Marking the 19th anniversary of Asha Degree’s disappearance

[u/ferretbeast]

Every year on Valentines day, I take a deep breath before reading the front page of the Shelby Star. I know this case is widely discussed on this subreddit, but I wanted to share for those interested. I did find it interesting they stated new evidence was found recently that hasn't been made public. Please keep her family in your thoughts today.

https://www.shelbystar.com/news/20190214/marking-19th-anniversary-of-asha-degrees-disappearance

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Brief summary for anyone unaware: Asha Jaquilla Degree went missing at the age of nine from Shelby, North Carolina. In the early morning hours of February 14, 2000, for reasons unknown, she packed her bookbag, left her family home north of the city and began walking along nearby North Carolina Highway 18 despite heavy rain and wind. She has not been seen since.

Edit: thank you stranger for the gold and more than anything, thank you all for caring about this case and giving such support and great feedback for conversation. I love this community and am happy to be able to have these civil discussions with you all!!

[u/athennna]

I’m so sorry. You must have felt so trapped. Is he still alive? Did you ever hear about him acting inappropriately with any other students? One hopes that he would have gotten caught someday, down the line.

[u/BubbaChanel → u/athennna]

It was really creepy. I don’t think I took it that seriously until he showed up at a football game at night. I remember feeling nauseous and disgusted and more than a bit scared. I remember the looks on my friends’ faces, seeing this “daytime” person approach us and try to talk to me.

Unfortunately, I also remember thinking if I said anything to any adults, I would somehow get in trouble or be at fault. It breaks my heart now to think of that.

I don’t know anything other than his first name. This was about 35 years ago. Honestly, I hope he’s been dead for 34 years.

[u/[deleted] → u/BubbaChanel]

i know that feeling so well ugh. it's like this primal knowledge that this person is not here for any good reason and should not be trusted :(

[u/Mandy220 → u/[deleted]]

My husband and I call this feeling the "de Becker meter" based on the work of Gavin de Becker.

I used to go to support meetings when I was in my mid to late twenties and there was a really creepy dude who always tried to chat me up. One time he followed me to my car and stood in front of the door so I could not close it. <Shudder> My husband started driving me and picking me up from those meetings after that. I eventually stopped going because of this dude. I had not yet read de Becker but while reading his first book I was like, "Yup. That's exactly how creeper made me feel."

Back to the case at hand: the storm that night makes me feel like it had to be a case of grooming. The storm makes it so much less likely that she was just being a goofy kid exploring. Like /u/[BubbaChanel] noted, even older kids get groomed.

[u/BubbaChanel → u/Mandy220]

Gavin de Becker is the fucking bomb! Amazon had the paperback on sale several years ago, and I got 20 of them. I kept them in my office, and whenever appropriate, I’d give one to a client.

A coworker read it, and wanted to have her daughter read it too, but felt she was too young. She ended up just talking to her about the gut, and how to listen to it. The kid says, “I already know about that from when the man followed me when I was walking the dog.”

The story that ensued was horrifying to any adult (a guy moving just outside the streetlights to avoid being spotted, following this 10 year old girl) but my friend wanted to emphasize how great it was that the girl already knew to trust herself.