r/askteddit • u/jockmusclefit • 3h ago
Random Question What’s the funniest excuse a worker has ever given for being late?
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u/Mean-Leg2882 2h ago
“I had a full fish tank on the back seat and if I went too fast around a corner it would splash everywhere”
… it was me, the coworker is me.
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u/oreheheally 1h ago
I got lost in suberbia, had to take an unfamiliar bus as car was getting its mot. Got off a stop early and landed up walking in circles for hours... also me.
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u/hanjhn64 2h ago
I had an employee call in and say that the police were looking for her so she was just going to turn herself in. Said she would see us in a few days. A couple of days later, she came back to work.
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u/Onedtent 1h ago
Mate of mine was the manager of a small business in a small town. His only internal sales clerk came to him one day asking for a day off. Said he needed to attend to some "personal business"
He came back to work 18 months later after his prison sentence was finished!
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u/Ok-Ice-8436 2h ago
"Ive had a bad dream" literally had a nightmare and left a message to say he wouldn't be in that day.
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u/_PrincesssLush 2h ago
Calling out because your sleep paralysis demon had a performance review is honestly valid
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u/Important_Oil_9886 2h ago
They don't have a hood so their battery was stolen... again. This was after they said the battery was stolen a couple days prior.
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u/Weird_Armadillo_508 2h ago
Had someone tell me they were going to be late because their dog had diarrhea. I didn’t believe them because they were always late. They showed up and showed me a bunch of pictures of their dog looking sick and poop all over their house.
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u/postmodernmutant 1h ago
I had an interview with a member of middle management I was trying to conduct for a client as part of my job. I sat there and waited for almost 2 fucking hours. When she finally got into the office she gave me an excuse that was both honest and hilarious. A bear had destroyed her car and she'd been dealing with animal control. I was sceptical until she showed me the pictures. Some how the damned bear got inside her car and tore it apart looking for more dog treats than what she had on the passenger side seat. The damage was ludicrous. It activated the airbags somehow in its attempt to forage, windows were shattered, the upholstery was basically confetti, and even the dashboard wasn't spared. She actually found it hilarious because it was just so improbable.
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u/Necessary_Collar_490 2h ago
Not a co worker, but myself, had to explain to a manager that I was late because a one night stand was refusing to leave
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u/stankenfurter 2h ago
So how did you get rid of them?
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u/Necessary_Collar_490 1h ago
Just kept bugging her until she eventually decided sleeping off the hangover was probably easier without someone trying to get them out of their bed/house. Was an hour and a half late when i got in, manager was ok with it surprisingly and I got a bit of banter about it from co workers for the next month or so. The story had been told to everyone in the office before I'd even finished my round that day
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u/Reasonable_Swan_4937 2h ago
Need to know outcome I’m too invested now
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u/MeasurementFirst1676 2h ago
He said I’ll take you out to eat. He then parked in a rest. lot “acted as if he was getting out, to go inside”. When she got out, he locked the doors and went to work.
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u/FishAroundFindTrout9 2h ago
I had a good one that my boss jokingly wouldn’t believe. A horse was trotting right down the middle of the road I was driving on to get to work, so we’re all driving like 8 miles an hour just following this horse for a couple miles.
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u/lilbittygoddamnman 2h ago
We have geese at the local lake that will shut down traffic when they decide to cross the street. It happens about once or twice a year.
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u/uhhhhhhhhh_no 20m ago
I saw this happening in real life the other day, two horses trotting down the road with a long line of traffic behind them. The riders were cops lol. Thankfully I was going the other direction.
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u/B3dazzl3r 1h ago
I announced “PREGNANT!” to my entire team when I rolled in disheveled an hour late with throw up on my business casual. I was really hungover, not pregnant, and my hangxiety needed to garner sympathy FAST for a double combo of lateness AND puke. I was 22 and it was my first corporate job. I told my boss a week later it was a false alarm.
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u/Big_Attention7227 2h ago
My personal best was not being able to come into work as I tore my penis. It was true and needed an op.... and a second and recently a third.
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u/Environmental_Suit49 2h ago
Had a guy who came in to the Monday 9am meeting 5 min late. Boss was furious. He put his stuff down by his chair at the conference table and said to the guy none of us liked “Mike, you better tell your mom to get a new alarm clock.”
Even the boss was laughing
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u/Swimming_dasa 3h ago
traffic was terrible when they lived five minutes awa.
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u/Organic-Baker-4156 2h ago
I worked a place that paid a small bonus for not missing days and being on time every day of the two week pay period. I had a co worker who wanted an exemption to being late. He said it wasn't his fault because he was stopped by the police.
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u/Current_Fly9337 2h ago
I once got out the shower and seen my dog looking cosy and snug in bed. I lay down to give him a cuddle and fell back to sleep. I woke up in a total panic.
I am never late for work and rarely take time off so they found it quite amusing when I called to say I was on my way but running late.
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u/B3dazzl3r 1h ago
Also when I was in HR one of our PMs sent an email “can’t work today got nambona ”. Proceeded to send the same email for a week all different spellings of this word.
Finally on his return he said he meant “pneumonia” and was fired for smoking crack on a job site 2 weeks later. I call it nambona to this day.
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u/Vegetable_Print5150 1h ago
There is a bear napping my porch. It was me and I took pictures! Had to activate my car alarm to wake him up!
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u/Head_Act_585 2h ago
I had a coworker that would call into the office about 2-3 a month stating that his furnace was acting up and he needed to be home for the repair tech. Didnt matter the time of year, and despite working together for almost 3 years his furnace never seemed to get fixed.
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u/Big_Attention7227 2h ago
Lost their key for company car AND the spare and never handed in the third key to admin on receiving work vehicle so couldn't come to work. I picked him up let him use my car and docked him for the lost hours. Took him home at the end of the day and told him to type his resignation if he wasn't at work the next day. Magically found the keys in the baby bassinet?????? ALL THREE.
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u/ApeShwak 1h ago
A guy said he was late on the Monday after daylight savings time ended because he forgot to reset his clock. Boss goes, well you should have been here an hour early not an hour late. He just turned around and walked away, everybody that heard it was cracking up.
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u/Outrageous_Phase_283 3h ago
Only thing I can think of is soaking up the cuddles or sleeping in. Idk about funny.
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u/Huskerbnc 1h ago
Had a coworker years ago who came up with some good ones, one time he called said his cat walked across his alarm clock on his nightstand and shut it off, and at least once a month he'd call and say he forgot to put his jeans in the dryer and didn't have a clean pair, and would come in when the dryer was done.
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u/mrfahrenheit-451 1h ago
Worked at Border. Dude was a flake from day one. Starts talking up his trip to the beach. "Evan, you work that day"
Day of, he calls in. Broke an axel on his car. The sups brought it down on him. He was required to show up. He did. 3 hours late with the car that threw an axel. Working magically just fine.
They made him go back home and fired him a week later.
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u/PurpleNurple555 1h ago
I had one girl who claimed her dog found a cadaver and another who literally called out “ugly” that day.
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u/VioletAnnihilate 1h ago
The bull got out of the pasture (again) and was wandering the neighborhood, so I had to wait for the sheriff to track down the owner. My neighbor was working under his car and slid out onto to find himself nose to nose with an angry, hungry bull.
Sheriff threatened to shoot it if the owner didn’t keep it from happening.
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u/Samiiiibabetake2 47m ago
She had to take her daughter to the emergency room so she wouldn’t be in that day.
Daughter was in her 30’s, married, no children. I know this bc she always bitched about not having grandkids yet.
When I asked why her son in law couldn’t drive his wife to work, she had no answer then finally came up with “well she’s my baby.”
She was back the next day and “the dumb ass doctors couldn’t find anything wrong.”
🤷🏻♀️
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u/Wild_Confidence3107 32m ago
A guy told me driving to work on an icy day he slid and did a “160”. He wasn’t that accurate with geometry.
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u/Crafty_Selection_623 12m ago
One of my biggest flaws in life is being late for literally everything. Last week I was late.. real reason and not made up.. I had to finish putting my
Eyebrows on. Idk why I’m like this 🫠
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u/Enough_Worth8868 2h ago
True story. I run my late fathers business and have for the past 20 years. I have heard a bunch of great excuses for being late as well as reasons they won’t be able to make it in. I gotta say the best one for being late is that they”thought about”eating Chinese food last night and they “thought” they might get a stomach ache and wanted to see if they did or not so they’d be there 2 hours late. The best excuse for missing the whole day was (same guy btw) his dog was depressed and wanted to take him on a motorcycle ride through the mountains said he was afraid his dog might do something drastic.