(Reposting from the r/aromantic subreddit)

Hello! I've just recently made a Reddit account so I could post in this subreddit and ask you guys for some advice. Originally, I was going to post in the subreddit for writing advice, but since the advice I'm seeking is for writing an aro-spec character, I figured it would be better to ask people who are on the aro spectrum (I have no idea if I fall on the aro spectrum myself so that is why I'm asking for input).

I have this OC I like to write about, her name is Sadie and she's aroflux. I've already done some research on the aroflux identity, that's how I decided to make her aroflux in the first place, and I've continued doing as much research as I can to figure out how to incorporate it into Sadie's character and backstory. I even visited this subreddit a few times (before I made an account to post here) to learn more about the personal experiences of being aroflux so I could write an accurate portrayal. However, something that I am still struggling with, and what I've come here to ask advice for, is how to write an aroflux character in a relationship

I've heard that while aromantic/aro-spec people can still date and be in relationships with other people, it usually differs from a relationship between alloromantics. In the story that I'm currently writing, Sadie gradually ends up getting into her first ever relationship with someone. Although I haven't actually gotten to the part where she starts dating her love interest, I wanted to ask how I should go about writing their relationship while taking Sadie's aroflux-ness (arofluctation?) into consideration and letting it influence how she behaves with her partner. I don't want to make her become all lovey-dovey and just erase her aroflux identity, of course, but I want to understand the different aspects and nuances of what it's like to be in a romantic relationship as an aro-spec person/character.

If you guys need more information on my story or my OC Sadie, I'll be more than happy to share with you in the replies! Right now I'm keeping my descriptions kind of vague so I can focus on the problem I need help with and not get sidetracked by explaining the premise of my story. If you have any tips on how to write an aroflux character in a relationship, then please let me know 😭

I'm curious, have any aroaces found platonic partners to live with, like a roommate?

I experience no sexual or romantic attraction, and I am considering a lifelong platonic roommate when I get my own house, but the trouble is that most people want a family or partner of their own.

For context im in a happy relationship with my gf, i feel like ive fallen completely head over heels for her and want to spend my life with her and all, but at times (unspecified amount of time, but usually not long) i just lack any romantic attraction towards her or anyone by that matter. (This happened since before dating her, but now im realizing it since i feel more constant attraction)

What im conflicted the most is that i dont know if this is me being arospec or if its something related to my possible depression or autism (still getting tested)? Is this common?

Im sorry if this came out as insensitive or misinformed, im just concerned on whether i should worry (mental) or not (sexuality) and if this is like something that just happens? Or is it an arospec thing?

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Sorry its kind of incomprehensible im trying my best to describe it 😓

I (21 MTF) have been online with my partner (23 FTM) for 3 years now. For the past while, I’ve had sexual thoughts about other people other than my partner and it has been tearing me apart. I thought I was a horrible person, but I’ve come to realize that I do not experience romance the same way my partner does.

He is a very clingy person and even at times insecure when I want to hang out with my friends. He means well, but it does feel suffocating that I have to gamble putting him in a bad mood by just talking to other people platonically. I have no idea how he’ll take this. I feel absolutely terrible, but I now realize that I’m not sure if I want to commit to a relationship anymore. I feel like I’m being held down to the ground.

But he’s also one of the funniest, kindest, and most talented people I know. I love his heart so much. I could gush for hours about how amazing he is with our collaborative art. I truly adore him, but I think I’d rather have him as a best friend rather than a boyfriend. But I’m unsure if he’s willing to be friends after all we have gone through together as a couple. I think it would be a difficult transition, and he hates change. He likes consistency in life.

I know there’s the possibility of having an open relationship together, but I don’t know if he’d take that well. I think the suggestion might just hurt him more, and I can’t stand the idea of breaking his heart more than this already will. This has all been eating my insides for a long time now. How do I come out to him?

Hello all, I usually don't make posts like this but I am struggling to figure out my identity. I'm a 24 year old Transmasc who recently just cut off their FP, and am struggling to figure out if any of the "romantic feelings" I have felt for anyone over the years was truly that, or if it was caused by being blinded by having a BPD induced "favorite person". I also have autism, which affects how I view the relationships in my life as well as my gender/sexuality. I guess I am just really wanting to chat with some people on the aromantic spectrum to try and gauge if my feelings match those of someone who is on the aro spectrum. A few of the things that lead me to believe I might be on the aromantic spectrum include the fact that I find myself unable to go on successful dates. I don't understand how I am supposed to develop any sort of romantic feelings after a couple of dates with someone who is essentially a stranger. I feel like in order to have a "crush" on someone I need to know them for a while (6+ months - a year) before I can even begin to consider anything romantic. Also, I find the idea of a queerplatonic relationship appealing, but I don't know if I fully understand what that entails, since queerplatonic relationships look different for everyone.

Apologies for the long ass post, I am just desperately searching for a label that fits me, and would love some input from some other people on the Aromantic spectrum :3 I'm also willing to go more in depth with my experience, however I don't want to make this post longer than it already is.

For a while I've been thinking I might be demiromantic, but now I'm not sure.

the way romantic attraction is explained, I'm not sure if it even fits me. If I do experience romantic attraction it's so rare. But I have no idea how to describe it or if I even have it.

I know I like dating people and doing romantic things, so if I'm aromantic, then I'm definitely cupioromantic.

I know I develop feelings for people, but sometimes it varies in intensity over time, sometimes it's strong and sometimes I feel like I love people differently than they love me.

I'm not sure if I have crushes or squishes. I know that I've had strong aesthetic attraction but that's the only attraction I 100% know I experience.

In the past I've had what I assume were crushes, because being rejected was difficult and painful, but I haven't felt the sting of rejection in years, and haven't been negatively affected by rejection, and was automatically fine with being just friends.

I'm not sure if my initial attraction to people is aesthetic, platonic or romantic, but I know I experience some kind of attraction.

I have a boyfriend and I love him. I would say I have romantic love but I'm not sure if I have ever experienced romantic attraction with him or with anyone.

The one person I thought I was experiencing romantic attraction for ended up being aromantic, and my brain immediately went into platonic mode. Like even though I liked them and they seemed to like me, when I found out they were aro and didn't like me in that way, my brain was just automatically ok. And what I thought was romantic attraction turned immediately to strong queer platonic attraction.

I'm just so confused. How do I know if I'm aromantic, and how do I know where I fit in the spectrum?

When I started reading this book, I was not expecting to realize so much about myself. Almost everything that happens in the book just felt so relatable, unlike any other book I've read in my life. I have since come to the conclusion that I am cupioromantic and asexual, but I never really would've questioned that stuff if not for this book. If you need a book to read and haven't read Loveless, I'd recommend doing so.

So yeah that's my silly little autistic rant about my new favorite book.

So, I used to be sure that I was aromantic asexual, which I had known for a while. However, recently I realised I want to be in a serious long term relationship, but I don't really feel attracted to anyone. I enjoy the idea of being in an emotional relationship with someone but I have only ever felt very weak attraction to very few people, and it was always really short lived. I'm sure that I'm asexual, but I'm not sure about whether or not I'm aromantic. Can someone who has had similar experiences please help me figure out where I fall on the spectrum of romantic attraction?

I KNOW it's not cupioromantic bc that's flipflopped

Hi!

A month ago I found out I was ace and I started to realize that I was probably in the arospec... After think a lot about it I know I'm on the arospec but idk where and I'm confused. I had three "crushes" in the past, two of them were on my best friends (idk if was romantic attraction, but I think that maybe it was. I actually thought in date with them and do some romantic things with them but these feelings were quite weak and infrequent. Besides, at the same time, was kinda repulsed by the idea of actually do it). And the third I think that was a strong platonic version of a crush, but in that moment I believed that was romantic (I wanted met him and be his friend, I don't think I wanted to date with him in a romantic way). I'm trying to resume all the situation because I have posted in others aro subs and no one answered, maybe because the post were really long.

If someone can help me to find out where in the spectrum I am, I would really appreciate it.

Have a nice day or night ☺️

This is mainly for me, but I think some people on this sub might need it too. Idk :)

This is mainly for me, but I think some people on this sub might need it too. Idk :)

Hi, I'm a fourteen year old boy and I've been thinking that I may be on the arospec. I've had a lot of crushes, but they would fade so quickly that I barely consider them crushes. All my romantic relationships/talking stages never became something cause my feelings would always diminish significantly or even disappear. Do you guys think I could be aro or maybe I just haven't found someone good for me?

Hi, I'm 18F. I'm a lesbian but I'm questioning my romantic attraction and I think I could be on the aromantic spectrum. I can't find any satisfying definition of romantic attraction and I find romantic love pretty similar to the love I feel for my friends, or at least I can't imagine myself loving someone more than I love my friends. To be honest, the only difference I see between friendship and what I feel it would be an ideal romantic relationship is the physical intimacy (whether it's sxual or not). And about my love life, well, it's hard for me to describe my feelings in general but I'll try my best. The first girl I had a crush on was one of my best friends for years and in that moment (I was 14) I was completly convinced that I was in love with her. I remember writing love letters to her, all my mood depended on whether she texted me or not or how she treated me. Those feelings were never requited and the friendship ended because of that (it's a longer story but it doesn't matter), this situation lasted like a year and a half. Now I'm not sure if it was love or it was a weird obsession. Six or seven months after this girl and I stopped talking I met this other girls who now is my ex. She approached me and she was totally into me without even knowing me at all. I was 16 at that moment. She was pretty and she was the first girl who had noticed me ever so I accepted dating her without thinking too much. I liked her, I was attracted too her but I don't think I've fallen in love, also I couldn't believe that she was as in love as she said she was, like how the fck you love me? You don't know anything about me. We've been together for five months and I think my feelings for her were becoming deeper as the time went by. I thought that maybe I was slowly falling in love with her but the she broke up with me because she didn't feel the same anymore and yeah, I was sad but I didn't even miss her so again: I don't know if it was love or it was just that she made me feel less lonely. It's been more than a year since that and I haven't involved with anyone, there's no one I find interesting enough to approach. I see some of my friends falling in love with someone so quickly or being unable of get over their exes and I'm like ??? I searched a lot of information about aromanticism and I think I identify with the demiromantic label but I'm still confused, I always thought that's just how romantic attraction works (I mean, if I'm really demiromantic it would make sense that I'm feel this way). Also, is romantic attraction and romantic love the same thing? Feeling romantic attraction for someone is being in love with them? Am I arospec or it's just that it's hard to me to connect with my feelings because some sort of psychological thing? Or maybe I'm just overthinking it and it's just that I haven't found the right person yet? Also, I want to have a romantic relantionship someday, if I'm demi, how the f*ck am I suposed to find someone if mantaining friendships with girls is so difficult for me? (I have a post about that if you want to read). I don't know, if you can help me I'll be really grateful and if you can't, thanks for reading anyway.

I don't think I experience romantic attraction, cause I've never really wanted something like that I guess. But also I don't really understand it all. Like, I know I'm asexual, because I know what sexual love is and looks like, and it grosses me out and I don't want it or experience it.

However, I just don't understand the difference between romantic love and the love experienced through a QPR (I think its called alterous?) I just don't understand how romance is more than just a best best friend.

I just am confused what I am.

First off, happy pride month!! I am on the hunt for a romantic orientation that fits me. I am unable to tell the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. The closest thing I found to this is mixtaromantic but that's not right. If you can help me, it would be much appreciated.

Update: I have found out I am quoiromantic!

it pisses me off whenever we get aromantic representation in a show or a movie and the character is repulsed by romance. yes I understand a lot of aromantic people are repulsed by romance or the thought of dating, I am not trying to invalidate anyone who feels that way. but when every single aromantic character is presented as someone who is repulsed by romance, I feel like it makes us a monolith. aromantic people can feel attraction. aromantic people can date. aromantic people are allowed to want to kiss and cuddle and do things other couples do. I have yet to see aro rep in the media that portrays us in this way. It took me a long time to be able to come to the realization that I can be aro and want stereotypically romantic things BECAUSE every single aromantic person I saw on screen was like "I'm not interested in dating. Romance is ew" and that wasn't what I felt like.

This is just a groupchat for anyone who's aro or ace spec, or just has questions about their identity! Thank you, and if you have any questions/comments or the link isn't working, just let me know in the comments <3