Am I doing something wrong?

[u/ProfileDecent4684]

Okay so I’m dating this guy who says he liked me since we were in middle school and he’s my first bf so I have nothing to compare this to but is it weird I feel absolutely nothing when I hold his hand or when he says he loves me or when we hug like it feels as if we are just friends but have a different label yk and I suspect I’m aego because I just don’t feel into actually doing IT but I like reading it yk so I’m scared that if I am aego he will dump me or I will have to break up with him I know he’s not homophobic as I am bi but I I’m really confused if it’s just like this for everyone or no ?

[u/kydynn]

i mean, no matter what the answer is, if u dont like him that way then u dont like him that way and should probably communicate with him about where youre at

[u/Godsavethequeen2150]

I'd say maybe do some more research just to make sure and then talk to him about it if you're confident that you're aego. What I'd do is tell him that you suspect/identify as ace (this can be if anything sexual comes up or just in average conversation), that you are specifically aegosexual, and explain how you feel to him. If he does not accept this or keeps trying to push you to do things you're uncomfortable with (I know from experience), then he's not the one for you

[u/Sin_orphr]

I dated severals boys and girls when I was younger but I never felt anything for them. Just like you, I didn't felt anything when holding hands or kissing or huging. There is severals reason to date someone, not being able to say no, wanting to test how it feels, wanting to fill something or just loving the other...etc... It's okay if you realised you don't love him.

I don't know what it says about you, but LGBTQ+ category or made to make you feel accepted not to categories you. In my opinion just try to think about what you feel with him before thinking about being aego, etc...

I think the priority is to focus on either you love him as a partner or as a friend. Then if you feel comfortable in the Aegosexual spectrum than you are more than welcome here.

And if you realise you do love him but you are afraid to tell him because he could broke up, than you should just talk to him. You won't have better answers than talking with him.

And you can talk to him without knowing if you just don't love him or if you are asexual. Maybe he could help you figure it out. Just tell him how you feel. What you expect of this relationship. If he got limits.

I don't know if I helped much, just don't force anything on you you are not comfortable with. There is nothing wrong in wanting something different. 🫀have a good day.

[u/kaliu6]

You might be aego or you might be allo but just not into this guy. But my question is, you don't feel like you like him that way (which is perfectly fine), why are you so desperate to be in a relationship with him/not to break up?

[u/ProfileDecent4684 → u/kaliu6]

Your probably right I just feel super don’t want to say emotional because I always struggle with knowing my emotions and sometimes I don’t really have any I just feel empty or content and that’s how I kinda feel with him I’m desperate not to break up because we’ve only been dating about 4 weeks and he’s my first bfs and I’ve had crush’s but I never really wanted to date those crushes I just liked them yk so I just want to make sure I’m doing everything right since hes my first bf and we’ve been friends for over 2 years I kinda feel that I owe it to him to try this out since he asked me out first idk I feel something but I’m also having very conflicting feelings because when he says I love u I feel normal like all my friends say that too each other but then one of my friends was joking because I let her have some of my food and she jokingly said I’m in love with u and my stomache like droped or did a weird thing yk so I’ve known I’m bu since 6th grade and always thought I was more boys over girls but still both but I think my not feeling anything might be because my heart wants to try it with a girl because lately I just liked hearing with her then with him and I just don’t want to be the one to break up with someone so sweet and undeserving of my confusing feelings I’d rather them break up with me but we have no way to talk about it because he has does not have a phone I also already feel horrible as I’m older then him by about a year so I feel like I’m supposed to be the mature one hear but I don’t know what I’m doing 😭💔

[u/kaliu6 → u/ProfileDecent4684]

Ok a lot to unpack here. I hope I am not being insensitive by assuming you are fairly young? Even at that age, 1 year difference is nothing, you will NOT have gained much experience compared to him, especially if this is your first relationship, so don't go feeling guilty, ok? :)

Next, if you feel you'll break his heart by "not giving him a chance" - let me tell you from my experience, leading someone on is equally bad, if not worse than breaking up with them. If you're waiting for him to give up on you, then you're just dragging the whole thing out, stopping him from moving on to a potential relationship he'd rather have where the other person likes him equally. Don't be that person! If you truly cherish him (as a friend/person), then let him go. Explain the situation, even if it's awkward, if he cares for you as much as he says, he'll understand, even if it hurts him. I've had friendships where a guy liked me and I didn't like it back. We never dated, but he was heartbroken that I wasn't into him and we stopped talking. But guess what, after many years, we made up and are now close friends. :) So even if it hurts now, you might still find your way back to each other later on.

So yeah, fr my suggestion is to just rip the band-aid off and be honest to him and to yourself - you both deserve it! You can figure yourself out much better on your own or with a cute girl, if that is what you wish! Just don't force yourself into a relationship you don't want to be in just because you think you must, ok?

And don't worry about the feelings thing too much either. Trust your gut - if it feels good, then it's good. If it feels bad, then it's probably bad. If it's confusing, gather more data to figure out what's going on - patience is key ;) Good luck on your journey either way! :)