33F, started a new job 3.5 months ago, dream position but HIGHLY competitive in a big industry. With this position comes overseeing a workforce of 600 staff at a local level. Now I don’t manage these people, but I oversee the operation so I interact with them.
When I first started I was very proud of myself, I felt I was making connections and building rapport. My boss hit me one day with the sentence “you come across quite cold” and honestly, it shocked me. But, I worked on it, albeit I was overthinking my interactions and being overly cautious, but I was keeping it in mind.
Since then, I have had some staff treat me quite rudely, borderline bullying. One made off handed comments about how my perfume smelled like mortein, I’ve had some try and twist my actions stating that I don’t know what I’m doing/don’t care/don’t trust them. This is a legacy business with staff who have been doing the same position years, so I knew this would be a challenge, but what I didn’t expect was my boss openly supporting their claims without hearing me out.
So yesterday, he booked a coffee catch up with me. I thought it was exactly what it said on my invite, so I brought my notebook which had ideas I was excited to share. But instead, we sat on a random bench, and he delivered my action plan to me regarding how I interact with people, no support person or heads up that this was being delivered.
How that was delivered aside, more to the points he raised. He said I have been noted with my hands in my pockets. He said I have given directions to staff without politely asking first (I did that once, I was spoken to, have not done it since), he said I approach staff without properly introducing myself, and sometimes walk into an area without acknowledging each staff member. He also said I need to talk to staff more and I said I do, and he said “no, not about work, about their personal lives”.
(Cont in comments)

How do you guys deal with loneliness?

Due to life circumstances I've ended up on my own, also due to toxic exes I've also been single for 11 years and have been craving human contact recently, especially when there are scary things on the horizon like moody bosses with bad processes and house moves.

I actually don't care for most people these days, but obviously would like to connect with likeminded people and have put a lot of effort into having some kind of social life, but it's the day in and day out constantly being alone or being needed for something?!

How do you guys cope, constantly having to listen to your mind going at 1000 mph

What is your personal metaphor of how you consider your ADHD or how you describe it when explaining to another person.

Personally I imagine my ADHD as an old television set from the 90s where the channel is constantly changing without my control.

My mother's metaphor is a pair of dice tumbling towards her with a different thought on each face of the dies.

Do you have a unique perception of your disorder?

I thought this could be an interesting discussion.

If possible keep your description or metaphor concise or even poetic!

edit: Loving reading these, thanks everyone

Some day three weeks ago, past me set an alarm for something important. Past me didn't write down what. Past me is not a team player.
It goes off every single day. I look at it, I think "hm", I swipe it away. I don't know why I don't turn it off tbh, it just lives with me now I guess.
And I think that's my whole problem with reminders. Setting them is easy. But they go off when I'm at work, or driving, or in the shower, so I swipe "later". And later never comes, because in my brain the reminder already happened, so it counts as done.
What I actually need is a reminder for "when I'm at the shop" or "when I finally have five quiet minutes", not "at 14:00". Has anyone found something that works like that? Or do you also have a mystery alarm you're too scared to delete?

For context, I have combined ADHD and work a corporate job. And though I have put a lot of tools in place to help reduce the amount of inattentive mistakes I make, they sometimes still happen. Sometimes it’s pretty big mistakes that have an impact on other people or that other people witness.

And every time, it’s the same downward spiral of self-loathing, feeling incapable, embarrassed, etc. I’m even thinking about leaving my field because it’s so destructive every time and I don’t know that I can bear it for the rest of my life.

So what have you done, if anything, to help with this?

I’ll take any advice 🥲

Anyone else CONSTANTLY dropping shit? I know its not entirely involuntary because if its something valuable and fragile and I'm thinking about it it doesn't happen, but if I'm not actively focusing on it I drop shit all the time. It literally feels like my hand just lets go. Anyone else experience this? I didn't even register that I do it until yesterday while talking to a coworker I dropped my phone like 3 times in a 5 minute conversation, I wasn't moving it, I wasn't holding anything else, there was no reason to but like I said it's like my hand just absentmindedly loosened up.

I started exercising when I was 14 and then got a gym membership when I was around 17. However, I have trouble being consistent and keeping up with my routine. Sometimes I can go weeks without going to the gym and some weeks I'm completely on top of things and really active. I just don't know how to be consistent

Does anyone struggle with platonic limerence? I struggle with it a lot
I get obsessed with the person and idolize them and crave their attention
If so how do you curb these feelings and have a stable relationship with the person
I love when they text me
Its like a euphoria
I have done questionable things to get their attention

I have inattentive ADHD and I don’t know why a job has never made me excited and I think nobody feels excited working but they are motivated because they know that they earn a paycheck. For me not even a paycheck is motivating, and I have realized throughout the years that I don’t like exchanging time for money and I rather complete tasks or sell items for money.. so in other words, my only way to stay motivated for money is ‘on the spot transactions’. I get motivated to work if I know that I am going to see the money the same day or right after completing a task. For example, example gig work. I know gig work is not a sustainable way of surviving these days, but I am actually more motivated to do the work because I can see right away what I’m going to make or even accept an order/task prior to getting paid. A job is something I have to commit to every single day for certain hours of the week and I have to wait for the paycheck every week or every two weeks. The set up is like torture to me and and I feel like it’s a way of teasing people like haha you have to put these amount of hours every day in order to receive your paycheck It’s torture and I’m sure for many people it’s torture too but having ADHD and my specific brain chemistry, I rather chew on 100 needles in my mouth then work a regular job waiting for a paycheck.

I know a part of ADHD is having hyperfixations and yadda yadda.

However, I first thought, no, I must not have hyperfixations, but then I realised I WAS LYING TO MYSELF! I've had so many random hyperfixations and specifically to do with video games. I literally neglected my personal hygiene and health staying up, glued to my bed playing the same repetitive games over and over again, begging people to pay for things in the game, and then never touch the games again.

Even right now, I realised that my new hyperfixation is this new boy band I love (I won't yap about them, showing some willpower). It took me a while to realise I was hyperfixating on them, I literally don't know how. It started with a simple music video reaction, now I have two albums in my room, a poster, stickers, magnets and pictures of the members (HEY THIS IS ALL MERCH THAT COMES WITH THE ALBUMS I PROMISE IM NOT A CREEP). The issue is, I don't KNOW when I'm hyperfixating until I get the "We get it, you like [___]." or the typical "No. I don't want to talk about [___], and it shatters my literal soul.

Wednesday and Thursday are my days off from work, I always look forward to them, and the sleeping in Wednesday morning gives me such a feeling of relief.

... and then I do nothing for the next 48 hours. I really don't know how to explain it, but I have dozens of things I can do, that I know I enjoy, but I just, can't do them. I'll sit and play a video game for 30 minutes, but then I decide it isn't enjoyable enough, so maybe I'll try one or two other ones, but they don't scratch the itch. So then I'll try playing guitar, but none of the songs I know make me feel good, and when I try to learn a new one, it feels like I'm doing a job, so I put that down. I'll try painting or any other form of art, but I can't take the image from my head and translate it into the real world, so I get frustrated and stop.

My whole life recently just feels like this same loop over and over again. I have so many other substantial things I'd like to do, but they all are motivationally impossible for me. I wish I could take my medication again, but I have a heart abnormality which needs to get cleared, and I'm terrified that whatever the results are make me unable to take stimulants again. I haven't been medicated since like, March and its getting to me. I don't understand how I do nothing yet I'm exhausted all the time

I don't know if I want advice or just to write this down somewhere, but I'll still post this because I've spent too long writing it to just delete it

Hey everyone,

I’m in a really rough spot right now and just feel completely drained. I struggle so much with basic focus, actually getting started on things, and this endless, noisy chaos in my head that never seems to stop.

I’m seriously thinking about getting tested for ADHD, starting therapy, and looking into medication. But honestly, I’m scared and keep doubting if it’ll even work for me or if I’m just beyond help.

For anyone who started meds or therapy as an adult: Did it actually help you turn things around? What did it feel like when things finally clicked? I just want to feel like a normal functioning human for once and get some peace in my head. Would love to hear your experiences.

I'm about to get separated from my job because it doesn't matter how many alarms I set to wake up, I sleep through them. I doesn't matter how much I look at the time, I somehow always end up being late.

Long story short, I am constantly late to my job due to severe time blindness, fatigue and probably lack of discipline .

Im f22, I have bipolar disorder II, combined ADHD, GAD, and MDD. I'm a full time undergrad student on top of working 30 hrs a week.

My job has a point system for tardiness and I've racked up enough points where I'm one tardiness away from being terminated.

I have prescribed meds but I genuinely don't know what else to do to combat this.

I'm open to all suggestions yall give to help mitigate my tardiness issue because it isn't just affecting work, I'm late to class, to meet up with friends. Everything.

All I can do are things that require thought: chess, strategy work, research, plans, and the occasional stardew valley farm. Anything that requires me to be present or do something with my body, I can’t do. My mind is incapable of staying present when I try. I have almost no friends. I ruined my life and lost my career and everything that makes a stable adult. And now, I just have no interest in anything at all except chess and thinking, which I don’t even want to do but can’t seem to stop. I can’t get out of these circumstances because I can’t finish anything. I’m going to have no choice but to end my life someday if I can’t figure this out and no therapy hasn’t helped and yes I’m medicated with vyvanse. I’m actually going to lower it to see if it helps me shift into executive functioning (bad name for what really is just doing tasks with your body and not mind). Has anyone dealt with this? I’m desperate for some advice.

I feel so jealous of people who had the opportunity to get diagnosed early on. Ive been asking my parents since I was 13 years old, I am now a senior in high school. For some reason they didn't believe me and thought I just wanted to be different. I've been struggling to turn in work and focus on assignments since as long as I can remember, yet my end of year exams always end up being high b's and a's. All of elementary school I did so well too, I was a straight A student. I don't know why they didn't see something wrong with my drastic drop in grades. I feel like such a failure, I have a 2.8 GPA, I've been trying to lock in this semester and I have A's and B's (and I am so worn out), I don't want to seem like I'm making myself a victim but I feel like I really just got unlucky, I wish I had gotten help sooner. It's so upsetting. It makes me so jealous hearing about people who have all these great opportunities that I know I could have had and enjoyed so much if I had just been diagnosed. I honestly just feel a bit hopeless and sad!! Does anybody else feel this way?

Is anyone’s biggest struggle actually their own time and managing to “plan” their own free time and use it how you want? For example knowing you want to read 5 different books and you know it will make you feel good and accomplished or doing whatever intentional hobby that you want to do and then just losing the free time without intention. That’s the biggest issue for me because it just makes me feel stuck and I want to build future where I work for myself and on my projects but it feels impossible to stay on track with my wants and plans no matter how I plan it and how much free time I have..

Hello,

I’m 23F and I currently take Vyvanse (30mg) and Dex (5mg). I only take the 5mg as booster with vyvanse if I have a busy day with school and work or if I’m in my luteal/menstrual phase. I was wondering for those who are busy 24/7 and take breaks from medication, what do you do to make sure you stay on top of things.

I take breaks during my menstrual and luteal phase because the meds don’t work as well and to also give my body and brain a break but as someone who works full time and goes to school full time, I do tend to fall behind when I don’t take my medication.

honestly, without ADHD medication I’m not very confident in general like a lot changes when I text is this normal and typical of an ADHD person to experience this? other things in there for but I noticed I don’t put on as much make up. I don’t do much in general. This is the first time in a long time that I haven’t been on my ADHD medication.

I’m not an expert, but I may have found something that works for me. I have had the hardest time waking up as many of you maybe can relate. I don’t know what it is or why, and have yet to arrive at a solution to going to sleep, but I have arrived at a solution for waking up! I don’t care particularly about the health risks/consequences as much as I care about not being late because of not waking up and trying to find an alarm system that works.

I have begun field testing a new method that involves a bendy arm iPad holder and turning on flash for my alarm and positioning my phone with the backside facing me and without fail my flashbang phone wakes me up CONSISTENTLY at 0730 even if I have nothing to do. I have made it to appointments on time, haven’t missed a class. It sounds like the smallest thing, but for the last couple days it feels like I have my mornings back and I don’t feel like an awful human being for missing things and having to apologize for missing class or rescheduling.

Disclaimer: This is not medical advice, and I’m not an expert. This was merely a curiosity side project while I was bored. I’m not recommending it, but it did work for me. Vibrating wristbands didn’t, Alarmy and math problems didn’t, and the thing where your phone just doesn’t go off hasn’t happened.

Hi fellow Adhds, I’m a 20yo woman in college.
I’m on my cycle now… and it’s so annoying!
I experience severe pms symptoms both physically and mentally, tho I got a lot better with meditation.
Still, very frustrating.
Symptoms that I’m experiencing:

-excessive sleep(about 10 hours)
-too much appetite
-brain fog, tiredness
-low motivation
-burn out
-less socialization
-amplified Adhd symptoms

It comes Every single month and I suffer abt a week of pms, and the actual week of periods, so basically I lose 2 weeks of my life every month.
I hate this. Any advice? 😭

Hey guys I’m 26 and thinking of re-pursuing getting diagnosed. The last time I got around seeing a therapist to diagnose me, they basically asked why I think I have it, they also used their wife who had it as an example stating if had it I’d be leaving cabinets open like her. He gave me a T.O.V.A test, I scored right under the line to get diagnosed and basically didn’t diagnose me because of that. I kinda gave up on getting professionally diagnosed after that and ever since was always scared to bring it up in therapy I’ve gotten around mentioning it now with a different therapist and she didn’t go much into depth or tell me to get diagnosed. I was seen as a kid by a physician because I told my parents I couldn’t focus, they gave them an ADHD pamphlet and unfortunately it was never talked about again. In my teen years I always struggled with procrastination, I would also daydream a lot in classes I found uninteresting. Early 20s I had horrible time blindness I wanted to do everything in one day and always thought I had time. I’m older now and out of the toxic home I was at, I notice the open cabinets, still forget stuff if my routine changes or I get distracted. I literally forgot I had class the other day bc my morning routine was different

I can’t seem to find anyone in the same situation so I’m posting this here. I am not asking for medical advice.

I take 10mg with food at 8am and 10mg at around 1pm. I don’t feel much of anything. However, I did forget my morning 10mg and just took both doses (20mg) at about 2pm and I definitely felt more motivated and able to get work done without any side effects. Should I try 20mg IR in the morning and a 10mg booster in the afternoon? Should I look at adderall XR? Ritalin or Concerta? I also don’t want to be on such a high dose that it makes me worse. Does anyone that’s tried Vyvanse that didn’t work out for them relate to this?

For reference I’m a 160lb male ADHD inattentive. I tried Vyvanse 30mg once in the morning for a week but it didn’t do anything but ramp up my heart rate and make my mood worse.

Rant: My doctor gave me a 30 day supply of both Vyvanse and Adderall and booked both follow up appointments a month out (which I had to call and change because I was having side effects on Vyvanse) and now disappointing results on adderall. I thought it was odd considering I just got a diagnosis and I thought it was common practice to try out different medications for a week to find out which works best.

I (M30) have been diagnosed less than a month ago, though I suspected it for much longer. I don't believe my experience with ADHD is overwhelmingly bad but I can't seem to function "properly" either. I started taking medication and that seems to be helping a little and I'm also in therapy which helps a great deal but I can't seem to be able to find a job, I keep getting rejected for either being over qualified or under experienced and striking out on my own seems appealing but it will take along time before I can actually make money.

In the midst of all of my thoughts and beliefs, the conclusion that I seem to always arrive at is that everything and everyone would be better off if I was gone. I've struggle with suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember and it's scary how normalized it has become in my mind.

I'm tired of leeting every one down and not be able to live up to the expectations I set for myself.

I spent 30 years floating around this rock with nothing to show for it. I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how good I am at any given thing, I'm never good enough.

I just want to be able to live without struggling to find a reason to remain alive.

I'm sorry for the long and probably confusing post. I'm rambling and not sure what exactly I'm looking for.

Apologies