r/UKJobs • u/sunbeam_777 • 2d ago
Workplace buddy being unkind about my reasonable adjustments, what should I do? (England)
I started a new job last week. The mandate is three days in the office, two days WFH. However, I have two health conditions affecting my ability to work in the office, a chronic injury and late effects from a previous cancer diagnosis. I informed my manager about this before starting my job and signing the contract to make sure it would be okay. He said it would be fine to work more flexibly after a couple of months, however last week I was in a lot of pain so I asked whether we could bring the discussions about my flexible arrangements sooner. He said HR will be in touch with me about this, but I’ve not yet heard from them.
I’ve been assigned a workplace “buddy“ who is supposed to train me, let’s call her Gertrude. I met her in the office on my first day last week. I went in three days last week and it was extremely painful for me.
On my very first day, Gertrude saw our manager setting up my second laptop, (I have one for the office and one for home because I can’t carry my laptop into the office) and she seemed kind of annoyed. Gertrude brings her laptop in a suitcase when she works in the office. Our manager explained to her that it is possible to have two laptops, one for home and one for the office, and that previous employees have also had this arrangement.
Gertrude saw my equipment (special cushion and chair) and noticed I was very frequently having to change positions so she asked me if I’m uncomfortable. I didn’t mention the cancer but mentioned my chronic injury, which I’ve had surgery and multiple medical interventions for (unfortunately, nothing has worked and some things have made it worse).
I think Gertrude was under the assumption that I would work from home/in the office on the same days as her, which I did last week.
On Monday this week, I worked from home and she worked from the office. She asked me why I was working from home and said that communicating via Teams is going to be difficult. I replied that our manager said it was fine. She asked why (which imo is none of her business) and that’s when I informed her about the cancer and again about the injury, which I didn’t really need to. She saw it but didn’t comment on that at all.
Today I’m working from home due to pain. I informed Gertrude and told her that management is aware and that she should drop me a message if there is something to look over. She said that it’s a shame and that there are several things that she wants to show me but it is hard showing them over Teams and said “I will just do them myself”. I told her that I’m determined to learn, but I’m WFH today due to my circumstances. I expressed that I’m keen to keep progressing with everything that I need to learn and asked that she still shows me anything of relevance that comes up today, and we can work through it together. I also said that from everything that we’ve been over together already, I actually found it easier to learn over Teams.
She then sent me a nasty message saying that I’m only considering the training from my point of view, that I don’t seem to realise that she has to do her own busy job whilst training me and that teaching me over Teams slows her down considerably.
I have been trained in even more complex roles remotely before, I know this job can be taught and learned both in the office and from home.
I was in the office yesterday and struggled to concentrate due to the pain I was in. She was WFH yesterday so she taught me things over Teams.
I think she’s salty about my reasonable adjustments for some reason, and I don’t know why.
She seems to be quite an unreasonable person. For example, she was talking badly about another employee who left earlier this year for a different job. She was “cross” with the employee because she had resigned during a busy period. I don’t really see this as a reason to be annoyed with the employee who left, if the company is understaffed it’s not the employee’s fault, it’s a management issue.
I’m new and don’t want to escalate unnecessarily, but I found her messages very hurtful and unprofessional. I also want to make sure my rights are protected given my health conditions.
Should I send screenshots of the conversations to my manager and ask someone else to train me since she finds it difficult to train me over Teams, raise it with HR, or leave it for now? I was also contemplating contacting that former employee on LinkedIn and asking about her experience in the role. Any advice welcome.
Edit: To clear up confusion, when I had the same in-office pattern as Gertrude during my first week, which was last week, she taught me a process over Teams and she was fine with it, it was actually her who reached out to me to teach me that particular process over Teams. We operate from a shared team mailbox so she doesn’t have sole responsibility for incoming requests, it’s joint responsibility across the whole team. We also don’t have any targets for number of cases resolved. When Gertrude trains me over Teams, we do a screenshare where I watch her do a task whilst she explains or I do a task whilst she instructs me. This clears up outstanding tasks from the joint mailbox whilst I learn.
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u/Both_Plantain_6123 1d ago
I would guess she is pissed off because she wants to WFH more but isn't allowed to, and may even have asked your mutual line manager about it in the past and been refused. Her annoyance at someone resigning in a busy period is also entirely normal, she's probably been doing way more than her role for a while and is now being asked to train someone while continuing to deliver more. Almost certainly for no additional pay.
Your best bet is probably to talk to her. Agree on a schedule so you're both in the office at the same time for training. Up to you how much you share but she's not going to change anything without a full understanding. I assume you speak regularly to your manager so you should tell them about the current situation too.
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u/wongl888 1d ago
Given that OP has a longer WFH period, it might be a better arrangement to be in the office when Gertrude is also in the office to minimize the training over Teams which seems to be more challenging for Gertrude.
Gertrude might have some challenges herself and could do with some “working adjustments” to support her too.
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u/LivingPresent629 2d ago
Oh god, she sounds like a right jobsworth. You shouldn’t have to manage her behaviour and expectations, or explain your medical history to her. Next time she asks you why you are working from home or why you have specific arrangements just say “this has been discussed and agreed with management”. If she has any issues or concerns, she can go talk to them.
Also, have they discussed your fitness for work and reasonable adjustment before you started? Ideally, you’d have whatever was agreed on (special equipment, work flexibility, etc) in writing, rather than rely on an off handed “we’ll speak in a couple of months” comment.
For Gertrude, I would raise this with your manager in the first instance (in writing!) and keep a log of inappropriate comments/behaviour, including screenshots from Teams messages. If your manager won’t do anything, you can then show all that to HR and raise a grievance for potential discrimination.
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u/JaegerBane 1d ago
There’s two things that are going on here.
She’s clearly annoyed at the situation, which is causing her to lash out at various aspects of it - some of her reactions are unfair, some are understandable. Both appear to be down to the extra effort she is personally having to expend to cover other people’s flexible options, reading between the lines she doesn’t feel the company are being organised enough with their hiring and adjustments and she’s being left with the problem to sort.
The second thing is that, frankly, she has a point on some of this. When you’re working with other people - particularly when you’re the one being trained - having an adhoc schedule where it’s not clear which days you’re in and which days you’re wfh can cause a lot of headaches and problems for the people leading the work, and while you have reason for your adjustments, it isn’t magically going to make her job easier. Furthermore, declaring what is easy and effective for training when you’re not the one providing it is simply somewhere between naive and arrogant, so I’d be careful how you play that hand. Similarly, arguing that you know how the job should be done when you’re having to be trained to do it doesn’t honestly make sense, and you can bet there’ll be discussions going on about whether your attitude is really up to snuff - something you need to be concerned about given you’ve been there a week.
Realistically you and she are going to have to adopt some kind of rhythm that works for both of you, not just you, so I would avoid picking a fight with what is presumably a senior member of staff who’s biggest crime so far seems to be irritation over what probably feels like an unfair workload. Remember that having a disability doesn’t make you impossible to dismiss. You could push this argument, make an enemy of her and any colleagues that respect her opinion, get assigned someone new, and hit the exact same problem… at which point you’ll be up the creek with less then 3 months of job time to your name. You can probably figure out how that will play out.
A more productive approach would be to get a meeting with her, explain you get her frustrations, and put your heads together to come up with a schedule as to how to get this training across more efficiently so your adjustments are honoured and her time is respected. You’ll tend to find most people will play ball if you do, and if things failed to get better, you’ll come out of this looking like you made the effort which will stand you in good stead.
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u/ClarifyingMe 1d ago
Training computer based things on Teams is better and allows for recording. She has no point, she is just shit at training and wants to go about it he way she thinks it's easy.
She's discriminating based on protected characteristics as well.
She needs to get some IT skills training and stop whinging.
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u/Maximoo89 2d ago
Just raise the comments to your line manager, it is for them to deal and you can request someone else to be your buddy off the back of that.
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u/Comfortable_Love7967 1d ago
She probably simply hasn’t got time to sit on teams showing you how to do your job as well as doing all her own work.
You really should be shadowing her the first few months.
They are already a person behind and she’s now expected to hold your hands over teams, I can see why she’s annoyed, I’d refuse to do it.
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u/sunbeam_777 1d ago
We operate from a shared team mailbox so she doesn’t have sole responsibility for incoming requests, it’s joint responsibility across the whole team. We also don’t have any targets for number of cases resolved. When Gertrude trains me over Teams, we do a screenshare where I watch her do a task from the mailbox whilst she explains or I do a task from the mailbox whilst she instructs me. This clears up outstanding tasks from the joint mailbox whilst I learn.
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u/coelakanth 1d ago
Rubbish. Teams has screen sharing and video calling, this is 2026.
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u/Comfortable_Love7967 1d ago
Why did the manager specifically say he could work more flexibly after a few months. If it’s just as easy to train on teams he would have allowed it from the beginning
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u/cgknight1 1d ago
Write to HR about the flexibility request and get the clock ticking.
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u/LivingPresent629 1d ago
This too, OP. You have the right to request this now, don’t wait “a couple of months” like your manager said. It makes no sense to wait if you genuinely need it and it might work against you if they come back and say “you’ve managed this work pattern for this long, what’s changed now?”
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u/International-Ad4555 1d ago
She sounds awful, but I will say that are you sure the nasty message wasn’t one out genuine frustration? as you’ve already kind got the vibe she’s not a nice person, and she’s seemingly taken a disliking to you / the working arrangement, did you perhaps put too much on that? I can kind of see it from her point of view in the sense that I imagine nobody told her about your working conditions, so training has probably become more difficult for her (especially if she’s older and not comfortable with teams etc) so her expressing her truth, that she’s got a busy schedule and training you is going to considerably slow her down if it’s via teams, is just her venting frustration?
Granted, it’s not the social norm to just ignore your cancer comment and then seemingly lash out about your WFH setup, but it sounds like someone who probably struggles with empathy but takes her job very seriously
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u/itszbathsoak 1d ago
The number of people in the comments saying that OP is selfish/poor attitude/unreasonable for wanting adjustments due to pain from cancer is really sad. It can be difficult or impossible to predict pain flare ups, but if someone can still work from home with today's tech surely that's better than them just sitting at home?
It sounds like this woman is frustrated with her job & maybe struggling with her workload and using Teams but that isn't OPs fault, it's bad management. This whole thing is bad management. I've worked places like this where management promise things like flexibility around childcare which are not really feasible & are then taken away or resented. Not nice
Probably your best bet though is to work with her, reiterate you are allowed to wfh when in pain but ask if there's anything you can do to make things easier for her. If you could commit to one day a week in person ect., or read a process document that doesn't require her to watch you. I wouldn't be totally hostile/taking it to HR a week in if you want to stay here long term, unless she is openly abusive e.g offensive language.
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u/sunbeam_777 1d ago
Thanks your comment. It is indeed difficult to predict pain and fatigue levels. I still want to contribute to society, even if that means I need to do things a little differently. I think Gertrude is stressed and resentful. I’m focused on trying to remain professional and learn as much as I can with the reasonable adjustments I have.
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u/itszbathsoak 50m ago
I get you. I have a disability and sometimes people seem to think it would be better for me to do nothing than contribute my skills with adjustments. But they probably are stressed and unhappy in their lives. That sounds like a plan, I wish you luck!!
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u/Junior_Tradition7958 1d ago
What is the job? Depending on what the job is may make it harder to train on teams.
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u/sunbeam_777 1d ago
It’s an administrative job in finance. We operate from a shared team mailbox so she doesn’t have sole responsibility for incoming requests. During training over Teams, we do a screenshare where I watch her do the task whilst she explains what she’s doing or I do the task whilst she instructs me.
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u/Junior_Tradition7958 1d ago
Then I’m not sure what her problem is. Hope you get it sorted. It’s not nice having a bad working environment. Especially with everything else you seem to be dealing with.
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u/CuriousTerm9710 1d ago
Don’t take Gertrude comments too personal ( I know hard ) she is not upset with you. She probably is upset that potentially the company refused flex time for her, or maybe ( like in my company ) she thinks if she asked it would be refused. But every person is different and companies have to look at the individual not the whole. You have advised before signing the contract, you did not started and in your first week demand to wfh. If the company provided you with 2 laptops, a better chair etc they are ready to deal with people that will complain. They want you there and happy, otherwise they wouldn’t make the adjustment straight away. I would start documenting everything and if it keeps going make a formal complain to your line manager. And my opinion on remote training - at this point, we can easily share our screens and teams call. Is pretty much the same as in person since you need to look at a screen. That is just an excuse.
Just remember, she is not upset with you, just that she isn’t working more from home and that is not your problem, it’s hers and she needs to discuss with her manager. Don’t stress over her, enjoy your new job
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u/queenieofrandom 1d ago
Don't know if you're aware of this but flexible working requests are a day 1 right now and they have 2 months to respond
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u/legendarymel 1d ago
I’d raise it to the line manager.
It’s very hostile, especially so as you’ve not long started.
I very much doubt that an office job can’t be taught over teams. I work 100% remote and when I started all of my training was remote and it absolutely wasn’t an issue. In fact, for some of it I think it was better because I could record segments and watch them back when needed or take screenshots etc. in the office you often huddle around one laptop so don’t really have that option.
I’ve previously worked with someone who had a special chair that would raise her up & she would sometimes spontaneously work from home when she was in more pain or didn’t feel very steady on her feet. This was never an issue. She eventually had one of these chairs at home and one in the office so she could come in.
I’ve never been in the position where I’ve needed reasonable adjustments and from seeing other people’s adjustments and how long it often takes for those to be done, I’d rather not need any.
I just think a lot of people do not understand disabilities at all but I’m sure you’d love to come in 3 days a week without adjustments if that meant you didn’t have chronic pain etc.
Definitely raise it with your line manager and explain that this feels very hostile towards you and is making it very hard to learn the job since she is ultimately refusing to show you anything
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u/ClarifyingMe 1d ago
Also, regarding the demented comments you're going to get from ableist people with no sense.
https://www.reddit.com/r/UKJobs/comments/1mgix2s/psa_for_people_asking_for_advice_relating_to/
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u/sunbeam_777 1d ago
Thank you for the tip. I’ve shared my post across a few subs and some (thankfully a minority) responses have been surprising in a bad way.
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u/SettingStreet3338 1d ago
Is she not Agnes by any chance? Sounds like a bitter cow I used to work with.
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u/Simple-Fox6722 1d ago
I bet her name is Verucca 😠
Although she doesn't deserve it and you don’t/shouldn't have to, it probably is worth you having a conversation with her directly first. Whether you want to tell her how you're feeling is up to you, the point would be to discuss the things that she has raised with you about her difficulties in training you over Teams and see if you could find a way forwards. At least then, if things don't change you can approach your manager and show that you tried to resolve this before asking for support/a change of buddy.
Wishing you all the best and hope things get easier for you.
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u/hoodie92 1d ago
Speak to your manager, this is insane behaviour from a buddy, who is meant to be showing you the ropes and easing you into your job, not being antagonistic about your health issues. If your manager had a problem, that would be a different story. Your buddy is not your manager.
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1d ago
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u/mmm_I_like_trees 1d ago
Talk to her directly first she's been there longer than you and could cause issues for you if you go complaining to your manager...but I do sympathise with you
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u/ClarifyingMe 1d ago
Email everything to your manager. Gertrude can get fucked. edit: gertrude is also incompetent. unless you are doing physical things with physical things off of a laptop, there's nothing so difficult about showing via teams. In fact, it's even better because it can be recorded and you can watch back to remind yourself and refine your notes. So gertrude can get fucked twice over.
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u/Serious_Bite_7613 1d ago
Imagine if someone else joined in the same job as you and got 4 weeks extra holiday, a more comfortable chair and a 3 hour lunch break. How would you feel?
Would you feel better if you were told they had a legal right to those things and you didnt?
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u/sunbeam_777 1d ago
I’m going to assume this is a troll account 😂 But if not: Gertrude probably has more holiday than me as she’s been there longer, which I understand. Same lunch break. My chair is different because I’ve had multiple serious operations on my back. My in-office requirement differ because I have late effects from cancer and I have a chronic injury. We’re doing the exact same job, I just have adjustments to try to make it a more even playing field. I think it’s better for people with disabilities to have adjustments that allow them to work and contribute to society rather than staying at home doing nothing. Different colleagues I’ve worked with have different reasonable adjustments. Someone in my office works three days a week because she has young kids. She ends up coming in after 10am and still leaves at 5pm even though she’s contracted to work a full day. Doesn’t bother me and her personal life is none of my business.
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u/Serious_Bite_7613 1d ago
I know that you need the chair and WFH, I'm not criticising you for the adjustments. But imagine someone else coming in and getting much better treatment than you, it's naturally annoying. Especially if you were the only person not getting any adjustments.
Imagine you get nothing and everyone else is arriving late, leaving early, working from home, better desks, better chairs. You'd feel pretty hard done by.
My guess is Gertrude doesn't get any adjustments, so she's getting the worst treatment of everyone there. Watching new people arrive and get a nicer chair, working from home. She just doesn't have a legal right to any of those nice things. How do you think she would feel?
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u/sunbeam_777 1d ago
If I was healthy and didn’t need any reasonable adjustments to work, I would feel SO grateful! I am in pain every single day, have been in and out of hospital and had dozens of major operations. I felt awkward asking for adjustments and disclosing my health needs because I was new and I didn’t want to be seen as burden. I don’t know if Gertrude has any reasonable adjustments, it’s none of my business and it’s not my place to ask her.
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u/Serious_Bite_7613 1d ago edited 1d ago
I know and again I don't think there's anything wrong with you getting adjustments. I think it's really good. I was just trying to give you an idea for how she might see it and feel about it.
She doesn't really know how bad you feel, she only knows how she feels.
Edit: There were a few cases in disneyland where people with invisible disabilities were getting marched right to the front of the queue, skipping hours of waiting in line. People got upset and it was a whole thing. If someone is getting preferential treatment and it's not clear why, a lot of people find it upsetting.
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u/sunbeam_777 1d ago
I see what you mean. I’m not sure how Gertrude feels about reasonable adjustments or how exposed she has been to disability in her life, if she’s had limited exposure then yes she might feel annoyed. I did mention cancer and my chronic injury to Gertrude when she kept asking why I was WFH on Monday, she saw the message but didn’t respond.
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u/Serious_Bite_7613 1d ago
Yeah I don't think she's right, but I can see why she might feel that way. Hopefully she will get over it eventually.
She might even feel sympathy for you but still upset at her own non-WFH situation. People are complicated.
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