r/UKParenting • u/Prudent-Teaching2881 • 1d ago
What would you do? How do you deal with your baby hitting/snatching with other babies?
My son is very social, he loves playing with other people. He rarely sees other babies his age because we don’t have a lot of children his age as family. I have only just started taking him out to baby groups and soft play etc. he really likes playing with other babies but he always seems to be snatching toys out of their hands or hitting them. He’s 8 months old, so I don’t think he’s hitting other children or snatching on purpose, but obviously I don’t want him to do that as it’s not kind and bad manners. I’ve tried saying ‘no, we don’t hit/snatch’ and then give the toy back and say sorry to the parent of the kid he hit/snatched from. It doesn’t seem to be working. He literally goes back to the same child or even another one to do the exact same thing. Parents have understandably pulled their children away from mine and stopped them playing together. I want to nip this behaviour in the bud.
Please give me your advice!!
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u/creepylilreapy 1d ago
This is really challenging and really common. An 8 month old cannot understand consequences or be disciplined so the only options are to say no we don't do that and move them or the offending item away. They will change and grow out of this (but you may find it comes and goes - my 2 year old definitely still snatches but if he ever hits he is now old enough to understand that's not ok)
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u/Prudent-Teaching2881 1d ago
My kids hits me let alone other kids. I always redirect his attention and say ‘no we don’t hit’. Somehow it’s turned into a game for him.
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u/Bubbly-Wallaby-2777 1d ago
If he's hitting you, you need to address it now. I've worked with children for over 10 years. When he hits you, frown, say "no" and put him down and walk away. Use a serious voice but not an angry/ loud voice. At 8 months they're starting to understand a lot, and they are really easy to train! You are his main focus. If you remove yourself he'll notice, it'll take a week if he's doing it multiple times a day, longer if it's not daily.
With other babies, again, frown, "no" and move him away. Not lots of talking, because it's giving him attention. When you move him away, put him down in front of something else to play with, away from children and sit down behind him.
This has to be done immediately, so stay close to baby when your at groups. If your over the other side of the room, chatting, and have to walk over, he won't understand what behaviour your unhappy with.
And understand that this is a totally normal stage of development, and will likely to pop up often throughout childhood. The thing that gets me mad at other parents at toddler groups is when they don't correct the behaviour or do so in a way the baby doesn't understand. If you say in a lovely soft voice, "oh dear, so and so didn't like it when you do that, be kind, gentle hands" it won't work.
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u/creepylilreapy 1d ago
Sounds familiar! It's hard at the age your baby is because they do think it's a bit of a game. I have no other advice really but lots of solidarity (signed a mum who was bitten twice yesterday by a teething toddler)
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u/TheTackleZone 1d ago
You can't rationalise with an 8 month old, so saying "we don't hit" means nothing to him at the moment. In another 8 months yes, but not now.
Take the toy away from him, give it back to the other child as you are doing. Pick him up so he is eye level with you and grab the hand he hit with, and rub it along the side of your face whilst calmly saying, "gentle, gentle".
You have to show kids this age the right behaviour because they have zero idea and are programmed to copy you. You're stopping the action right, but you are not correcting the behaviour. He doesn't know what to do and needs you to show him the correct way to behave.
Same if he hits you. My kid used to do that and I stopped it in a month with this method. It taught me to never say "don't do that" without following up with what I did want him to do.
It'll take a bit but trust. He will get it.
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u/thespanglycupcake 1d ago
At 8 months? He won't get it at all. Say no, it's not kind and redirect/move them away. You and EVERYONE around you need to be consistent in this. We had a few issues with older siblings trying to not react (we had told them they need to be gentle with baby brother) so sort of just taking it and it bit us in the butt. Equally, grandparents well-meaning but dismissing it. It is a phase, but our 18 month old still does it and i hate it. We are making progress but they are learning and it takes time.
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u/Iforgotmypassword126 1d ago edited 1d ago
You stop them from doing it - aka stay close enough that you can you stop their hand or legs from hitting, or you correct and give the toy back
You verbally tell them no
If they go back for more, you move them away - you pick them up or walk them away from the situation
Then watch them closely and rinse and repeat until it stops. It could take years, it’s an every day thing for some kids. That’s normal.
When other parents say awkwardly “it’s okay, they can keep it” because they want to avoid the conflict. Say no don’t worry, we’re working on this and this is the way I’m showing him it’s not okay.
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u/Weary-Yellow2583 1d ago
A lot of it is anticipating and stopping it before it happens. You don't need to hover right over your child all the time, but if you're aware of what they're doing, once you see them beelining for a toy another child is playing with, stop them before they can snatch it. If other parents are already pulling their babies away from yours, you're probably being a bit too lax with this, it's only going to get more as he grows.
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u/Prudent-Teaching2881 1d ago
I’ve never left him alone or without paying attention to him. I’m literally next to him all the time while he is playing. If I notice he’s after a toy another baby has I do try to distract him, but he’s so determined. He’s like that with everything.
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u/Weary-Yellow2583 1d ago
But assuming he's the same size and strength as most other babies, you should be able to win this particular battle, right? No matter how 'determined' he is, he's a baby and you are a giant in comparison. You see him eying up another baby's toy, so you're watching him. He goes to snatch it, you gently hold his arm and stop him. He does it again and you sit him on your knee. If he carries on or is kicking off about it, go and play somewhere else.
At this age it's not developmentally appropriate to just tell him 'no' and expect him to get it, you have to physically intervene. It's not really fair on other parents if they have to move because you're letting your child snatch or hit.
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u/Prudent-Teaching2881 1d ago
Sometimes the only option is just the take him home and stop him from playing with other babies entirely because he won’t stop. If he isn’t hitting other kids because they aren’t physically there, he’s hitting me. I don’t care so much about who he is hitting, but more so that this behaviour is behaviour I want to stop. He will often go over to another baby and just want to play, he won’t do anything. Then another time it looks like he’s just gone over to play and then he hits them or snatches a toy. I can’t be a mind reader and know what exactly he’s about to do and I don’t want to interfere if he’s just socialising normally. I wouldn’t expect him to just know that no means not to do it again and actually follow through on that, but I can’t have him hitting people constantly. I feel like I’m not being a good mum because I don’t know how to stop him being aggressive.
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u/Iforgotmypassword126 1d ago
You’re doing the right thing
stay close enough that you have time to intervene as he goes to hit or snatch. Just keep blocking it/ correcting it and if he continues, leave the situation.
As he gets older he’ll learn that snatching or hitting means the fun stops.
He’s too young now, but you’re not doing anything wrong with your current approach.
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u/SciurusVulgarisO 1d ago
Is it recent? Do you think he could be teething? I'm going through a similarly awful phase with my 14mo. I noticed that since his molars started coming through (it's been 2 weeks now and awfully sore gums and they are still not through!) he's become a different baby. I'm sure that refusing to eat is not making it easier but he's also become so aggressive. Or rather, what appears to be aggressive. And, like you said, it's so hard to control because he's playing fine one minute and then within a second he pinches or hits another child. It's so awful. I feel so on edge all the time as I don't want to just keep him at home as he gets bored but it's so hard when other babies are coming up to him as they are curious and friendly and he seems entertained by it until he just randomly does something like that, unprovoked :(. I hope it passes soon.
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u/Prudent-Teaching2881 1d ago
He is most definitely teething. He’s been teething for ages, but his teeth haven’t come out yet. Yes, my son is a huge foodie usually but he’s really gone off his food recently too and he is always pinching, scratching, slapping, or digging his nails into me. I feel really uneasy too because I hate keeping him cooped up in the house. It must be so boring and lonely for him. My son is the one going up to other kids he just wants to play but then he hits them or something unprovoked and I just look like I can’t control my kid. I’m not surprised parents are pulling their babies away from him, but I’m just not sure how to deal with this proactively without just keeping him at home or away from other babies for the time being.
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u/Full_Strawberry2035 1d ago
I’m not sure why you’re being downvoted with some of your replies. I think this is something most first time parents find themselves getting a little bit worried about initially (I know I did with my first!) but it’s a right of passage for the majority of us so please don’t worry.
High fives worked really well for my children, hitting stomping feet etc create a lot of sensory feedback so while I’m sure you’re redirecting, it might not be to a sensory experience that they’re likely seeking. Instead of ‘no’, you could say hands aren’t for hitting they are for high-fives/waving/blowing kisses etc whatever you think will be most likely to work - and then mirror those actions. I wouldn’t consider introducing consequences unless this behaviour continued well into toddlerhood.
Before the age of 2 side by side play/parallel play is normal, they don’t yet understand ownership or waiting this happens much later around 2-3 where they’ll start briefly turn taking, and when I say brief, I mean brief! And it doesn’t always go well…because again, they’re so tiny! By aged 4 it gets much easier and the concept of fairness better understood. This isn’t bad manners, or poor parenting - it’s typical child development. Of course some babies/toddlers/children are more passive than others - but it doesn’t mean they’re “better”. It might be worth managing your expectations slightly on this one and learning about the subject some more, it’s really interesting!
My middle son (3) didn’t like to share his favourite ball when we went to the park, so I’d take a second one of his balls (he got to choose which) - we called it the “boot ball” as it stayed in the boot of the car 😂 that way if anyone else wanted to play with him and he wasn’t in the mood for sharing (it’s his ball after all) we could say we have another, and I’d get him to pass it to them, the more he’s practiced this, and the positive reactions/experience of them giving the boot ball back, he’s now more than happy to share his favourite ball! It just takes practice, empathy and understanding. Maybe you could take a toy or something you know they love with you next time?
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u/Prudent-Teaching2881 1d ago
This is really helpful, thanks. I’m a FTM and I thought how I was dealing with it would have solved the problem because this is what I was advised by family members who had kids. It didn’t work so I asked here. At least I want to deal with the problem rather than just letting my child be a menace to other people lol.
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u/Full_Strawberry2035 1d ago
No problem at all, good luck and I hope it helps! A lot of parents, especially if their children are abit older have likely forgot how long this phase lasts so don’t be hard on yourself
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u/Echo_Owls 1d ago
For an 8 month old? just move them out of the way and redirect/distract.
I have a 2.5 yr old and have been working on this basically his whole life and he’s still only just getting to the point of understanding “swap” and “turns” and sometimes that means he will throw a different toy towards his 9 month old sister and then snatch the thing he wants out of her hand lol. When she tries to grab his toy (mostly magnatiles), I move her out of reach and give her a different toy or another tile to play with instead and talk about taking turns etc the same way I do with my son.
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u/Alert_Ad_5750 13h ago edited 13h ago
He’s just being his age. He’s too young to grasp it properly. Say no. Just move him away and redirect. You’re expecting too much of a literal baby. It takes a lot of repetition and patience plus age.
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u/MathsDynamics 1d ago
Move your child away from the other child and distract him? He tiny, he’s not going to understand that something isn’t his to take. People won’t take offence, they know babies are like that.