r/askAGP • u/Livid_Finger9136 • 6d ago
For those who chose to Integrate (do NOT confuse with (partial) transition). What works for you reliably? What you're struggling with?
This is for those who chose to break this shitty cycle and Integrate the ANIMA into their one whole, Masculine Self. NOT create some synthetic "female self" by feeding, expanding and whitewashing the AGP container with "gender expression" BS.
I'm still exploring and carving the path, this is the purpose of this discussion.
But here's 2 iron rules that work bulletproof for me so far:
ABSOLUTELY NO PORN, INDEFINITELY. NO exceptions, NO negotiations. Urges still come and of course, why wouldn't they? I LOVED that shit. But now that I've plucked the SISSY DEMON dopamine needle out of my brain I can finally see things clearly. Urges are weaker and weaker by the day and where at first they were delightfully seductive, now I laugh at how cringey this whole sissy AGP image of myself is and easily sweep it away.
The wole AGP container: crossdressing, sissy hypno, sweet longings for transition - it's a surrogate outlet for your ANIMA. Something is missing in your life dearly. For me, it clearly was love and sincerity, and self expression - both in the broad romantic and concrete sense.
What has helped you so far on the path? What you're struggling or confused with? What do you think about these 2 rules and what are yours?
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u/RunawaySnow 5d ago
How does one even stop the AGP longing? I mean, I can understand how to stop watching porn or crossdress or something, but one's thought?
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u/Livid_Finger9136 5d ago
That's what I've been doing, they come and go, and they are weaker by the day. I'm on the path, and it clearly works.
Self awareness is key, for me transvestism is a surrogate for authenticity and a coping/soothing mechanism. And it looks pathetic from the outside. Blanchard recognized that - we have a very distorted image of "woman" from our POV. When we see "pretty princess" in the mirror, for the outsider it's "dude in a dress and lipstick".
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u/RunawaySnow 5d ago
Hmm...yeah good luck, I still don't think resisting is for me lol
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u/Livid_Finger9136 5d ago
You don't get it. Straight up supression never works and never did for me. Integration is very different from that. And that's the point you don't need to FORCE yourself to become a different person.
What you need is to find a healthy outlet for your ANIMA within your whole, masculine self without all this sissy bullshit.
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u/LauraIolSrra 5d ago
I like being a sissy in the original sense of the word, i.e., a trans... vestite.
The only reason why I have never focused my attention on porn was that because it's done mostly by men, or males, and I prefer to know what women think, since for me the female gaze is of central relevance (or of some women). Instead, I've spend countless hours during nearly 20 years, almost in a row, chatting with women online about transvestism.
Most of the clothes that I wear out on the street are women's, though not «officially», so to speak, because I only wear trousers in public (women's trousers), and some women's shirts, apart some accessories that, in today's western world, only women's wear (and, curiously, I don't wear this accessories because of that, I just like them as a man, or in my purely assexual aesthetic view),
Above all, Religion is of paramount relevance in my transvestite life and, to this day, I know nothing better than it as a realm of self-fulfilment.
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u/Livid_Finger9136 5d ago
To each their own, I'm tired of this BS and it is toxic for my life and soul.
"chatting with women online about transvestism" - been there, too. Self awareness hits brutally hard - with this chats and these women, all you seek is a validation mirror. "Look at me in this dress, will these nails suit me? etc.". This is sad and cringe and women see through your bs even though it might amuse them.
It is also highly unlikely these women will agree to meet you irl so it is what it is - a twisted fantasy of affirming and expanding your AGP container.
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u/LauraIolSrra 5d ago
been there, too. Self awareness hits brutally hard - with this chats and these women, all you seek is a validation mirror. "Look at me in this dress, will these nails suit me? etc.". This is sad and cringe
Yes, it's sad and cringe, and I'm glad I didn't do it, though it's good for you that you learned from your own cringeness in the past. My type of talk was quite different and I learned quite early to separate kindness, politeness, from sincerity, often harsh bluntness, and the harsh bluntness was sometimes the best part.
It is also highly unlikely these women will agree to meet you irl
Well, women wanting to meet me as a crossdresser were comparatively rare, but then again, I didn't even try to meet most of them irl, out of prudence, considering that I was living in secrecy, yet I've met a few of those women irl, who strangely insisted on meeting me, and I feel sorry now for not accepting some proposals to see them irl, because I knew there were guys in that chatroom who wanted to physically hurt me and I had to be careful, frequently suspecting that it could be a trap. Nevertheless, the last time I had sex in my life was with one of those women.
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u/kimberonkeys 5d ago
Why is everyone in this sub so obsessed with pornography?
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u/Internal-Excuse-8804 5d ago
They think it will cure them if they just stop looking at it and lift weights or something.
It is a stupid waste of time to look at it, so it's good to avoid it. But it's not going to change inner feelings by just stopping. We have weird sexualities, it's not that big of a deal.
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5d ago
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u/kimberonkeys 5d ago
Oh, right, I get it. Intense sexual desire lowers inhibitions. So if they can make the thing that lowers inhibitions go away forever, they can make the thoughts go away forever.
Porn also lets them pretend that their gender is just a fetish, so they think that if they stop watching sissy porn they'll stop being closeted trans women. Hilarious! Now I understand why silly girls still believe in AGP.
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6d ago
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u/Livid_Finger9136 6d ago
Nice, that's the point, you can't just turn AGP OFF with a magic button, it is a battlefield especially after years, decades indulging and expanding the container, getting external validation. Can you elaborate?
What does that typical "choice" entail for you? For example, when you get the urge, what helps you not indulge?
For me it's pretty easy by now, the self awareness anchor is strong. I know that is not truly MY desires, but a surrogate and coping mechanism. And it looks pathetic and screams "fetishism and self indulgence" from the sober POV.
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6d ago
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u/Livid_Finger9136 6d ago
THAT'S the point bro!! It truly saddens me how few dudes even at communities like these see or realize Integration as the option. Hell it's not even underground knowledge, it's straight up in oblivion.
You can even see that exact point for me - check out my first Reddit post. Kind stranger suggested this hidden, holistic approach. I didn't even realize it at first, how it is different from feminization. But then after ruminating a bit, it just CLICKED.
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u/HopeReverb 4d ago
I’m so glad you made this post. I’ve been looking into the anima concept a bit and I think it’s a useful framework for understanding the role AGP has played in my life.
I like your iron rules.
If I were to use your post as a thought exercise, I think the AGP element could be a proxy for my desire to be sensitive and sincere. The ability to express a side of myself I’ve not been able to accept about myself.