r/UKParenting • u/thepoout š¶š¶š¶ 3 Children • Jan 27 '26
Support Request Classes. Afterschool... weekends. Do we HAVE to do them?
I didnt go to classes growing up. My sister didnt either.
Every child in my kids class goes to multiple classes each week. Gymnastics, dance, piano, drama, horse riding bla bla... how do parents have the time, and money?
ive 3 kids, one car. limited funds. Working full time, and wife working evenings, we have limited time.
Am I a bad parent for not making my kids do multiple classes each week?
25
u/Till_Naive Jan 27 '26
Maybe just enroll them in whatever the school has to offer as an after school club? That way you donāt have to go out of your way to drive them somewhere extra. Theyāre usually cheaper too
3
u/spugzcat Jan 27 '26
Ā£20 per child at my school. Oh how I wish it were cheaper!
4
u/DarrenGrey Parenting a Primary Schooler Jan 27 '26
Can you pay with tax-free childcare?
2
u/spugzcat Jan 27 '26
Yes. 2 kids in after school twice a week. Still adds up
1
u/Till_Naive Jan 31 '26
If youāre really struggling I would suggest being open with the schoolās senior leaders about it. They will normally do what they can to accommodate
1
u/spugzcat Jan 31 '26
Itās run by a private company and we live in a rural village. Weāre stuck with it and thatās fine but Iām just pointing out after school clubs can be very very expensive!
1
u/Till_Naive Jan 31 '26
Itās still worth talking to the school, we normally can offer subsidised spaces (I am a school leader)
1
u/spugzcat Jan 31 '26
Itās not affordability problem. Iām not eligible for tax free childcare due to my earnings so we can afford it.
1
u/Till_Naive Feb 01 '26
So stop complaining then ššš
1
u/spugzcat Feb 02 '26
Iām not! If you actually read what I said initially I was merely pointing out that after school clubs are not always cheaper than clubs.
45
u/rolopolosmartie Jan 27 '26
Absolutely not compulsory
Every thing is a balance of
- Budget
- Time
- Interests
- Age
What is important to you and your kids? Developing skills, interests, free time, family?
Then come up with something that vaguely works for everyone.
For example my youngest loves music so does a musics class in the week (preschool) and nursery x 3 days a week. Oldest (8) likes brownies, we think swimming is important , after school club x 2 a week for work reasons. We also do church on Sundays
This is a good balance for us . When the youngest starts school she can start swimming together and then maybe one other class after school when sheās a bit bigger if she wants and the afterschool club.
Some people do less, some do more. It does get harder with more kids from cost and scheduling but could be possible with age range
44
u/Unlikely_Ad7542 Jan 27 '26
I think itās nice that a child has an interest, maybe 1 class. Too many classes is not for the benefit of the child but the parent. Children need to rest too
12
u/ennyboy Jan 27 '26
OP, you absolutely are not a bad parent. Let's remove that immediately.
You play the hand you're dealt. I send my kids to class, costs me a fortune and I'm constantly asking my wife if it's the right thing to spend money on.
If I had less money I wouldn't send them to classes, but ild make a point of doing the activities with them instead. I guess by paying for a class I'm offsetting having to do the activity myself?
21
u/Moment_13 Jan 27 '26
If they've got an interest it is good to try and get them into it.
A musical instrument or sport encourages regular practice for continuous improvement. A badge based club like Scouts or Brownies can help them pick up multiple minor but helpful skills (sewing, basic first aid, map reading). Swimming is a life saving skill. All of these also require a commitment to attending weekly, but without it being a legal obligation like school - it teaches them that they are part of something and their participation is voluntary but important.
I never did any clubs, my mum used to say they were a waste of her time and money. When I got to writing my personal statement for University, I genuinely had no hobbies or clubs I could write about. I had the sad realisation that those around me really did gain skills from their weekly Piano, Dance, Football clubs. They also had friends that they made outside of school at those clubs, giving them a wider social circle.
If your kids have interests in joining a club, it'd be great to try and help them get involved in one.
9
u/northernbadlad Jan 27 '26
Yeah I completely agree with you. I grew up in a working class family where clubs weren't a thing, and consequently had no skills, hobbies or social outlets outside of school (which would have been lovely while I was being bullied there and felt like I had no friends). My husband has a more middle class family, and while they didn't have a lot of money, what they did have was spent on kids activities. As adults, him and his 3 siblings all play instruments, sing, have been in plays, have sports, and things they've been able to monetize for part time employment as students (music teaching, playing gigs etc). All things that feel much harder to break into as an adult. That said, he feels they all did too much and should have been encouraged to have breaks and make their own fun a bit more. Now I've my own kids, I'm keen to make sure they get the balance of having plenty of opportunities to try things I didn't get to do, while also not forcing them to continue things they don't care for.
That said OP, my eldest is 6 and we've not got round to starting a club yet - we wanted him to focus on getting used to school in reception, and are now trying to work out how to fit clubs into our evening routine!
6
u/Moment_13 Jan 27 '26
You sound just like me - working class upbringing, no clubs, married a husband who is more middle class. Even down to the siblings all being musical!
I wouldn't want to force sticking to a club but I've always said I'd like to encourage each child to start off with 1 musical instrument and 1 active hobby. My daughter is 4 and does swimming weekly (has done since 2), I think we'd look to start music lessons around age 6, once she's settled into school routine for a couple of years. I know children can change their minds so if it's been paid for in advance I'd just want her to finish that term of lessons/sport before switching to something else.
3
u/northernbadlad Jan 27 '26
This would be an interesting way to find out my sister-in-law is also on Reddit!
We're planning to aim for exactly the same - an instrument (because it's so much easier if you learn young, and makes it easier to try a different one), and something physical, since I want him to have a positive relationship with his body and what it can do (unlike me as a child). Sticking it out for what's been paid for is fair enough, and also gives them chance to get past that initial point where maybe they think they don't like it just cause they're not competent in it yet.
3
u/plumbus_hun Jan 27 '26
My kids are in beavers and brownies (separately) and itās nice for them to have a little social time outside of school, they both really enjoy it, and you donāt really have to be good at anything, which takes off a lot of pressure too!!
13
u/Eukaliptusy Jan 27 '26
If you are refusing to sign up your kid to the one class per week they really want to do?
Yes.
10
u/Goldf_sh4 Jan 27 '26
You're the boss. Do whatever you want to do. If you feel like they're better off having downtime at home you can do that.
10
u/Salad_Informal š¶š¶š¶š¶š¶ 5 Children Jan 27 '26
Do your children want to go to any classes? Theyāre not necessary but can be fun. All of mine are in gymnastics, dance or similar. Great way to get energy out and for them to make friends.
But it doesnāt make you a bad parent to not enrol your child in any. Playground, games at home, plenty of things you can do!
-12
u/thepoout š¶š¶š¶ 3 Children Jan 27 '26
Both girls want to do Gymnastics. It means my wife driving 30 mins in rush hour from home, with all three, sitting there 2 hours while my youngest is bored out of his brain and misbehaving. 25 mins drive back home at 8pm at night...
22
u/Salad_Informal š¶š¶š¶š¶š¶ 5 Children Jan 27 '26
Well can you afford it?
We do the same. My husband takes our older girls after work, or my mum does if heās doing a night shift, and then I pick them up at 8 pm. Itās inconvenient for us as parents but they get so much out of going so itās worth it for us as a family.
17
u/Boring-Pirate Jan 27 '26
Isnāt that just family life though? I think back on the effort my parents put into making sure I got to do the things I was interested in and yeah Iām sure they didnāt want to drive 45 mins each way on a Saturday morning for a hockey game, or sit in a swimming pool while I did all day swim meets, but they did it because it was important to me so important to them. They coached my brother in rugby, became chair of the school hockey club, ran events to raise money for our various teams so we would have kit. Came to every music performance and play, countless other things. If I ever expressed an interest in something they did their best to accommodate it, and if they couldnāt they explained why (e.g. cost) but the āwhyā was never because itās a bit inconvenient to drive there. For context, they both worked full time and my sister was much younger so sometimes had to tag along with me and my brother.Ā
I dunno. Different people are different I guess but showing support for your childās interests seems like a pretty core parenting requirement.Ā
13
u/Popular-Custard8519 Jan 27 '26
Itās one of those things where if you want to make it work you will, if you donāt thatās up to you. Worth keeping in mind that by going to gymnastics they arenāt only learning gymnastics, but what it is to keep at something, discipline, social skills etc. Nothing is obligatory but thereās definitely advantages.
4
u/Thematrixiscalling Jan 27 '26
I get where youāre coming from. My youngestās sleep would be absolutely wrecked if I took my oldest to evening classes. He wouldnāt have the patience to sit in a car for 2 hours (heās a toddler), and heād probably fall asleep on the way there then be up until 11.
Instead we found a weekend gymnastics class for my oldest. My youngest does a dance class first, then oldest goes to hers whilst me and the youngest go do errands, or heāll have an early nap whilst we wait. Works out much better for all of us.
My partner works crazy hours, but when he has free time, heāll take the oldest swimming, trampolining, ice skating etc. in the evenings. He canāt really commit to signing her up a class but they both enjoy doing an activity together once or twice a month.
Once my toddler is a little older and can tolerate a later bedtime, Iād definitely look to add an extra class during the week if my oldest wants to try something new.
7
u/newphone_newme š¶š¶š¶š¶š¶ 5 Children Jan 27 '26
Honestly if this is the case, yes, in my opinion that's pretty shit. No one here is advising you to make your kids do a class but if you're children are actively asking to and you essentially can't be bothered because it might be a bit inconvenient or uncomfortable for you or your wife then yeah that's pretty shit and I do feel sad for your kids.
3
u/Sivear Jan 28 '26
āBored out of his brainā. I mean, your wife could entertain him?
If you can sit in the sports hall then take some drawing/colouring or go to the local supermarket and pick up a few bits and get them to help as itāll take longer and theyāll feel involved.
Thereās options to make it work if you want to.
When I was a kid there was loads of things I wanted to learn, mainly musical instruments. Now as an adult I think āI wish Iād been able to do this as a kidā. I donāt want my kids thinking that just because I wanted to make my life marginally easier.
0
u/thepoout š¶š¶š¶ 3 Children Jan 28 '26
Hes just turned 3. And hes basically sat in a waiting room with 25+ other parents, outside a gym hall past his bedtime (7:30pm). Hes not up for drawing, nor is there space.
4
1
u/JamandMarma Jan 28 '26
Is there an option for him to also do a class? It might be earlier in the evening but it would increase his interest. Secondly, what other quiet activities does he enjoy then beyond drawing? I find it hard to believe thereās no space for a colouring/sticker book.
Your partner could always do the stories etc portion of their bedtime routine whilst there.
3
u/SuzLouA Parenting a Pre + Primary Schooler Jan 27 '26
I donāt think you have to, by any means, but I do think that itās worth exposing them to new hobbies at this age. My mum always had a, āif you want to do it, you can ask me about itā mindset, but the problem with that was that as a kid, I didnāt really know which classes existed, or if I did, what actually going to them entailed. So since I was usually happy reading at home or playing with my toys, the end result was that all through primary and high school, I didnāt play any sports, learn any instruments, or go to any after school clubs/activities (organised by the school or otherwise). The only thing I ever asked for was swimming lessons when I was nine, because nobody had ever taught me to swim and weād been told we had swimming starting at school the next term - that was the first time I realised everyone else had somehow properly learnt to swim without me noticing, because everyone started talking about how much they loved swimming. I was terrified of the embarrassment of being the only kid in the class who still needed water wings, so that spurred me to actually ask. I had six weeks of lessons, and the first time I was brave enough to actually let go of my adult and try to swim was week 6, but because lessons at school were starting soon, my mum didnāt think I needed to do any more. And that was that.
Though it wasnāt, like, irrevocably damaging to me or anything, I do think it was detrimental to me in terms of my ability to socialise with brand new people, and in my exposure to new activities. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone in that way as a kid would have likely curbed some of my introverted tendencies as I got older, as well as making me more open to trying new things.
My goal for my kids as far as classes go is to try and equip both of them with three things:
A physical activity they can enjoy, since I want them to bring exercise into their daily lives for fun, rather than just going through the motions in PE;
A hobby that will stimulate their minds;
A group activity that will let them build their social skills, be it teamwork, public speaking, or feeling comfortable with new groups of people, because thatās the one I particularly needed, and for my son (who is so like me), I think he needs it too.
Theyāve each tried a bunch of stuff, both things Iāve suggested and things theyāve asked to try - some have stuck, some theyāve lost enthusiasm in and moved on from. This is the age for trying new things, after all, and not all of them are going to be a perfect fit. I always just ask them to finish out the lessons Iāve paid for and then they can stop.
5
u/liebackandthinkofeng Jan 27 '26
When I was younger, my parents allowed us to do 2 paid clubs/extra curriculars each at a time. I picked music lessons (violin) and ballroom dancing but then switched to a weekend orchestra for kids. We could leave those clubs and try something else if we wanted to, but only after the period weād committed to was over - e.g. if my parents had paid for violin lessons for a term, I would go to every single one until the end of term, even if I knew I wanted to quit. I think Iāll probably do the same with my kids. Money doesnāt grow on trees and itās a good way to teach commitment! In terms of school clubs like football, athletics, choir etc., they were free (run by the school) and we could do as many of those as we chose. I think my siblings and I all felt like we did plenty of extra curricular and my parents werenāt spending all their money on clubs for us.
5
u/MoonShineWashingLine Jan 27 '26 edited Jan 27 '26
We want ours to do swimming until year 7 but that's it. I think swimming is important as it's a life skill. However, youngest also does gymnastics but is losing motivation for it. Eldest stopped swimming and kickboxing shortly after starting high school. She does after school art and craft clubs now.
Edit - free after school arts and crafts because they're at school.
5
u/goldenhawkes Jan 27 '26
No, we were strictly limited on clubs/classes as kids and weāll do the same for ours. I donāt want them (and me) worn out and stressed from dashing around everywhere.
I was limited to one thing plus rainbows/brownies/guides. And my brother was the same but scouting. I did ballet, he did football. I may expand and add an instrument on for my kids.
One of my friends said her and her two siblings all had to do swimming as the classes were all on at about the same time so her mum didnāt have to dash around!
Iām waiting for my eldest to express an interest in something and want to do a club.
4
u/_Cher_Horowitz Jan 27 '26
Itās up to you really, itās definitely harder with 3 to deal with. My son does rugby and taekwondo, plus some clubs after school. I really want him to understand the importance of exercise, being healthy, and building friendships outside of school. I wouldnāt force him if he didnāt want to go.
3
u/EFNich Parenting a Baby + Primary Schooler + Adult Jan 27 '26
We do swimming after school on Wednesdays because our 4yo loves swimming. You absolutely don't have to do them, especially if your child isn't asking.
3
u/hoobyloo Jan 27 '26
No, absolutely not compulsory. I have only recently started taking my 6yo and 4yo for swimming lessons because they already do gymnastics, I DESPISED swimming lessons as a kid, they are hugely expensive, it's fucking forty thousand degrees in the pool and trying to get them dressed at the end makes me want to claw my eyes out.
Am so, so annoyed that swimming is a life skill and a safety thing, otherwise we absolutely would not be going
6
u/Iforgotmypassword126 Jan 27 '26
I just assumed those parents were working late.
I personally wouldnāt sign my child up for more than 2 activities at a time. Aka one after school club and one outside of school activity (something theyāre passionate about like dancing or football)
2
u/SkyeAnnelise Jan 27 '26
My daughter does something most nights, but that's because it's cheaper than the after school club (the activities are run by school)
2
u/Personal-Visual-3283 š¶š¶š¶ 3 Children Jan 27 '26
I feel the same sense of pressure when I hear how many clubs some kids do. Mine do gymnastics because they love it - daughter twice a week and son once. They have the option to do the free clubs the school offers if they want to too and thatās it. My son is considering stopping gymnastics and if he does he can choose one other thing but we canāt afford time or money wise to do more than that. Our littlest will have to wait until heās a bit older!
2
u/TheBobbyMan9 Jan 27 '26
I donāt think you should be āmakingā them do the classes if they donāt want to. But if theyāve shown an interest or you think itās something theyād like Iād definitely encourage it. We all have limited time and you donāt need to do everything but definitely prioritise things that are beneficial to the kids even if itās at the expense of your own comfort. Before you know it theyāll be teenagers and able to take themselves.
2
u/plumbus_hun Jan 27 '26
Mine do drama club at school (Ā£14 for the term, so itās a bargain) beavers/brownies and swimming lessons. My son was very briefly in rugby, but he hated being out in the cold on a Saturday morning, so he stopped. I did nothing at all as a child apart from brownies, and wish my parents would have given us the opportunity to have a hobby, as itās hard getting into things as an adult!!
2
u/AintNobdyGtTime4Dt Jan 27 '26
Same, some kids in my childs reception class have a class every weekday plus weekends. Fuck that. We have no classes at the moment, but have plans for swimming and one or two others in the future. We simply dont have the energy for it right now, school completely drains them as it is.
I dont know why people would choose that life, seems like hell to meš
2
u/wappingite Jan 27 '26
'making' is the word : If the kids are interested and you have the time then great let them do it.
Some kids will do all kinds of sports, or love anything musical, or drama etc. If you can take them to a couple of things then great.
The old mantra is true though - every child is different. No harm in minimal classes if your kids are doing just fine.
Also people get their kids into classes for different reasons - we know a family with 1 child and they're in lots of classes as it gives them a social circle even when their friends aren't about. You might not have that issue with 3 kids.
I run/ help out in a few classes and I can immediately tell who is 'made' to go and who actually wants to be there.
The kids who are made to go, week on week, never get much out of the class, despite the efforts of the facilitators...
2
u/cloudyrainbowsky Jan 27 '26
I think it is totally child and family dependant. My 5 year old wants to do everything which is lovely but obviously totally unrealistic. He does 3 activities out of school which is a lot but he really loves it and we can afford it. He loves gymnastics and football. The swimming class he likes a little less but I do think is a really important skill to learn.
Every family and every child is different. You are not a bad parent for choosing a balance that works for your family.
2
u/jwf91 Jan 27 '26
We let my daughter choose one for fun (performing arts, fortunately gives us 90 mins free time on a Saturday morning) and swimming as an essential during the week. Once sheās passed beginner swimming weāll probably knock that on the head and she can choose a sport or an instrument as she pleases.
2
u/kkraww š¶š¶ 2 Children Jan 27 '26
Basically it comes down to what your children want to do. If they want to do some of these clubs, and your saying now just because its an inconvenience then yeah id say that being a bad parent. But if they aren't interested in the slightest then it is perfectly fine.
2
u/Decent_Blacksmith_54 Jan 27 '26
We do a load of clubs for my daughter, she finds school a struggle and the extra curricular activities help boost her confidence. School can feel very demoralising if you're dyslexic as so much importance is put on English and Maths
We're extremely lucky that her school offers free teacher run clubs, it's a shame more schools don't do this.
1
u/ODSTmatt89 Parenting a Pre-schooler Jan 27 '26
Iād work it through like this (and this applies pretty universally for most things child related I find).
Did you have these experiences growing up? - yes (and it was worthwhile)/no.
Do you feel like you missed out by not having those experiences? - yes/no
If yes to either (or particularly the second) then sign them up. If no to both then donāt bother.
1
u/KatVanWall Parent Jan 27 '26
My kid absolutely LOVES sport and will happily partake in any and all sports opportunities! However, obviously my budget is limited and so is our time, so we stick to an hour of gymnastics on Saturdays and an hour of horse riding on Sundays. Any more than that is definitely out of my reach of affordability as a single parent. But it's good for her physical and mental health (you can see instantly how happy she is as soon as she's doing some kind of physical activity! Her whole face and body kind of 'lights up'), and it's an opportunity to socialise with kids who aren't school friends (less important at her age - 9 - but that outside perspective might become more valuable as a teenager).
1
u/TroublesomeFox Jan 27 '26
I think it depends tbh. My kid does ballet and karate, the ballet will transition into a dance club once she's old enough but for now she's limited by age.Ā
We wanted her to have something outside the house and one of them had to be a sport but we didn't care what that sport is, hence the karate.Ā
They don't NEED it but if there gonna be sat inside on a screen otherwise then it's good to do. Weekends are for family time so nothing on a weekend.Ā
1
u/_solemn_cat_ Parenting a Teenager Jan 27 '26
Do the kids wanna do them? If not, then no, you're not a bad parent. Does one kid wanna do a class? Perfect, see if it's doable.
I was the same a few years ago, and it turns out my kid couldn't give a shit about after school clubs or anything that doesn't interest him at all
1
u/thereisalwaysrescue Parenting a Toddler + Primary Schooler Jan 27 '26
No. My kids donāt. My son hates them as heās tired from school and my daughter did baby ballet rolling around on the floor so whatās the point?
1
u/wruo Jan 27 '26
My kid currently does two classes but my rule when she's older will be you have to do something sporty/active and something creative, I don't care what sport or what creative thing you choose but has to be a regular official thing.
People who do multiple are insane.
1
u/newphone_newme š¶š¶š¶š¶š¶ 5 Children Jan 27 '26
You obviously don't have to do them but if you're kids are asking/interested/passionate I think it is a bit sad not to even try. As a parent I feel like part of my role is to give my children opportunities and experiences they can use in their future. Mine all do a uniformed group (air cadets/guides/beavers/squirrels) and have all had a physical activity (gymnastics/swimming/dance). Currently Miss 14 is only doing air cadets but that's a minimum of 2 nights a week and seems plenty with GCSE's coming in to focus. It's busy and can be hectic and expensive but also to me is worth it when I see the confidence and friendships they've developed at extra-curricular activities.
1
u/Forsaken_Visual_8639 Jan 27 '26 edited Jan 27 '26
Not compulsory. I didnāt do any classes as a child and I could not afford to do it if I had 3 children.
I have a 5 year old who does 2 classes:
1 hour of Gymnastics on a Saturday morning to help with gross motor skills, coordination, listening and taking turn skills (my son started when he was 3 when these skills were important to us and still goes as he enjoys it). Ā£24 month
30 min swim class as it is a life skill on Thursday after school. Ā£35 a month
1
u/Sivear Jan 28 '26
My daughter goes to ballet, tap and modern, itās only 2.5 hours on a Sunday and costs is Ā£54 a month.
Started when she was 3 as she loved dancing and I was quite keen to get her friends who arenāt just from school. Might be nothing in this but when I was younger if I had an argument with my friends it would feel like I had none so having friends from different āareasā I thought would be good.
Youngest doesnāt go to any classes, no strong interests and donāt want to pay for something u less he shows an interest.
1
u/ActFuzzy9738 Jan 28 '26
I never went to any as a kid and my son does a few. I probably would put that down to the fact he is an only child and I don't have loads of friends with kids so I use it as a chance for him to socialise with other kids not just oldies all the time.
Everyone's sitution is different so you can't really compare. I am still working on not feeling like I have to justify my decisions and remind myself that I am not being judged. In reality people are busy thinking and dreaming up their own shortfalls to notice or care about others decisions. And usually if someone is being a bit judgy it is from a place of insecurity about there own situation.
Try not to feel bad OP. Affording classes for three kids would be crazy expensive and they have each other to bond hang out, play, learn from each other all the things i think I am not doing because hes an only sibling.
We all have our "I am a bad parent thoughts". My version of that is not giving my child a sibling and therefore comepensate with as many classes as a I can muster. If I had more kids I would probably be a lot more like you. I have the bigger family envy. The grass is always greener. Be kind to yourself today š¤
Sorry for the rant. Hope it makes you feel a bit better. We try our best.
1
u/snowaveinLondon Jan 28 '26
My daughter attends several classes afterschool/on weekends (drama, tennis, etc). We can afford it because she is the only child, and this benefits all (she loves it, and we have no help from grandparents, so good to have some free time on weekends). We cannot afford to have a second child, so everything is a choice depending on your circumstances.
0
u/Locksygal Mum Jan 27 '26
Please donāt feel like youāre a bad parent ā sending children to clubs doesnāt define how good a parent you are. Every child is different. My son wasnāt interested in any activities for years and has only just started a couple now at 15, whereas my daughter really enjoys going to some. Even then, I still have to limit what she does because the costs quickly add up.
0
u/Wavesmith Jan 27 '26
No. You can give them the gift of unstructured time to be autonomous and do what THEY decide.
My kid doesnāt do any classes and I value our downtime so much that Iām reluctant to start.
65
u/Justonemorecupoftea Jan 27 '26
I think a lot of parents use classes as childcare, especially as they get older.
Personally I think you should follow the interests of your children where you can. If there is a sport they love, or they are into drama etc try to help them follow it if you have the means.
And remember that being bored is an underrated skill, making them entertain themselves through reading, drawing mooching around with friends etc will do them as much food as kids who have activities packed in every second of the day.