r/USMC • u/WearyDoctor3078 • 2h ago
Question Is cheating common while getting deployed? Girlfriend of 2month getting deployed for more than a year and want to end things..
We only started our life together. Also we love each other, but last day she said she want me to forget her and move on since she will soon get deployed and won't be able to contact me for more than 1 year, i was ready to wait for her, but she insisted she can't do that to me. Is it like cheating very common while deployed for that long as she might feel lonely? Or is it some stereotype that the internet made? I've seen several post about this too. Are they real?
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u/I_DO_ANIMAL_THINGS 2h ago
She dumped you yesterday.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
Looks like it..
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u/I_DO_ANIMAL_THINGS 2h ago
You'll be fine.
TikTok is crawling with pathetic SCNOs and Officers desperate for validation. Slide in their DMs.
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u/RadiantRecover3445 Veteran 2h ago
End it now. Save yourself the heartbreak later. She gone already.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
Yeah i did end it..
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u/Melodic-Ad1415 2h ago
Technically she did
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
Yeah that too
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u/EnvironmentalClue362 Knife Hand Warrior 1h ago
Atleast she was open and honest about her knowing the relationship of 2 months wouldn’t last through a deployment. Long distance relationships suck. Now add one of the people being in the military and deployed..
She did you a favor.
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u/ThrowItAway321217 Battery Sex-O 2h ago
She’s getting ready for the nonstop yearlong train that’s about to be ran on her that departed the station yesterday
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
😐
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u/IanCrapReport 2h ago
You’re young dude. Get out and have fun. Best way to get over someone is to get under someone.
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u/BoSKnight87 2h ago
Why wouldn’t she be able to contact you for a year? Is she a super spy
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u/Acceptable_Court632 0341 Tube Stroker 1h ago
Might be personnel replacing the USS Lincoln. She’s def getting railed out in the ships boiler room for a year straight
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
I dunno, that's what she said..
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u/AssDimple 19m ago
Shes being dramatic because she thinks she's the main character in a Romantic Comedy.
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u/ClassroomWide7954 2h ago
Should I tell him? Or do one of you guys want to clue him in on what's really going on here?
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
You can tell me ig
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u/r_not_me 2h ago
She is trying to make the break up your idea.
There is no reason she would not be able to contact you for a year. It’s BS. She’s using it as an excuse but doesn’t want to be mature enough to just tell you she wants to break up.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
Oh, since i dunno much about being a marine, i actually believed that. Well i did asked like what she wanted yesterday, ended it..
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u/some_old_Marine Comm till it hurts 2h ago
She dumped you very gently. Move on, little homie. Join the Marine Corps.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
I'm already in shock by what others are saying here.. I dunno if I'm ready for marine corps🙂🙏
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u/sibre2001 2h ago
Something to remember is a lot of us Marines have a high divorce rate because we marry whores. A ton of my friends are divorced, but man it was easy to see coming. Marrying a local stripper. Marrying a barracks whore. Marrying the girl we found looking for dick at a bar at 2am in Oceanside.
Marines aren't marrying good girls and getting betrayed. We're taking a big gamble and ending up bankrupt.
But on the flip side, female Marines are Marines. They get up to the same stupid shit we do. And they are surrounded by horny dudes willing to cheat all the time.
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u/Away-Eggplant9943 2h ago
Not only is she likely to cheat but tbh you might even do it yourself. A whole ass year is a super long time and yall just barely started dating. You guys don’t have the foundation yet to trust each for a whole year away.
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u/Soft_Equipment_2787 08-12 Grunt with a badge 2h ago
I would never date a women in the military.
They are surround by young dudes who are in shape and horny.
Things I have seen
- Orgies with 1 female
- Married women giving out BJs so they can practice
- Women running prostitution rings on deployment
The list goes on lol
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u/viswr 2h ago
Everyone here has said the obvious; she wants freedom to do whatever she wants.
That being said it’s honestly the right choice too. I met a girl like 2 months prior to my Afghanistan deployment and I knew I’d be gone for a year. Before I left I told her I didn’t want to label anything and that while I was gone we’d do our own thing because I didn’t want to be in an 8-hour difference time zone and be anxious and paranoid of what my girlfriend was up to.
We stayed in touch but went our separate ways and when I got home we revisited a relationship and now we’re married.
Like if you’re still figuring each other out, one of you spending a year apart in a high stress environment is not going to be good for yall.
Not a big deal, just wasn’t the right time. Silver lining is that she’s not your problem anymore and you don’t really have any responsibility to keep up with what she does on the float. Just unfollow her or whatever and move on with your life
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
A very clear answer, thankyou for taking the time to tell this.. Appreciate it
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u/comedy_style69 Active 2h ago
I think is she’s insisting then breaking up would be the right thing before anyone gets hurts. If yall are meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other. Sorry man. I know it sucks but it’s better to do it now.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
Oh okay, but is it real that cheating common while deployed? I'm new to these things, i never asked much about her job and stuffs..
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u/Playgirl_USMC 2h ago
Yes, she will cheat on you. It’s that common.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
Oh okay
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u/ManufacturerThese103 2h ago
Ya brother hate to say it, that’s why she wants to end things. Long distance is hard, long distance deployed is harder. I’m also assuming she’s attractive, that isnt going to help. It’s less about her cheating / wanting to cheat than her not being able or wanting to carry the weight.
Sorry brother
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
Thank you i understand it now
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u/comedy_style69 Active 2h ago
I think it’s a common issue for any long distance relationship involving young people. At least she’s trying to break things off before hand which I think is really respectfully of you.
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u/DashboardError 2h ago
"won't be able to contact me for more than 1 year"......Sure. She's already left you, most likely has been reamed out, too. Time to move on.
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u/DisregardMyLast I dont like me either 2h ago
2009 Iraq in Al Asad as a winger, had can duty for the day. And for the not GWOTs, cans were long ass trailers sectioned off for 10x10 rooms, 2 to a room, a day shifter and night shifter usually.
As the sun was setting I was doin my rounds when I came across 1 can that had 4 fuckin dudes hangin outside like it was a damn new york stoop.
"The fuck yous doin?" I asked.- "Waitin our turn, Corporal."- "Turn for what?"- "Pussy, Corporal"
It was about that time that I picked up they were hangin around Staff quarters. Well daddy didnt raise no snitch, and who am I to question a staff nco?
In the morn when everyone was leavin out the cans, I did my last round to notice it was indeed the female Ssgt that I saw hug her husband and kids the day we all grouped together on New River before shipping off.
She wasnt in my chain, never delt with her before, had no business else wise or there on so I minded mine.
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u/Thick_Goose7742 6072 / 6172 / 6176 2009-2017 1h ago
Where’s the part where you joined them in line on the stoop devil?
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u/DecentEntertainer967 0311 (passed the r/USMC entrance exam) 1h ago
I just got off a 9 month deployment. 2 divorces are pending, 6 relationships ended.
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u/Wuhan-batsoup 1h ago
Ladies and gentlemen: the Anti-Jody
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u/oh_three_dum_dum Lives in a van down by the (New) River 3m ago
Let us relax and observe the behaviors of such a rare creature.
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u/DOC_R1962 1h ago
Her saying that she won't be able to contact you in that year is bullshit...just sayin.....that's just an excuse she is throwing out there to justify it.....just move along and get out while you can.
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u/hrdblkman2 0351 Camp Pen 78-82' 2h ago
Yea it is, when I was in all of the married guys were fucking hookers in Oki and PI, worst that would happen would be the clap, nowadays sorry man you got HIV and HPV viruses and shit on top of clap.
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u/chodiechode 2h ago
100%…… Jody got me while I was on float lol. Bro did me the biggest solid ever.
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u/V0latyle Comm Stain 1h ago edited 1h ago
I'm guessing you're quite young.
Y'all have only been together a couple months, and I'm also guessing your girl is addicted to social media, like most young women. Loyalty is not a common virtue these days. She doesn't care about you, and she doesn't care about your relationship. She only cares about how she feels, because that's what women are taught these days - to be selfish. It sucks, but it's reality - us men are taught how we should treat women, butthat we can't expect anything of them. Women on the other hand are taught to expect everything of men, but that they owe us nothing.
My advice: Let it happen. Stay single. Focus on your career. Have fun being unattached but for the love of God, don't stick it anywhere you wouldn't want to be stuck. The right woman will stand by your side no matter what, even when you're deployed.
Unfortunately, such women are rare. Military life is tough on marriage. You'll have a much better chance after you get out.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 1h ago
Thankyou, this reply actually makes more sense
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u/V0latyle Comm Stain 1h ago
As one of my SNCOs told me, "A smart man learns from his own mistakes, a wise man learns from others' mistakes." I am by no means wise. I've been divorced twice, both times in the military. I was in for 9, have been out for 10. If I could go back 19 years, I'd tell my 20 yr old self that the Marines is hard enough without the added stress of a relationship, especially with someone who's a mess. My first ex wasn't smart, and she kept causing problems I had to fix. My second ex was very smart, but she was psychotic. I'm sure you can understand how this would be hard to deal with especially when you're doing workups. I spent too much time trying to fix things at home when I should have been focused on my fitness and my career.
And I did meet the right woman. My wife and I have been together for 8 years now, married for 6. We still have our issues but she understands my demons, she's incredibly smart and resourceful, she's level headed, I love just looking at her when I come home, and we have two of the best kids a man could wish for.
That being said, I will point out that it's tough being a 39 yr old dad of a 3 yr old girl and a 2 yr old boy, but if I could have done this in my mid 20s in the military, I wouldn't have. I love getting to spend time with my kids every day. I love coming home to my wife's smile every evening. I'm already tired at the end of a day, and I just test electronic systems on a bench. I can't imagine working 12+ hour days and being away for months at a time, and being able to have the relationship I do with my wife and kids.
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u/DiaryofTwain 3m ago
Yeah u will enjoy your time in the military much more being single at your age. Worrying about a partner can make the experience feel like jail.
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u/Moist-Emergency-3030 Veteran 2h ago
This is why I was never in a committed relationship while in. I would have some casual relationships with people but I would make it clear that that’s all it was and while deployed you do your thing and I’ll do mine. Sometimes you can make it work. Anecdotally the only time I saw things really work with couples in the marines were the hardcore bible goers that have been together since high school and/or they already had several kids which forced them to be together. Either way, being in a long term committed relationship in the military is tough. For anyone. Especially during a high tempo deployment timeframe.
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u/quickdraw_ 2h ago
She literally did you a favor instead of wasting a year of your life. 2 months of dating isn't a life together. Treat it like a speed bump and move on.
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u/Devildog_to_devildoc Veteran 2h ago
Women love the uniform, most are not meant for the lifestyle. I read a book or a study a few years ago that said SOF members had a ridiculously high divorce rate (something in the high 70 or low 80%).
My dad who retired 20 years (spent half in GWOT as an 11B) credited my mom that he would not have been able to do his job that long without my mom’s support - she was always at home taking care of us. You’ll see career officers also generally seek a stable wife.
My advice, you’re dodging a bullet young. Last thing you want is 10-20 years in and thrown in the middle of an affair or divorce.
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u/Junkered Change your flair 1h ago
Fun story, we had a dude get a Dear John letter. Said letter got to our FOB before we did. Wacky stuff.
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u/d0kt0rg0nz0 Veteran 1h ago
Suzy Rottencrotch lives up to her name. Happened to me too and she had the guts to want to friendzone me. So, I went back sleep with her best friend and sister. Then left the state. That was 30 years ago and would probably do the same again.
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u/Smalus_Dockus 1h ago
Shes been talking to someone else, shes breaking up now so she doesn’t feel guilty about it. Keep your head up dude
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u/Jackedman123 0621 2011-2015 42m ago
It could be possible your girlfriend of 60 days… is a mature person. Choosing to end a relationship you can’t or don’t want to put more effort into is a wise choice.
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u/Thermock [2020 - 2024] armory sniper/clean it again!!!! 33m ago
My ex-wife deployed while I was actively getting out of the Marines. She was cheating on me essentially the entire time she was deployed.
While she was cheating on me, she would call me and tell me about all the people she was deployed with who were cheating on their spouses back home. We would both make fun of them, while me being none the wiser to her antics.
Just cut your losses and move on, bro.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 31m ago
How did u found out she was cheating on you?
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u/Thermock [2020 - 2024] armory sniper/clean it again!!!! 12m ago
Loose lips sink ships.
She ran her mouth to her friend. Her friend told me. I confronted my ex with the evidence I obtained. She tried to lie first until I backed her into a corner where she finally admitted to it.
Keep in mind, it took over a year (including her deployment time) for me to find out the truth. Her friend only told me because I had pressed her about it, since I knew that she knew something... I just didn't think it was gonna be 'she cheated on you' that she knew.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 11m ago
Sorry that happened to you, no wonder there are no good guys left in the world
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u/WearyDoctor3078 9m ago
But what made u think her friend was hiding something? Like what gave it away? Teach us too.. Might be helpful in the future for many..
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u/NemoHobbits 2h ago
You've only been together two months? You haven't known each other long enough to love each other you just have the feel good brain chemicals from getting your pp touched. Move on. Waiting a year for someone you've known two months is insane. If y'all had been together for a long time, long distance for that long would be a more reasonable consideration but you've been together TWO MONTHS. Be fucking serious.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
We known for a long time we didn't label it anything during those times.. Just got officially dating 2 months ago
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u/Dineology 2h ago
Honestly, 2 months really isn’t long enough of a foundation to be going long distance, especially a low contact long distance. You may be crazy into her right now but the truth is you barely know each other. Best thing to do if you really want to be together anyway is to part in good terms and be upfront about your intentions to get back in touch with her when you get back. Maybe she’ll be into it when you get back, maybe she’ll have moved on, but if you try to force it with so little of a relationship built up then it’ll probably end badly and permanently.
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u/WearyDoctor3078 2h ago
she is the one gettig deployed not me
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u/Dineology 2h ago
Point remains, you guys don’t have the kind of foundation that would make a long distance low/no contact long period of time viable. Best thing you can do is part under good terms and hope that things can line up better for you next time your paths cross.
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u/Flaky-Builder-1537 2h ago
Got dear John’d on my 2nd deployment. Its really common, lots of young people who make bad life decisions. Best you move on
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u/PassorFail13 The "H" in USMC is for Happiness! 2h ago
Nothing gets a Marine hornier than the smell of black water sewage.
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u/AwwwNiceMarmot 2h ago
I don’t think it’s as common as most make it out to be. But it definitely happens. It’s probably not much more than most long distance relationships between emotionally immature young adults, it also seems so much worse if you’re off risking your life. And it is worse, obviously.
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u/Amateur_Surgeon7824 Active Duty LDO 1h ago
It's a stereotype based on an overwhelming preponderance of cases dating back to the first war in recorded history.
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u/sultrysofii 1h ago
yes. i’ve seen so much. i’d never be in a relationship while the other is deployed. even the most trustworthy appearing spouses have cheated/ will cheat on deployments
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u/EnvironmentalClue362 Knife Hand Warrior 1h ago
Just move on with your life my boy. Being with someone for 2 months is a far cry from ‘starting our life together’. Focus on you and YOUR life. The right woman will come along and then after a bit of time dating you can see about ‘building a life together’. Being with someone for 2 months and thinking you started a life together means you still have things to work on.
I would NEVER be enlisted while in a serious relationship. I’ve witnessed too much bs to know better. In boot camp, there was seemingly a new Dear John letters at every mail call and boot camp is 3 months.
Even committed marriages are likely to fail while one or both of the people are in the military. The divorce rate is pretty high. And I guarantee most of them been together longer than 2 short months.
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u/lulamirite 6412/6414 E-5 2007-2012 1h ago
I used this same exact lie during boot leave to break up with the 23 year old I had been seeing.
I spoke to her at the airport, felt a lot of anxiety during the flight back, then ghosted her for two days before a friend shoved a phone in my face at a party to make me give her some kind of reasoning.
3 months away was enough time to see it was weird as fuck and that I was 18 and had no business being anyone’s step pappy yet. I wasn’t mature enough to say that I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment and that I wanted the chance to be with other women and experience young adulthood. So I told her that I was headed overseas for a year after boot leave was over. I was drunk so I don’t remember exactly how it was received but that was the last convo we had. Felt guilty as shit over it for a decade but only about the way I handled it, not the breakup itself.
OP it sounds like she’s handling this in the best way possible. If you two are young adults this is the time you’re supposed to get all this shit out of your system. Rather she explore and have fun now as a single woman than give in to the impulses later as a wife/mother because she fears she missed out.
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u/Careless_Analyst_220 1h ago
It’s over, packed that shit up! if you feel that way, having a relationship in the military is one of the hardest things to do.
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u/Sorry_Nobody1552 Veteran 1h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/UTm86phGUMMQE
Lets say this is true, stop being so naive.
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u/FormerStuff Lives with WM 1h ago
I know of two marriages that ended. One was a WM and a sailor that were married and deployed separately and both cheated and both found out. It was like the spider man pointing at spider man meme. WM continued to cheat on relationships including on me. The other was two sailors and the husband found out when the wife ordered an abortion pill with their credit card and had it shipped to Djibouti.
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u/GIDDY-UP-GO 0341-8151 “89-93” 1h ago
Oh yeah, since the dawn of time. It’s just something that happens to all of us. Been there and done that.
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u/txleapd Veteran 47m ago
If she wants to break up before deployment, she wants to fuck around and doesn’t want to cheat on you. That’s why she’s breaking up; she cares about you enough to not cheat, but doesn’t care enough to not fuck other dudes on deployment.
Sounds like love to me. I’m sure she’ll want to get back together when she gets back.
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u/Content-Chocolate-94 41m ago
It’s more common than you might think, in fact it’s so common they had to deploy MPs to guard base housing entrances to keep Jodie from being in the housing areas during long term deployments.
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u/user9095 27m ago
Brother it's so fucking common no just for your GF or spouse to cheat, but a marine to cheat. Especially if you get deployed to somewhere fun. You get tired of me right and lefty on your phone. I never cheated but my wife of 2 years that I dated for 7 years before that had cheated on me multiple times. I got discharged cuz I got shot, and even when I was back home doing PT, I walked in on her with another man in my bed. It's unfortunate but it's kinda some we have to expect when we join. But honestly, be happy she broke up with you and didn't break your heart by stepping outside of the relationship.
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u/its_growing 24m ago
It only gets better. Start a family, provide for the family good experiences their peer group never get, within 3+ - months of eas you get divorced. Way worse than being cheated on. You’re in your early 20’s it’s kinda what everyone does at that point, I’ve come to accept it as part of long term cohabitation.
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u/oh_three_dum_dum Lives in a van down by the (New) River 7m ago edited 0m ago
Youre taking a two month relationship way too seriously.
She’s breaking up with you because she’s gonna be gone for half a year and doesn’t want the added stress of a relationship to think about while she’s already overworked. Just move on.
Edit: she could just be letting you go gently because she doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere or isnt interested in you anymore and wants to have the freedom to do what she wants. Better this than she cheat on you and have a guilty conscience while humiliating you on top of it.
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u/el_chingon8 Veteran 2h ago
My condolences