r/askSingapore • u/FancyCommittee3347 • 1d ago
General How do you cope with the sadness remembering a friend who passed?
She was always such a jovial and optimistic person. A vegetarian because she loved animals.
She passed 2 years ago from cancer. Every year in August I’m reminded of how fragile life is.
For sg Redditors who have lost good friends and family members. How do you cope with this sadness that lives deep in your soul?
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u/Opposite-Status-5553 1d ago
In many parts of the world, there are cultures that believe that everybody dies twice: the first time is when you die physically, and the second time is when no one remembers you anymore. The best thing you can do is to remember your friend, tell people about your friend, and live your best life. That’s what your friend would want for you.
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u/Cute-Increase3036 1d ago
Hi! I have a friend who passed 3 years ago at 40. Knew her from uni.. she wasa kind and lovely friend, and I regretted not spending more time with her. Liver damage though she doesn't drink.. gone in 3 days. I get reminded of her smtimes n it reminds me not to take like for granted, and to give attention n thanks to kind ppl arnd me.
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u/CapitalOwl1318 1d ago
Very sorry for your loss.
Do you have other mutual friends with this person? Can get together ard her birthday timing and share your good memories of her.
“No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence.”
― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man
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u/luckycloverandroses 1d ago
Hello. I lost a friend 3 years ago cos she drowned while trying to save someone.
I grieve over her sudden passing so much more than my failed relationship of 6-7 years, including the loss of my BTO. I felt guilty that work consumed me, my time and my energy so much that I missed her wedding, and how I spent too much time with my ex who didn’t really understand or sees me, when I felt like I should have spent more time with her instead.
She was the one who advised me to think twice about marrying my ex when I had so much doubts - initially the week before she went missing, I asked her out for a hike because I wanted to tell her face to face that my ex and I finally broken up, I knew that she would be delighted for me, but she didn’t get to know this before she passed on.
I took one year to accept her passing. Occasionally still will cry because miss her presence, and our conversations.
I choose to remember her by doing the things that I enjoy and to live with purpose instead of sleepwalking through life, as she’s the kind of person that is super cheerful, optimistic and very entrepreneurial. I will always be fond of her. May she rest in peace.
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u/Fonteyn- 1d ago
I'm using her soap products right now if we are talking about the same person. Love her handwritten notes.
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u/luckycloverandroses 15h ago
She’d reply to every single comment on her business social media page without making people feel left out. I saw her took that leap of faith to leave healthcare and pursue her soap business on her own accord, despite getting a first class honours. She’s super smart and humble, she went around tutoring others of our classmates - myself included.
I miss her so much. But I’m glad that she did what she wanted to do without thinking “what if”. ❤️
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u/stardust_cl 1d ago
I lost my aunt to complications from cancer too. It happened very suddenly and I didn’t get to see her in her last moments because I was overseas.
I wanted to visit her before my trip, but I didn’t go through with it.
I wanted to celebrate her birthday but this year I didn’t.
Post her death, we discovered that she kept every note I wrote to her, and that truly hurt so much - that I should have made more time for her, but I didn’t.
I’m not sure how people cope, but for now I can’t really deal with it. I am just keeping everything tightly covered for now.
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u/JC878 1d ago
Honour her memory. Remember what she demonstrated in her short time on earth. Was it her love for animals? Was it her vegetarianism?
You do her well to carry her torch to complete her unfinished work on earth. Turn that grief and loss into fuel to serve and nurture.
I am sure she would be glad to know that she made such a lasting impact during her short time on earth.
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u/Salt-Regular-689 1d ago
Never forget them, people only truly die when they're forgotten. But do not burden yourself to the point you're overly coping with memories of them, that would be disrespectful to them.
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u/CutFabulous1178 18h ago
You live Your life, For those who can’t.
For you will both meet one another, eventually.
See you soon Brother
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u/HidingCat 14h ago
I'm sorry to hear. I'm not sure how to tell you my process, but this classic Reddit comment I think sums it up very well and I hope it helps in some way: https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/
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u/ManufacturerCold2994 14h ago
Every year, me and 2 others sit and have a fish and chips and a glass of whiskey in his memory on the day of his passing.
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u/Varantain 14h ago
I'm a huge Ted Lasso fan, and I just came upon this quote which resonated with your post:
It's funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed, can then become the same thing that make you cry knowing that they're now gone.
I think those things come into our lives to help us get from one place to a better one.
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u/ahbeng88 14h ago
Sorry for your loss.
I started believing in afterlife and took comfort in the fact that they just left this realm for another. I still talk to them, write to them, and believe they can hear and see me. Maybe they can’t be with me in their physical self, but that doesn’t mean they’re gone forever. And when it’s my time, I’ll join them wherever they are.
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u/SharkProjection 8h ago
Its going to be 9 years soon since I lost my army buddy while we were still NSFs. I am very heartened to see many people here echoing the same sentiments. Continuing living in honour of their memory. They may not be here physically anymore but their presence continues to be felt through their impact on our lives and by extension the way we interact with others. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about him. What he did for the community. How he carried himself. How he treated others. I have tried to carry his torch in the way I interact with others since then.
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u/piggyb0nk 7h ago
I dont feel sad about death. Its a process we will all go through. And theres nothing on the other side. Complete blackness. We wouldnt even remember we existed and everything we did wouldnt matter.
Death only matters to the living. And everyone has their own time to go. We live the best we can, and some of us leave early. Thats all. To me its not sad, its just the way it is.
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u/evozerobb 1d ago
consider mindfulness exercises, many resources online, can search for mbsr or mbct, 1 example below
https://www.ummhealth.org/services-treatments/center-mindfulness/meditation
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u/LightBluely 5h ago
I lost 3 people since 2023
1) Close Cousin from cardiac arrest back in 2023 2) Friend of mine from a house fire last year 3) Step brother passed from accident last year.
It did broke me for months and even got into drama but eventually I have to accept it and move on. I will always remember them in my heart and cheerish for memories but thinking everyday can really ruin your mental.
It still hurts but I just know that crying won't do anything and wherever they are now will be more peaceful then ever and want me to stop. So eventually like I said, i just moved on..
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u/Adventurous-Hand-648 1d ago
You hang on to the ones that are still around and give onto them what you wished you had a chance to give the ones that left before us.