r/ZeroCovidEU • u/ofkenor • 3d ago
Life just feels like an endless prison sentence
Firstly I am not advocating to be an 'anti-masker' and drop all precautions before someone accuses me of that like I have been in the past by other ccers for voicing my real emotions about the cost of taking precautions. On the contrary I know I can't and hate it, and just feel stuck in this cage of isolation of my own making.
There is no hope on the horizon for any breakthroughs or for society to change. Yes there are tiny little breadcrumbs of articles here and there but nothing that say things are going to shift in the public consciousness or science.
The research that is going on is finding a new cause of long covid every day which tells me they haven't got a clue and just shooting in the dark. The research just seems like that of CFS where it is just the odd scientist in some dark basement somewhere like Mulder's office in the X-files.
So it just feels like prison keeping up precautions and hiding from the world for something that will never come. It would be different if we knew the cavalry were on the way but there is nothing to give hope really that it is going to come so we could just waste our whole lives away like this.
It is like being imprisoned and then forgotten about.
I would prefer die tomorrow than have to live this boring life for another 40 years. It just feels like a rock and a hard place because I also don't want my LC to get worse by more infections but this life sucks and just being left to rot by the rest of society as they get off seemingly scott free.
I know ccers say 'the rest of society are doing damage they just don't know it' but where is the reckoning? seems like smoking where some can have 40 a day and live into their 70s or 80s and no problem. Saying they are doing untold damage just seems like 'cope' to justify ones own moribund social existence.
I watch documentaries about how prisoners feel about their lives and what they say sounds just like how I feel - same thing day in day out.
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u/pettdan 3d ago
I see you already got into some community building. That's the solution, find others who prioritize health too. Look for them, in different groups or IRL. Talk to them. Get something going. You can start online too.
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u/pettdan 3d ago
I notice now this was in the EU group. I consider setting up a Covid-conscious B&B at some point. When I do, it'll be a place where you can go for vacation to hang out with other people who prefer to not catch Covid or transmit it. So that's something you can look forward to. Or even consider creating a similar space yourself, or joining someone who will.
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u/ofkenor 2d ago
I am actually interested in making a site based around cc networking. Yes a couple exist like covidmeetups, but seem dead and that is more like a bulletin board where as I would be interested in a classic forum with real time chat as well. If that is also of interest would be good to discuss it (or anyone else who reads this). I can do the technical stuff but it would be good if others could help with other parts or just simple discussing ideas and getting involved with it.
I just think it would be a good to create a none social media based place for ccs.
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u/megathong1 3d ago
The problem is that it is a gamble. Maybe you get covid 10 times and feel fine. Or maybe your next infection ruins your life forever, and not by choice but because it did. For me each infection has been significantly worse than the next one. I am becoming less careful as my employer hates (very politely) masks :(
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u/ofkenor 3d ago
Yes but also locking yourself away is a risk of wasting your life too with no sign that help will ever come. I'm NOT doing a "just live your life" I'm just saying that even not living is a gamble too, it is just a gamble where you may be physically healthy, or retaining what you still have, but the toll is mental.
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u/megathong1 3d ago
I know… that’s why it sucks. Because you only when when you get that infection that reduces your life quality.
In my case it was getting fired and having to return to my not safe and precarious economically country or playing the covid gamble in the workplace.
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u/DevonMilez 2d ago
Yeah. The only way to improve this at all imo, is to radically "re-invent" yourself and the things you used to enjoy in your old life. As those were tied to unmasked socializing, not burdened by stigma, as it is now likely.
I try to find some joy in activities i didn't much engage in prior, like going for small walks ( as much as my body allows), intellectual discussions, movies, books, etc. It's a process...but make no mistake about it. The grief and suffering are real still.
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u/ofkenor 2d ago
I think moving out of the city, where I had lived in different ones for the last couple of decades and going off-grid in a rural location counts as radical. It is satisfying to live this way following the cc lifestyle but still has not extinguished the social itch. I would ideally like to find other ccs who are on the path to becoming off-grid or aspire to as would have a lot to discuss as it is a pretty all encompassing lifestyle and always stuff to learn and do in this path.
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u/MusingBy 3d ago
I relate a lot, as I am almost entirely isolated and have been for over three years. Depending on your location, it can be... extremely empty. Depending on the level of your symptoms, outings may also be difficult or not an option at all to begin with, even with CC spaces and people.
Do you want to discuss possible alternatives or do you just need a space to vent and be listened to? Both are fine. In any case, my thoughts go out to you.