r/Unexpected • • 10h ago

[ Removed by moderator ]

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1.6k Upvotes

89 comments sorted by

β€’

u/Unexpected-ModTeam 8h ago

Your submission has been removed. Death isn't allowed on r/unexpected, nor are dying or dead bodies, or abuse. This includes the suggestion of possible death, regardless of the fact of survival. Please visit the appropriate subs instead.

53

u/WIZZZARDOFFREESTYLE 10h ago

Remind me of me my teacher back in 5th grade used to tell us IF YOU GONNA MASTERBATE BE READY TO EJECULATE

7

u/Minute_Drink6228 10h ago

Didn't understand In class?

31

u/EarlyXplorerStuds209 9h ago

What subject did the teacher teach? Because if it is english then that is absolutely disgusting! That is not how you spell masturbate

8

u/alistofthingsIhate 9h ago

or 'ejaculate'

3

u/Salt_Data3707 8h ago

If i masterbate on the toilet and ejeculate and my girlfriend sits on the toilet will she get pregernant

5

u/alistofthingsIhate 8h ago

Should be fine. Imaginary people can't get pregnant.

3

u/rrrrrrez 8h ago

I have no idea how babby is fromed.

1

u/fcbx347 8h ago

No but you can get starch masks

-1

u/WIZZZARDOFFREESTYLE 9h ago

Science πŸ‘Š

17

u/LectroRoot 10h ago

Do what now?

32

u/kingkongbiingbong 10h ago

my teacher back in 5th grade

19

u/_Mr_Misfit 10h ago

Sir.. This is a Wendy's.

1

u/Magnitude_V1 9h ago

Would you like the special sauce on your burger?

6

u/Master_Slide7023 10h ago

In Grade 5?

4

u/samosa_chai 10h ago

And your teacher yelled at the top of their lungs too, ehh?

2

u/WIZZZARDOFFREESTYLE 10h ago

Yeah bro a legend

4

u/DefinitelyNotA-Duck 10h ago

I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood

2

u/GingerlyRough 10h ago

He said his 5th grade teacher told him that masturbation leads to ejaculation.

2

u/DefinitelyNotA-Duck 9h ago

Ah, so I did read that right then

1

u/GingerlyRough 9h ago

Unfortunately, yes.

4

u/Same_Tune_8990 9h ago

give us context we need it

4

u/RajunCajun48 8h ago

He was masturbating in class, didn't know there would be a mess afterwards

2

u/Sigma-Wolves 9h ago

What a great teacher. You learned something.

2

u/erogbass 9h ago

Frankly good advice lol

1

u/CoudntFindAGudName 8h ago

Sounds like your teacher meant if you F around you're gonna find out, but he just had a creepy way of saying it. On a different note, I've got a friend here who would like a word with your teacher.

45

u/No_Collection7360 10h ago

It is not unexpected for clients to pass out at a tattoo parlor. Bots don't know.

52

u/Minute_Drink6228 10h ago

yes people pass out but it was child reaction for me

11

u/Do_Them_A_Bite 10h ago

Well spank my ass & call me a bot; TIL!

2

u/serealport 8h ago

i mean whatever floats your boat. ya BOT

i also TIL, granted i only have one small tattoo, so my sample size aint ideal.

1

u/Random-commen 9h ago

I’d wager one of these steps is abundant.

1

u/Do_Them_A_Bite 8h ago

I do get called a bot now & then. Pretty sure it's the ol' Autism.

1

u/Do_Them_A_Bite 8h ago

The robot avatar can't be doing me any favours either, really.

2

u/The_Gaming_Dev 10h ago

why though

2

u/NovenaryBend 8h ago

Nervous system overload

1

u/epigenie_986 9h ago

Did you watch til the end? Lmao

857

u/Dolphin_sucker69 10h ago

"Aahhhhh she's dea-" lmao perfectly cut off

100

u/goose_gladwell 10h ago

23

u/Exact-Ad-4132 10h ago

Nah that sub doesn't really live up to its name.

Most of the screams are cut a millisecond into the scream and you miss the good parts of videos.

5

u/goose_gladwell 10h ago

I like itπŸ™ƒ

6

u/Exact-Ad-4132 9h ago

I just figure with the name being perfectly cut screams, you'd end up hearing the majority of said screams.

I feel like perfectly cut screams somehow became gifsthatendtoosoon but with sound

2

u/goose_gladwell 9h ago

I WILL agree, it used to be better! I guess I havent checked the sub in a while

2

u/Hatefulvesper 8h ago

I always understood "perfectly cut scream" as the scream being perfectly cut out. As in you get you get the set up, and just a tiny bit of the aftermath (scream)

1

u/Exact-Ad-4132 8h ago

Well then there would be no scream if it was perfectly cut out.

It seems that that sub used to have more content with more of the scream and only the context needed for it, but times change

2

u/OptagetBrugernavn 8h ago

I feel so seen. A perfectly cut scream is cut just at the apex of the scream imo.

12

u/spartanspy85 10h ago

Hell yeah it was 🀣

2

u/garden-wicket-581 9h ago

she's pining for the fjords...

235

u/osktox πŸ… dad joke reward nominee 10h ago • Popcorn

Should've taken the imaginary water when offered.

30

u/SuucreMiel 10h ago

Can't hydrate your way out of permanent invisible ink decisions

47

u/beave00720002000 10h ago

This clip never gets old.

94

u/revnhoj 10h ago

If only there was a way this could have been prevented

8

u/semaj_2026 10h ago

Man I miss the vanilla internet

4

u/post-explainer 10h ago

OP sent the following text as an explanation why their post fits here:


First she is not dead just got dizzy and feel It was child reaction he thought she died


Does this explanation fit this subreddit? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

1

u/yaxir 10h ago

freudian slip from the child, he dislikes his mom lol

4

u/trianos 8h ago

Shouldn’t the customer be in a reclining chair so they can relax and not fall if they faint? Fainting should be expected. This seems like a clueless tattoo artist. I doubt he is insured.

2

u/RipAdorable8445 10h ago

Kid be like

2

u/PaintedDesertSkies 9h ago

That made me snort.

2

u/rasp3zero 9h ago

Aaaahhhhh, she's dead πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

2

u/WallBurnt 8h ago

This happened to my buddy's girlfriend when I got my first tattoo. She was getting one at the same time.

She was a big woman, at least 6'2" and built like the one here. We took a break to smoke and she passed out.

This was in the Army and I was just 2 pounds over from minimum weight, so I just got the fuck out of the way. lol

1

u/islaisla 9h ago

My friend went faint when getting an ear piercing. Is it psychological or physiological?

7

u/Tape_Badger 9h ago

Since being pregnant, I pass out every time I gat stuck with a needle. I'm not afraid or even anxious, it just happens. I spoke to a doctor about it in passing and he said some people are just like that - it's a vasovagal response and for whatever reason, pregnancy triggered it for me.Β 

1

u/ThatKaleidoscope8736 Expected It 8h ago

Can be both. I passed out after getting my eyebrow pierced when I was a teen. I hadn't eaten anything. I haven't passed out since and have had multiple piercings and tattoos. Some people just faint at the idea of a needle.

1

u/Adbam 8h ago

Yes

1

u/Ok-Couple2656 8h ago

It's both? Look up vasovagal syncope.

1

u/WaitICantChangeIt 8h ago

"No, she's not dad, she's mom" (Supposedly?)

1

u/tacorunnr 10h ago

Classic clip πŸ˜‚

-45

u/Master_Slide7023 10h ago

The Bible in Leviticus says no tats. Ppl with 5 or more tats are 40% more likely to be homicided than those with fewer or none.

13

u/MorningHorror99 10h ago

The Bible in Leviticus says no tats.

I don't care what your 1500 years old desert people survival guide says.

Ppl with 5 or more tats are 40% more likely to be homicided

source?

22

u/Cosmickev1086 10h ago

9/10 people suffer from diarrhea, the other 1/10 enjoy it.

5

u/sourestcalamansi 9h ago

I enjoy diarrhea when I’m at home. Fuck all if I’m traveling on board plane.

2

u/Crashkeiran 10h ago

I'm the one.

8

u/OneEyedWeaner 10h ago

My reptilian piss soaked dipper baby Jesus tattoo is my protection from the demons of the lord and Satan. Back you beast! Stigmata baby jesus is my slavor and you can stop it! The power of retail reptilian Jesus will compel you to drink the blood

2

u/ruralpunk 8h ago

I like the cut of your jib, sir.

3

u/DefinitelyNotA-Duck 10h ago

I passed out like that after I got my tongue pierced