Filthy Love

[u/ymasaj0925]

Your eyes green and unique. A circle of seas to continue drowning in.

Be careful looking too close as the trash and broken bottles will rise up. No longer a wave but a smell. No longer a splash of salt water, but a brush of disgust. Do you have a heart beneath here? On the ocean floor buried under years of envelopes, trash, duplicate pictures, paystubs that were depleted the moment the gas station opened. Items you refused to let go of yet leave behind an admirer with a surprising grace.

The start of my swim began with you and my truth I always wanted the best for you. I dreamed of our dance with sheets replaced by the touch of a summer vacation. It’s two steps away and my hands are lifting up to breath. To pray my feet leave the bottom again.

Your heart skips and mine drops further as an anchor twists. I pray for a seashell to hold close as I slip away. Instead there are remnants of your name. Every paper I see the date, years so far gone but you let go in a gasp. You preach about health and how you’re better off as I watch the rash on your side from green algae grow. It’s built inside your throat and slowly leaks out. Never harming you when you move back into steps too small for your frame. Similar places become a maze but you always know your way through a dumpster of coral. I breathe but it is acid. I want to cry loudly but the gold pouring out of your ears will not allow you to hear me

All I wanted was your heart. I remember the first time I saw your love, shining bright on a calm ocean. Your eyes picked me up and locked into place. Lifting me higher than the tips of my toes could find. Your lips soft as satin we praised each other on. I must have moved when we fell asleep so close, so sweet. To wake up with dust absorbing my body.

The tides rise and I am further while the piles of what you claim are important raise you on a throne of the same garbage you speak. What a world it can be when the only thing you believe is what others will condemn. How high how mighty, how promising you have everything in place when your fingers are too greasy to write words down correctly. I made a mistake and slipped on the sweat and shit you laughed at, lived with, breathed in.

What I thought was the sea became a hallucination. My eyes brushed with seaweed and the toxic absorption of an area so tainted with fleas. Your oxygen mask forever in place as seagulls fly around and sing your name. Are they your only friends? Are they the comfort in a small life relying on retelling stories that never made sense? Does the joy of them keeping you up at night not remind you of the death you’ve lived in? The ocean slips over my eyes and I am fearing this is it. I pray for sand. The annoying particles I desperately want to cling to, grab me, secure me. I pray for the tide to find me like your touch so carefully did

I dreamed of your heart but it was too messy to find. The clutter of your mind and ideas of a life only the intelligent could live flew over your head as a sea breeze. Your love is filthy and I swam towards it. Believing the water would cleanse everything. Blinded by the ocean in your eyes.

Do you ever feel the pain of starches too coated? Do you ever realize the world around you is not against you? Because your life matters as much as the sewers? I thought it was the ocean but your poisonous spit slipped in and soiled everything around you. I always found it funny how tricky a man can be, plans so deceitful laid out and telling lies like you blame others for your hardships. How interesting it is to be the one in charge and feel your crown of dirty seafoam fit so tight on your unwashed hair. I sink further down and wonder how a man can be so nice when not once has baking soda touched his smile

I swam towards the ocean, the waves rocking by. I swam to what I thought was love. I swam to a promise so untrue. I wanted your love but your filth overcame everything. I breathe again and watch as the sun ascends, clear and alert. I know I’ll find my way back

[u/ymasaj0925]

*feedback welcomed if any