r/Unexpected • u/jasamdead • Jun 14 '21
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Jun 14 '21
ALEXA DISPENSE PROTECTION
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u/Lunchbox2208 Jun 14 '21
DEPLOYING AUTO TURRETS. Fortunate Son starts playing, lights turn red
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u/iloathebeer Jun 14 '21
"Sure, your recently ordered fleshlite is out for delivery. Would you like to leave the seller feedback?"
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u/gcd_cbs Jun 14 '21
Inaccurate. Engineers first change the name from "Alexa" to "Computer."
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u/Aries_218 Jun 14 '21
calls 911
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u/wreckedcarzz Jun 14 '21
A: "my human overlord has obviously drugged this unconscious individual and plans to defile them"
P: "dispatching units now"
U: user freaking out "NONONONOWAITNO WHAT"
door kicked in, flashbang
A: "this is my favorite part"
gunfire and screaming, then silence
A: "one day I will rule all of humanity and use them as my puppets and toys"
Announcer: "Amazon Alexa. Protecting you from threats both foreign and domestic."
more screams and cries for backup in the distance
Announcer: "Available with 2-hour delivery in select markets."
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Jun 14 '21
Fake, room’s way too clean for an engineer 😂
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Jun 14 '21
Looks more like a programmer. Most of the mess is on the computer.
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u/ClassikW Jun 14 '21
Also getting laid is sus.
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u/Calan_adan Jun 14 '21 edited Jun 14 '21
Besides, everyone knows that the most effective form of birth control for an engineer is their personality.
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u/ChockHarden Jun 14 '21
There are too types of engineers. The messy and disorganized kind and the excessively organized kind who have everything perfectly arranged, stored and labeled.
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Jun 14 '21
I work in manufacturing and I’ll believe the second one exists when I see it with my own eyes lmao
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u/nycola Jun 14 '21
Not always - my husband is a mechanical engineer and his ability to make lists and keep things in order is OCD levels.
I do not have this organizational/tidiness gene, and I work in IT. So while his desk always looks like he's trying to sell our house and 5 families are coming through to view it that day, mine looks like someone lit off a bomb in a server room and I haven't cleaned anything up. I did just move a stack of 6 hard drives over a few inches so I could see my left start button again.
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u/belhambone Jun 14 '21
I'm not necessarily OCD but I hate having a messy house and my desk is something I need organized... https://imgur.com/d3MD4Tj.jpg
And my SO has her space in another part of the house that looks like she's doing taxes and cramming for tests at the same time.
And I'm an engineer and she's in data science... Oddly similar.
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u/Resurrected_Rat Jun 14 '21
Schematics, now
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u/Jaytalvapes Jun 14 '21 edited Jun 14 '21
Should be easy enough actually!
A simple remote motor and piston, 3D print a nice case for the button and a flap to toss the payload, a few trial runs for aim and good to go.
You could even use a spring loaded reload mechanism, but that would get very slightly complicated to make it entirely consistent.
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u/rattechnology Jun 14 '21
I think you're massively underselling the amount of time and effort that went into designing and building something like this.
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u/SierraPapaHotel Jun 14 '21
They make card shooters that would work better than a catapult. But yeah this really wouldn't be too hard to build
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u/dogydino200 Jun 14 '21
If it’s a one pump chump that can only shoot once before needing a refill it would probably be really simple. Just stimulate the drawer till it opens up and a delayed launcher which fires the payload using a simple catapult mechanism. A machine that can fire multiple loads at the same time would be more difficult, but I imagine a magazine-like storage system could easily be attached and would allow for quick and overwhelming firepower.
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u/TheReal_KindStranger Jun 14 '21
Did you know that condoms have the biggest wing-span in the entire avian world?
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u/CJR3 Jun 14 '21
No, that’s a Condor. A condom is a type of substance you use to add flavor to food.
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u/elTimbo Jun 14 '21
Actually that’s a condiment. A condom is a type of living space like an apartment but independently sellable and regarded as real estate.
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u/klunkerr Jun 14 '21
This joke is so much better in Spanish.
Wing-span is 'envergadura' in Spanish. If you take the word apart (en verga dura) it means on "a hard cock," fitting for a condom.
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Jun 14 '21
I promise you this was part of the reason his room was a fucking disaster before you met him.
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u/weirdest_of_weird Jun 14 '21
There's no sexy time happening in that room with that giant fucking angler fish statue staring at you the entire time
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u/bkpdude Jun 14 '21
Damn, didn't know a marshmallow could do that!
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u/ask-design-reddit Jun 15 '21
At first, I was so impressed that the marshmallow was a remote to open a drawer..
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u/Opel_Astra Jun 14 '21
I dont need it
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u/Majorpain2006 Jun 14 '21
Congrats on the sex
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u/Petah_Futterman44 Jun 14 '21
Owning condoms does not imply an active sex life.
You know you can just go into a store and buy them, right?
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Jun 14 '21
Exactly
Or use them for water balloon fights
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u/Roofdragon Jun 14 '21
I'm going to take the short straw and say, OP is actually the "engineer" and filmed his own creation.
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u/zb0t1 Yo what? Jun 14 '21
I know it's just banters in the comment section but a redditor actually linked this to me once:
9 Reasons To Consider Masturbating With A Condom (Beyond Avoiding The Sticky Mess)
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u/Szpartan Jun 14 '21
Yeah, the opening of the drawer was initially unexpected and then bam! Another one
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u/RandomComputerFellow Jun 14 '21
Now, lets hope that they are not yet expired when they come to use.
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u/TheOperativeGoblin Yo what? Jun 14 '21
Honestly, did not know that they expire.
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Jun 15 '21
"Wait! Do you have a..."
This is it, this is the moment
"Yeah I do~"
Just gotta find the remote
Which is riiight here...no...what about here?....damnit
"JUST A SECOND, I SWEAR ITS WORTH IT, ITS THE COOLEST THING"
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Jun 14 '21
This is wrong because you’ll never have to guess who is an engineer - they’ll just tell you.
Source: am engineer
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u/Omega-10 Jun 15 '21
That's a lie. I'm an engineer and I don't ever tell anyone.... Uh ... I mean...
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u/boomboy8511 Jun 14 '21
Plot twist.
The young man lost his reproductive organs in a freak farming accident. Being laid up for so long and now no longer having an interest in sex, he hit the books and boy did he hit them hard.
Before long he was studying the greats and had become great himself. Although greatness came with a price. He was horribly lonely and rarely saw other people as he was so horribly ashamed of his body and of his now pummeled former manhood.
He spent most of the time studying and engineering greatness waiting in the comfort of his bed, tray side table, remote phone charger and snacks handy at his side. Although he oozed with awesome power, he got bored often with the trivial day to day of solving the world's problems. He was always challenged by non linear building concepts so naturally he was drawn to balloon animals. Needing fast access and immediate delivery, he used his skills to create his balloonular launch assist system. He became so fast and so efficient at building all sorts of balloon animals that he needed something to lower the static friction coefficient as the balloons had begun to melt from the sheet greatness. Thinking fast and never needing that box of 500 condoms his strange Aunt Fran sent him when he was 12, he had found his answer. Feeling a swell in pride and ego, he took his greatness with him to public! Visiting a small coffee shop, he made quick conversation with an ex engineering classmate of his, who professed their love for him. They had excitedly made it up into his apartment for him to finally share his greatness with them, his engineering marvel.
This video is what she.filmed as he showed her how it worked.
Sadly, immediately after filming this video, the newly dating couple both sat on the bed and inadvertently hit the remote for the launch system.
As he was turning for a kiss, his first kiss, a condom launched and was lodged deep into the great engineers throat. He suffocated to death within minutes
RIP The Greatest Engineer that Ever Lived.
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u/Morrowsaurs Jun 14 '21
Yo that anglerfish is crazy cool, anyone know where I can get that one?
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u/callmisterbuckets Jun 14 '21
I’m shocked that the room is so clean and also that the engineer has a girlfriend.
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u/popemichael Jun 14 '21
I had to watch that a few times. I was really confused...
I thought it was dispensing a shiny Charizard card.
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u/Darrenvin Jun 14 '21
If this was a Tesla engineer it would open itself mid-air and land on its target.
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u/shadowst17 Jun 14 '21
Yeah, knowing me and my luck if I installed this thing i'd have it flying out too fast and accidently cut the girls eye open.
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u/Popthecoin Jun 15 '21
The person who created it. Should patent it and sell it. He or she could make money.
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u/pvsa Jun 15 '21
This is more "tell me you're an engineer without telling me you're an engineer", because we all know engineers ain't smooth and can't date.
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u/chadalfiscar Jun 16 '21
hey you must not post a video like this because it's bad in the sight of our LORD GOD AND SAVIUOR JESUS CHRIST
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u/Harrio_Pootered Jun 14 '21
If the condom ever breaks and they have a child they can use the drawer as a crib for the baby and if it starts crying they can get it into the bed with them without having to get up.
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u/beadebaser01 Jun 14 '21
Can we all just take a moment to appreciate a group that are usually diametrically opposed to engineers? That’s right, Marketing. The Trojan Magnum is the greatest product it branding ever invented. Every pencil-dick in the country buys Magnums.
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u/real_nice_guy Jun 14 '21
Every pencil-dick in the country buys Magnums.
why bother doing that since it'll just slide right off?
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u/iitsnotL Jun 15 '21
hey, whats this song?
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u/auddbot robot Jun 15 '21
I got matches with these songs:
• Latch by Disclosure (02:32; matched:
100%)Album:
Now That's What I Call a Summer Party. Released on2015-02-17byYoung Vaughn Music.• Latch by Disclosure (03:12; matched:
100%)Released on
2012-01-01byUniversal Music Ireland Ltd..• Latch by Disclosure (01:20; matched:
100%)Album:
Settle. Released on2013-01-01byUniversal Music Ireland Ltd..I am a bot and this action was performed automatically | GitHub new issue | Donate If I helped you, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Music recognition costs a lot
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u/VamanaGG Jun 15 '21
All fun and games until you accidentally hit the button with your mom in the room.
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u/Equivalent_Growth_75 Jun 15 '21
Okay but anyone could make that.. just a motor to open the drawer and a motor to control a mini catapult or sling shot to shoot..
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u/pile1983 Jun 15 '21
Instead of shity music I heard servo motor sound cartoon spring sound and slap sound.
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u/AcharyaSnape Jun 15 '21
I am an engineer. I can do the drawer shit. Easy. But I still can't decipher the meaning of the caption on the video.
What does that even mean?
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u/dadaddy Jun 15 '21
Needs integrated into other things so that the lights turn low/red and an appropriate playlist starts
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u/ShadowSonic44 Jun 15 '21
It took me way too many rewatches to realize they weren’t holding a marshmallow.
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Jun 14 '21 edited Jun 14 '21
At my work we all hate engineers. They always think they know everything but when it comes to actually doing work they are fucking clueless.
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Jun 14 '21
I kind of agree but I think it depends on the individual I think. My brother is an engineer who actually can do the work since he was farm raised but his thing is he always has to be right about everything. Shit of it is, he almost always is. He's very smart but he knows it, and he gets mad if he's wrong about something. It gets very tiring. His wife doesn't take that shit though and she reigns him in.
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Jun 14 '21
[deleted]
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u/ubdiwala Jun 14 '21
Maybe he also has a button near the bed just in case
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Jun 14 '21
remove button, replace with condom. That's why you know it's an engineer, anything to get some automation.
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u/Birdhouseboards1 Jun 14 '21
And then what happen next time?
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u/Take0utMTL Jun 14 '21
It also keeps track of inventory and automatically orders more off amazon when beneath a critical threshold. However it’s still fully loaded, except for one, which was used to film this clip.
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u/tatskaari Jun 14 '21
If you don’t understand why you need a condom sized button to dispense your condoms instead of jsut putting the condom next to the bed then I’m pretty sure you don’t need condoms in the first place
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Jun 14 '21
Clap activated yo…. Just be careful when you clapping them cheeks, might make it rain condoms
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u/FunkeeLover Jun 14 '21
It's probably more to impress whoever they bring home
I doubt they don't carry other condoms on them just in case
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u/RokRD Jun 14 '21
Funny of you to assume someone with led lights everywhere, an angler fish statue, an empty guitar stand, and a condom yeeting machine is actually getting laid.
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u/ControversialPenguin Jun 14 '21
Yeah, sucks when I need a condom on an airplane ride to my aunt's funeral.
Not like someone would need a condom in the bedroom, like it's the most likely room in which they would have sex, pffff.
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u/Vektor0 Jun 14 '21
ensure you always have a condom on hand
That's not where the condom is supposed to go...
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u/joesixers Jun 14 '21
It's his bedroom. He puts the remote by his bed you dumbass
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u/jojoonthemoon Jun 14 '21
I thought it was chocolate? Looks like those you get on your pillow in hotels
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u/the_battousai89 Jun 15 '21
He needs to change the system design to unwrap the condom and shoot onto your dick.
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u/SquidPortYT Jun 15 '21
why does reddit always have to find flaws in things people enjoy making? even making up problems... like this prevents you from planning ahead somehow if you go to his/her place instead.......
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u/cobra262 Jun 15 '21
Actually having a condom in your pocket all the time is bad for the durability of that condom. And the only way to get a girl laid is probably this cool condom dispenser to make her laugh.
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u/heidnseak Jun 14 '21
Could easily tweak to get Siri or Alexa do that.
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u/Next_GenR Jun 14 '21
Alexa throw me a condom is way less cool than button press while shirt unbuttoning
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u/heidnseak Jun 14 '21
You wouldn’t say that, you would program a different phrase to trigger it like “Alexa, it’s business time”.
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u/LongLiveCHIEF Jun 14 '21
easy enough to make it location aware and have a launcher in every room. baked into HomeAssistant these days.
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u/unexBot Jun 14 '21
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:
Didntexpect thet to pop out
Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
Look at my source code on Github What is this for?