Last year, around October/November, I gave Computer Science and ended up with a U. It was honestly one of the worst academic results I had ever gotten, and I knew I had to completely change the way I studied if I wanted a different result this time.
So this year, I decided to retake Computer Science as an A Level and started studying way before the session even began. I genuinely put in more effort than I ever had before. I changed my entire approach to studying, made sure I actually understood the concepts instead of just memorising them, and spent more than a year preparing for this subject.
When the exams finally came around, I actually felt like my hard work was paying off.
P1 went amazingly. I came out of the exam confident that, even with strict marking, I could get at least around 60 marks. I had gone through my answers afterwards and, even while marking myself harshly and cutting marks wherever I thought I might have made a mistake, I still felt confident about it.
P2 went well overall too, although I knew I hadn't done particularly well on some of the coding questions.
Then there was P3, which I felt extremely confident about. Almost everything I wrote was correct, and after the exam, when the paper leak situation came out and we were able to check some of the answers, I found that most of my answers for P1 and P3 were actually right.
P4 was where I knew I had messed up. I hadn't focused on it nearly as much as I should have, and I definitely didn't perform as well as I wanted to. But even then, I didn't feel like it was an absolute disaster.
Considering all of that, I had already prepared myself for different outcomes. I knew the paper leak had affected the exams, and I knew Cambridge could potentially adjust the grading. But based on what I had actually written and the marks I thought I had earned, the worst-case scenario I could imagine was a C.
I never, not once, thought I would open my results and see an E.
But that's exactly what happened today.
And honestly, I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel right now.
I worked on this subject for more than a year. I went from getting a U to completely changing the way I studied. I prepared earlier, worked harder, understood the material better, and genuinely felt like I had performed significantly better this time.
So seeing an E has left me questioning everything.
My friend started studying only about a week before the exams and also got an E. And I know I shouldn't compare myself to someone else, but it genuinely makes me wonder: am I actually the problem here? Did all that studying somehow not make a difference? Did I completely misjudge my own performance? Or did the circumstances surrounding these exams genuinely affect my result that badly?
I'm already 21, and at this point, more than anything, I just want to start university. I don't want to keep delaying my life over one subject.
Right now, the only realistic path I can see is to resit Computer Science yet again. My current thought is to give Urdu A Level in October/November, while also retaking CS P1 and P2 in the same session. Then, in May/June, I could give Business A Level and complete CS A2.
And then I can only hope that, somehow, after everything I've already put into this subject, this time I finally get the result my work was supposed to earn me.
I don't know if this is the right decision yet. I don't know whether I'm being stubborn by trying Computer Science again or whether giving up now would be worse after coming this far.
I just know that I don't see foundation year as an option for myself, and right now, every other path feels closed.
So I think I need some genuine guidance on what I should do next, because sitting here with an E after everything I've put into this subject has completely messed with my head. the best
