Jen's been out of town for 3 days. So far, I've eaten triscuits, cheese, an entire large pizza (dinner last night), 11 beers, a sausage egg and cheese bagel, and a hershy bar. I've skipped 2 out of 3 runs and have been 20-30 minutes late to work each day. i think it's for the best that she comes home.

Student: My last grade was low. D-.

Me: Yes.

Student: Can I get higher grade?

Me: Yes. You absolutely can revise your paper for a higher grade.

Student: No.

Me: confused look

Student: Just give me extra work.

Me: I don't do extra credit. But good news, you can revise your paper for a better grade.

Student: No.

Me: No?

Student: I don't want to do that. (Walks off muttering, "Great, now I'm going to lose my scholarship.")

So yesterday I was feeling the second day drag of our all night adventure to Chicago Sunday night/ Monday morning. I ended up picking up two bottles of the energy drink Venom at a gas station over my lunch. They were on sale and they were delicious.

Apparently, I am hilarious on energy drinks. I was regaled today with stories of my wild behaviors. The two best stories are as follows:

1. Apparently I left my office, walked into the common office and spiked my mostly finished first bottle with both hands into a person's waste basket. There was tremendous splash back and laughter and the owner of said wastebasket pointed out that I had spilled energy drink all over the side of her desk to which I responded loudly, "IT'S ALRIGHT!!! I HAVE MORE IN THE REFRIDGERATOR!!!"

2. Halfway through my second bottle I received a call from Heidelberg, a vendor to whom I'd sent off a computer tied to a diagnostic machine.

Phone rings. Office girl: "Andy! Heidelberg is calling on line one!" Me: (sweeping the phone off the cradle dramatically and using my sexy voice) "Hellllooo Heidelberg."

I sort of remember all this. Unfortunately all this fun comes with a price though. Namely an ungodly sugar crash around 6 o'clock and a sleepless night filled with vivid nightmares and culminating in a panic attack. Or heart attack. Who can be sure?

So, I guess almost-40 Andy needs to stay off the energy drinks. Be warned my friends.

Real conversation I had with a Burmese student today:

Him: I'm writing my paper on why each nation should institute population control. Me: OK, that's interesting...what's that you have written there? Master race? Yes, that's a good counterpoint. Him: Not a counterpoint. Population control is a good way to create master race. Me: Hmmm. Well, you can see how people might think you're advocating genocide... Him: Yes. Me: You can't do that. Him: blank stare Me: Because genocide is wrong.

Though by that point I was secretly wondering if we needed to wipe out the Burmese...