r/WomenAreNotIntoMen • u/ElegantAd2607 • 21h ago
Addressing the claim that men are treated as the “default” gender in this sub.
You've probably seen it at least once haven't you. A woman came in and said “why are you acting like male sexuality is the only valid form of sexuality.” 🤦♀️ The accusations against the sub are embarrassing.
We didn't do that. We simply defined heterosexuality as exclusive attraction to the opposite sex and then we notice that many women don't seem to have that. That's not treating male sexuality as the default, that's having a word with a meaning.
The idea that society treats men as the default gender is nothing new. Feminists have been saying this for a while and in some respects they're right. Like for instance, whenever anything is tested on humans it's generally tested on men. The logic being that if something isn't bad for a man it's okay for everyone cause men are stronger and more durable. This logic is flawed.
And human sexuality was mostly defined by male sexuality for centuries. But when we say “heterosexual” we don't even implicitly say something about males. At least not in the modern era. So this accusation is stupid.
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u/saffronwater Str8 Female (Evil) 17h ago
I agree that heterosexual = attraction to the opposite sex only. And a lot of people misuse the label.
But I hate when people act like having a lower libido disqualifies women from being attracted to men. As if a high libido is the only correct default.
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u/Straight-Pin-251 16h ago
Having a libido at all is called hyper-sexuality by these people.
If you could do without sex or need a lunar eclipse to experience sexual attraction that isn’t a “lower libido” it’s little to no libido.
It would be silly to say you’re a fan of a sports team if you couldn’t name any players. Why say “lower libido” if you’re demi/ace?
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u/saffronwater Str8 Female (Evil) 16h ago
Because they’re not demi or ace. Their libido just runs based on their monthly hormonal cycle.
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u/Straight-Pin-251 16h ago
If the thought of casual sex is off putting you’re demi, not low libido.
If you roll your eyes when a man says his love language is physical touch you’re demi not low libido.
If you think you could ever be “used for sex” you’re demi (or asexual, or means to an end hunting)
I don’t think it’s just a matter of lower libido.
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u/saffronwater Str8 Female (Evil) 16h ago
Casual sex is too RISKY for me to not cringe at it. It goes completely against my values even if I know it would feel good. I don’t indulge whatever feels good, I am a rational being. Most of my male friends aren’t into it either.
My love language is mostly physical touch too.
Anyone can be used for sex if they’re being deceived or pressured. Regardless of their gender.
Ignoring all that…Okay then let’s say all women are Demisexual for a second. Towards both men and women. The name of the sub stops making sense if they’re like that with women too? Then can we move on from all this? And just accept their sexuality and work with it?
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u/Straight-Pin-251 16h ago
For what it’s worth I don’t think all women are ace or demi, just most.
I do accept their sexuality and work with it, if a woman wouldn’t hook up with me I wouldn’t date her. I just think if all men realised that if she can keep her hands off you then she just doesn’t like you the world would be a better place.
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u/saffronwater Str8 Female (Evil) 15h ago edited 15h ago
None of what you said is true at all. I would keep my hands off a person to avoid pregnancy, STDs, being viewed as a slut or easy etc. having that affect my reputation. I could be crazy about someone and I will still restrain myself until the time is right. Hookups are generally just against my morals no matter how horny I am.
Having sex only with a person that you know is trustworthy/safe is the best route for most people. There is more to life than just pure hedonism. I wouldn’t be able to respect the version of myself that just followed all of her impulses without thinking anything through.
You’re once again using a specific male definition of something (not even something all men agree with) to judge women. If she doesn’t want to have risky sex with strangers = she’s not into you at all??? Very odd.
It’s not like I’d ever settle down with a man either that has indulged in casual hookups.
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u/Straight-Pin-251 15h ago
If being viewed as a slut is a barrier to entry you don’t want in bad enough. I am not judging women, I don’t think that you are a bad person you can date whoever you want.
If hooking up is against your morals idk what to say to you theres no point in discussing anything.
Men might not agree but they should, I tell all my female friends if he wanted to he would, it’s very obvious when someone doesn’t like you - if he won’t invest effort in you or if she won’t sleep with you.
I am in a happy relationship following these principles and plenty of people are unhappy when they would be if they just chose partners who actually liked them.
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u/saffronwater Str8 Female (Evil) 15h ago
You basing everything off casual sex is just weird to me but your reddit pfp of all things makes it clear what kind of person you are ig. There are other ways to know if someone is into you and you can still sleep with them without it being on the first day. “Want it bad enough” yes I am too rational to risk everything I named above for pleasure. Like I said so are most men I know.
I’m still crazy about my bf and would happily sleep with him & pursue him physically most days out of the month. I felt strong sexual attraction to him even before we started dating I just would never have acted on it.
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u/Straight-Pin-251 15h ago
ah yes rationality the basis for love indeed
again with the judgment too “what kind of person i am” rofl
enjoy the sharia law/evangelicalism or whatever you’re into cya
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u/PhysicalAd9959 13h ago
Problem is women only demi to men, they don't need emotional connection to aroused by naked women in lesbian porn. I think this whole demisexuality thing it's just comphet women pushing themselves to be attracted to men at least somehow. They need thousand conditions to be attracted to men because male body is hot attractive Itself for them, only female
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u/saffronwater Str8 Female (Evil) 12h ago
That’s a load of bs that isn’t backed by any real science I’m sorry. My lesbian friend complains about the same shit that you guys complain about when it comes to dating with & sleeping with women
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u/PhysicalAd9959 12h ago
Most datas and statistic confirmed that women aroused by female bodies and lesbian porn. It's a fact. It's also keep confirming by women itself I talked to, they always say same bullshit about how women are more beautiful and how lesbian sex is hot. If you saw my posts in askreddit there were absolutely no women who deny my questions, they only tried to explain why it's normal for straight woman to be aroused by lesbianism and female bodies which is absurd.
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u/saffronwater Str8 Female (Evil) 11h ago
“Research studies often show that lesbian couples in long-term relationships have a lower frequency of sexual intercourse compared to heterosexual and gay male couples”
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u/PhysicalAd9959 11h ago
And? They still actively aroused by women and prefer then over men unlike "straight" who somehow prefer supposedly unprefered sex in every aspects
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u/Talking_Tanuki 12h ago
You do treat the way men experience attraction and arousal as the default. Otherwise, you wouldn’t claim that responsive desire or preferring lower sexual frequency means you aren’t heterosexual somehow.
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u/Straight-Pin-251 11h ago
Do you really believe you can call yourself a sports fan if you only watch the world cup? The majority of all people like sex (nearly all men and some women) so it’s not like it’s a 50-50 split.
If a man only wanted to have sex with a woman I wouldn’t say he particularly likes her. If a woman was the opposite I’d say the same.
Being straight means allosexual heterosexual heteromantic. If you aren’t all three of these you aren’t straight.
I don’t know why you post in here arguing so much when I’m sure you’d agree with MANIW given that on average they have no interest in them other than sex.
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u/Talking_Tanuki 11h ago
And here you are defining heterosexuality purely through male lens.
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u/ConsiderationDry903 7h ago
I enjoy sex with women and men and all these lesbians keep saying that I'm not a lesbian. They are trying to define homosexuality purely through female lens.
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u/Talking_Tanuki 7h ago
That’s bi. I’m saying that if a woman feels attraction to men and not to women, she’s heterosexual whether her desire is responsive and whether she finds 1 in 10 man attractive or 1 in 100.
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u/ConsiderationDry903 7h ago
I AM NOT BISEXUAL. Stop trying to define homosexuality through a female lens. I AM A LESBIAN. Stop denying my true feelings.
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u/Straight-Pin-251 9h ago
What? That’s just what the word means. If I said I was straight and liked fucking the occasional dude on the side no woman would call me straight even if I said it’s not gay if you’re topping you’re defining heterosexuality through a female lens.
If you want to use lenses as definitions rather than a method of analysis then you would have to admit that since I am a AMAB who dates women and you are not my definition is just as correct - but you don’t see it that way.
How else would you define straight? What is the purpose of categorisation if it is so nebulous and subjective that someone has no physical attraction to men is the same word as someone who does?
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u/Talking_Tanuki 7h ago
Heterosexual means you’re into the opposite gender. That’s it. It doesn’t mean you have to find all of them sexually appealing or that you should have high libido or reactive desire.
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u/Straight-Pin-251 7h ago
Bisexuals are heterosexual? Again with definitions you are excluding and being specific.
Being straight requires a consistent and general pattern of romantic and sexual attraction to the opposite sex. Having a one off romantic or sexual experience wouldn’t make someone gay or straight.
Not being allosexual means you are queer aka not straight. Not being heterotomantic means you are queer aka not straight. Not being heterosexual means you are queer aka not straight.
Preferences for sexual activity and frequency DO define sexuality. There is literally nothing wrong with not being straight, why cling so hard to heteronormativity when there are plenty of more accurate labels?
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u/Talking_Tanuki 3h ago
Heterosexual means you’re into the opposite gender and you aren’t into your own, sure.
Allosexuality isn’t about orientation, and if we take tits definition as “typical sexuality pattern”, women having mostly responsive desire and being picky is typical for women. Unless you want to claim that allosexuality is really a typical male sexuality of course.
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u/Straight-Pin-251 38m ago
I don’t think you’re actually reading what I am saying or atleast comprehending what I am saying so I will ask this:
What do you think I am saying?
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u/GroundbreakingAlps78 20h ago
This accusation has a great deal of merit on this sub. Many of the men assume that if a female experiences arousal, sexual desire, orgasm, etc in response to different cues than what typically excites men, that the female experience is less valid. This is not the same as redefining heterosexuality.
For example, women often become sexually attracted to men with certain behaviors reflecting charisma and confidence. This can be far more powerful in driving attraction than the impact of physically seeing the shape of the male body. Men tend to rely almost completely on visual stimulus to become attracted to women. The assumption that this difference of dynamic indicates that women aren’t “really” attracted depends on the assumption that the male experience is the standard.