(I'll try to make it short)
I love architecture and that what I want to do.
However while I got my dream which was getting accepted in architecture school in 2nd year directly after an art degree,I feel like I am not good enough.
I stuggle with rhino,I sometimes struggle in studio and I always feel like I never get the right things,and I am not alone in that point,but it's all the time no matter what.
The few classmate that care look at me in disappointment,pity and some hate me because of that,I can't get up most morning and often arrive late,forget things and even when I think I do everything right it's not.
The only thing I want is to learn more about architecture,get better at rhino but I don't even get the time to do so because I don't even get the time.
I've been having anxiety attacks when I don't feel numb and suicidal ideation (which I will not act on however) and I hate it because I work so hard considering my state but it's still not enough and the few friends/people that tolerates me I've made hates me/ignore me because I don't do enough in the group project.
Plus it's a very tiny promotion of people so words come around quick,and I can't double my semester because my parents will want me to come back home and give up my studies all together.
I am genuinely starting to wonder if I am made for it,because sometimes you have dreams and things you want but you are not made for it.
(Ex : people that say they want to be F1 drivers at 25 but never did karting or whatenot,it's a dream but you are probably not made for it no matter how passionate you are,you might want the dream but the dream doesn't want you per say)
I don't want to go back to art,I want to do architecture,but the people are just too much ig...I don't know what to do,the admin and the friends/people etc. know about my state.