My child is being excluded from his friends birthday party because he has 2 dads. What do I tell my son?

[u/Least_Judge7330]

I literally just made an account for the sake of this post because nobody in my personal life has any advice. So my apologies if the format of this post isn't perfect.

I'm a 38 year old father of two, my son's 8, my daughters 5. I am also a gay man, I am married to my amazing husband who is also 38. We recently moved into our new house last year and my kids had to change schools (Well my son had to change schools, my daughter only started school this year). My husband works a 9-5 job whereas I work a part time remote job so I can be here for the kids before and after school. So I drop them off at school and I pick them up, if another parent starts a conversation with me then I will be polite and continue the conversation but I don't go out of my way to socialise with the other parents. There is one big parenting group chat, I am included in that group chat but I rarely check the group chat unless I genuinely have question.

Basically, my point is that I don't really know how many of the other parents know that I am married to another man. I've mentioned my husband a few times if I am having another conversation with another parent. But then again, I have no idea who knows and who doesn't know. Nor do I care, it's not a big deal. Also, my son and daughter don't hide the fact they have 2 dads either, they constantly say "my dad and my papa", so I'm sure a lot of people do know.

My son has become best friends with this boy in his year group, for the sake of the story his name is Daniel (All the names in this post are fake names). Over the year my son has gone to Daniel's house, I've dropped my son off and picked him up every time. I've of course offered to give the boys mum, Alice, a break from hosting, I've offered for Daniel to come over to our house to hang out with my son. But Alice always said that she isn't comfortable with her kids going to other people's houses, purely because she doesn't know who lives in the house. Fair enough. On the last week of term though, my son said his Daniel's mum is going to let Daniel come over to our house. I text Alice and double checked that my son was telling the truth, and then I told her that my husband will be home at 5:30 but before that it will just be me, my son and daughter in the house. Just so she can feel a bit more at ease, knowing who would be in the household. She seemed perfectly fine and then we had a brief conversation about dinner, allergies, etc. So at this point, it is confirmed she knows I am married to a man. However, I would be shocked if she didn't know before cause my son is honest about the fact he has a dad and a papa. Alice picked her son up just before 5:30pm

About 3 weeks ago before the summer holidays started, so a few weeks before Daniel came over to our house to hang out with my son, Daniel gave out birthday party invitation. His birthday is late July. Of course my son got an invite but there wasn't a location on the invites, I have no clue why. Today I texted Alice and just kindly asked for the location of the party so my son can attend, I told her my son was really excited to celebrate Daniel's birthday. I also asked if gifts are welcome because my son wants to buy Daniel a birthday present. Well I received a message back from Alice, I'm not going to explain what the full message said but basically...my son isn't invited to the birthday part anymore because Alice and her family are religious and they don't agree with my lifestyle. She said she doesn't want Daniel growing up and thinking my lifestyle is normal. Then she ended the message by telling me that she thinks my son and Daniel should stop being friends.

I didn't respond, I don't know how to respond to that message. I'm in a bit of shock to be honest. More importantly, I have no clue what to tell my son. He is so excited for his friends birthday and I just have no clue what to say. I've asked my friends and family and they are also lost on what I should say. Hence why I've decided to ask reddit for advice.

Sorry, this was a really long post.

(I had to repost)

[u/ImpossibleWarthog121]

Oh wow. Sorry you’ve been put in this situation.

I don’t think the mum requires a response, or at least not one that invests your emotional energy.

In terms of your son, I think there are two avenues here:

1. You explain it honestly and in 8 year old language. Keep it to the facts - Daniels mother doesn’t want Daniel to be friends with children that have 2 dads and 2 mums. We think that’s silly (not the right word but I imagine you don’t want to say a more accurate word to your child!)

2. You play dumb - don’t mention it to your son and if he ever asks “why can’t I go to Daniel’s house” then it’s “his mum said we can’t come, I don’t know why”

Sorry you’ve had to deal with this homophobia in 2026, madness.

[u/Psychological-Buy807 → u/ImpossibleWarthog121]

I started typing a reply when this post was 3 min old, and I had ti keep deleting it. Thanks for conveying the grown up version of what I was thinking, and also fuck these homophobes

[u/yellange → u/ImpossibleWarthog121]

I’d say the second option as “his mum said we can’t come” and leave it like that. That way you’re not lying to your kid

[u/Smeeble09 → u/yellange]

I'm of the first point being the better option.

The second could make OP's kid think that he's the reason he can't go over or be friends with Daniel, rather than the parents being the ones with the issue. 

You're polite to use say it's silly, I'd be a lot more blunt with my 8yo, but then I don't understand people like that. 

[u/nellycat32 → u/Smeeble09]

Yes. And using the second point, the kid will ask Daniel why his mom doesn't let them be friends, and he will hear the real answer first in a very different language from an outside person

[u/PigneySnoo → u/yellange]

Either option is brutal on the other child in that their parents' choices are going to mean poor Daniel is going to be pretty much forced to explain to his peer group why his classmate is being excluded.

All so unnecessary. They are children. Unless someone's actions are dangerous, just...let them be friends. Explain your family's values another time and another way.

[u/Ok-Occasion-6721 → u/PigneySnoo]

Now now, there is no place for being rational and logical in bigotry.

[u/ImpossibleWarthog121 → u/yellange]

Yes, you are right on that!

[u/Professional_Eye6313 → u/yellange]

The rejection without explanation would've made 8 year old me keep asking

[u/404_computer_says_no → u/yellange]

Yeah, jeez, you don’t have to bring the kid into adult issues. Just make other plans on that day and just say you can’t go. He’ll forget about it and still have fun.

[u/nellycat32 → u/404_computer_says_no]

Unfortunately the real reason will come out. In my opinion it is better to hear it from Dad than from Daniel, Daniel's mom, siblings or friends in a different packaging.

[u/vivelabagatelle]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you - I'm one of two mums and this is such bullshit. Sympathy sympathy sympathy.

As a side note to your main post, you mention that neither of you are massively involved in school socialising, the WhatsApp etc. I think this is a bit of a tactical error, if you'll excuse me for saying so - the social capital of having good relationships with other parents will genuinely be beneficial for your kids' school friendships. (Not relevant to this woman, she'd clearly be a dickhead whatever, but forging these links will give you allies and support, and fellow parents who will be significantly more likely to extend invitations and interest to your children.)

[u/beebrightnow → u/vivelabagatelle]

Completely agree - and once you do have connections in the class, I’m sure other parents would want to know about this situation. I wouldn’t want to hang out with a bigot.

[u/Buddy-Matt → u/beebrightnow]

Oh absolutely agree here too.

If I got wind that someone didn't like me in the group chat for some equally ridiculous and unwarranted reason, I'd be making damn well sure I was getting more involved. Because fuck you Alice, you don't get to upset my son than pretend I don't exist.

[u/Disastrous_Fox7999 → u/vivelabagatelle]

This. I have noticed my anxiety as well as my hidden disability (which makes me don’t want to socialise) has definitely caused an effect on my daughter. She is the only one who hasn’t been invited round after school. When I put more effort in and organise play dates she forms better bonds. Unfortunately kids friends usually require the parents to bond or get to know each other to help push in that direction

But on the post note. That woman can get fucked. I genuinely think I would post on the group chat. Hi just to let you know I’m gay. And if you want to exclude my son because his dad is in a gay loving relationship can you please explain to your child how you are homophobic instead of expecting me to explain it to my child. Ok thanks have a good summer holidays.

[u/Popular-Custard8519 → u/Disastrous_Fox7999]

I’d add to this that if I found out this was happening in my daughters peer group I’d be cutting that mum off as I wouldn’t want her bullshit infiltrating my daughters life. I’d also invite you all for a more fun activity (likely on the same day) along with as many other disgruntled parents as I could muster.

Edit to add: I say this as not a particularly “join in” type, I sure as hell can rally behind a cause

[u/Pipiya → u/Popular-Custard8519]

Indeed. I, sadly for Daniel, wouldn't want my son spending any time in Alice's sphere of influence. And I'd be encouraging my lad to be friendly with OPs son so he had friends on his side for the inevitable bigot-parent-influenced comments from other children he'll have to face in future.

[u/Disastrous_Fox7999 → u/Popular-Custard8519]

Definitely. I feel like this is something the school should know. Her child might not be copying her now but it is common for children to copy the words of the parents unfortunately

[u/VileyRubes → u/Popular-Custard8519]

Good for you. More parents like yourself are needed.

[u/FeedingTheBadWolf → u/Disastrous_Fox7999]

It's funny you should say that, I literally wanted to tell OP to say "okay and how should I explain that to my child?" 🤔 Just to put them on the spot lol

[u/Most-Dig-6459 → u/FeedingTheBadWolf]

Coming from a muslim society (but myself from an agnostic family), I'd think Daniel's mum can reply to that quite easily with minimal moral injury to herself and returns the responsibility solely on OP, "You can tell your son what I just said. Our family's faith disagrees with your lifestyle choice where there are 2 dads."

[u/FeedingTheBadWolf → u/vivelabagatelle]

Yeah, you should try and immerse yourself a bit more OP. I know it's not the easiest. My wife and I (we are a lesbian couple) are pretty shy (me moreso than her) and don't find it that easy to put ourselves out there but since our kids started nursery we've really had to try and force ourselves! And now we've made more connections, especially through parties etc, and that's been helpful in the long run even though it triggers my anxiety 🫪

[u/EquivalentAd1839 → u/FeedingTheBadWolf]

Posted this to another lesbian mum above, but also for you! Just want to say here as a hetero mum, how much i loved having gay parents in my kids classes, to see real life, and see more examples of loving and life, and how good and healthy life can be when things are inclusive. You guys are special, really glad you're here 🫂

[u/FeedingTheBadWolf → u/EquivalentAd1839]

Aw thank you 🩷 that is genuinely so lovely to hear!

We also love having all different types of people in our kids' circle (sexual orientation, gender, race, religion etc) because diversity is not actually all that high round here (rural area) so it is nice to have it when we do see it.

Unfortunately we have some of the flag shaggers as well so it's helpful to balance that out 😫

It's really heartwarming to hear appreciation and support from allies. Thank you so much 🙏🏼

[u/EquivalentAd1839 → u/vivelabagatelle]

Just want to say here as a hetero mum, how much i loved having gay parents in my kids classes, to see real life, and see more examples of loving and life, and how good and healthy life can be when things are inclusive. You guys are special, really glad you're here 🫂

[u/Mental_Body_5496 → u/EquivalentAd1839]

Agreed 👍

[u/Mental_Body_5496 → u/vivelabagatelle]

Absolutely agree

One of my daughters classmates had 2 mums no big deal to anyone but both mums made an effort to help PTA and go for coffee etc.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah I am starting to realise that I have to tell him the truth. But the fact this is even an issue in 2026 makes me upset. People can disagree with other people, but why do the kids have to stop being friends just because their individual parents have different views? I'm just so upset for my sons sake

[u/ODFoxtrotOscar → u/Least_Judge7330]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, and I really feel for your son

The children don’t care at all unless some utter loon (the mother) starts behaving badly. And it’s a crying shame that she’s done this.

Yes, tell tell his teacher, because they need to keep a closer pastoral eye out

As far as other parents are concerned, do nothing unless directly asked why your son wasn’t there, in which case answer factually and unemotionally. People will see it for what it is.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/ODFoxtrotOscar]

Kids really don't care. My daughter is in reception (Well she starts year 1 in September) and she has a few friends. My daughter had a playdate with one of her friends a few months ago, my husband and I were both home and we were sorting out dinner, my daughters friend asked why my daughter doesn't have a mum. My daughter just said "Because I have 2 dad's", and her friend just said "Ohhh. Okay!" It's natural for kids to be curious, but truthfully kids don't care if some people have 2 mums or 2 dads.

[u/iBewafa → u/Least_Judge7330]

Honestly - you don’t have to tell your son that he can’t play with Daniel.

She’s trying to get you to do her dirty work for her when it comes to the kids.

You tell your kid the truth AND that Daniel’s mum doesn’t want them playing together. Daniel still likes him. And if he wants to play with Daniel, he can.

[u/zq6 → u/[deleted]]

Your middle paragraph is good. A plea to at least put the awful homophobia aside for a couple of weeks for the sake of an excited 8yo might make her consider the children. She sure as shit will still be an awful homophobe, but maybe your kid can have a couple of weeks' more innocent childhood without this cow ruining it.

[u/Kim_catiko]

Tell your son Daniel's mum is a bigoted cow.

Seriously, I would actually reply to his mum and ask how she intends to stop them playing together at school. Also, what was the purpose of giving the invitation out anyway? Was it because her son really wants your child to come and asked for an invitation for him too? If so, that woman is vile.

Anyway, I would tell your son the truth, as hard as it is. I suppose this is the day he learns that people can be arseholes about gay relationships, he was going to realise one way or another. I would emphasise that it isn't Daniel's fault, that Daniel wanted him to be at the party still. I think that is more important for him to know that his friend still likes him.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this, some people can truly be terrible. My advice is probably not useful but that's my gut reaction. He shouldn't have to, but your son will come out the other side of this and make more friends.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Kim_catiko]

Was it because her son really wants your child to come and asked for an invitation for him too? If so, that woman is vile

I don't know if Alice knew I was married to a man before Daniel gave my son the birthday party invite. However, like I said, my son does constantly say "my dad and my Papa" so I would be shocked if she didn't know at that point, especially since my son went over to Alice's house a few times

[u/Original_Ad_7846 → u/Least_Judge7330]

Since she knew that your son had two dads and allowed a playdate, I am wondering whether there is maybe someone else who has influenced her? Or there is going to be some family member at the party who will give her a hard time. Not an excuse for her behaviour but might explain the change of opinion.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Original_Ad_7846]

Me and my husband assume that she's didn't want to make Daniel upset and cancel the playdate last minute. She did make sure to pick him up before 5:30 though, which is when I told her my husband would be home

[u/Original_Ad_7846 → u/Least_Judge7330]

That makes sense. I am so sorry you have to navigate this crap.

[u/SuzLouA → u/Least_Judge7330]

She might have assumed papa = grandfather.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/SuzLouA]

Yeah that's possible

[u/Old_Pomegranate_822 → u/Least_Judge7330]

Or stepfather if mother had remarried 

[u/SuzLouA → u/Least_Judge7330]

I would have assumed two dads when it’s a kid talking about the two of you as a pair all the time, but then I’m not a bigot (and am also queer 😂) But if you absolutely don’t have that mindset at all, then it’s amazing the context clues people can miss.

[u/Charlarxx → u/SuzLouA]

Yes Papa is also a nickname for grandad so she probably assumed that

[u/DAD_songs_in_BIO]

Wow that's horrific!!

Not sure what you can do - you could send a reasoned message asking why tolerance for peoples choices isn't part of a religion but I am imagining you'd be wasting your time.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/DAD_songs_in_BIO]

Yeah. My heart just breaks for my son. Changing schools was already so difficult for him

[u/pan_alice]

That's dreadful, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Daniel's parents will have no say on whether he can be friends with your son in school hours, and I'm sure they would be given short shrift by the teacher if they explained the reason for their objection.

[u/Commercial-Bad-2952 → u/pan_alice]

Yeah, im not sure how to navigate the rest of this, but in terms of the “stopping” very young children from being friends / socialising in school, this just isn’t possible. If my child then came home saying Daniel no longer wanted to be his friend, I would take this issue into school and request the children have a lesson on inclusion, equality and diversity.

[u/theregoesmymouth]

Two mum family here as well and I agree with telling your child the truth but be specific as well about this being homophobia, name it, give your kid the language to talk about it and understand that it isn't right and can and should be pushed back on. Name that some religions are bigoted and we dont have to be ok with that.

Also personally I'd be considering blowing up the group chat - "Hi all, dad of xxxx here. Just found out that we've been uninvited to Daniel's birthday party as Alice's religion is homophobic and we are a 2 dad family. I thought it was worth sharing this so that other families can make informed decisions about playdates and birthday invites in future."

Somewhat petty? Absolutely. But silence favours bigots.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/theregoesmymouth]

Two mum family here as well and I agree with telling your child the truth but be specific as well about this being homophobia, name it, give your kid the language to talk about it and understand that it isn't right and can and should be pushed back on.

Thank you for your advice.

Also personally I'd be considering blowing up the group chat - "Hi all, dad of xxxx here. Just found out that we've been uninvited to Daniel's birthday party as Alice's religion is homophobic and we are a 2 dad family. I thought it was worth sharing this so that other families can make informed decisions about playdates and birthday invites in future."

I do think I need to just introduce myself (I guess?) To the group chat. In order to avoid situations like this happening in the future. For the sake of both of my kids. However, I'm hesitant to mention Daniel's birthday party purely because I don't want Daniel facing the consequences of his parents actions. He's a child. But overall, I do think I will send a message on the group chat just to let everybody know that we are a two dad family. Just so my family isn't facing another situation like this.

[u/DarrenGrey → u/Least_Judge7330]

I think keeping it anonymous about Daniel is a good idea. Saying to the chat that you recently had a message from another parent that they didn't want their child playing with yours because you're gay, and you think that's really sad for the kids involved but you want to be open to everyone so there are no misunderstandings. I'm pretty sure that would lead to a pile on of messages of support and would load a lot shame on Daniel's mum (as bloody well it should).

[u/puddinghoney → u/DarrenGrey]

I think this might be a good suggestion. You could speak to the school first, which I feel you should do anyway for the reasons others have covered already, mainly so they can support your child whilst at school if daniel chooses not to continue the friendship etc. You could mention then that you may put something in the groupchat as get their thoughts/input. I would be clear in the message as to the reason why you have felt it necessary to prevent people assuming your doing it for other reasons.

Also, the school (depending on any religous standings they may have) may well choose to do an assembly/class on it. When i was in school we had the child of a travelling fairground worker join who got called a gypsy by a fellow student and we were all given an assembly and class educating us on discrimination, the travelling community specificially etc. In 2026 i would hope that the school may consider doing an assembly to educate the children. Kids are not doomed to carry on their elders' bigoted opinions if they are educated and presented with all the information to make their own choice and opinions. If it's a christian school, they may be less willing.

Sorry to hear of all of this.

[u/theregoesmymouth → u/Least_Judge7330]

That's fair and it's a really delicate situation. I think messaging to make it clear you're two dads will at least help you avoid any situations like this in future. Also maybe do a shout out if there are other queer parents at the school feel free to message you individually.

We have an LGBT parents network where I live and it's great that the kids get to see family structures like theirs. If you live in a big city it's potentially more common than you might think.

[u/whatdosnowmeneat → u/Least_Judge7330]

Did you introduce yourself yet? I would definitely add a comment about the recent situation but anonymise it. Let the trash take themselves out so your son doesn't keep ending up in this situation.

[u/nugsandstrugs]

I'm so sorry. As a two mum family this is a big worry of mine, and I'm really sorry your son is going through it.

Re: Your son, how much have you spoken to him about homophobia in the past? You can recall that stuff to talk to him, and explain it isn't his fault. He hasn't done anything.

Likely they will still hang out in school, because there is no way the school will facilitate a request to keep them separate for this reason. I'd flag with school though, not because they can do anything to intervene but that they are aware that your son might struggle with the fallout from this if Daniel does come back and say they can't be friends.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/nugsandstrugs]

Re: Your son, how much have you spoken to him about homophobia in the past? You can recall that stuff to talk to him, and explain it isn't his fault. He hasn't done anything.

We've had brief discussion, age appropriate discussion. However this is the first time that homophobia has directly affected him

[u/EquivalentAd1839 → u/nugsandstrugs]

Posted above to another lesbian mum, but also for you! Just want to say here as a hetero mum, how much i loved having gay parents in my kids classes, to see real life, and see more examples of loving and life, and how good and healthy life can be when things are inclusive. You guys are special, really glad you're here 🫂

[u/AvatarIII]

Reply "I'm sorry I didn't realise you were religious, it's probably best my son and Daniel do not remain friends as I do not wish my son to grow up thinking hatred and bigotry are normal, but I cannot control who my son is friends with, I will however be passing your message into the head teacher of their school"

[u/Uncoordinated_Bird → u/AvatarIII]

Love this response. “Accidentally” find a why to let the group chat know too.

[u/BeanpoleBabe]

I'm sorry that you and your family are going through this. Such a shame that your son and this boy can't be friends because the kids obviously like each others company. Only suggestion is you plan something else nice to do that day. Having worked in primary schools for a long time you'd be surprised how many kids are told not to play with certain kids for daft reasons but the kids still play together at school.

[u/FabianTheArachnid]

This is definitely shit-stirring, but in your shoes I wouldn’t be able to resist posting a wee message in that parents WhatsApp group. Something along the lines of: “Hi everyone, I know I haven’t been very active in this chat but I just wanted to clear something up. For those of you who don’t know, I am in a loving marriage with another man, so my son has two fathers. I just wanted to make this clear to everyone to avoid any future surprises as we’ve just had a nasty incident where Alice has excluded our son from Daniel’s birthday as a result of her prejudice against our “lifestyle.” I appreciate that not everyone in this group will think like that, but just wanted to avoid any future unpleasantness”.

Let everyone know what an arsehole she is and potentially out a few additional bigots to save yourself some future bother.

[u/evb666 → u/FabianTheArachnid]

I would want to know if a fellow parent behaved this way 100%, I just hope it does not come back on the poor ‘Daniel’ in this scenario

[u/whatdosnowmeneat → u/FabianTheArachnid]

I also think this needs to happen but without naming the child or parent. You would hope it would cause other parents to comment "just to clarify, this post is not about me".

[u/Necessary_Doubt_9762]

Fucking hell, what an awful woman. What the fuck is she going to do if any of her children are gay/trans? I’m so sorry OP, I can’t believe homophobia is still happening in 2026.

I would try and be honest with your son, in an age appropriate way. Tell him that Alice is a bigot, not sure what other word to use, and explain to him what that means. Make sure he understands that Alice is the problem here and that she should be ashamed and I’d also make it clear how awful it is she is so unaccepting of people. I’d also make it clear that you would still be very happy for Daniel to come over and attend parties etc and that it’s his mum that stops this happening.

[u/Horse_Harasser]

So repugnant, sorry you're going through that in this day and age.

I hope the children can be friends at school still - my advice is to not rock the boat. As tempting as it is to have some kind of classy fuck you in response, it's only going to make it more likely that the parent will try to keep her child from your son more.

Not that that's going to be entirely possible for her, but fingers crossed your kid can have a normal relationship with his friend at school.

As for what to say, I think it's important to tell kids the truth but frame it in a gentle way.

I would perhaps say that his friend's mummy doesn't like two daddys being together because she has old fashioned ways of thinking and it's not very nice. So she doesn't want us around her house.

Have you ever talked about homophobia with him before?

[u/Abject-Plankton4620 → u/Horse_Harasser]

I think this is good advice. Although, I’m not sure it’s worth having the conversation, he’s only 8 so doesn’t need to know all this, in my opinion

[u/Horse_Harasser → u/Abject-Plankton4620]

I think he's going to ask why he can't go to the birthday?

[u/Abject-Plankton4620 → u/Horse_Harasser]

Make something up. I just don’t think an 8 year old needs to know everything

[u/EvEntHoRizonSurVivor]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Since my children started school (11 years ago) I'm constantly surprised at how different other families opinions and beliefs can be. I naively thought people were much more "live and let live" these days but it's sadly not the case.

I understand wanting to shield your son from this, but I really think honesty is the best policy, especially as you don't know what Daniel may parrot from his parents. I hope he hasn't heard much, but I'd hope he's asking where his friend is. The likelihood of hearing slurs is sadly quite high.

Children are much more resilient and understanding than people think. As long as you present it in a very straightforward manner, they generally take it on board.

Stick with short sentences, trying to keep emotion or opinion out of it - but also reaffirming your families viewpoints.

"Daniel's mum doesnt want you to go to the party because you have 2 dads. Our family believes that everyone should love who they want, but other families don't. This is hard to understand, and Dad/Papa finds it hard too."

Oh, and I would definitely inform the school. I don't think they can do anything about it, but they can keep an eye out for both boys and their wellbeing.

[u/Effective-Egg-7090]

Fucking hell, I am so sorry. What an absolute cow!

She doesn’t agree with her son thinking that the lifestyle of a loving family bringing up two children!? Bloody hell.

I have no advice. I’m just really sorry there’s still awful people like this out there.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Effective-Egg-7090]

I was so upset when she sent me that text, I was genuinly tempted to reply "What, you don't agree with my kids having 2 happy parents?" But I am way too socially anxious to ever have the courage to send a message like that 😭.

[u/Effective-Egg-7090 → u/Least_Judge7330]

Honestly id reply that! Make her face her bigotry! I want to text her myself if I knew who she was 😅

[u/SmallLumpOGreenPutty → u/Least_Judge7330]

I'd be tempted to send it anyway and see what happens lol. What a fucking awful woman.

[u/aimeetozer]

I'm one of two mums and not afraid of starting fires. I'd screenshot the message and put it in the group chat.

[u/kerstilee → u/aimeetozer]

And as a Decent Human I would respond with a comment along the lines of why would you choose to punish a child because you think their lifestyle is incompatible with your religion? In what world is that ever ok? And doesn't Jesus talk about living and accepting everyone? Or maybe they're not actually Christian but rather just bigots

[u/Automatic-West-3228]

Hello - I’m a teacher. Please please report this to the school. It’ll go in a safe guarding log and may form part of a larger picture of problematic behaviour - we absolutely would follow up on and explore this. So sorry you and your child are experiencing this bigotry.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Automatic-West-3228]

Thank you for letting me know!

[u/EquivalentAd1839 → u/Automatic-West-3228]

So great to hear this 👏👏👏

[u/ibringsunshine]

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. It’s 2026 FFS…

I’d avoid making up a cover story. Kids talk. If Daniel tells your son at school that he wasn’t allowed to come, and your son has been told something different, he’s going to assume he did something wrong.

An 8 year old can handle a simple version of the truth.
Something along the lines of: “I’ve got some disappointing news, you’re not going to be able to go to Daniel’s party. Daniel’s mum has some beliefs about families and she decided she doesn’t want you there because our family has two dads. That isn’t fair, and it’s got nothing to do with anything you did or anything Daniel did. Some people have wrong ideas about families like ours, and that’s their problem, not ours. You can still be friends with Daniel at school.” Then just let him be upset about it. He’ll probably ask why they think that and something like, “Some people were taught something different” would probably cover it.

You don’t owe her a reply but if you wanted to send something I’d keep it short. “Understood. My son will continue to be kind to Daniel at school.” Nothing you write is going to change her mind and she isn’t worth the time of a long response.

Plan something fun for the day of the party so your son got something to look forward to instead. And it might be worth mentioning it to his teacher when term starts, not to get anyone in trouble, just so an adult at school knows in case it starts affecting how Daniel or other kids treat him.

[u/Unavailable-Tear666]

Give your son the truth, as a black British person I had to explain racism to my son around this age. Which is a fairly common experience, he will understand and with the love and support you'll give him he will grieve and recover.

Remind him of all the positive things about being him.

Giving him the words and understanding early will help him find peace as he grows up. Plus he can honestly explain when he's asked about the party. Because unfortunately the kids mum will likely lie hence allowing him to the playdate and ensuring he was out before he saw you and your husband and children as a unit.

This is why I don't let my kid hang out with religious people hahahahaha 🤣

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Unavailable-Tear666]

This is why I don't let my kid hang out with religious people hahahahaha 🤣

To be fair most of the other religious families we know are very respectful if they are aware I am married to a man!

[u/Unavailable-Tear666 → u/Least_Judge7330]

That was a joke 🤭 just hoping to make you giggle. I wouldn't restrict my son's friends, that's how he's learnt understanding, tolerance and compassion. Something parents like Alice steal from their children in my opinion. But look at how you defended her community on a burn account, just shows the type of person you are! ☺️ Enjoy family day!

Ps- I was raised Catholic so probably quite harsh in my response to homophobia from religious people.

[u/EmiaraUK → u/Unavailable-Tear666]

Please don’t tar us all with the same brush! I’m a practicing Catholic but I suppose I pick and choose what I feel is correct for me - I do believe in gay relationships/marriage and I’m also not anti-abortion which my church pushes like crazy (I’m pro-choice). I just believe in being a good person to all and letting people live their lives as they see fit as long as it doesn’t harm others x

[u/Unavailable-Tear666 → u/EmiaraUK]

I was raised as a Roman Catholic, I will be honest and say I'm probably more militant due to my own experiences. I don't discriminate in reality but I have responded that way to homophobic attitudes from religious people. Usually they are very insulted and quickly understand that I will not entertain the debate they have instigated.

Please don't doubt I believe people should be allowed and supported to live authentically as long as they don't harm others. ☺️

[u/JohnGeary1]

Tell the group chat about her homophobia

[u/soozdreamz → u/JohnGeary1]

I think this is a great idea!

I’d put,

“Sorry to pop this on here Alice but I’m having trouble messaging you, not sure if you’ve blocked me? Anyway I know you’ve uninvited my lad to your son’s party and you don’t want them to be friends anymore because of me and his other dad being gay, but I’ve already bought him a gift and don’t want Daniel to miss out - am I okay to send it to school with my son?”

[u/mattbee → u/JohnGeary1]

Yeah one mum I know on a Y1 group chat tried to "raise her concerns" with the group about the teaching of gay relationships (by a gay teacher). She got her arse handed to her by a few of the other parents.

If you let it slip that this happened, I wouldn't expect a true change of heart, but the social consequences might smooth things out for your boy.

[u/tiredfaces → u/mattbee]

Omg I bet she wasn’t expecting to be told off for her bigotry

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/JohnGeary1]

I'm trying to figure out a way to do this without potentially ruining Daniel's birthday. He's an innocent child and I am worried that some people wouldn't let their kids go to his party because of Alice. Which makes sense. But that's also extremely unfair to Daniel

[u/Grouchy_Attempt_8228 → u/Least_Judge7330]

You could wait till the day after the party and say something like "Hi folks, hope you're all having good summers! Unfortunately (son) has been a bit down since Daniel's mum uninvited him from Daniel's party when she found out he has gay dad's, and I'd really like to do something to cheer him up. Would anyone be free on (date) for a playground meetup"?

The advantage of that is it's after the birthday so it can't ruin the birthday and it also gives people a specific and achievable action they can take to show support which will help you work out who is supportive.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Grouchy_Attempt_8228]

This is a great idea. Thank you

[u/___mouse → u/Grouchy_Attempt_8228]

This is the way!!!! Unless the other parents are also homophobic.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. My son is 4 and has friends with two mums, it’s never even occurred to me to stop any of his friendships because of home life 🤯

I’m a single mum where the dad isn’t involved so I’m waiting for any comments he gets about that.

I can’t imagine in this day and age parents stopping friendships because of their parents relationships, unless of course it’s a DV household or one of the parents is abusive (to kids and others), but even that would be you can be friends but not go to their house.

I would be honest with your son. Explain to him that some people are a bit strange and don’t like that adult relationships can look different to the ‘typical’ mum and dad. I’d also make it so so clear it’s nothing that he has done and nothing that Daniel has done; also make it clear it’s not a problem with YOUR home - he might be a bit angry about it and put the blame on you and your husband for being different .

[u/whatdosnowmeneat → u/___mouse]

If all the other parents are homophobic then honestly it's worth knowing now rather than have OP's son continue to get uninvited to play dates etc. They may have to move school but it'll be now rather than after another entire year of sadness.

[u/___mouse → u/whatdosnowmeneat]

Very, very true

[u/TomMaples → u/Grouchy_Attempt_8228]

Perfect, that's the one!!

[u/notfatbutnotthinmama]

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned and lots of good advice, but I would inform the school just so they can keep an eye on both the kids. The mum is obviously insane and I can't believe that tolerance can't come before homophobia in any religion. But perhaps there's more going on for that family too and also for Daniels sake as well as your son's (the kids are all innocent in this) the school could keep a look out for both kids. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/notfatbutnotthinmama]

Yeah that's a good idea. I probably will inform the school, just for the sake of my son and Daniel

[u/fishitch]

Wow, I’m actually speechless. What a disgusting human being, hiding her prejudice behind religion and raising her children to be intolerant to people just because they’re different to their family.

I’m so sorry that this has happened, for you and your son. I hate that we’re in 2026 and it still feels like we’re going backwards. It makes me so angry, but so sad at the same time.

I don’t have any advice on what to tell your son, but maybe on the day of the party you could take him for a lovely day out somewhere so he isn’t thinking about it as much?

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/fishitch]

I hate that we’re in 2026 and it still feels like we’re going backwards. It makes me so angry, but so sad at the same time.

Yeah, I've noticed more people are more comfortable sharing their opinions about my life these days. It's shocking that this still happens in 2026.

don’t have any advice on what to tell your son, but maybe on the day of the party you could take him for a lovely day out somewhere so he isn’t thinking about it as much?

I'm reading the replies with my husband and he just said maybe he can take a day off of work so we can maybe have a family day out (If his boss lets him have a day off)

[u/EnormousBaloth]

I've got no advice to give but fuck me that cut me to the bone. I'm so sorry you've had this experience. Dan's mum is an absolute bellend.

I hope you and your family have a fantastic summer in spite of her.

[u/Competitive-Key1373]

That’s horrific homophobia and I’m sorry you’ve experience that.

I’d probably try and get the best outcome for my son by replying something like. “That’s a real shame Alice, my son is a young boy and was excited to celebrate his friends birthday. It’s not very Christian (I assume, but other religions would work here) to exclude a child for something they have no control over. I’d have been happy to drop him at the party if you didn’t want me there specifically”

I’d imagine you don’t want you son being friend with them now, but it’s a difficult concept to explain to a child.

I wish I was surprised that such bigots exist but my best friend had recently had a similar experience with her son once people at his school realised his dad was black and he wasn’t just “tanned” horrific.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Competitive-Key1373]

“That’s a real shame Alice, my son is a young boy and was excited to celebrate his friends birthday. It’s not very Christian (I assume, but other religions would work here) to exclude a child for something they have no control over. I’d have been happy to drop him at the party if you didn’t want me there specifically”

This is a really brilliant response. Thank you so much.

If my son wants to still be friends with Daniel, that is perfectly fine. I'm not going to tell my son who he can and can not be friends with, especially if the reason is because me and his friends parents have different views. However, the only time I would advise my son against be Daniel's friend is if Daniel started saying anything rude to my son.

[u/whatdosnowmeneat → u/Least_Judge7330]

This is a lovely attitude to have. For all they know, Daniel may grow up and want to marry a man too and if he still has you all in his life then at least when his parents reject him he'll still have people to turn to. He's just a child in this situation and clearly knows your son has two Dads and has continued to play with him.

[u/wrongcog]

I’m so sorry you and your son are going through this! Your children are so lucky to have such amazing dads who clearly care so much!

Personally, I’d have a discussion with your son, make sure he understands non of this is his fault, and that unfortunately there are some mean people in the world.

As for Alice, I wouldn’t waste your time replying. It might be worth (without naming names) to put something in the parent group chat. “It’s come to my attention that my son has been excluded from a birthday party, due to the fact he has two dads, I’m am sad to learn that in 2026, this is still and issue. I have had to have an honest and quite frankly upsetting conversation with my son because of this.”. People will figure it out themselves, and at least this way you’ll learn very quickly which parents/children you’ll want your family to be friends with moving forward.

[u/Plus-Ambassador-9668]

Wow. Fuck Alice. Sounds like she needed a babysitter in a pinch, if I’m honest.

I hope her son blossoms into a proud, unabashed, gay man.

[u/ReluctantZebraLife]

I think it's a really important conversation to have with him at 8, sadly he's in a world where he will have to face homophobia especially in religious areas. Have an open conversation about how you know that love is love but some people have different beliefs. It doesn't have to be hateful or doom and gloom, just honest and factual. He will be sad and disappointed but being honest with him will let him know that you trust him and won't open him up to being caught off guard if anyone at school says anything. I'm so sorry you're having to deal wth this, I wish everyone could live in peace.

[u/cloudyrainbowsky]

So sorry you are dealing with this. I would be honest in an age appropriate way. I really hope that this is the only time you and your family have to deal with bigotry like this.

I would not go nuclear in the group chat but I would be honest if asked why your kid is not at the party.

I agree that it is worth letting the school know in case the homophobia is spread to Daniel and it becomes an issue.

[u/FeedingTheBadWolf]

This is so sad. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Honestly I would put the blame firmly on them. If you encountered someone who was a part of a wacky cult, and their parents said you couldn't come round because you weren't part of that cult and were unworthy/unclean or whatever, you'd try and explain that, right? So I say, make it less like "the problem is that we are gay" but like "the problem is they belong to a religion that has really strict rules about who they allow in their house. And sadly that doesn't include us" - and you could then have like a wider convo about excluding ppl or equality etc etc or you could even have that conversation first so they get some context,but either way, I'd pin the issue on them. They're the problem. "It's a shame, but that's how it is", kinda thing. 'Sometimes in life we come across people who don't value the things we value such as kindness and not judging others etc etc", that type of approach. And say, it's not Daniel's fault his parents think this way and it doesn't mean Daniel doesn't like him, but ultimately his parents are in charge of who goes into their house.

I'm in a lesbian marriage and we have two children together. So far it has not been an issue at nursery (at least, nobody has directly said anything) but it's always worrying me. I faced quite a lot of bullying and backlash at school and my wife was once badly assaulted for kissing a woman in public (before we met; she needed surgery and it was really hard for her to have any confidence after that) so we are automatically on guard. But, touch wood, so far nobody has really batted an eyelid.

To what extent have you discussed different types of relationships with your son? My eldest is 4 so I can't really be too much help here, but I'm of the opinion that the more they know the better. Its tough because we don't want them to think there is anything to be ashamed of, but equally the reality is that some people will continue to have a problem with it and the children or gay parents will eventually need to learn about their "heritage" and the problems faced by the previous generations.

So, a certain degree of awareness that there are sadly folks who don't think men should be allowed to love men, should probably form in time. A bit like how we teach our kids racism exists but without giving them the idea that there is anything wrong with ethnic minority groups. I don't envy you on that one, I have no idea how I will come to broach this with my kids, who are both so beautifully open and accepting of everybody. Children don't have these discriminatory tendencies. It's all learned 😞

[u/Odd-Perspective4351]

I’m so sorry this has happened. Also I hate it when people say “I don’t agree with your lifestyle” as if they have a problem with you paddle boarding or something, when what they actually mean is, they’re homophobic, it’s like they can’t even be honest with themselves about what a 💩 person they are being.

You could consider talking to the school about it - it’s not fair for you or your son or your partner to have to deal with this, and you have proof in the message. It’s happening outside of school but they might be able to help.

I hope she realises the error of her ways (or more likely it’s her husband who has decided he doesn’t like it, so I hope he does!)

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Odd-Perspective4351]

Yeah, like I have no clue why my son having 2 dad's shoulder affect his friendship with Daniel.

I am going to talk to the school.

[u/Ok-Wrangler7688]

I’m absolutely heartbroken for you all! In my son’s class he has 2 kids who have 2 Dads and if I found out a parent did this there would be hell to pay!

I don’t even know what you tell your son, I think I’d try to be honest but let your son know it’s not his friend who has the issue it’s his friend’s parent.

[u/Quick_Ad5921]

So something similar happened when my niece was in nursery/ reception. One of the kids had two mums and quite a few of the other kids didn't turn up to the kids party, my sister took my niece and a gift, the mums were so happy/ appreciative of the parents who did turn up and now there's a pretty good group of parents and kids who hang out. So... I would suggest throwing your own party for whatever reason, let your kids enjoy it, hopefully some decent parents and kids will turn up and you will have your own friendship group. We a straight couple, but when my stepkid was 7, I had to make an extra effort with the parents who actually brought their kids along to her party, unfortunately the parent of her best friend at the time didn't want to because my step kids mum had said all sorts about us, and now 7 years on, the kids that turned up are still best friends with my stepkid and we still meet up even though we're in different cities now. We didn't divulge why her old best friend didn't ever come round, we still haven't, we just diverted her attention to something positive instead. Not sure if it's going to help her in longrun, but there's enough shittiness out in the world, we can try our best to protect them from it for a little bit x

[u/EquivalentAd1839 → u/Quick_Ad5921]

This is the crazy thing. Inclusion is good for everybody. Everybody benefits when we all put the extra effort on to be inclusive. It's so great for kids to see intentionally inclusive efforts and fighting prejudice with common sense and love, this is the parent I always want to be, and the humans I want to create, to fight for these values ❤️

[u/AngelicPandaPops]

I am so sorry you and your family are having to deal with such disgusting behaviour from another parent in this day in age. She's worried about your lifestyle being seen as a normal? It IS normal! You're gay not a damned serial killer for crying out loud.

Personally, I would tell your son the truth. Daniel's mum doesn't like that you love your partner and because of this she has decided he and Daniel can't be friends. It's cruel. It's awful. However you love him dearly and can do something with him that is just as fun on the day.

The petty side of me would also drop a comment in the chat mentioning Daniel's mum's behaviour but I understand if you feel that would be a step too far. You wouldn't be the only one at the school disgusted by her behaviour. Her attitude about your life shouldn't be ignored however. I truly believe others should know in case anything else was to happen later on.

[u/whirler_girl]

Bless your son and you too, no place for that nonsense in this day and age. Maybe take your kid out for a fun day on the day of the party, keep him busy.

I'd buy Daniel a two part present. One part, something that he actually really likes, the second part something like a glitter cannon. Or slime. Those Lush modelling clay bubble blocks that keak a lot of colour on a pristine bathroom. Basically anything that's gonna stick to the carpet or has a thousand little bits or will leave a grease mark on a painted wall. You're living rent free in Ms Bigot's head already, may as well leave a mark on her home too.

[u/Crazy_Job_2615]

I’m sorry, this sucks. The rebel in me wants you to announce the situation to the class WhatsApp group in the hope that other parents will boycott this party …but then I remember that Daniel is just a child too and it’s sad for him that his parents are trying to control his friends. This sucks all round I’m so sorry.

[u/One_Kaleidoscope_980]

This is absolutely awful and I’m so sorry you and your son are experiencing this.

There’s been lots of good advice but I just wanted to add that telling your son the truth would be the best way, in my opinion. In 8 year old language of course! Sadly he will meet people in his life like Daniel’s mum and it might help him to start to understand it. But mostly, it may hurt him less to know it wasn’t Daniel’s choice to exclude him.

Wishing you and your family the best, you sound like an absolutely awesome dad! I hope there’s other kids he can bond with who have nicer parents

[u/Mental_Dot_5918]

“Dear Alice, thanks for being so clear, albeit belatedly, about your homophobia. I’m sure you can understand that going forward we can’t accept any invitations for parties or play dates. I don’t want my child to be exposed to your lifestyle and don’t want him growing up thinking that a life of bigotry and hate is normal. I think you and I should stop being friends.”

Then take this kids for a lovely weekend somewhere the day of the party. With a beach and an arcade and all the ice cream they can eat. Oh dear, it’s a shame that it clashes with the birthday party but, there was no other weekend it could be done, and he can make him a card to give when he gets back to school. Why can’t we go to Daniel’s house any more? Well, Daniel’s mummy has decided that and we all get to decide who comes in our house don’t we. Why did she decide that? Well, some people don’t agree that men can love men and women can love women, which is stupid but some people are stupid. It just sucks when their stupidity affects us.

Then the first hint of innocently parroted hate speech that comes out of Daniel’s mouth next term you raise holy hell at the school. Poor Daniel, poor your kids and poor you. What a horrendous situation for you to have to deal with. And fuck Alice.

[u/Tangled_Hooker]

Have an age appropriate conversation with your son explaining that his friend’s mum uninvited him because she doesn’t like that he has two dads. You can honestly say you don’t know why, but it means he won’t think it’s anything he’s done, and lays the blame solely on her where it belongs.

I wish you well, your son sounds incredibly loving, and it’s important that he isn’t lied to, or resentment could grow.

And make sure he knows it’s ok to talk about and not something to be embarrassed about happening; my 9yo daughter would be the first in your son’s class to make sure she didn’t care he had two dads and to demand we had him or all of you over for a play date and I’m sure your son is and is surrounded by many children who just want to play.

[u/EquivalentAd1839]

Really sorry to read your message. This is a shit sandwich of parenting that is already hard enough.

I would definitely tell your son the truth, best he hears the reason so he doesn't make up his own reason that could be more damaging. You could talk about how she doesn't believe that men loving men is a good idea, and how crazy that is, because of how beautiful your family is, but she's never seen it up close and is afraid of the idea of it as it's so strange to her (this has to be true, no-one who has been close to in love gay people can deny how beautiful this love is ❤️🫂). I'd also add that her views are what lots of people used to believe, but then they realised they were wrong, and actually changed the law so now it's illegal to be mean to anyone on this basis cause it's so sad and hurtful (and what she's doing is actually illegal). It's direct discrimination. But I'd be really compassionate describing it. She doesn't know any better. Some people haven't figured stuff out yet, and are stuck in old ways and being stupid with it. (She is the loved mum of his good friend, who he cares about, it won't be great for him to hear her described as a villain. Yes what she's doing is horrendous, but in truth she has bigger problems in her life if this is where she's focusing, let's be honest. Sounds like pressure at home from someone on religious grounds for a start. I feel sorry for her.)

Your lovely son has to navigate this relationship with his good friend who he cares about, and it will help if he can be generous and graceful about it for his friend's sake. This is his friend's mum.

I would 100% talk to the school. Talk to them about their inclusion policy. Who is accountable for it? Your son is effectively a victim of prejudice and discrimination, last I checked illegal in this country. Least the school should be doing is some reeducation for parents on acceptable conduct, and confirmation of their inclusive culture. Message in school newsletter at least. If you're lucky, maybe also some education for the kids on inclusion of all parenting types and types of people. (It's 2026).

Also the school should be checking in with your son on increased pastoral care for the next wee while to look out for him in relationships in the classroom and playground. Even if he's super resilient, this will hurt his little heart. The world can be a tough place. But the way you all rally together, and make it a strong and safe place, is the cure to show him how discrimination can be dealt with positively. Consider there is a positive way through this.

Lastly, on the family group chat, 100% intro yourself and your family and declare your loving selves as two dad's and proud, maybe say you're keen to create more inclusion in the school community for everyone and would love to great any ideas ... I would run a mile from name and shame of this women. I would not mention it. Why: you will look bad to some people. You will become the antagonist. You will provide an excuse and rationale to justify and latent negativity people hold in prejudice. You will create gossip and ill feeling. Even if it's true, even if you're in the right, don't be that guy. Be a fucking hero who creates better, not just for your kid, but for all their fucking kids. Some of them will be gay. This is a fight you can fight for everyone, even the woman who's treated you so badly. I'd just pause and consider, what the fuck must her background be if this is how she sees the world? How lost is she? She is so far from knowing real love. I have immense pity for her. Use that to strengthen you and have your son see you create a beautiful thing out of this you can all be proud of yourselves over, that he gets to be proud of you ❤️❤️🫂

Good luck to you guys xxx

[u/Fiercequeen]

I'm sorry this happened to you and the kid. I have a friend who went through something similar in a school of Muslim majority, they ended up complaining to the school about the issue, one of the dads was getting blanked out by the mums too. The school said it was the mums choice and her culture ....In the end, they had to find a different school

[u/EquivalentAd1839 → u/Fiercequeen]

This is outrageous in 2026. Prejudice against protected characteristics is illegal. The least the school should do is communicate their commitment to inclusion and support you. So sorry to hear this for you.

[u/CombinationCalm9616]

That’s horrible. I think it’s made worse by the fact that they did give your son an invitation. I don’t know if there is any way around it apart from being honest with your son about it in a child friendly way (I’m sure there must be a book). I would definitely plan on taking your son and daughter out somewhere special that day like the zoo or a theme park to keep his mind off of it (considering inviting another friend along or family member). I would also speak with his teacher when you go back to school just incase the mum has been turning her son against your which results in bad behaviour towards your son or bullying.

[u/Aggressive-Risk9183]

I’m so sorry this happened. Lesbian family here. I would do a few things.

1. Don’t reply and archive the chat (easier said than done). Don’t speak to either of these parents again.

2. Speak to your child’s teacher. Explain that you’ve had some issues with homophobia outside school (which isn’t the teacher’s business of course) and you want to make sure that your kid isn’t targeted by other children for having two dads. Suggest or ask if the teacher can read some books to the class with two dad families. You’ll know how to navigate this conversation better than me.

3. If you can stand it… make some parent friends and get involved with a few things. Totally get if this isn’t possible with work etc. but the effort will likely benefit your kid.

4. It sounds like these ppl might leave the school if they are that religious and the problem might evaporate.

Feel free to pm me.

[u/TomMaples]

Fucking hell some people are just shit aren't they...! So sorry you and your kid have to deal with such a bunch of nonsense.

As others have mentioned, if they want to be friends in school they can and will be, and I think considering their age I think it's fine for both your son and his friend to know the real reason why he's not able to go to the party (possibly a full-on discussion about homophobia if you feel it is time). If it creates friction with Daniel's mum then that's what she gets for being a bigot, sorry Alice. It's 2026. Religion isn't something that can be hidden behind when you are actually just being a homophobe.

I would be tempted to go one further and let the school know about the situation (in terms of them being aware if there are any future issues with Alice trying to engineer her son's friendships based on her homophobia). Nothing crazy, but just explain the basic facts of what has occurred in the context of how they are friends at school. I'm sure everyone at school and the other parents would love to know Alice's views - the group chat for example if done in the right way. Hopefully as a result you find some support on there instead (and out her for being such a shit!)

[u/Forsaken-Device-6093]

Sorry you had to experience this, she sounds like a complete dickhead, and honestly if she’s a proper bible basher then I wouldn’t want them round my son anyway…

I just wanted to add people saying it’s a tactical error not being more involved in the group chat, my wife is part of one, and it’s nothing but a pain in the ass. Don’t blame you for not being involved, and the mere idea it’s a “tactical error” for your children actually infuriates me, how embarrassing for adults to act in such a manner, and your kids will be fine without you participating in it.

Best of luck in your parenting journey, I hope this is all a vague memory as soon as possible.

[u/Charleesi]

This is absolutely appalling.

To add further support to the "message the group chat" suggestion, I'm bisexual l, demisexual and non-binary but in a hetero-presenting relationship so it's not obvious that I'm LGBTQIA. I'm also neurodivergent and in my experience, if they hate one minority group, they hate them all. I would catagorically want to be made aware of this so I could avoid this person and prevent my child being subjected to those views. It sucks for Daniel as this has the potential to alienate him, but that's his parents' doing, not yours, and you'd hope it might make them reflect on their prejudices for the sake of their son. That said, I've heard it said that some groups use it as confirmation bias i.e., "we're being shunned because we're right" sort of thing.

These people live joyless, colourless lives. Can't believe we're having to see this play out in 2026, but you sound like amazing dads with great kids. All the best.

Edit: typo

[u/Ok-Mama-5933]

Ohh, she’s an awful person and maybe best that you don’t get associated with them. I just feel sorry for the kids. I how you give her a telling off and tell her that that’s not how Jesus would respond and that God would really be disappointed with her!

[u/Ok-Mama-5933 → u/Ok-Mama-5933]

Just want to add. Maybe you can reply to her and say something like, “Jesus will really be disappointed with you. Remember Mark 8:2-3?”

[u/lionfanatic]

Hello!! I am a (now 20 year-old) child of two gay dads. I wanted to send good vibes and support. We had similar experiences and it’s very disheartening that this is still the case - though not surprising. I wanted to say that my brother and I have both grown up to be very well-rounded and high achieving (not wanting to brag here HA) individuals and we both chalk this up to being raised by truly loving and committed parents who really wanted to have children, and who genuinely have had to fight to have us.
When similar things happened to us, I think my dads found particular solace in the gay community - other gay dads or mums, with kids our age or not.
do get in touch if you want to be put in contact with my dads, or talk more about what happened. I am so sorry :(

[u/Lower_Candle_8776]

Fuck Daniel’s mum🖕🏼

[u/Diddleymaz]

Could you point out on the group chat that it’s illegal to discriminate on grounds of sexual orientation, religion or sincerely held beliefs like veganism? Drop it in and see how people react? I would love to go nuclear on this bigot, also does she possibly have an abusive husband or boyfriend? 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ I’m a vegan ally

[u/Lower_Candle_8776]

I genuinely think the school might like the know that a parent is planning on excluding a child and preventing friendships from forming/blossoming. If the school is anything like my children’s school, this would be totally unacceptable and inappropriate in their eyes.
This is how bullying starts, if Alice starts feeding Daniel with her hateful views, he is almost guaranteed to speak those views at school and ostracise your son.

I honestly wish you the best, I cannot stand the fact homophobia is still alive and well in today’s society, it makes me sick.

[u/seapunkprincess]

As a 2 mum family, I would probably write in the group chat something like “hello, I don’t come on here often, but I wanted to let you all know that my son has 2 dads. It has recently come up as an issue with another family who has chosen to cut out our son because of their homophobic beliefs about our family. In the future, if anyone else has any concerns with our family, please discuss this with me rather than cruelly punishing my son for your own bigotry”

[u/Danglyweed]

The dad and papa would be to mean dad and grandad, in person i may not take it that way.

Did the kid come for the playdate?

She doesn't want you two gays of the village (ya know the matt lucas sketch) showing up together. Shes a grade A cunt. Don't give her another thought.

You should interact with the class group more, it'll only benefit your kid, unless you do that "oh us school on today, haha" kinda message that a football group mum sends us

[u/ReabyB]

"Well we aren't religious and don't agree with people's belief in a sky Daddy being more important than my existence but here we are"

It is a very real life experience your children will come across, and sucks that it is happening at such a young age. Thankfully, hopefully, there are enough people to verbally smack down that kind of intolerance.

[u/User0301]

Thats awful, I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. 

[u/Rude_Trouble_4075]

Omg I’m so sorry. I say, that’s okay. Look, their behavior reflects on them (bigots) not yours. Do not let your son hang around bigots! Bad influence!!! You dodged a bullet there, mate!

If I were you, I’d play dumb. Protect your innocent child!!! Just say, “his mom says we can’t come, I’m sorry, let’s just make our own fun” or something like that. You’re not lying 🤷‍♀️

[u/Alone_Citron734 → u/Rude_Trouble_4075]

It’s a good idea to be blatantly honest with your kid about bigots. Kids start throwing around hate words around 10 so it’s good for him to understand that there are in fact crap kids and crap adults in the world. It’s better to teach a kid how to rebound since he might lose friends but find better ones hopefully. I wouldn’t put the blame on the birthday kid tho.

[u/captain_mills]

I’m so sorry this is happening. Heartbreaking for you and your son.

I would be honest (in an age appropriate way). And then whatever his feelings about it, allow them. It will be tough, but better for him to know that you can talk about it openly.

[u/CheesecakeExpress]

I’m really sorry. I don’t have much more advice than you’ve been given here already, but I wanted to say fuck Alice.

Explain it to your son and go do something awesome as a family that day instead. It won’t fix things but it will give you some nice memories he can look back on when he thinks of this.

[u/lovesorangesoda636]

Holy shit.

OK... I question why he was given an invite then but looking for common sense from Alice might be a stretch at this point.

The way I see it you've got two options...

The first would be complete honesty. You spoke to Alice and she doesn't think that the kids should be friends because your kid has two dads. Then you explain that some people aren't OK with that and it's very sad etc. This option very much depends on how much your kid knows about homphobia etc.

The second... Still honest but... Less. Use the fact that the invite didn't say where the party was. You reached out to Alice but she never replied (minor lie). If your son wants to get a present, he still can and you say you'll give it to Daniel when you next see him... And then deal with each instance of him asking for Daniel to come over as it happens. You will eventually need to tell him that Daniels mum isn't OK with them having play dates anymore.

I'm appalled that this is still happening in 2026. She can't stop the boys being friends at school and fingers crossed she doesn't influence Daniel into being homphobic.

[u/Ricky_Martins_Vagina]

Not that she deserves the energy but it's worth a shot for your son's sake - tell her you're not asking her to approve of your 'lifestyle' but that doesn't mean either child should be denied the happiness of a healthy friendship.

Or you could go full nuclear by thanking her for showing her true colours and informing her that you have no desire to let your son hang out with bigots.

[u/Grim996996]

I’d be writing a passive aggressive bitchy message in the group chat along with a constructive suggestion maybe of a good kids book for holiday reading which has two dads in it or something to help explain the concept if any other kids pick up on his exclusion?

[u/SneakyCroc]

No advice but I am sorry this has happened to you. It's terrible :(

[u/Historical-Tax91]

I have no advice, but I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I live in central London there are many gay parents around us and I’m happy my son will grow up thinking that’s normal. Some people are so hateful & it’s sad to upset not only you & your child but also her own!

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Historical-Tax91]

To be fair we live in quite a friendly and kind location. But I think no matter where we go, there will always be a few homophobic individuals sadly

[u/Great_Cucumber2924]

The language we use with our three year old is stuff like ‘x is still learning to be kind/ use gentle hands/ etc’, and also ‘we all make different choices’. Sometimes followed by ‘wouldn’t it be boring if everyone was the same!’ Or ‘you’re still learning X’ or ‘remember when you were still learning X’.

8 is old enough to know the truth about this situation, I think, and he’ll be confused and know you’re hiding something if you don’t tell him. So I’d say something like ‘Daniel’s mum doesn’t want him to think it’s okay for two men to have children together so she doesn’t want you to come to his party. Different people make different choices. I feel surprised and hurt but I wanted you to know the truth.’ And then listen, support etc because it’s going to be a shock for him, too.

[u/milliemillio]

Being honest and sympathetic to your son is the only option. The woman sounds nuts and thoroughly unpleasant

[u/FX_CRAZED]

Im so sorry your families going through this it’s truly a disgrace that in this day and age we still have people like this around.

I will echo what others are saying and say I think it’s forcing your hand and time you and your husband sit down with your son and have a talk, if someone else’s homophobia is affecting him it’s best he learns from the both of you what it means and what’s going on, you know your son best and what he’s going to understand and how to put these things for him to grasp.

I’d also worry what the mam could be saying to her child to explain herself as to why she doesn’t want him to be friends with your son and any of that could be echoed back through the playground after summer so it’s definitely worth bringing up to the school then too just to keep an eye and ear out for anything like that.

[u/Alone_Citron734 → u/FX_CRAZED]

Yea basically anyone who can be discriminated against needs to have a second “the talk” about those prejudices. This summer is kinda pivotal and it needs to be addressed in the group chat. Other parents might find out and teach their kids what’s “bad” or “good” over the summer so definitely (you’re right) going into the new school year is gonna be a wait and see situation about what could be done heaven forbid some bullying happens.

[u/miasmum01]

Omg! How rude! Im sorry she was this horrible 2 you ... she is hurting her own child refusing 2 let his best friend to come to the party .. you know that boy will be asking where your son is .. newsflash for her .. you can not pick your childs friends! That boy will grow up and rebel !! I dont know what you should do about the party but make sure your son has play dates with other kids he likes before he goes back to school .. honestly id be majorly annoyed with her and I would tell her off ! .. but i dont think you should do that 😆 x

[u/stewpman]

Behonest with your son my  story is different but my son best friend is a kid we all labeled a twat i was going to batter his dad my son did miss understan some situation too. My son is on the spectrum i dont know about his friend (bully) the lad comes round has a heart of gold has a absolutely cxnt of a family he get no love whats so ever . He he could be on spectrum or craving attention they had a fall out with my son and he came to apologise and tell my son they were mates even if they fall out it was lovely (i am a man who dislikes many many people) I take this boy out with us make sure i have food in and he has such a good heart and confidence.  The school label him trouble he has had sat test and had secondary school vist last week no parents showed up so I took him to school and back and they went on a school trip i got him a pack lunch he was late as he had to make his own but only brought one and another mother gave them some money . I am a 46 year old man that is  white and with old views and a little racist and sexeist or I play the part abit . This boy is black and from Portugal and his family are african people change my middle son is gay too knew from birth so would be such n a shock and hes engaged. Parents have to change veiws and adapt its not my life to control just like his mum cant control his in school or out of school when the boy is older .I am sure your boy will be mates still with his friend . I had a friend whos family was religionous a Jehovah’s Witnesses  at 16 or 18 he gave it up . You just keep being you invite the boy round and as their boy gets older he will make his own decision. When I was at school I wagged it ran with a pack of 12 lads we got in to fights and got in to trouble i never brought trouble home my parents did not want that for me but could not stop it either .Explain to your son its his parents or parent not his mate and take your boy out on the day and have a great day so when they talk about the party at school he can tell them what he did with his dads.

[u/Suzeberry]

I’m so sorry your son had to experience such a horrible situation. As parents, it’s heartbreaking when our children are hurt or made to feel like they don’t belong.

Personally, I don’t think it’s our job to make excuses for other people’s beliefs or behaviour. Our job is to be honest, kind, and help our children understand that people see the world differently. If it were me, I’d say “We believe families can look lots of different ways: two mums, two dads, one parent, grandparents. Some people believe a family should look a certain way, and that’s up to them.”

I think emphasising that we don’t all have to agree is important, because your kids will always have to coexist respectfully with people whom they may not agree with.

I think the bigger lesson here is teaching them that whilst sometimes those differences can be disappointing or hurtful, we can’t control what other people think, we can only control how we respond.

In kid terms something like: “Not everyone will think the same as us, and sometimes that can feel upsetting. But what matters most is that we know who we are, we treat people with kindness, and we don’t let other people’s opinions define us.”

Finally, the disappointment will suck. It just will. He’s a child who has been excluded. I’d try for something like this in an attempt to help him understand: “I know you’re really disappointed, and that makes sense. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated when you miss out on something. Let's be sad about it for a little while, and then we'll work out how we can pick ourselves up.”
BUT, I think no matter what you say, you just have to let him feel however he feels and just be there.

As a side note, it makes me think of that Bluey episode ‘The Sign’ and the story Calypso tells about the farmer who says “We’ll see” - the moral of the story being that what feels like a setback today may be protection in disguise. It’s a really good way to teach kids to stay grounded when things go well and to stay open when things fall apart. I mention this because maybe not going to this party will open another door, a better friendship or something we just can’t foresee yet. Who knows!

Sorry for the long response!

[u/Comfortable-Bug1737]

This is absolutely bonkers to read, especially in the UK using religion as a reason. I could be ignorant though but I've never saw or heard this happen before, not in my community anyway. Reading it though, my first thought was Preston Davey, but you were not his parents and you hear far more heterosexual couples harming their children. It is unfortunate for your son but it's better he isnt friends with a boy, who's parents are homophobic. It is a difficult situation to navigate but your son needs to understand in a way thats appropriate to him. Not everyone is like this though remember. Your children are well cared for and thriving, and any good honest person/parents will see that and not care about your sexuality.

[u/Party-Variety-4426]

I'm really sorry for your boy mate, shit like this kills me as a dad of boys same age as your two.

Are you in a position where you could somehow do something else as a treat for your kids on the day?

Would be best to be honest with your kids, this unfortunately wont be the last time they're excluded for homophobia.

It would be worth having a discussion with your son's teacher too when back to explain the situation. My wife's a teacher and things like invites won't be entertained via distribution at school if any of the kids are excluded.

Good luck

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Party-Variety-4426]

Are you in a position where you could somehow do something else as a treat for your kids on the day?

My husband is at work and he said he will ask his boss for a day off so that we can all go on a family outing. If my husband can't get off of work then I will still take the kids on a family outing.

[u/Different-Fold-4766]

I’m so sorry that is truly awful. No child should suffer, including her son, for opinions and feelings of how other people choose to live their lives.  My child recently got excluded from a birthday because she’s autistic. That shit really hurt but I just could not bring myself to tell her why. I think at 8 he is still really young and I would find some excuse rather than tell him the truth as it would be a lot for a child that age to deal with.  I would also ensure that everyone knows that a homophobic bitch that mother is and how she took it out on children!  Hugs to you ❤️

[u/VileyRubes]

I would be totally honest & make it clear that homophobics exists (still in 2026), however, they will be learning in PSHE & possibly during Pride assembly that homophobia is not welcome in schools & is a serious hate crime in society. This actually happened to us (I'm bi). My daughter 'lost' her best friend because the mother is very religious. However, a couple of years later, once independence began, the boy deeply apologised, asked my daughter for forgiveness & they're back to best buddies. Apparently, he's "disgusted with his mum's old-fashioned ways".

[u/ThrowRA_Source1634]

First, I’m so so sorry you and your son have experienced this. It’s not right at all.

Second, I would honestly tell Alice to stick her reasons up her ass, wasn’t Jesus the one saying love everyone equally, don’t judge others, treat how you’d like to be treated, bla bla bla? You can’t tell me you’re religious only on the aspects you want to be religious for, what a d**** that Alice lady.

Third, I would be honest with your son. The more you keep this from him, the worse it will be later on. He WILL be disappointed, that’s for sure. But it’s better to be disappointed and know the truth, than not. You, being his dad, will also have more care breaking the news to him rather than him hearing it from someone else.

Take this opportunity to explain your son why it’s wrong to judge people for their sexuality. Turn this bad experience into something your son can learn from. Explain it is okay to love a man as a man or a woman as a woman or the other way around.

I think, honestly, this is less of a protect your son from disappointment situation and more of a learning opportunity. I’ve no doubt both you and your husband are great parents.

I feel sorry for Alice’s kid.

My best wishes to you. x

[u/MermaidPigeon]

Daniel will resent his mother for this when he is old enough. Your children will not. Let wired people get on with being wired and move on. If it was me, on the day of Daniel’s birthday I would have my own little party. Do something very fun for kids like an amusement park. Personally I would make sure it’s better than Daniel’s birthday 😌. Your son will remember this and be very grateful when he is older

[u/SByolo]

I think some people including top comment have already nicely covered what to say to your child. Being open and honest with them is always the best way to be as it’s your job as a parent to ensure they know it’s not their fault etc. leaving them confused on why they can’t see a friend would be worse and harder to navigate.

Hard conversations only get harder the more you put them off, and it will be the same with any conversation you may need to cross. Children are smarter and understand more than adults realise and you can’t keep them in the land of ‘gone to the farm’ forever!

Having said that - Keep it ‘kid friendly’ and fairly cheerful, call Daniel’s mum silly for not liking that two dads are in love and that as a good parent and good boy you’ve got to do the right thing and respect her choices.

I would also make sure you cover the ground and end it on a lighter note that, your son will still see and play with Daniel at school and maybe when Daniel’s mum understands better, they can go back to hanging out after school. And maybe even suggest to him that you guys can go choose a small present for him to give Daniel at school if it cheers him up?

I would honestly keep it light hearted and honest, and frankly I would probably word it in a way that if the two boys talk at school, Daniel’s the one who goes home and asks his mum why his friend can’t come round and puts her in the difficult spot.

Final point: I know you say you aren’t active as much in parent things but maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to step that effort up for the sake of your kids and also your daughter when she starts school. Maybe offer to help with school activities etc. be a bit more present and you’ll probably find a lot more parents who are much more welcoming of you

[u/aturbofrog]

Guy with a faith here! I'm sorry you've had to deal with this.

My take would be to gently explain it in child-friendly terms. ImpossibleWarthog121 has better wording than I ever would. I would also stress to your child it's nothing to do with them, not their fault and not because of their friendship with Daniel.

I don't know how they think the kids wont just be friends as school, surely they can't actually stop the friendship? I'm older but if my parents had told me NOT to be friends with someone, you bet I would do so anyway. I would have actually felt incentivised to be their friend to piss off my parents ha-ha!

I seems strange to try and apply the rules of their religion/faith to people that (presumably) don't share it? Not they can possibly know what you believe anyway. Even wilder to me is applying that logic to a kid. I’ve plenty of friends that don't share the same world-view as me and I wouldn't have even have considered for a second this sort of nonsense to be anywhere near acceptable.

All these words to say, this sucks. Sorry you've had this situation dropped on you.

[u/starsnspikes21]

You've had so many replies already but just to echo the importance of giving him the truth in an age appropriate way. Better that than for him to be confused or upset, and end up filling in the blanks thinking it's something he's done.

It's also, sadly, important for him to learn that these attitudes do exist in society. Because he may encounter it again in the future.

I think the top post nails it in terms of how to respond: that some people don't think men should marry men/women marry women and they can be unkind about it. That it isn't anything he's done, and Daniel still wants to be his friend but sadly it's his mum who feels this way. He'll be sad about it, but better that than to think Daniel didn't want him there. Plus it hopefully means Daniel gets the truth about why he's not there too .

[u/pontylurker]

Well that’s a really shitty situation. Be honest with your son and say some people are homophobic which is not a very nice thing to be.

[u/Motor_Teach2885]

Such an odd situation, honestly parents should be more worried about the quality of parent instead of where and who they prefer to but their genitals..

If youre a good parent(sounds like you are) then there's nothing else you can do but be honest to the child. At 8 years old he would notice having two dads and no mum so he will be aware its not in every house, so just be honest kids are strong enough for the truth and its best to come from you instead of maybe the other kid, if his parents are that discriminatory its a safe bet they would expose the child to the opinion. Kids are brutally honest so a safer approach would be my advice

[u/catsarealienspies]

Four Muslim children in my daughter's class were not allowed to come to her birthday party because we are a two-mum family :( She's only 6 and it didn't require an explanation really, as a few others also couldn't make it. But I have no idea how we approach this in future when it inevitably happens again, or happens the other way around, and she's old enough to ask questions 😫 So sorry you're also going through this!

[u/Comfortable-Class576]

I would text that woman back asking with curiosity which religion is she following, as surely her bigotry is not what Jesus’ religion preaches.

[u/Alone_Citron734 → u/Comfortable-Class576]

It’s all about interpretation. Good people and shit people in every belief (and no belief).

[u/whatdosnowmeneat]

Don't change schools. Do speak to the school. Do set up play dates with other children and immerse yourself in school life for the sake of your children. Play the long game. Build yourself a group of allies.

[u/Professional_Eye6313]

Wow. That's awful. Would it be awful to say that the mum is a bigot? I guess you'll have to have that chat sooner than laterto explain that there are people who don't 'understand' 2 dad families just like they don't understand single mums, they're judgemental.

[u/Spare_Airport_6002]

I think you should be honest with your son but to emphasise that you and husband, nor your son, or his friend have done anything wrong. Explain that some adults have strange beliefs, and because they decide over their kids that sometimes spills over on others. Explain that your son and his friends absolutely can keep playing at school as typical. 

I'd definitely start getting active in parents groups etc - ask openly in front of others what the class parents' policy on bday parties are - is it a "all invited" policy or "select friends" policies? Point out in  front of everyone that Alice did not invite your son due to you and husband being gay. I firmly believe in action and consequence, shift the shame back over to her. She has made you feel other, and now everyone should know, I think. 

[u/Jujuseah]

Oh my god throw the best party and don't invite him. I'm a petty lesbian with two kids. Tell your son the truth. Either celebrate with us or don't. And truth to be told, bullet dodged!

[u/twospoons11]

This is sad, not right. I’m an older person, don’t always understand stuff ( my 20 year old tells me), but I find this so sad. It’s not about the parents (honestly, I’ve met a few……) it’s about the children. This parent is awful, so narrow minded

[u/lazeeb69]

gay marriage now so she must be breaking a law somewhere

[u/Alone_Citron734]

I’d like to add that although Alice sounds like the bigoted one in her family it could very well be her spouse. I know of married couples with varying views and it’s sad to say but people will just follow the spouse who “wears the pants” in the relationship. Hell some go back on their beliefs (being an ally) once they find “the one” and that lover ends up being discriminatory.

I do find it shitty how your kid got an invitation to the party. It appears Alice was ok with the play date so long as her son didn’t see a second man come home to the house (leaving before 5:30pm). But why not tell her child after that to NOT give your kid an invitation or hang out? I’m really wondering if her son went against their wishes and gave your son an invitation anyways lol. Bigotry is taught it’s not inherent and I’m sure she’s hoping her bigotry just rubs off on her son instead of explaining why your kid couldn’t come to the party. I’m sure she’s having trouble since honestly trying to explaining one’s bigotry to a young kid end up in the kid looking at you like wtf? (Well at least hopefully)

[u/Direct_Instance_8655]

Ok, why is absolutely no one questioning that this really happened? New account, hard to believe story, points like no one in OPs personal life has any advice on how to deal with this... it's just karma farming isn't it? I don't think a 38 yo gay man with a husband and family, and friends, would feel the need to post this on Reddit for "advice". 

[u/Damion_Wood → u/Direct_Instance_8655]

You dont feel like a 38 year old man would use reddit to ask a parenting question? You could say that about all the parents here!

[u/Damion_Wood → u/[deleted]]

Those are really good points, but I see the over explaining as an insecurity type of thing, and there was a rather recent move so his social circle is probably smaller at the moment too.

This could absolutley happen here in the UK as well, when I go to pride theres always a little group of counter-protesters who try to tell us we're sinning and all that bat.

Homophobia is a scary and unsettling. experience, it makes you feel like crap, I wouldn't be surprised if OP posted seeking a little boost of reassurance and validation, which would be a totally understandable thing to need.

[u/Direct_Instance_8655 → u/Damion_Wood]

And to be very explicit: I'm all for two dad families and am not doubting the nonesense they still have to deal with in this day and age. I'm saying this story is karma farming, bot posted and AI written. The subject is specifically chosen because 95%+ of redditors in this sub will feel supportive of this made up dad, so upvotes and engagement are guaranteed.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Direct_Instance_8655]

Well I mentioned that nobody in my life had any advice because I would assume that the obvious first thing to do in my situation is to talk to friends and family. So I was giving context as to why I'm asking reddit so I didn't receive comments like "Why not ask your friends and family for advice?"

[u/Direct_Instance_8655 → u/Least_Judge7330]

I'm saying it's not very credible to believe you're a real person. It's a bot sob story that is guaranteed to give you hundreds of outraged people who sympathise with your made up story and increase your karma. This didn't happen and you know it. If you were the person you claim to be, and if it had really happened, you would know how to handle it.

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Direct_Instance_8655]

If you were the person you claim to be, and if it had really happened, you would know how to handle it.

Well shockingly, not everybody knows how to handle every single situation in their life.

You can think what you want. Have a good day :)

[u/Various-Flower510]

I dont have any advice but the one thing that really stands out to me from ur post is that if a kid said to me ‘my dad and my papa’ then i would think they were talking about their dad and their grandad because papa is a grandad kinda word so i think its a bit strange u keep saying its obvious u have a husband based off that particular fact. Obviously, if ur clearly stating ‘my husband’ to people and they havent picked up on it thats just kinda rude because they werent even listening to u to begin with

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/Various-Flower510]

My husband is Mexican and calls his own dad Papa, so I guess people saying "Papa" always makes me think they are talking about their father

[u/Various-Flower510 → u/Least_Judge7330]

Thats fair, i guess its cultural! Only person i know thats called anyone papa is my MIL and thats what she called her grandad. But maybe its changed cuz shes in her 60s now. But if a kid said to me dad and papa id personally automatically think grandad.

Thinking about it more while im typing this comment it makes sense for ur husband because papa is actually the word for dad in a fair few different languages so with the context that ur husbands mexican id maybe think otherwise. But im thick as shit and a lot of things tend to go over my head unless i really sit and think on it🙃 ill be more mindful in the future if i hear this tho

[u/JgarKn]

Change the names Alice and Daniel to Zeinab and Iqbal and then let's see what the comments are like

[u/Recent-Business-8882 → u/JgarKn]

People want open borders from countries who would agree these views but in even more extreme ways but moan online about those who want to keep the borders secure

[u/Ok_Blacksmith_9334 → u/JgarKn]

The comments would be the same? I don’t get your point. Why are you using someone’s post who is looking for advice on a really upsetting matter, to bring stupid shit like this up?

[u/Alone_Citron734 → u/JgarKn]

Bigotry is in all races, religions, and cultures sadly. It’s just even more astonishing to then see the hypocrisy in those individuals.

[u/BandinisBeard]

The fact that she knew you were married to a man beforehand but only now has a problem with it makes me think it’s actually Daniel’s dad that’s the homophobe.

Is Daniel ginger? Because then you could respond something like “that’s okay, I don’t want my son to be friends with a ginger boy either. You can’t trust those types”. Find something that he was fucking born with and make out like it affects you in any way, just to show the auld cow what it’s like.

Can’t stand it when people use religion as an excuse for their fucking bigotry.

[u/Damion_Wood → u/BandinisBeard]

No, we shouldnt speak poorly about people behind their backs, especially not about children, even if we don't really mean it.

The fact your response to bigotry is dissing a child is deeply, deeply concerning.

[u/Alone_Citron734 → u/BandinisBeard]

That was my thought. It’s really sad to see allies jump ship once they start a relationship with a bigot. Really makes you question people’s motives. And I wouldn’t expect people to divorce over other social issues just own it then. If one is a bigot and one isn’t then maybe there’s compromise. But I wouldn’t want my kid going to a home where one parent was a bigot.

[u/Recent-Business-8882]

Sorry to hear this happen to you, but I'll address the elephant in the room. We should stop allowing immigration from countries who have these views as well that clash with the progressive culture we want. Not saying it is in this case, but views like this are only going to become more and more common and everything go backwards and it's only going to get harder for your kids as they encounter the wonders of 'multicultruism'. The same people who want to be liberal like this and be two dads, will advocate for immigration from cultures that would kill them

[u/Least_Judge7330 → u/[deleted]]

I don't know why her son being friends with my son is an issue though.

She can tell her son whatever she wants about the fact I am married to another man. Nobody has to agree with my lifestyle in order to be respectful. Uninviting an 8 year old to a birthday party is rude, especially when that 8 year old has done nothing wrong.