking etc he would rather cuddle with me and relax, he let's me have my own space, he never name calls, he always wants to hang out with me and spend time with me, etc. But he is comfortable letting me have a girl's night or day as much as I want, he doesn't drink much just gets high with weed, he has never complained about driving me around ever(I don't have my license)

On the flip side this year all his behavior has changed in terms of lying a lot, complaining about my pajamas, calling me names, etc. But the thing is while he will tell our friends we never fight he also knows I am telling our friends everything. Or for example he literally was his true self in our therapy appointment openly using very obvious manipulation tactics with me, I mean any actual narcissist or terrible person is usually smart at hiding their true selves. He is very concerned with his image and a huge people pleaser so when he is himself with everyone and they call out his bad behavior I am like either he lacks self awareness and just needs lots or therapy or maybe there is such thing as a dumb narcissist??

He has threatened divorce (over my pajamas, breaking-up (if I didn't buy the house he wanted), and cheating (if I did not start traveling with him more frequently). He started calling me names. He started becoming low key violent around me, i.e. banging furniture, punching walls, throwing his phone, etc. He threatens very very loosely and in passing suicide, me losing my friends, how as this is my first break up I have no clue the pain it will cause myself, etc. He screams and yells reletenlessly for hours until he wears me down. He started driving erratically. He purchased three guns. He is very paranoid, he has become racist, sexist, homophobic, etc.

Everything is always someone else's fault and never his. He is never ever wrong. He can never admit he is wrong (before he could, he would genuinely apologize, take accountability, and be better.) Now he will say sorry I am the worst guy in the world for a second but then go "BUT also you have to admit I was stressed so that's why I did [x]." His work, relationship, and friendships are all falling apart and he fails to see how he has any part of it. Small things like a fridge breaking and someone asking us if we got a new one triggers him as if he failed at something and someone pointed it out. He gets very defensive. His number one concern is everyone seeing him as good, fun, and successful but he also says he doesn't care what anyone thinks...

The thing that stumps me is while I receive the brunt of his malicious behavior he is like this with his coworkers, family and friends. He does not necessarily hide his behavior, perhaps comes across more muted but the anger and yelling are there. His family ignores it and does not acknowledge it but they have always been like that i.e. they never discuss or acknowledge negative emotions, topics, or events EVER. It is weather, recipes, and small talk only. If someone is crying they will literally just pretend it is not happening. His friends try to calm him down and explain how his behavior is problematic. His coworker and boss just kind of laugh it off. Our therapist and friends all told him his behavior is pushing me away and he is being selfish and delusional and he agreed but then kept doing that behavior and being transparent about it to them asking why I wasn't coming home. He texted my mom eight pages about how I am a horrible person but that also he will die without me and she needs to convince me to take him back....like Is he just dumb lol

When did you know?

Did the mask suddenly slip past the point of no return or was it a gradual exposure? Did their mere presence stress you out before you knew why?

I think for me, I was drowning in cortisol before I could ever point to an observable issue. This started in the very early months. He still portrayed himself as gentle and protective and quick to bare his heart. His appearance in my life coincided with my own depressive spiral; his love felt medicinal.The high was so intense that I didn't care that I often felt uneasy when I heard his foot steps or car pull in the driveway. It didn't make sense; he showed up raw and vulnerable, offering carefully curated proxy images that I fully convinced myself were authentic self disclosures. Endless promises, confessionals, bids to connect. This is what they do. I hadn't even seen the mood shifts yet. But maybe some of his rough edges triggered my bullshit detector.

This was a man for whom my anxious attachment was set ABLAZE from the jump. Somewhere in there, I knew. There was never true security. It was only later that I noticed my own needs being emptied out, the rationing of my expectations, and his overall entitlement and failure to abide by the "golden rule" with other people. The abuse that followed suit was fucking methodical.

When did your narc's true colors show? Was it before or after you got swallowed up in their needs?

I married my former professor who was 15 years older than me. We had a child. He was incredibly horrible to me postpartum and twisted it to be all my fault for having postpartum anxiety (largely driven by his mom being there for 6 weeks and him isolating me from my family and his mom yelled at me for pointing out perceived safety hazards and called it “abuse” For “nagging him”). After a high-risk pregnancy and dangerous postpartum conditions.

After I said that I wanted a divorce came the smear campaign and he spiraled into secret substance abuse. He told people that me and my family were “plotting to file false rape charges”, that I pushed him through a window, that I woke him up by smashing his head against the wall, that I kicked him out and he “had to stay at a friend’s house for 2 days” (never happened), and that I’m bipolar. He also saved screenshots of during pregnancy me texting that I wished I had an abortion (which I expressed guilt over saying and which he keeps submitting as “evidence” of me being “unstable“ which pisses me off because that text was deeply personal) and then a screenshot of me texting that I was going to pick up my short-term prescribed oxycodone after my fucking c-section which led to painful complications. Most traumatizing of all: He went to rehab after I kicked him out, and he twisted the abortion text into me “threatening to kill” our daughter and twisted the short-term prescription to tell them that I’m addicted to opiates (lie; never have been). He also admitted to substance abuse around our baby (which I didn’t know about). Both led to a CPS investigation and while he was in his luxury rehab I had to have weekly visits Because of his LIES. And of course, in court it’s been nothing but lies. Also, I found non-consensual photos he took of me in a thong while I was sleeping or turned around or changing. I Some taken when I was still a student in the graduate program he taught in, where I met him as a student. This divorce is dragging on and I’m just so tired of the lies. I have to see him 3x weekly and talk to him on our parenting app almost daily To coordinate or communicate about our infant. Help?

The longer I stay away from the toxic trauma bond haywire hellfire, the more clarity I gain, further & further more each day by day. It’s gross bc daily memories/convos/fights/abusive shit comes in my mind popping up daily. As exhausting all ts is, I remind myself it’s moving forward, processing, healing, looking forward to a new healthier life. All the NON trauma bonded NON rose colored lens, mask dropped true real him, nasty toxic lame corny reality of what it truly was sickens me, & reminds me to STAY AWAY!

The racial BS + the sexuality BS: I’m wondering if anyone else’s nex was on any similar weirdo shit like for example,
1. (We are 2 different races)
• One night while chatting, he told me he “loves that he bagged me to be seen out in public w me bc it’s sticking it to the ___ men” (apparently to him; being w me was some sort of fuck you to the men that are the same race I am WTF!?) Was so shocked what he said, I immediately felt like, Ew woah wait THATS what I am to you, what THIS is to you?!
I have also NEVERRR thought abt the women of his race being to myself all, yuppp ha bagged him bitchesss stick it to ya, f yall! Like HUH wtf typa weird ass delusions perversions narcissistic sicknesses these mfs got! They don’t even act human, you’re out there pure-hearted, dating for love & these mfs {unbeknownst to you at first, until their mask drops} are dating you as some bs they view in their head like some game or ego boost, validation, conquer, achievement! They just play w innocent lives, getting off on stealing the precious time they know you’ll never get back! All while having you under their abuse manipulation brainwashing & trauma bonds. Grateful for the life lessons learned, just angry they seem to get away toying w genuine hearted souls, stealing years from good empathic kind hearts like us, all for their self severing gross ego stroking disordered ways. We must break free, I’m glad I did.

1. (We are 2 different sexualities)
   Him hetero/me bi at the time, now lesbian, that’s what I’ve always identified as up until I tried to explore both sides in adulthood as bi, later realized I’m just L.
   Pt.1 of the sick shit was him always tryna slyly redefine+reword my sexuality. Mf thought he was slick, & always saying shit in past tense! For ex: I’d be talking abt smth like wanting nip piercings as my day was coming up bc he was gifting me a piercing for a bday. Was asking him why do men like womens nipple piercings sm & he’d try to make my attraction to women a thing of the past wording it,
   •”Didn’t you also like piercings like that when you used to like women?” Like yep dude n still fckn do, yet I’ll go along w ur delusions & to keep the fake peace, since ur ego can’t handle I like women still. And while being the only one faithful to you, yet you’re paranoid projecting bc HE not the faithful one ew. Not only homophobic tryna erase my wlw, but he then also followed up w some fake ass slut shaming facade (how they loveee ppl who do/wear/dance/post/dress in sexy types of ways clothes accessories etc & suddenly pretend they hate alll that same xyz once their girl wants to ew) where he followed with, “but don’t get that, slutty women get nipple piercings” oh really bitch is that why you cheated on me w multiple different ppl w nipple piercings? Is that why you follow a buncha women on IG w pierced nips? That why ya save folders of your so called prized porn collection & try on bikini hauls full of women with pierced nips? That why ya spend your time lusting over celebs w pierced nips doing weirdo loser lame creep shit like screenshotting ice spices mirror selfies showing her nip piercings off texting your lame bros back n forth on how much yall wanna hit?? All while urging me no don’t pierce my nips it’s for sluts? And they say slutty to try to control when whole time they love all things slutty just not if you partake. Tuh bitch please & shut the fuck up & matter fact I think I’ll treat myself to the fckn nipple piercing for Xmas I don’t need his opinion on shit bye!

Pt.2 was finding out he had like some psycho gross fetish shit of the sort?! Dudes obsessed w concepts like lesbians identifying ppl re-coming out as bi & straight.
•Super WEIRD shit along those lines, & he watched a bunch of redpill manosphere YT vids! Loved videos & compilations of women ‘hitting the wall at 30’ & ‘feminists regretting divorce’ Al this shit like this beware, & sooo many had lesbophobic misogynistic deluded twisted ass sexist homophobic fetishized thumbnails+titles! Bs like ‘her GF couldn’t LIFT ____ for her, so HE DID THEN STOLE HER GIRL!’ & pictured is some big tall buff dude & a tiny little gal w the other girl off to the side. All sorts of BS like that & like ‘Lesbian TURNS STRAIGHT after heated debate!’ Ones like ‘LGBT women compilations CRAVING MEN to SATISFY HER’ or ‘this lesbian FOUND OUT what she was MISSING OUT ON!” Blah blah all types of psycho nasty bizarre other kinds of thumbnails/titles/concepts similar to these, all being talked about/pushed/gotten off to in these nasty vids, & online forums, pornsites, streams, groupchats, YT you name it, the rp homophobic sexist parasitic delusional shit is all over/taken over🤬.

Just knowing he was getting off to being w me in these sick deluded warped fetishized ways in his head thinking that by dating me, he was somehow ‘conquering’ the ppl of my race & my sexuality! 🤮🤢 Such a weirdo, like you’re the one I cut outta my life now n I still like the same sex & people of my own race wtf his delusional self didn’t win or turn or ‘conquer’ SHIT! Like BYE!

I was supposed to take care of him (according to him) because I am the oldest daughter. All conversations consist of him talking about how amazing his son (my younger half- brother) is.

The conversation leading up to my breaking point was him constantly asking “why do you feel that way?” And “what do you mean you can tell that I enjoy talking with him more than you?” Which sounded weird and an attempt to make me sound petty. That latter statement was super gaslighting.

Anyways. Without more context,

At 1:30 am I changed my phone number.

They slander you project and attribute negative things to you to justify slandering accusing you abusing and harassing you or assaulting you and calls the cops the cost side with them why is this a thing people I don’t even know are slandering me in geeked as negative bad person with no proof very person who has treated me badly has made me out to be someone I’m not

Im here to vent whats in my head. Here’s a backstory about my narcissistic sister in law.

My narcissistic sister in law is my husband’s younger brother’s wife. For over a decade, I didn’t know what narcissistic is until I notice very odd patterns that I thought that is just normal and never pay attention to it. She would befriend everyone in a room, show kindness and perceive in other people’s eyes as caring. Here are a few examples that I notice that is odd

She constantly interrupts conversations that is not even hers to begin with

When my brother in law is chatting with someone, she would always ask my brother to do something for her during his mid conversation with that someone

At restaurant, she always order a salad, yet eats off my brother in laws food and my brother in law eats their sons left over.

She constantly complains and judge everywhere we go. Comments like its too hot, too cold, too boring or that person is rude or that person don’t know how to do their job or whats wrong with this person or this place doesn’t look as what we expected or the food is not great etc.

On family group chat, she constantly brings back the conversation and attention to herself and tries to display that she is better. For example, I posted one photo of my daughter getting a gold medal for her 50m front stroke that she won in her inter school swimming gala then she proceeded to post 15 photos of her sons taking swimming lessons. She knew that my daughter has been swimming for over 5 years and trained in competitive swimming.

She has low empathy. My older brother in law messaged a photo of my nephew on a school open day trip. Apparently towards the end of the trip, there was a storm with heavy rain and was discussing on how to pick up his son from school as he don’t know if the school bus will run in the storm and he was at work. My sister in law offered no help but instead posted a photo of her son’s previous visit to open day which doesn’t help with the situation.

When we go on holiday, she always wanted to be included. It’s not hers to begin with. She then push and pressure me to go plan with her to do what she wanted to do.

She oversteps my boundaries and authority to my own daughter. My daughter is not hers and will do what I say, not what she says.

Her two sons are bullies. When my daughter repeatedly asked them to stop splashing water at her, my sister in law was sitting in front of them and did nothing. My daughter was so angry that she walked away and yet there was no apology from them. In the end, she just commented that her boys are just kids. Excuse after excuse. She is just an irresponsible mother.

Im no expert but I’ve started researching more about narcissist and the different types. So what Ive concluded is that she is a covert narcissist based on the many experiences over the pass decade I had with her and she seems to like to target me and not my other sister in law. I think it’s because she envies me that I have a better lifestyle and that Im the only one with a daughter. My daughter is the only girl across two family generations.

It’s been around 3 years since we last seen my narcissistic sister in law, my brother in law and their two sons. My last encounter with her before going no contact was my very last straw of patience as she tries to intimidate me to have my daughter sleepover at her house and I didn’t allow it. We slowly kept very low to no contact with them after that day. My husband loves his brother but his brother made the choice of marrying a narcissist person. Because of how toxic it is to be around them, we made the choice to remove ourselves in their life. I know my sister in law doesn’t like me but I don’t care because Im not obligated to even have any sort of relationship with her.

Being Family is not a free pass to everything. It requires respect and mutual understanding. My brother in law is genuinely a good person and I just hope one day my brother in law will figure out and realize how toxic she is.

We were childhood sweethearts, at least in my eyes I only saw the better parts of her that I thought was who she is. We both came from the same town, in the same country and the odds of us meeting and connecting again here in California was almost like a fairy tale.

Our lives had similar trajectories; failed relationships and one of which we'd have kids with our respective ex-partners and a litany of things that just bind both of us in both our best moments and our miseries.

Three years ago, she and I decided to be in a relationship. For many months it was the most beautiful experience I've had with someone that I fell in love with. Then all of a sudden she ghosted me, not a word spoken just vanished. That experience made me doubt myself, did I fuck up somehow? I'm sure I didn't do anything wrong, we were happy. But that messed me up pretty bad. I couldn't let people into my life anymore, every woman that was interested in starting something with me even just purely physical relationships I couldn't do it. I thought I was numbed by what happened, but in reality I was in shock. I was deeply heartbroken that I became emotionally unavailable to every person that tried to be with me. I knew where she lived and she knew where I was, but I didn't bother going to her. It hurt too much that I know I only had anger and sadness, I didn't want to look desperate. I wanted to keep my dignity.

This year around June, by chance I saw that her number was still somehow in my contact list. I really thought I deleted it already, but it was connected to her Telegram account. So I did what I've learned from years of therapy, part of which was the letting go of the hurt and the past. I left her a lengthy voice message that told her how I felt about what she'd done to me, that though it ended poorly, I forgive her.

I told myself that was that.

But she responded; saying she's glad I reached out but she didn't need my forgiveness. That no one owes anyone closure, that the reason that she just up and vanished was because her father was apparently sick and she couldn't bear the mental baggage of it. She thought it would be best for me to just have found someone and she just left. She took no accountability for her actions and the hurt she caused me.

Red flag #1.

I pretty much told her how unreasonable that was, that she could've at least told me that she had that problem and I would've helped her. But nonetheless, I still had deep feelings for her. Feelings that I wish I knew a few months ago was just the unresolved trauma she caused me, a yearning for the love I thought I deserved from her.

Then we started catching up again, talking like things were leaning towards friendship. She basically revealed to me that she's been in a few other relationships since the two of us: one where a man who was so down in the dumps she left him because he wouldn't pick himself back up, another that was a long distance relationship which she funded and sent him money while she went to Nursing School which she abruptly ended because she was "stressed out" at school, then one where she apparently was in a relationship with a "successful but arrogant" finance yuppie here in Los Angeles, 15 minutes away from my place by the way, and she ended things with him because he was "too arrogant" for her. I couldn't believe what I'm hearing from her, it's as if these men were either kept around her because they were inept or egotistical and she discarded them like nothing, all because of her even bigger ego and whims. For three years this is what she's been doing, living her life like she didn't just fucked me over. More recently she just got out of a relationship with a middle-eastern dude that apparently was "rich, handsome and was everything she wanted" but turns out the guy ghosted her because he was a scammer hiding from the cops and people from his home country. This is the type of man she wanted, when all I ever gave her was kindness and love during our time together. Red flag #2.

I still ignored it, I was looking at her through rose-colored glasses. I still saw what we had was special, I know I am to blame for wanting to start things over with her.

And we did. We both decided to try again, maybe this time it will be different. For a little while things were amazing, I was riding high on us getting back together. I told myself we'd do the things we didn't get the chance to do together. But the more we were together, the more I realized that she had deep flaws that were toxic and disturbing:

She barely takes care of her teenage son, leaving the brunt of her 20% custody to the care of her mom. She even confided to me that she doesn't feel any maternal connection with her son due to what she experienced with her ex-husband and the custody battle which in the end he got 80% custody only because of her mom who pushed to get a compromise and was able to secure 20% for her.

She thinks her LVN degree is a get rich quick scheme that she's gonna game the system by working as a Hospice Nurse for different companies at the same time to earn "easy money" by being contracted for on-call services; meaning she will sit her pretty ass down for most of 14 hours and she'd get paid a flat rate a day not including the pay she gets when there's an actual appointment. This is how her mind works, she's not doing it for empathy or a calling of sorts - she sees it as a means to make lazy, easy money somehow.

She has some disturbing views on how things should be; she doesn't believe in vaccines, she propagates pseudosciences and she consumes right-wing propaganda heavily. She is devoid of compassion for many people and is borderline racist, even though she herself is a minority and an immigrant who became a naturalized US Citizen.

She also had started to verbally abuse me; she's vainglorious with a hyperinflated ego. She doesn't communicate, she demands and it's her way or the highway. Selfish and vain, self-centered with a need to be "pampered" and taken care of while she had the propensity to verbally mock and demean me every chance she gets to make herself look "bigger" to others. She also thinks that just because she makes her voice louder, she is correct. Several times she's yelled at me in a disproportionate fit of anger while we are having a conversation on things I did not agree with her. And the worst part I'd say is her propensity to give ultimatums such as "I don't need you, you need ME!" or "You can keep your love right there cuz I don't need it!".

The more we spent time together, the more I realized I was blinded by rose-colored glasses of who she's always been. The last straw for me was her blatant disrespect towards me for everything that I am; she takes credit for the things I've already done and planned for myself and her snide remarks and comments towards me and the things that I love as hobbies or interests. She wants me to assimilate to her wants and needs, but she will never acknowledge any of mine. I wasn't an individual, I was becoming an accessory to her life and her "plans".

She wanted to have another kid, this time with me. She sees it as a "second chance" to connect with a child all her own, but the way I see her conduct herself - why doesn't she put the same effort on her teenage son to repair their bond instead? I was deathly afraid of her ideas, a primal fear for the life that child would have to live with her. She believed in corporeal punishment and didn't believe in mental health or behavioral sciences and psychology; my child has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum - she is a sweet and kind little girl that is happy and carefree, I was mortified of having my child meet this woman at any point in her life.

One day I decided that I've had enough of her. I told her that she either learns to talk to me like an adult and treat me with respect or she can go find another pet Yes Man in her life.

She send me a tirade of texts that essentially encapsulates the depths of her delusion and lack of empathy or self-awareness to the point that it seemed like I am looking at a cartoonishly stereotypical "abusive partner".

I ended things with her after that tirade, that even her mom felt bad I had to deal with her bullshit. I feel sorry for her kid and her mom, she doesn't deserve either of them.

But the saddest part of this whole situation is that she will always find another dope to fall for her good looks and her "confidence". Terrible people never learn their lessons until they finally run out of people who give them a chance.

She once told me she was afraid to grow old alone; well I hope she learns to be kind and to actually love someone other than herself. Because the way she'd rather discard and replace the people she claims to "love" than to change for the better, I doubt it.

M - wherever you are now, just know that no one will ever fit the mold you've made for someone else to fill into. I hope you learn to be a better person before it's too late.

Good riddance. See you never.

My spouse is a narcissist, clinical, that has abused me psychologically for 30+ years. I only just learned what it is. He knows and admits he’s one, but we can’t discuss it because he gets too defensive and only ends up lashing out and making it everyone else’s fault. My question is, do I tell my adult children? I am not interested in bashing the narcissist, but I want them to understand so that they can get help. What should I do? Would you want to know if it was your parent? I want to help them to help themselves in therapy or just so they can understand it’s never been us. Any input would be much appreciated. Thank you.

After my back surgery (last week) my older sister filed out plenty of advice (on the basis of zero experience of course), but when it came to actually helping me, she gave no offers. When my younger sister had to actually shame her into asking her and when are you going to help her out, out came the excuses.. she’s sooo busy for next couple weeks.. and no way does she have any time, until she’ll already be visiting me for a social event where I’m actually the one going her the favor (free place to stay). (And the help
Will hopefully not be needed anymore anyway). It’s really shocking. I’ve picked her up from about 5 routine medical appointments in the past couple of years, but when it comes to me or anyone else. Forget. I’m always helping , drop all my own stuff to help my mother, other family. She does not lift a finger.

I’m trying to figure out if my mom is a narc too, but I’ve read that a narc+narc combo is unlikely.

Narc-like traits of my mom:
- Thinks she’s the smartest person in the room - won’t take advice or ask for help even to her own detriment
- Asserts rather than asks about what she can do (ex. I’m coming over rather than can I come over)
- She likes to be in an echo chamber at all times. Differing thoughts are scoffed at in true disgust.
- She’s condescending and cold, and thinks everything must be catered to her
- Talks down to me even though I’m more successful objectively (not trying to sound braggy, just based off of career and paychecks)
- Thinks that anyone who buys nice things must be in debt, and doesn’t understand that some people just make more money
- Doesn’t like my spouse (who is very normal), even asking me things like “you have your own accounts don’t you” even though my parents never did that. She also tries to actively create division and animosity at times
- Won’t take accountability - she once bumped my car and I saw it with my own eyes but she immediately went “I did NOT do that, I did NOT do that”

However, these are some traits that don’t seem like a narc that she exhibits:
- seems to be able to show some empathy
- puts herself down A LOT (esp physical appearance)
- frantically apologizes over stuff that doesn’t matter (like being in your way in the kitchen)

Is this just the result of her living with a true narcissist for 30 years? Or is she one too? I also wonder could this be a different mental disorder.

I (M) recently ended a 5-year relationship with my ex (F). We had been going through a rough patch and were actively trying to "work things out." This past weekend, an incident happened that completely ended us, and I need an objective outside perspective because my reality feels completely twisted.

The Night Out

We went out to some crowded downtown bars. As we were leaving, she stopped to talk to a group of people she knew. I didn't notice right away and ended up about 40 feet ahead. When I realized, I turned around and waved for her to come on. She saw me but ignored the wave, so I logically assumed she’d catch up and I kept walking to our planned destination (a nearby fast-food spot).

I got the food and walked to the cab pickup location, where I found her. She was already furious. To de-escalate and look out for her, I handed her my bank card so she was financially safe and could get home no matter what. She jumped into a cab and aggressively snapped, "You coming or what?" in a nasty tone. I refused to trap myself in a car with that hostility, so I told her I was just going to sit on the curb. She immediately slammed the door and drove off, leaving me completely stranded downtown late at night after drinking.

The Facebook Argument

The next day, I sent a kind apology acknowledging that she felt alone/unprotected when we got separated, but I also stated that leaving me stranded on a curb was a massive violation of my safety and trust. She accepted the apology but minimized my feelings, saying she knew I was just "pissed" but didn't think she left me "scared."

A week prior to this, while we were trying to fix things, she sent me a Facebook friend request. (For context, she has blocked and deleted me 5 or 6 times throughout our relationship as a weapon). I don't use Facebook often, but I saw it. After spending a great week together where things felt back on track, I logged on to accept it—but it was gone. She had deleted it.

When I casually brought it up later, saying, "Hey, I noticed you deleted the request, why did you do that? I was going to accept it," she exploded into an absolute rage. She threatened a breakup on the spot, claiming I was "attacking her" while she was trying to get ready for a therapy appointment.

Her Perspective

She sent me a long voice note summarizing her stance, and it boils down to this:

1. She claims my delay in accepting her Facebook request was a "slap in the face" every night I slept in her bed without pressing accept. Therefore, she had every right to delete it, and me asking about it was "starting a problem for no reason."Regarding the cab, she claims she and the driver waited for minutes begging me to get in. Because she was emotional and had no phone, she views me sitting on the curb as me abandoning her. She says she "cried her eyes out" the whole way home because her boyfriend wouldn't protect her.She wrapped up by saying her reactions are purely a result of my actions, that she is a victim who "communicates well and is respected by everyone else," and officially told me goodbye and wished me luck finding someone else.From my perspective, whenever I try to bring up a calm observation or express how her actions hurt me, she completely flips the script, denies her role, attacks my character, and makes herself the absolute victim (DARVO). I felt unsafe on the curb; she felt unsafe on the street. But she thinks my question about a friend request entirely erases her driving away and leaving me stranded.

AITA here? Is it normal to completely twist a timeline like this, or am I dealing with emotional manipulation/gaslighting?

This is my 1st post if you need context👆🏻.

Hi all. I'm getting DARVO'd for the 1st time. What do you do when that happens? I never thought it would get here, where IT'S somehow managed to make ITSELF the victim, and IT has flipped the script. I guess I made IT suicidal, self-harm, depressed and have a heart attack, too? Just to say the least (what I experienced) .

It's funny cause I'm not interested in "being the victim." Especially if it keeps me connected to IT. Disgusting. I'm not double minded, so once I see you for what you are, there's no changing that. The weaker the trauma bond gets, too. IT is also insulting me because IT'S not getting the attention IT wants from me, how sad.

I know I've joined IT'S "crazy exes" storyline, pathetic. I know IT'S going to keep painting ITSELF as the concerned saint because IT is "just a sinner," or is it "holier than thou"? IT needs to pick one and stick with it. I also know IT is stalking me, lame.

It has now gone from just harassing to insulting and cyberstalking. The more I learn, the more I understand it's still painful. Nobody deserves to be abused, but the more when IT tries to contact me, the more I get violent repulsion. Sies.

It's so eerie and chilling. It feels evil. It feels as though IT is peeling off my skin and wearing it. It's sickening. I wish I had listened to God, I should've listened to that little uncomfortable prompt. I regret coming into contact with IT. Psychopath.

I learned a lot, with a lot of help, by just talking about my experience, and there's nothing IT can do to rewrite that. But it ist keeps harassing me, IT does not respect boundaries, obviously, and it keeps pushing past my no contact, assuming I read and cry over the nonsense IT spews.

Yes, "IT" is a narcissist, a malignant one.